Waiting
On A Saviour
Author's Note: I do not own Severus. Sadly, I do not. I do not own any other
characters you recognize - they are the brainchildren of Joanne Rowling (We
love you!). The lyrics featured are copyrighted to Rough Cut Music & WB
Music Corp (ASCAP), and are performed by Savage Garden on their album
Affirmation, track 12. (Darren from SG is sexy ;-))This fanfic was written for
the alohomora fanfiction challenge. Long live Maddy/Flourish! We love you too!
Oh, and Kaitlyn is mine, and is in Nefarious Risings if you're interested. She
is James Potter's brother and went into hiding after his death. She was best
friends with Sirius Black (more at one stage ;-)) and more than best friends
with Remus Lupin. Kaitlyn was in Slytherin with Severus Snape. Tis rather
short, but there you go. My predicted chances of winning are 0. :-D Have a nice
read if you can manage to find some sense or good writing in my story.
------
I don't know you anymore,
I don't recognize this place;
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name.
We don't talk much anymore,
We keep running from the pain;
But what I wouldn't give to
See your face again.
- 'I don't know you anymore': Savage
Garden
------
Snape groaned and lumbered himself out
of bed, clumsily. Throwing out an arm to steady himself, he winced as the dark
mark began to burn deeper into his skin. He needed to get to Hogsmede so he
could Apperate to Voldemort's position as soon as possible to avoid punishment.
Grabbing his wand and pulling his cloak over him, Snape ran out of his chamber
and tapped the stone wall at the end of the corridor. It opened into his
office. He ran.
Voldemort
waited, patiently or not - his supporters did not know - as various followers,
or Death Eaters as they were called, Apperated into the forest clearing and
bent down to kiss his feet. Snape Apperated in last, shoulders heaving as he
gasped for breath. He knelt before his 'master' and kissed his feet. He stepped
back, head bowed.
"My dear, dear followers..."
the high pitched voice began, dripping with sarcasm, sending chills down
Snape's spine. "You have served me now over these many years, but now is
the time for you to prove your dedication." Snape couldn't help feeling
those snake-like eyes were staring straight at him, penetrating his very soul.
"The time has come for us to make attacks on those closest to Albus
Dumbledore. You will each be assigned a separate assignment, which I expect you
to complete in two days. When I call your name, come forward and I will tell
you your assignment. Do not reveal to anyone else who your victim will
be." Snape waited for what seemed like light years. Someone close to
Dumbledore? Who, Fawkes? Wait, did he mean a teacher?
"Dear god..." Snape mumbled.
"Severus, please come and receive
your assignment." Severus? That tone of voice reminded him of his old
schoolteacher at muggle primary school. Snape walked over to his 'master' and
bowed his head in recognition. "Severus, I have had word from Lucius
Malfoy that you are not being loyal to me. Tell me, Severus Snape, are you
spying for Dumbledore?" Snape looked up into those slits of eyes.
"What's it to you?" he
drawled, in a Draco-like manner. That's it, Severus... smugness always hides
what you're really feeling inside...just pretend you're fighting back, it's
worth a try...Voldemort's eyes flared up and he took a step nearer to Snape,
who noticed that they were about the same height; even though he was 35 and
Voldemort was...well, Snape didn't know exactly.
"I want you to kill Minerva
McGonagall. If you don't do it, I shall kill you. Hear me? I shall KILL
you." Snape stared, blankly.
"And?" Knees shaking, can't
take anymore...must fight back for Minerva...
"And what?" Voldemort was
beginning to lose patience with Snape, and he grasped his wand slightly
tighter.
"And what else if I don't?"
Snape managed a slight smirk, trying to hide the irresistible urge he had to
run away, screaming. Voldemort lost his temper.
"Crucio!" he screamed.
Being hit square in the stomach, Snape doubled over and gasped with the pain.
