A.N.: Whee! Okay, so this has been in my brain forEVER. And now, I have a chance to write it. There IS another fic on the way.maybe.a serious one called "Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails." But that one may be a little while still.(sorry Rach!)

"Men," Angel paced the loft's "living room" (aka: practically-the-entire- thing), his arms folded behind his back in a militant fashion, his face deadly grim. He turned to face Mimi, "Women," then turned his head again to look at Maureen and Joanne, "and Lesbians. I have gathered you all here today to discuss a matter of dire importance."

Angel paused for dramatic effect. The others were crowded on the sofas and sitting on the floor. Everyone was there, except for Mark.

"That matter is Mark."

Another dramatic pause.

"As we all know, Mark is the only one of us not currently in a steady relationship. Roger and Mimi. Maureen and Joanne. Me and Collins." He tilted his head to the side and grinned at Collins. The teacher smiled back, but looked perplexed.

Roger leaned into Collins and whispered: "um.do you know what he's up to?"

"Not a clue in the world," Collins said, still trying to smile and only managing to look somewhat deranged.

"Oh boy."

"Ahem!" Angel cleared his throat, and looked at Roger. "As I was saying, Mark is the only person who doesn't have a partner."

"That's because Mark doesn't want one," Maureen said, shifted so that she could put her feet up in Joanne's lap. "Plus, nobody wants to approach him because they can't tell if he's gay or straight."

"Well," Angel shrugged, "Roger. You're his best friend. Which one is he?"

"I don't know! He went out with Maureen, so, I guess he's straight."

"Then again," Mimi nodded, "Maureen could have turned him gay."

"Hey!"

"I'm not saying that's a bad thing! Mark might have turned you lesbian."

"That's true," Maureen leaned back, and seemed to ponder this for a little bit. "That's definitely true.Plus, then, if I turned him gay, I could potentially take the credit for any successful hookups he makes, seeing as how if it weren't for me he wouldn't be looking for a guy anyway."

"But what if he ends up hooking up with a girl?"

"Then we'll applaud Maureen for setting extraordinarily low standards." Collins reached over to clap her on the back.

"Hey!"

"PEOPLE!" Angel waved his arms around, "We are getting off topic. Since Mark is so obviously lonely, I feel it is our solemn duty as his friends to help him through this difficult time."

"Which means what?"

"We find Mark a girlfriend.or boyfriend."

"No. No no no no no no no no no no no no no." Collins stood up, crossing his hands back and forth in an obvious negative gesture. "No no no. We are not going to get involved in poor Mark's love life. We are not going to try and set him up, we are not going to put that poor boy through that."

"Oh, Collins, sit down." Angel rolled his eyes, "Mark wants this."

"Did he tell you that?"

".No."

"Well then-"

"Bababababa!" Angel shook his head. "I know this is what he wants."

Maureen raised her hand.

"Yes Maureen?"

"I think that if we're going to set him up, he's got to get some sort of makeover. I mean, he's cute, in a depressing-artisty-mussy sort of way.but.well, he's not particularly eye catching or anything."

"We're not gonna set him up!"

Angel chose to ignore Collins' protests, and smiled knowingly at Maureen, then at the rest of them. The others were nodding and murmuring in agreement with Maureen.

"That, my dear friends, is exactly why I decided to call in the Calvary."

Collins' face paled. "Jesus Christ Angel, not them."