Confession
____
NAZA
"Do you bury me when I'm gone
Do you teach me while I'm here
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear"
- Metallica, "I Disappear"
Hikaru stepped off the train without any idea of where to go. Her eyes darted all around, looking for her good friend, Kouichi. The guy was kind of hot, Hikaru had to admit, but he was a little aloof. Too self-absorbed for Hikaru's taste.
Hikaru was at a loss of ideas; she knew Kouichi was supposed to be here, but she didn't know where. For weeks Kouichi had been dropping hints that he was going to travel to Japan, but he had never pinpointed the place. He had just mentioned the name Kyoto a few times, and had a map of Japan pasted to his wall.
Hikaru stopped thinking about Kouichi and brought herself back to the task at hand, which was finding and retrieving her Gundam. She was admittedly sort of anti-Gundam - only a few weeks before, she had been seriously considering membership to OZ. Her dream had been to be a soldier.
Hikaru looked around again, and thought she spotted the back of Kouichi's head - but she was just seeing things. She quickly crushed the thing called hope that festered in her heart, and hurried to the platform.
She glanced at the slip of paper in her back pocket. The brain-addled scientist who had joined with the six others to create her Gundam - was named Doctor I. Her Gundam was named Gundam Hellraiser.
The paper read, "Kyoto Train Station, Platform 3, six-thirty PM."
Hikaru leaned against the wall surrounding the platform. She didn't see Dr. I anywhere, or anyone that looked familiar. She felt like crying.
She didn't even know if it really was Dr. I who had given her the note. She had simply received the note in her locker one day. When she talked to Dr. I about it, the woman hadn't given her a straight answer about it, only sly looks and words of encouragement, such as, "Maybe you should go investigate" and "It sounds intriguing."
Now Hikaru sat on the cold stone ground and buried her face in her hands. "You gullible fool," she murmured to herself, followed by several self-deprecating epithets. "I can't believe I fell for this."
Suddenly, Dr. I, in all her dark-skinned glory, emerged from the brim of the sea of people. She waved companionably to Hikaru.
"Hikaru!" she shouted. Hikaru shot to her feet.
"Dr. I! What are you - oh, no, wait... dumb question." Hikaru wrapped the tall, willowy scientist in an enthusiastic hug. "What am I doing here?"
Dr. I smoothed back her thick black ringlets of hair away from her bright yellow eyes. "You've come to find your co-pilots, darling."
Hikaru blinked.
"Your co-pilots," Dr. I repeated slowly, as if speaking to a child.
Hikaru blinked again.
"Your...co...pilots...." Dr. I waved her hands about. "Understand?"
"You mean...I'm not the only Gundam pilot...?" Hikaru asked. She was a little disappointed in a twisted way.
Dr. I nodded her head vigorously. "You understand!"
Hikaru shrugged proudly. "I'm just like that. Real perceptive, you know."
Dr. I scratched her head. "Yeah. I'll bet." Then she paused. "Well, Kinjiro--"
Hikaru blinked. "Kinjiro?"
"Yep. Kinjiro."
Hikaru plastered her hands to her face. "What in the hell are you talking about, Dr. I? I let you drag me here, and now you want to call me Kinjiro? No, Dr. I, that is where I draw the line!" she shouted.
Dr. I shrugged. "There's really no use in protesting, Kinjiro."
"Stop calling me that! Why are you calling me Kinjiro?!" Hikaru asked, her eyes wide in anger and her fists held up by her face.
"Look, there's been a little change in plans, darling," Dr. I said. "I just found out a few days ago from Dr. J that there's a requirement to become a Gundam pilot. An admittedly foolish one, but a requirement nonetheless. One that I was conveniently not aware of," she added sarcastically, "until Hellraiser was completely finished. Men are so ignorant," she sighed.
"That speech was nice and confusing," Hikaru said sardonically. "Just the way I like them. Now would you care to explain to me everything you just said, please?"
"You have to be a guy to be a Gundam pilot!" cried Dr. I, burying her hands in her thick hair and clenching her fingers. "Stupid scientists!"
Hikaru froze in disbelief. "Did you just say what I thought you just said?"
"Yes. Kinjiro."
Hikaru backed away until she was flattened against the wall of the platform. "No," she said. "No way, Dr. I. No way, no way, no no no no!"
"Hellraiser is waiting!" Dr. I protested.
"No!" shouted Hikaru. "I take pride in my femininity, and I am not about to cover it up so we can obey some stupid law!"