Voldemort saw that he was resisting and urged more power into his wand,
doubling the pain, which targeted every single nerve in Snape's body. He
collapsed to the floor, and began to choke for breath. Voldemort lifted the
curse. Snape looked up. He heard the little voices in his head. 'Go on. Kill
her! She's only an insignificant teacher. She's not even pretty, for goodness
sake.' Snape wanted to yell out against this voice, but resisted.
"What do you want from me?"
Snape rasped, nearly devoid of all vocal capabilities.
"I'll give you a week. If she's not
dead by then, I'll kill both of you." Snape nodded, and with what little
power he had left, Disapparated.
Snape
was in this state of body and mind when he returned to Hogwarts, and it
happened to be then that Harry, Ron and Hermione were out in the grounds. It
was Saturday, and around 9 in the morning. Snape, his robes torn from walking
from Hogsmede to Hogwarts, and his skin scarred from the Cruticus curse, limped
towards the castle. Towards safety...towards Minerva, and her possible
impending doom. He watched as Hermione Granger looked up, spotted him, and
pointed it out to Harry. Ron muttered something that the other two ignored.
Snape walked straight past them.
"Sir? Sir, are you okay?"
Harry found himself calling after Snape. Snape turned round, looked at Harry,
and replied
"Yes, I'm quite okay. Quite."
Snape hobbled off and the three started conversing about what was wrong with
him. You're just like your father, Potter, thought Snape. Always interested in
anything and everything.
Dumbledore
was sitting in his office reading Ministry reports when the timid knock came at
the door. For a second, Albus thought it was a student, but then the bedraggled
form of Snape came through. Albus stood up immediately.
"Severus, what on earth happened to
you? Here, sit down. Have you been to see Poppy?" Snape sat down and
rested his forehead in his hands.
"In answer to your questions,"
Snape said in a hoarse whisper, "It's a long story, thank you, and
no." Albus looked, pensively, at his Potions master, and sat down once
again in his desk chair.
"Tell me."
"I don't think I can..." Snape
looked up at Dumbledore. His face was stained with a dry mixture of blood and
tears. The blood upon his left cheek was engrained like dirt, and his left arm
ached from the burning of the dark mark. Dumbledore became more worried.
Severus, in all his time at Hogwarts, had never come back from a calling this
wounded.
"He attacked you, didn't he?"
Snape nodded, and looked at the floor, wincing as a strand of hair got stuck in
one of the many open wounds on his face.
"Cruticus curse. And... something
else." Snape looked back at the floor again, head in hands.
"What else, Severus?" Snape
sighed, and looked back up at his role model, his idol, his boss, his
teacher...
"If I told you, I would have to
kill you, but I wouldn't be able to, because I'd already be dead." Albus
sighed, and stood up. He went over to a cupboard on the edge of the room, and
opened the door. He bought out the Pensieve. Snape groaned, and slunk down
further into the chair. Albus tapped Snape on the head with his wand and
extracted one of his thoughts. He put it into the Pensieve and began to watch.
Snape's body was racked with dry sobs as he heard the Dark Lord's request
again. Albus tapped the glassy reflection of Snape's memory with his wand and
looked at the sobbing man.
"Severus, I want you to go back to
your chamber. Use this door; it will keep you away from the students. You are
excused from teaching for three days." Snape nodded in thanks, turned and
walked through the door.
The
rumors flew around Hogwarts like lightning. One minute, Snape was dead, the
next, he was kidnapped, the next, eaten by a Hippogriff... the list went on.
Snape, sitting at his desk in his chamber, heard none of them. He was too busy
thinking. Over the years he had got closer and closer to being caught, and
now...and now it was too late to change anything. What had he become? He was
being made to kill innocent people, people he knew and talked to. This wasn't
what Severus Snape was meant to do. Snape signed, and took out the lesson plan
for the fifth year students. An owl tapped at the window, and he got up to let
it in, his emerald-green robes swirling around his lank figure. It had been three
days since he had eaten anything, and he had to go back to teaching tomorrow.
