Paula's hand hesitates for a split second, holding the key to Harvey's apartment, about to enter his habitat without his permission.
But, he wouldn't have given her his key if he would have been against her actually using it, right?
Although she was perfectly aware that it was a more symbolic kind of gesture, and that it never occurred to him that she would force her entry without his knowledge, she still slides the key into the lock and turns it around.
She tried to reach him on his cell phone half night long, only to go straight to voicemail time after time, making a fool of herself for waiting for him in this godforsaken restaurant, all by herself, convincing the waiter that she still expected company for what felt like an eternity.
She saw the pity in the waiter's eyes, every time he came around by her table, luring her to finally order something else than wine.
But she didn't give in.
She just left and went straight to Harvey's apartment.
The Chardonnay on her empty stomach not quite marginally influenced her decision making, but in the end she was aware that she would have ended up on his doorstep one way or another.
She wasn't sure what she hoped to find after intruding, or what would be worse.
Him lying in bed, sound asleep, his cell phone unnoticed out of battery, and his busy schedule permitting him to forget about their date tonight.
That option sounded forgivable.
And it didn't sound like Harvey at all.
Him on his couch, a twenty something beauty sitting on his lap, while he nips on his beloved Macallan 25.
Yes, that did sound like Harvey, but not the Harvey she got to know and love.
And yes, she was definitely in love with him.
And no, he would never betray her.
Of that she was absolutely sure.
So it must have been something work related.
As always.
Ever since he got the managing partner position, he has been struggling with the pressure that came along with it, juggling with his work and life balance, and had the habit of putting his work first before anything else.
Even before her sometimes.
She tolerated it, she understood him, and she believed that he wasn't doing that to cause her pain or harm, although he neglected her and cut her short.
But not once he stood her up like he did tonight.
There have been canceled dates on an extremely short notice, there have been times he had to elope in the middle of a romantic dinner, but he always made sure that she was informed about it.
And what happened today was extremely unlike anything she has seen of Harvey so far.
And that fact left a twisted sensation in her guts.
Something was wrong.
As she already was there, she could at least open up some wine.
And wait for him while she was at it.
And there was always this Bordeaux he talked about.
Well.
The warmth of the first sunbeams of a new day gently stroke her cheek, pulling her out of her drunken sleep, the remained liquid in the half empty glass of the Bordeaux painting ruby red patterns on the couch table next to her.
Apparently she fell asleep, fully clothed, on Harvey's couch, after another half bottle of wine.
And apparently he hasn't been home the whole night.
After taking a quick shower and scavenging the drawers to find some fresh clothes for her to change into, ending up with a simple white shirt, Paula leaves the apartment.
It seemed that now was the time for another round of drastic measures.
"Harvey!"
Harvey turns his head to the familiar voice, a voice he should have recognized sooner than after the 3 milliseconds he needs to put it in a reasonable frame.
His nose still tingles from Donna's red locks, her smell of lavender and a bit of cinnamon, and he honestly needed a moment to focus on anything else but that.
And he takes his time.
He stares Paula right into the eyes.
His eyes automatically scan the expression distorting her features, and he sees everything he doesn't want to see right now.
After the sharp inhale following the shock, his thumb starts to fumble around the elevator buttons.
And he presses the button to close the elevator door.
And after that the button for the upper floor.
The rooftop.
He just simply does not know what else to do.
"Harvey!"
The bag with bagels in her hand felt twice the load it should have, her voice sounded quite hysterical, and she couldn't help any of that.
Her body overpowered her mind, the adrenaline rushed through her veins like the racing cars of Monte Carlo, and her breathing, although rapid and sufficient, almost made her still suffocate by the sight of Harvey and his secretary, oh wait, new COO, in a deep embrace.
Her throat had some difficulties in pushing out another 'Harvey!', as sore as it was, the tears forcing their way into her eyelids, and she felt exactly the way she felt before.
With her ex-husband.
Who betrayed her.
The guilty look in both her ex-husband's and Harvey's gaze overlapped, combined and exponentially multiplied the amount of pain and anger that she already experienced and obviously would have to experience once again.
The rage overpowering her normally calm and well-balanced behaviour, Paula's lungs fill with air for the outburst boiling in her chest, when to her absolute surprise, the elevator doors close, hiding the scandalous scene in front of her, and the floor numbers start to light up one after another.
Well, she wouldn't let this bastard so easily get away with this.
Not this time.
As soon as the elevator comes to a halt at the highest number in the row displayed above it, she presses the button for the elevator next to this specific one and enters as soon as the doors slide open with a 'Pling'.