"Kinjiro, there's nothing I can do. Hellraiser is built, and you are the pilot."
"Can't I be, like, an independent pilot or something?" she asked desperately.
"You would be picked off faster than a fly in a bowl of clam chowder," Dr. I told her simply.
Dr. I may have been crazy, but she sure was smart.
"My name is Kinjiro?" Hikaru asked miserably. Dr. I nodded.
"Dr. J and the other scientists that constructed the Gundams are the only ones who know that you're a girl," Dr. I told the visibly frazzled Hikaru. Then she handed Hikaru a suitcase she had been carrying, which Hikaru hadn't noticed until now. "These are your clothes. The second inner compartment holds your uniform."
"Uniform?" Hikaru didn't know if she could take much more of this.
"School uniform. You must attend school, you know. What, you thought becoming a pilot would exempt you of that responsibility? I'm afraid it's not so, Hikaru darling. Or should I say, Kinjiro darling."
"Won't the pilots get suspicious if the scientist that created my Gundam is a woman?" Hikaru huffed.
"Probably. Which is why you'll have to seem as male as possible." Dr. I sighed. "I dislike this as much as you do, Hikaru, darling. Kinjiro, I mean. But I'm sorry. There's nothing either of us can do."
As the two of them started off toward the station bathrooms so Hikaru could change, Dr. I added, "Oh, and you'll have to stop shaving your legs and under your arms as well. Unfortunately, as you may know, men are disgustingly hairy."
Hikaru stopped dead in her tracks. "I have to do what?"
"Stop shaving all together, Kinjiro darling. You'll get used to it."
"Oh. My. God NO!!!" shouted Hikaru, whirling around to face the cat-eyed scientist. "Okay, I was marginal about being Miss Man and all at first, then I sort of got used to the idea. But now you tell me I have to be Miss HAIRY MAN, too?!"
Dr. I sighed again and patted Hikaru's shoulder. "All I can say now, darling, is to get changed and get used to being called Kinjiro."
Hikaru let a whine escape her lips. She walked briskly to the bathroom, toting the black suitcase that held her clothes.
When she was safely inside, she whacked her forehead with the heel of her palm repeatedly. "Stupid, stupid, STUPID!!!" she yelled at herself.
The woman who had been washing her hands turned around. "Well, excuse me," she huffed and brushed past Hikaru.
Hikaru couldn't help but giggle. "I didn't mean you," she told the woman, but she was already out the door.
Hikaru locked herself in the largest stall and opened her suitcase. As she surveyed the clothes, she suddenly wished Dr. I was there to help her. But public bathrooms made Dr. I nervous, so Hikaru would have to tough it out on her own.
She suddenly felt very embarrassed, as if someone was watching her. She spun around, and then she realized she was alone in the bathroom.
Hikaru shed her shorts and blouse. She began to slip on the jeans, but realized to her dismay they were tailored for someone with a much vaster waist than her own. She pulled her shorts back on, and poked her head out the bathroom door. "Dr. I," she called.
The dark-skinned, bright-eyed woman came to her nervously. "What is it, Hikaru? You know I can't stand public bathrooms, so make it quick."
"These pants are too big," she whined.
"There's a belt," Dr. I said quickly. "Is that it?"
"Yeah." Hikaru rushed back to the stall and put on the dark blue jeans. She adjusted the belt until one end of it hung down to her knees. A decidedly dumb fashion, but there was nothing she could do. Hikaru was feeling increasingly helpless lately, and that was not something she was prone to.
"Dammit. Dammit. Dammit." She repeated that over and over again until she was fully dressed.
But there was something at the bottom of the suitcase, pale pink in color, that Hikaru hadn't noticed before. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands.
It was an Ace bandage. "What is wrong with this picture?" Hikaru murmured to herself. "I hope that thing is not what I think it's for."
She decided to leave it alone. "All right. Whatever. I'll just pretend I didn't notice it."
She walked out of the stall and caught sight of herself in the mirror. She froze, staring at her reflection. She barely recognized herself.
Except for her cleavage. That was the one undisguised thing about her. That, and her long brown hair. She pulled an elastic from her wrist and tied her hair back. It changed almost nothing. She still looked as much like a girl as she had before she had entered the bathroom.
"Dr. I," she whined as she stepped out of the bathroom. "I still look like a girl. What makes you think these guys are going to believe that I'm a guy?"
"Pure luck, darling," Dr. I said. "And a few alterations here and there."
Hikaru looked confused. "Alterations?"
Dr. I giggled evilly and Hikaru's eyes widened.
