An evacuation pipe is dropping water over us. That's the only noise we can hear in this shelter. Mike's voice finally breaks the silence :
"So, you never went back ? Not even once ? ". I sighed as I turned to face the wall.
"No. I never went back. I tried once. "
"And ?"
"There was a little restaurant, a few blocks before my apartment. It was a great italian restaurant. I went there on Black Friday, with my wife Emma and Joy, my daughter. It was sunny, cold but sunny. My wife got a call from the hospital, her mother had just died. She left to go see the doctors. I had a walk with my daughter, then I brought her back to our apartment. "
"I don't unders…"
"The day I tried to go back, I went next to the restaurant. Every windows were broken. Some people threw chairs in them to break them. There was fire inside. And, hanging by their feet, my friends Giuseppe and Maria, the restaurant's owners. I promised myself I'd never try to go back. Because even if we take back Manhattan, things will never be the same. I will never go back to my apartment because I don't want to see photos of my wife or of my daughter, blood on the floor or every cupboards trashed. "
Mike remained silent. The evacuation pipe was still dropping water over us.
"I had a brother, Mike said. He was jobless. I left him on the streets three years before the breakout. He called me, sometimes. I never tried to help him or see him for three years. And now, there's a question that haunts me every single second of every fucking day… Did the cleaners killed him ? Did they burn him ? Or hung him ? Was he scared ? Is he alive ? Maybe, maybe he became one of the monsters roaming the streets with a flamethrower, or a G36 or even a M1911 ? I left him alone, and I can't stop thinking about him now. "
"I left my daughter alone at home, when I've been activated. My wife was still at the hospital, and you know the procedure. My daughter was watching The Lion King when news came up on TV. The reporter was in front of the hospital. I took a beer in the fridge, I turned to watch the news and my watched turned orange. I couldn't tell you what my daughter asked me, but I remember all the questions in her eyes. I told her to turn off TV, that her mom would be back soon and that I had to leave. I told her I'd come back for dinner. I knew I was lying. I did it on purpose.
I left a note for her mother. I know it by heart. Honey, I won't be home for diner when you'll come back. As soon as you find that note, take water, a flashlight, some food. Take Joy with you. Don't talk to anybody, leave money home. There's a gun in my nightstand, take it. Leave the car at home, find a way to leave Manhattan. Just do things as I told you, please. I hope to see you soon. I love you.
You see, Mike. We all have regrets, we all hope we could have done things in a different way. But was there even any possibility ? "
Mike remained silent, then I heard him breath peacefully. He felt asleep. We had been deployed the same day and helped take back Brooklyn's police station. We never really talked about… about the life before the breakout. Some like to share everything about their past, their work, their life, their job, their loved ones.
I'm not that type of guy. For everyone before, I was Jonathan Edwards, photographer. But now, I'm SHD Agent Jo Edwards. I sometimes wonder if I've ever been Jonathan. When my watch turned on, I knew I would never be Jonathan ever again.
I'm a second wave Division Agent, and this is my story. If you ever find that notes and the world is a peaceful place again, never forget we gave up everything and everyone, for you to be free and happy.