He took the letter from the owl and sent it on its way. It was from Lucius
Malfoy, telling him...Snape let out a giant sigh of relief...that he didn't
have to kill her. He didn't have to kill her. A tear escaped him, as all
the tension was unleashed from his body. Snape began to feel better than he had
for three, four days. Snape smiled, and placed the letter on his desk. It was
only then that he realized there was a P.S. on the opposite side. Just like
a Malfoy to get your hopes up then smash you down, thought Snape to
himself. On some instinct, Snape read it out loud - possibly to make him
believe himself...
"P.S. Don't forget to join the
Muggle and Mudblood killing spree in London this weekend...0900 Trafalgar
Square this Saturday 14th February. Don't be late. Or else."
Snape drew a long, tense breath. He couldn't avoid this, and they would surely
notice if he didn't kill anyone. He got up and paced around the room, tension flooding
through his veins, penetrating his soul...then it hit him. He would still have
to kill people. Innocent people. They hadn't done anything to him, even. He
would just kill them...for the fun of it. On Valentine's Day as well, the day
of love, and well being...Snape laughed. Yes, that's what it was - it was all a
game! A stupid, pointless, horrific, fatal game. It became clear to him that he
could use this to unleash his anger. All his anger he had ever had - jealousy,
loathing, pure hatred...he could let it all out. Sure, at the cost of some
Muggles life, but who cares? After all, wasn't one of the Muggle Ten
Commandments 'Love thy neighbor'? Sure, Severus would love his neighbor - he
would have helped him unleash all his anger, all his jealousy, all his
hatred...
A wicked grin crept over a once dying
man's face. Voldemort laughed.
Annie
Thomas walked out of the office; her bag slung over her shoulder, and made her
way across to the car park. People rushed by her, knocking into her, but she
didn't care. You got used to it after six years of working in the center of
London. Deciding to take a detour, Annie snaked through the throng of people
and made her way towards Trafalgar Square. Annie didn't realize, when she
looked at her watch, that she would be dead in the next two minutes.
The time was 08:59.00
Annie walked through the flocks of
pigeons and sat down on a bench. She heard what sounded like a cry of pain, but
ignored it.
08:59.56
Annie took out a tuna and cucumber
sandwich and began to eat it while reading a book.
08:59.59
Snape pulled the cloak over his head and
ran out into the square. Next to him, Lucius Malfoy conjured the dark mark.
Screams began to echo through his head - echoing like the screams of wakened
babies.
09:00.40
Annie jumped up and looked around - men
in black cloaks with the hoods pulled over were running round the square,
shooting jets of blinding green light from twigs and screaming words that she
could swear were Latin. People were falling down everywhere - some dead, some screaming
in pain. Then Annie saw the green skull hanging in the sky, a similar shade was
the green snake protruding from its' mouth.
09:01.24
Snape saw his target. A pretty muggle
woman with burnt sienna hair and twinkling green eyes standing by a bench. She
was looking alarmed at what was going on. Yes, child. Look alarmed. That is the
expression you will have on you face when you die. When I kill you.
09:01.58
'He's coming towards me...he's coming
towards me!' Annie's thoughts screamed as they ran around inside her head.
Snape took six, just steps towards her. Then he pointed his wand at her shaking
form.
09:02.02
Two words. That's all Annie remembered.
Those two words were the last words she ever heard. She would never forget
them.
"Avada Kedavra."
Severus
Snape sat on his bed, back in Hogwarts. He wouldn't forget the words in a hurry
either. He had killed someone. He had killed a poor innocent woman. She didn't
even deserve to die.
"God Damnit!" Severus screamed
and smashed a fist against the stone walls. He didn't feel the pain, he
couldn't...not anymore. He was one of them now, a cold, bloodied, heartless
monster with no recognition of feelings or emotions. What was he?