____
NAZA
"Do you bury me when I'm gone
Do you teach me while I'm here
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear"
- Metallica, "I Disappear"
Hikaru stepped off the train without any idea of where to go. Her eyes darted all around, looking for her good friend, Kouichi. The guy was kind of hot, Hikaru had to admit, but he was a little aloof. Too self-absorbed for Hikaru's taste.
Hikaru was at a loss of ideas; she knew Kouichi was supposed to be here, but she didn't know where. For weeks Kouichi had been dropping hints that he was going to travel to Japan, but he had never pinpointed the place. He had just mentioned the name Kyoto a few times, and had a map of Japan pasted to his wall.
Hikaru stopped thinking about Kouichi and brought herself back to the task at hand, which was finding and retrieving her Gundam. She was admittedly sort of anti-Gundam - only a few weeks before, she had been seriously considering membership to OZ. Her dream had been to be a soldier.
Hikaru looked around again, and thought she spotted the back of Kouichi's head - but she was just seeing things. She quickly crushed the thing called hope that festered in her heart, and hurried to the platform.
She glanced at the slip of paper in her back pocket. The brain-addled scientist who had joined with the six others to create her Gundam - was named Doctor I. Her Gundam was named Gundam Hellraiser.
The paper read, "Kyoto Train Station, Platform 3, six-thirty PM."
Hikaru leaned against the wall surrounding the platform. She didn't see Dr. I anywhere, or anyone that looked familiar. She felt like crying.
She didn't even know if it really was Dr. I who had given her the note. She had simply received the note in her locker one day. When she talked to Dr. I about it, the woman hadn't given her a straight answer about it, only sly looks and words of encouragement, such as, "Maybe you should go investigate" and "It sounds intriguing."
Now Hikaru sat on the cold stone ground and buried her face in her hands. "You gullible fool," she murmured to herself, followed by several self-deprecating epithets. "I can't believe I fell for this."
Suddenly, Dr. I, in all her dark-skinned glory, emerged from the brim of the sea of people. She waved companionably to Hikaru.
"Hikaru!" she shouted. Hikaru shot to her feet.
"Dr. I! What are you - oh, no, wait... dumb question." Hikaru wrapped the tall, willowy scientist in an enthusiastic hug. "What am I doing here?"
Dr. I smoothed back her thick black ringlets of hair away from her bright yellow eyes. "You've come to find your co-pilots, darling."
Hikaru blinked.
"Your co-pilots," Dr. I repeated slowly, as if speaking to a child.
Hikaru blinked again.
"Your...co...pilots...." Dr. I waved her hands about. "Understand?"
"You mean...I'm not the only Gundam pilot...?" Hikaru asked. She was a little disappointed in a twisted way.
Dr. I nodded her head vigorously. "You understand!"
Hikaru shrugged proudly. "I'm just like that. Real perceptive, you know."
Dr. I scratched her head. "Yeah. I'll bet." Then she paused. "Well, Kinjiro--"
Hikaru blinked. "Kinjiro?"
"Yep. Kinjiro."
Hikaru plastered her hands to her face. "What in the hell are you talking about, Dr. I? I let you drag me here, and now you want to call me Kinjiro? No, Dr. I, that is where I draw the line!" she shouted.
Dr. I shrugged. "There's really no use in protesting, Kinjiro."
"Stop calling me that! Why are you calling me Kinjiro?!" Hikaru asked, her eyes wide in anger and her fists held up by her face.
"Look, there's been a little change in plans, darling," Dr. I said. "I just found out a few days ago from Dr. J that there's a requirement to become a Gundam pilot. An admittedly foolish one, but a requirement nonetheless. One that I was conveniently not aware of," she added sarcastically, "until Hellraiser was completely finished. Men are so ignorant," she sighed.
"That speech was nice and confusing," Hikaru said sardonically. "Just the way I like them. Now would you care to explain to me everything you just said, please?"
"You have to be a guy to be a Gundam pilot!" cried Dr. I, burying her hands in her thick hair and clenching her fingers. "Stupid scientists!"
Hikaru froze in disbelief. "Did you just say what I thought you just said?"
"Yes. Kinjiro."
Hikaru backed away until she was flattened against the wall of the platform. "No," she said. "No way, Dr. I. No way, no way, no no no no!"
"Hellraiser is waiting!" Dr. I protested.
"No!" shouted Hikaru. "I take pride in my femininity, and I am not about to cover it up so we can obey some stupid law!"
