Usual disclaimers apply: I don't own 'Hogan's Heroes' and am only borrowing them for fun, not profit.
Heidi ran through the woods, enjoying the chance to stretch her legs after spending the day laying around the kennel at Luft Stalag 13. She also enjoyed the company of Bearhart and Fritz as they ran by her side, but she would have much preferred having Bismarck's company all to herself. However, he was on patrol duty for another hour.
When they all paused to catch their breath, Heidi sat panting as she watched Fritz pounce his littermate Bearhart from behind. That set off another round of that pair's favorite sport; and the small clearing was quickly filled with the sounds of mock growling and the crunching of the fallen leaves and twigs as the two playfully wrestled each other. After a few minutes, Heidi stood and shook out her fur before she began sniffing her way around the area.
Stopping next to a large log, her tail waved happily as she caught the scents of two of her favorite prisoners. The small one, Le Beau, who always brought her treats whenever he visited the kennel, and the taller one, Newkirk, who had once risked being caught outside the wire for her sake. Heidi had cut her foot on a broken tree branch and had been limping through the woods when Newkirk had found her and carried her back to camp, setting her down close enough to the wire that she only had a few feet to walk before being spotted by one of the guards. Most of the prisoners were nice, but these two were special, and Heidi was glad that she only had to pretend to be mean to them.
A soft thump hit the ground behind her, and Heidi whirled around to see what it was. Her nose told her it was another friend and she yipped softly in greeting as he shuffled over to give her a big smile and a pat on the head. This little friend had only visited the camp once, but he'd charmed everyone with his gentleness and good humor. The fact that Newkirk had fixed him up with a miniature version of Le Beau's clothes hadn't hurt, either. All the dogs had gotten a good chuckle out of it, and Freddy had given them a wave and a bow in return.
The chimpanzee crouched down, giving Heidi a worried look. "Have you heard anything about a new factory being opened up outside of town?"
Heidi sat down, rubbing a paw across her muzzle before answering. "No, but then, the guards don't talk about much besides finding mates. Why do you ask?"
"There was one group that went by my cage today, and I heard them talking about being transferred to this new factory. They said something about big guns being brought in tomorrow night. As they walked away, I thought I heard them say it would be a surprise for the Allies, but I can't be certain." Freddy frowned. "I wish I had better information for you, Heidi."
The German Shepherd moved next to the chimpanzee and gently nuzzled the side of his neck. "It's ok, Freddy. You always do the best you can, and we all know how dangerous it is for you to sneak in and out of the zoo this way."
Freddy put his arms around the dog and hugged her tightly. "Thanks. And speaking of that, I'd better start back before I'm missed." He broke the embrace and stepped back, tugging on his little red sweater with a grin. "This makes me very easy to see, and that makes it even more obvious when I'm not there. But I don't mind. Your country is colder than my homeland, and this helps me stay warm. Plus, the people, especially the soldiers, think it's funny for some reason so they hang around my area and I tend to hear more that way."
"And that makes you a valuable agent, Freddy. You're right, you should go now. Be careful, and good luck." Heidi leaned over and licked the chimpanzee's face in farewell before they went their separate ways.
Felix the mouse sat on Sergeant Andrew Carter's gloved hand, nibbling on a crust of bread. He liked being the barracks mascot, as the prisoners were all nice to him, and the food was great. Squeaking happily, he nudged Andrew's finger to get the man to keep petting him while he ate.
Carter, however, was distracted by the opening of the bunk that concealed the tunnel entrance in Barracks 2. Corporals Louis Le Beau and Peter Newkirk came through the opening, with the latter dropping himself onto the bunk next to Carter with an exaggerated sigh.
"It's been some night's work, lads. I'm all done in."
Le Beau rolled his eyes at Newkirk's statement as he put his camera onto the table. "That's real funny, Pierre. If we had been chasing girls instead of being chased by the Bosche, you'd be ready to run all night. Instead, you let a little half-mile jog wear you out."
"Oh, do me a favor, Louis. Who was it had to carry you across the river anyway? It was either that or risk you gettin' drowned because you're too short to wade through it properly."
"I am not too short! It's just that there are some pretty deep spots out in the middle. And I was the one carrying the camera after all!"
Felix paused mid-nibble to listen to the two men argue back and forth with each other. If I didn't know better, I'd swear those two really didn't like each other. Since they do, though, this is as much fun as going to the movies in Andrew's shirt pocket.
"Did you guys get the pictures?" Sergeant James Kinchloe looked up from his latest wood-carving project, smiled, and shook his head. "Or did you spend all night arguing about who's taller?"
"Lay off, Kinch. Bomber Command should be able to make a right proper mess out of that factory by using these pictures as a guide." Newkirk propped himself up on an elbow and grinned. "A couple nights from now, we should hear the sweet sound of a squadron of Lancasters pounding the place into dust."