A monster. Snape walked around the room,
cursing himself, cursing Voldemort, cursing everyone who he had ever loved, and
the few who had ever loved him...then he looked up. Where he had hit the wall,
a passage had opened. Severus walked through, muttering "Lumos" as he
did so. He was in a cold stone tunnel, which judging by the damp was deep in
the dungeons of the castle. Severus, in his half enraged state, began to think
of when he used to sit in tunnels like this and study the dark arts at
Hogwarts. He only knew one other person who had ever come down these tunnels,
and that was one of his friends at Hogwarts...he liked to think of her as a
friend, anyway. Not that her brother was particularly fond of him. Severus
stopped as he came to a dugout hole in the side of the tunnel. This was it;
this was where they used to sit. Why was he remembering all of this? The happy
times in his life he had tried and longed so much to forget. Why did these
memories haunt him?
He
sat down on the bench, as it were, and looked around. His foot kicked something
under the bench, and Severus picked it up to see what it was. When he saw that
it was a dark arts book he gasped. This was the book they used to study from.
Their notes were still in the corners of the pages. Severus let the book fall
open at a random page, and began to read. Their scribbled notes said things
Snape would never had said now - happy things, innocent things. Of course he
wasn't innocent anymore. Then his eyes fell on a piece of paper pinned to the
next page. It was her handwriting. Italic, loopy and somewhat scrappy, like his
own.
Dear Severus,
I
got your letter by owl post this morning. I'm sorry you haven't been well, but
I'm even sorrier that it's my fault. But I have to tell you something. You are
a wonderful friend, Severus, a wonderful friend. I've told you things I
wouldn't have told James or Sirius. You were the first one to know I slept with
Remus, you were the first one to know when I became an animagi. But it is
because you're such a wonderful friend, Severus, that I love you. I love you as
a friend, I don't love you in the way you seem to think you love me. I'm sorry
if this hurts you, but it's the truth. It's the truth and you have to know it.
I'm sorry, and I hope we can still be friends.
Kaitlyn Potter
Her writing was innocent; almost as
innocent as her words...did she know that those words would turn him into a
Death Eater? Did she know those words would haunt him for life? Severus knew
whose fault it was now. It was HER fault. It was her fault he killed that
muggle, it was her fault he became a Death Eater, it was all her fault. Severus
wanted to kill her for what she had done. He threw the book across the tunnel
and stood up. He walked down the tunnel further, away from his office, until he
came to a turning. Severus knew where this turning lead. Towards the empty and
deserted classroom that held the Mirror of Erised. Now he could find out who he
really was. What he was meant to be. What he could have been.
------
"You know I love you, right?"
"Severus, I..."
"I love you. With all my heart I
do. Please believe me, Kaitlyn."
"I'm sorry." she shook her
head, then she walked off, leaving him with a broken heart.
------
He opened the door and walked in. There
it was, a tall mirror covered in a thick blue velvet drape, one golden leg seen
from under the throw over. He banished the drape away and stepped in front of
the mirror, shutting his eyes so as not to see straight away. My deepest
heart's desire, he thought to himself. He opened his eyes. And blinked. All he
saw was himself, like a mirror. It was a mirror, but it wasn't meant to be this
sort of mirror. He kicked it, and saw the mirror image do the same. But if his
deepest heart's desire was himself...he thought back to once when he had heard
Dumbledore talk about the mirror. Dumbledore said...he said sometimes it's not
what you see, but something in it.
So maybe there was some human feeling
left in Severus, and all he had to do now was find it.
Another person appeared in the mirror.
"Kaitlyn!" Severus cried in
disbelief, and took a step towards the mirror. So maybe it was hope left in
him. Now he had found hope, all he had to do was believe in love, and he would
make it through. After all, she was still alive...somewhere. And things can
change. There was no doubt in Severus' conception, because the mirror never
lies. As the images faded away, Severus fell to the floor, tears threatening
his sallow face, and kissed the feet of the mirror. "Thank you," he
whispered, and walked away.