"Kinjiro, there's nothing I can do. Hellraiser is built, and you are the pilot."
"Can't I be, like, an independent pilot or something?" she asked desperately.
"You would be picked off faster than a fly in a bowl of clam chowder," Dr. I told her simply.
Dr. I may have been crazy, but she sure was smart.
"My name is Kinjiro?" Hikaru asked miserably. Dr. I nodded.
"Dr. J and the other scientists that constructed the Gundams are the only ones who know that you're a girl," Dr. I told the visibly frazzled Hikaru. Then she handed Hikaru a suitcase she had been carrying, which Hikaru hadn't noticed until now. "These are your clothes. The second inner compartment holds your uniform."
"Uniform?" Hikaru didn't know if she could take much more of this.
"School uniform. You must attend school, you know. What, you thought becoming a pilot would exempt you of that responsibility? I'm afraid it's not so, Hikaru darling. Or should I say, Kinjiro darling."
"Won't the pilots get suspicious if the scientist that created my Gundam is a woman?" Hikaru huffed.
"Probably. Which is why you'll have to seem as male as possible." Dr. I sighed. "I dislike this as much as you do, Hikaru, darling. Kinjiro, I mean. But I'm sorry. There's nothing either of us can do."
As the two of them started off toward the station bathrooms so Hikaru could change, Dr. I added, "Oh, and you'll have to stop shaving your legs and under your arms as well. Unfortunately, as you may know, men are disgustingly hairy."
Hikaru stopped dead in her tracks. "I have to do what?"
"Stop shaving all together, Kinjiro darling. You'll get used to it."
"Oh. My. God NO!!!" shouted Hikaru, whirling around to face the cat-eyed scientist. "Okay, I was marginal about being Miss Man and all at first, then I sort of got used to the idea. But now you tell me I have to be Miss HAIRY MAN, too?!"
Dr. I sighed again and patted Hikaru's shoulder. "All I can say now, darling, is to get changed and get used to being called Kinjiro."
Hikaru let a whine escape her lips. She walked briskly to the bathroom, toting the black suitcase that held her clothes.
When she was safely inside, she whacked her forehead with the heel of her palm repeatedly. "Stupid, stupid, STUPID!!!" she yelled at herself.
The woman who had been washing her hands turned around. "Well, excuse me," she huffed and brushed past Hikaru.
Hikaru couldn't help but giggle. "I didn't mean you," she told the woman, but she was already out the door.
Hikaru locked herself in the largest stall and opened her suitcase. As she surveyed the clothes, she suddenly wished Dr. I was there to help her. But public bathrooms made Dr. I nervous, so Hikaru would have to tough it out on her own.
She suddenly felt very embarrassed, as if someone was watching her. She spun around, and then she realized she was alone in the bathroom.
Hikaru shed her shorts and blouse. She began to slip on the jeans, but realized to her dismay they were tailored for someone with a much vaster waist than her own. She pulled her shorts back on, and poked her head out the bathroom door. "Dr. I," she called.
The dark-skinned, bright-eyed woman came to her nervously. "What is it, Hikaru? You know I can't stand public bathrooms, so make it quick."
"These pants are too big," she whined.
"There's a belt," Dr. I said quickly. "Is that it?"
"Yeah." Hikaru rushed back to the stall and put on the dark blue jeans. She adjusted the belt until one end of it hung down to her knees. A decidedly dumb fashion, but there was nothing she could do. Hikaru was feeling increasingly helpless lately, and that was not something she was prone to.
"Dammit. Dammit. Dammit." She repeated that over and over again until she was fully dressed.
But there was something at the bottom of the suitcase, pale pink in color, that Hikaru hadn't noticed before. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands.
It was an Ace bandage. "What is wrong with this picture?" Hikaru murmured to herself. "I hope that thing is not what I think it's for."
She decided to leave it alone. "All right. Whatever. I'll just pretend I didn't notice it."
She walked out of the stall and caught sight of herself in the mirror. She froze, staring at her reflection. She barely recognized herself.
Except for her cleavage. That was the one undisguised thing about her. That, and her long brown hair. She pulled an elastic from her wrist and tied her hair back. It changed almost nothing. She still looked as much like a girl as she had before she had entered the bathroom.
"Dr. I," she whined as she stepped out of the bathroom. "I still look like a girl. What makes you think these guys are going to believe that I'm a guy?"
"Pure luck, darling," Dr. I said. "And a few alterations here and there."
Hikaru looked confused. "Alterations?"
Dr. I giggled evilly and Hikaru's eyes widened.