"That's good to know." Colonel Robert Hogan, senior prisoner of war officer and commander of the secret operation at Luft Stalag 13 came out of his office and made a beeline for the coffee pot that sat on the stove. As he picked up the pot, the compound came alive with the excited barking of the dogs as they returned from their evening run. "It's also good to know that you guys didn't-" Hogan paused as a shrill squeal came from Carter's general direction.
Carter, for his part, had jumped as Felix let out the squeal and leaped from his hand to disappear under the bunk he was sitting on. "Aww, gee. I wish the dogs wouldn't bark like that. It scares Felix so that he runs away and hides for a while. Sometimes I don't see him for a couple of days when that happens."
Felix, on the other hand, had indeed jumped and ran under the bunk on hearing the dogs, but it wasn't because he was scared of them. He'd heard the urgent note in Heidi's voice as she called for him to come out to the kennel at once. The grey mouse wriggled his way through a crack in the barracks wall under the bunk and raced across the compound as fast as his paws would carry him. Le Beau thinks that HE is short? He should try being me for once, then he'd know what short really was!
Dodging the guards was a piece of pie for Felix, as they were on the lookout for escaping prisoners and not for a small mouse slipping under the wire of the dog kennel. He lay stretched out on the cool ground, gasping for breath after his long run. "Heidi?" he squeaked between breaths. "What's wrong?"
Heidi paused as she came toward the mouse, and gave one of the other dogs a nod. "Ok, Wolfgang, go distract Hans and Gerta for me while I talk to Felix. You know how they're always eager to get treats by letting the guards know something is up." Her ears flattened to her head as she spoke. The two troublemakers were necessary, as between them they managed to keep the guards convinced that the dogs really hated the prisoners. Though they were useful in that respect, it didn't mean she have to like them.
Wolfgang stood, stretched and sauntered over to the far side of the kennel where Hans and Gerta were keeping an eager eye on the compound. While he engaged them in idle gossip about the prisoners, Bearhart and Fritz positioned themselves where they could keep an eye on both the distraction and the meeting between Heidi and Felix, and be ready to pounce in either direction as needed.
Heidi lay down next to Felix, gently nosing the mouse to make sure he was all right. Just then, they were joined by another member of their group, the brown and white rabbit that lived under Barracks Two. Hasenpfeffer hopped nimbly through the wire and came over to crouch beside the German Shepherd. "Hey Heidi, what's got you so excited? I haven't heard you make that much noise since the time you gave Rumplestiltskin what for over hiding the microfilm from Colonel Hogan!"
"Felix, did the guys go take the pictures of the new factory tonight like you said they had planned to do?" Heidi whispered softly so her voice wouldn't carry to the other side of the kennel.
The mouse sat up and nodded. "They got back with the film right before you called. Why do you ask?"
"Freddy met me out in the woods just now. He says he overheard some soldiers talking about the factory AND about some new big guns they're bringing in tomorrow night." Heidi's voice took on a worried tone. "Do you think our friends know about them?"
Felix's ears twitched as he thought it over. "No, I don't think they do, because something would have been said by now." He ran a paw over his whiskers before going on. "This means trouble. If they send that film off without knowing about the big guns, that'll mean the bombers won't know either."
"How can we get them to go back out there?" Hasenpfeffer sat and scratched behind an ear for a moment. "You know Colonel Hogan won't send them out again without a good reason."
Front legs folded over his chest, Felix nodded absently as he thought it over. "Yes, and Carter is probably developing the film right now. I know!" he squeaked. "I'll have to get into the dark room and spoil it somehow." He looked toward Barracks Two and shook his head. "That is, if I can get there in time."
The rabbit flicked his ears and wrinkled his nose in a smile. "Got ya covered, little mate! Get on board the Hasenpfeffer Express!" He crouched down, and with a nudge from Heidi's muzzle, Felix was able to clamber onto the rabbit's back. "Better get a good grip, Squeaky, because it's time to hop!"
Felix didn't even have time to protest the nickname before the rabbit took off, streaking across the compound. The mouse hung on for dear life when Hasenpfeffer made a nearly impossible ninety-degree turn to avoid a searchlight beam as it glided through the night. The rabbit hadn't quite come to a stop beside the barracks before Felix jumped off his back, squeaked out a quick thanks and raced under the building.
After a few moments and some tricky acrobatic work using the radio antenna wires as a bridge across the tunnel, Felix was able to poke his nose into the dark room. His eyes adapted easily to the dim light coming from the single red bulb that hung from the ceiling, and he was able to see that Andrew was just in the process of taking the film from the camera. Sighing in relief, Felix made his way into the room until he was sitting on a shelf over the developing pans.
