Growing up
Disclaimer-i don't own any of the AD:JL characters, nor do i own Darren Shan.
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I think I grew up.
Not 'grew up' as in becoming 18 or something like that, or growing up as in growing to 6 feet. I think I just became…older. It's hard to explain if you weren't there. Have you ever read these books called 'The saga of Darren Shan'? The main character spends the series looking like a child, but really, he has grown up in all but looks. Well, that is what I have been feeling like since that night.
When I saw Rose floating into the air, rising so she could be 'poofed' into non-existence, all I could think of was saving her. I know everyone told me not to make a wish with the Aztec skulls, but I had to. Wishing for her not to have been taken by the hunts clan was not a wish for me-it was what I had promised her. When I saw that energy beam hit her and saw her disappear, my heart just cracked in two. I think that the moment I dropped the skull on the floor, was the moment I finally grew up.
There is a saying about young people who are wise-'an old head on young shoulders'. Most people say that it is a good thing for the young to be so wise. But I think there is more than one way to take that saying-and mine might not be such a blessing.
Everyday we hear about people who have been forced to grow old before their time. I wonder; do they feel the same way I do now? Everything that mattered before to me is just so…so pointless. I remember how cut up I used to be about whether I was popular or not, whether Brad was going to find something new about me to laugh at, whether I could do that new skateboarding trick Trixie showed me. Now it's just not important to me.
The day after 'homecoming', I spoke to Trixie and Spud. They haven't changed. They were saying how they wanted to make wishes (Spud to be a merman, Trixie to marry Kyle Wilkins I think). I suppose it is nice to know that some things will never change.
But that was also when I saw Rose again.
I skateboarded straight into her, knocking her books out of her hands-the same way we first met. She didn't recognise me, so it seemed both our wishes had come true-I had not seen any signs of the hunts clan when I patrolled the city. I thought perhaps I would get to know her again, and could go out with her (without anyone trying to kill her because of it, or her trying to kill me in general, which I feel is a plus side). But I guess it wasn't to be.
Because her family moved to Hong-Kong the next day.
The funny thing is she definitely recognised me. She asked if she had met me before. Does that mean that my wish was half negated by hers? I don't suppose I will ever know. I want to go and look for her, find her and remind her of everything that's happened between us. I know I would have done that a few months ago. But she's happy with her family and I can't bear the thought of bringing up her old life and hurting her. It's better that she doesn't know.
All I do in my free time is lying in my room looking out of the window, or at the picture of me and Rose at the dance. I do my homework, patrol the city, and help mom with the chores-anything to keep me busy and stop me from brooding say my family. But it doesn't work- my work, as the American Dragon and school is important, but the rest of my life isn't so much-so I don't focus anymore.
I suppose one day life will have more meaning to me, and I'll meet a new girl, just as my parents have been saying to me. I don't think everything that was so important to me before will ever be again though- I don't play video games, Brad's words mean nothing to me, and I really don't care how many people like me. Not anymore. I don't even care if most people dislike me- I only need Trixie and Spud, because they're the only ones who understand at all, what's happened to me.
Gramps once said that I don't need money to earn respect, all I need is myself-and that's something I'll keep thinking, to keep myself on track.
But I do wish that I could 'be' 13 again, and act like a kid. I wish that I could care about more than my work. If I had those skulls again, maybe that's what I would try to wish for.
It won't happen. I can't do anything about the way I feel now-there's no turning back from growing up.
But I swear that when my age catches up with the rest of me, I'll go to Hong-Kong, and find Rose. She's the one that helped me fight the hunts clan, and she's the one I truly care about. One day…