"Harvey?"
Donna's voice is a sheer whisper compared to the turmoil that has gripped her heart with an unforgiving and unyielding fist ever since she heard Paula's cry out.
Her arms are still wrapped around his shoulders, her eyes attempting to search his while he is avoiding hers, staring at the elevator buttons he so rigorously pushed seconds ago instead as the elevator engines start to perform their task, lifting them both up from one floor to the next.
"Harvey, you can't do this. Look at me."
Her hands softly wander up his neck to his jawline, feeling the tensity that has befallen the muscles and tendons of his face, yet still forcing him to finally look at her.
"Harvey..."
"Donna, I…"
"Harvey, you have to talk to Paula."
She almost wasn't capable of pressing the words out of her mouth, but she knew they had to be said.
"Whatever your decision is, you have to talk to her first. You have to figure out what you want. What you really want, Harvey."
"Donna…"
The attenuated sounds of the engines suddenly stop, as the elevator reaches its final destination and the doors slide open, revealing the rooftop, dipped in the bright morning sun.
"Talk to her."
Even with the high heels she's wearing, Donna has to stretch a little to be able to slightly caressing his cheek with her lips just before she exits the elevator, but not before pressing the down button for him.
"I'll wait here, Harvey."
She turns her back on him, incapable of watching the doors close between them, maybe forever.
His perfume on her wrist felt just like home.
The scent filled her nostrils, filled her being, reminded her with every single tingle of the spicy combination between the fresh hints and the dark spices why she would always choose him over everything else.
Not that she found this fragrance that dashing on any other individual, and she could always sense this specific brand of aftershave, even in the subway, all the way down to the very last row.
But the combination of his skin with this cologne promised something else.
It promised something she could not describe, at least not to people who had some logical sense left in their minds.
It made her feel seduced, derailed and where she actually belonged at the same time.
It felt and smelled like something similar she could have called home.
Ever since her parents got the divorce, she moved from one place to another, never feeling home, never feeling the need to crawl back there after a hard day at work, never feeling the need to even go there in the first place.
But this felt like home, sniffing on her wrist.
It smelled like everything they have been through for the past decade, and it smelled like a promise that there could be several dozens of years to follow.
Maybe not on exactly the same terms they have been on for that period, but maybe even something better.
God, she has missed that odor on her skin.
Ever since he left after the one time.
Ridiculous as it is, she started to give him this aftershave for every christmas.
Pitiful, indeed.
But what else could she have done?
She wanted more.
And she excused it everytime it did not happen with the motion that he just wasn't capable of more.
And then along came Paula.
And now she was staring at the fire escape plan on the wall, realizing she did not have any escaping plan of her own.
What if he would choose Paula over her?
What if he would abandon her?
What if everything they have been through doesn't count?
And what if he would choose her?
Although she had plenty of drinks behind her this night, Donna longed for another.
Ever since he heard and saw Paula, Harvey was in a trance.
He watched his fingers performing movements with the elevator buttons, he saw Donna's lips forming words, he felt her lips on his cheek, but was completely numb through all of that, only trying to piece together the shattered fragments of his mind.
And heart obviously.
As the doors separated him from Donna, all he wanted was to go back to her.
Destroying these fucking doors if he had to.
Instead he tried to push the open door button, but his trance forbid him to act on time for this to work out.
So now, he was on his way down.
Literally and figuratively.
He had no idea what to say to Paula, he had not the slightest goddamn clue what to do, and by now only 14 floors left to figure it out.
He wished it would be 140 instead.
He needed time.
He needed a fucking drink and some fucking time.
Somewhere in the corner of his conscience he knew that he couldn't simply go up again and forget he ever saw Paula, the pain in her eyes, the betrayal.
Donna was right as always.
It never annoyed him as much as in this moment.
She usually was right, it was her thing, but he wished she wouldn't be this time.
He felt the urge to go back to the moments before Paula, when he was about to explore for himself what it was exactly that he felt for Donna, without her forcing it or pushing him.
And just when he was about to be certain, they reached the down floor, and now it was a mess all over again.
He needed time.
He needed to be with Donna, talk to her or simply enjoy her presence, or search for the answers to his questions in her hazel eyes before he could even remotely know what to say to Paula.
And Donna prohibited him from taking this time he so desperately needed.
Paula as well.
As if they both made up a plan culminating in his destruction.
The elevator reached the 2nd floor by now, and Harvey knew what he would do and say.
To Paula.
And to Donna.