A clatter on the shelf and an accompanying squeak made Carter look up from his work and grin when he saw the source. "Oh, hi Felix. Is this where you come to hide when the dogs scare you?" He turned his attention back to the film, carefully pulling it from its drum. "I guess it's ok for you to be in here, but you'd better be careful. A lot of the stuff in here is pretty dangerous and it would make you sick if you got into it. Actually, all of it might, come to think about it."
Well, here goes. I've only got one chance to get this right. Felix was watching Andrew closely, and when the moment was right, he leaped off the shelf and into the man's palm. As he'd hoped, the sudden jump startled Carter, making him throw his hands into the air in surprise. The mouse used the motion like a springboard, letting it launch him toward his main target.
"Hey! Watch it Felix!" Carter could only watch in shock as the mouse leapt off his hands and landed on the switch that turned on the main lights of the dark room. Squinting against the sudden brightness, he put his hand over his eyes to shield them, only to slowly lower it and stare at the now-ruined strip of film he was holding. "Oh, no! Look at what you did!"
"He did WHAT?" Hogan stared at Carter in disbelief as the Sergeant finished telling his story. "Do you mean to say that tonight's work was ruined by a mouse? And that he jumped on the light switch, then ran off down the tunnel?"
"Oh that's just great! Le Beau and I go out, risk our lives to get that film only to have a bloody rodent spoil the show?" Newkirk slammed his hand onto the table and glared at Carter. "That tears it! I'm gonna go over to the supply hut tomorrow and lift a few traps. This will be the last time that little menace spoils anything!"
Felix was crouched on a rafter in Hogan's office, just starting to catch his breath after the race across the compound and the dangerous leap he'd made in the dark room. Newkirk's angry words made him start trembling as he listened. I'm sorry I got you in trouble over this, Andrew. I wish I could explain why I did it, but I couldn't think of any other way to get you guys back out to that factory so you would find out about those big guns!
"I'm sure he didn't mean to, Newkirk! It was an accident, honest!" Carter turned to Hogan with a pleading look. "Please Colonel, don't let Newkirk set traps for Felix over this! I'll go out myself tomorrow night and get a whole new set of pictures, sir, just –"
"At ease, Carter." Hogan cut the Sergeant off mid-sentence, then turned to look at the Englishman. "And forget about the traps, Newkirk. It was just an accident." Hogan folded his arms across his chest as he thought about what to do. "Ok. Kinch, you and I will go out tomorrow night and get the pictures again. However," he turned to give Carter a stern look. "You are going to be in the dark room tomorrow morning right after roll call, and you are going to find every single mouse hole there is and plug them up. Understood?"
Felix drew a paw across his nose in relief as he heard Carter's quiet "Yes, sir" in reply to the Colonel's order. Mission accomplished. I'll go tell Hasenpfeffer so he can relay it to Heidi, then it's off to bed for me. Sounds like I'll be busy digging for a while, but it's worth it knowing everything turned out all right in the end. Of course, I'll have to go bunk with Hermann the chicken for a few days until things cool off for me in here, but that's ok. She's good company and doesn't mind sharing her dinner. With that thought, Felix slipped out of the office to go pass on his congratulations to his band of heroes.
While Felix was listening from above Colonel Hogan's office, Hasenpfeffer was listening from underneath the floorboards. The brown and white rabbit sat for a few moments after the men went to their bunks. That worked out all right in the end. They'll see the big guns tomorrow night, and be able to warn the bombers. Time to go make my report. He slipped out of the prisoner of war camp and began the long hop to Hammelburg, where he would meet the snow white rabbit who was his commanding officer. I wonder if Nimrod's been giving Major Hochstetter nightmares again lately?
Author's Note: This story eased itself into my head one night on the drive home from work, and made itself at home pretty much the way Hasenpfeffer did with the gonculator. Maybe that says something about the inside of my head. The jury's still out on that one.
In any case, all the guard dogs mentioned are actually named on various episodes, as is Hermann the chicken. Freddy the chimpanzee of course comes from 'Monkey Buisness', and Rumplestiltskin is from 'Man's Best Friend Is Not His Dog'.
The rabbit in 'Klink v The Gonculator' is not directly named, but Carter does hold him up and say "That's what you're going to be, hasenpfeffer," so I took a bit of artistic license to go ahead and name him that.
The bit with Hochstetter, a rabbit and a nightmare refers to my own story 'Stray Hares'.
This also answers part of the Triskaidekaphobia Challenge in its own unusual way, covering the 'Thirteen Canon Characters Challenge'. There are twelve animals either named or actually having parts in the story, plus the five human heroes and Hochstetter, who always seems to find his way into everything.
As for Nimrod? He's never been seen, so I ask you, how do you know he's not a rabbit?