frowning smile
avatar alchemist
disclaimer: characters belong to their copyright owners and not to me.
summary: zabuza/haku drabble
I do nothing but look on with seemingly cold eyes. I can't let my eyes show what I feel as I watch him hold up the empty body. A trophy to leave behind as a warning for those who may want his own empty body.
I killed that man who's body he now holds. I won't say that I am innocent. I won't say that I am not capable of it. It was something I had to do. Something I do almost daily in order to protect him. I don't want to see his empty body and so I would kill all who came his way.
I love him, I think. It's not a love I can call normal. It's not how I felt about my mother or my father. It's not how I feel about the morning breeze billowing through my hair. It's not the love that's felt when the rabbits nuzzle close to me. Maybe I love him in a special way. Of course, it has to be a special love since I have never felt this kind of love before. I love him like my father failed to love my mother. I love him unconditionally. I belong to him body and soul. I am his willing tool. I am his everything.
He throws the body aside and grins. To him it's almost an art. It is definetaly a sport. Something he might decide to do for fun on a lazy summer day. He turns to me now and his face changes. He almost smiles...though it's more of a frown. He never truely smiles, but this face is a smile to me. Yes, it's a warm look to me, this awful frown.
"Let's keep moving."
I nod slightly and follow as he jumps into the trees. He looks back to me slightly and, though he didn't utter a single word, he's confessed he feels the same way I do.
I chose this life I know. Now I live leaving bodies behind so everyone knows I'm no joke. I can't afford to let anyone live. I know he thinks it's cruel. He's a most skilled killer yet his heart is still so pure. He can't bear to see me hold this body up like this.
He thinks I have no soul. He thinks I have no regrets. I wonder...What would he say if I told him I would go back and make it right if in the end I could have him by my side. I want this so I won't have to kill. Maybe that's not it...maybe I don't want him to kill. I sometimes see him look down at the bodies, his eyes glossy. Nothing hurts me more than that one time. He looked down at his hands soaked in blood. His eyes widened with fear yet he didn't scream, he didn't cry, he merely dug his hands into the snow and shook his head.
I think I love him. I want to protect him, but it's not like parents' love for their child. It's not that I love to own him. I don't love him as a tool. It's not how I might have felt at some point when I killed someone. When I saw them cower before me. It's not that sinister love, that cynical love. It's different. It's warm. I feel it especially when he smiles at me. When I see him sleeping with the rabbits. I love him...because...I would do anything to see him smile.
He's staring at me. At the body. I guess it's time to throw it aside. He's wandering too far into his thoughts. I can tell. He does it to avoid seeing what I do. I can tell just by looking into his black eyes. I could attempt to smile but I would fail. Still he must understand it's what I've tried to do because he's smiling back at me.
"Let's keep moving."
We can't stay anywhere for too long. It's always a danger to us...to him. I glance back at him. He's mine and I love him.
end
please review. thanks, minioda.