The Way We Were
Summary- Grissom and Sara's tempers flare, but the truth may hurt more than they thought.
Rating- PG-13 for some language
Disclaimer- Yeah, I don't own them, nor anything related to them.
Pairing- Grissom and Sara
Spoilers: Up to and including Nesting Dolls everything is fair game.
Announcement: Second chapter only needs to be typed, so should be up either today or tomorrow.
Chapter 1
'We're one, but we're not the same. Well we hurt each other and we do it again. You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl, and I can't be holding on, to what you've got when all you got is hurt. One love, one blood. One life you've got to do what you should, one life with each other, sisters, brothers, one life but we're not the same we get to carry each other. One'- U2 One
She pushed him, forcefully. "Don't you dare say that." He stumbled backward, attempting to maintain his balance against her barrage of words had caught him off guard
"No one loves me okay, nobody ever has. You don't love me. Don't you dare come in here and presume by telling me that you love me, that everything is going to be okay. Its never okay, nothing is ever okay, and the sooner you stop trying to fix me the better okay Grissom? You can stop wasting your time. You can't fix me. I'm not one of your fucking experiments damnit." He grabbed her hands,
"But..."
"But what Grissom? What, you think you know me now?" she squirmed out of his grip, "You think you know what makes me tick now? You think you have the right to make presumptions about me, because I momentarily let you into my life. Grissom, come on, tell me then. You know everything, why can't I sleep at night still? You think because you push me into telling you about my family that that gives you a one way ticket into my life? Don't count on it Grissom. You made the decision that you didn't want anything to do with my life a long time ago"
"Sara, I want to deal with this" her eyes gleamed with rage
"You want to deal with this?" she asked incredulously "We, or more specifically, you, already dealt with this. Several times. There's nothing left to deal with. You had 5 years, Grissom, 5 years, and you said nothing. Even you can't be that clueless. It was your decision, and you made it. So don't come back to me and try and go back on it. Jesus Grissom, why now? I pursued you, I waited for you. Until you were ready, I waited." She glared into his eyes, those blue eyes that she longed to look at her the way she remembered "I waited, for so long, that I… forgot what I was waiting for. And then, you would look at me, in a way, which I can't even explain. I love the way you looked at me. And the way, you would talk about me, to other people, the way that you would say my name" she looked anywhere but in his eyes, lost in the memories.
"Why Grissom, why couldn't you talk to me about us? Did I ask too much? God Grissom, you gave me nothing, and now, that's all that I have left. I have nothing anymore." Her shoulders slumped, defeated. She sighed exhaustedly,
"God Grissom, just go okay? I'm…I'm sorry…um…you're probably uncomfortable, so" she moved swiftly toward the door, unwilling to let him respond. He shuffled toward her, placing his hand on her arm.
"God, don't Grissom, please" she pulled her arm away, almost painfully.
"Is this the way it's going to be now" he asked softly
"When was it ever different Gil?"
"Look at me Sara, please"
"No"
"Why?"
"Because if I do, I don't trust myself to let you walk out the door while I have to watch you leave here again. I don't trust myself to not ask you to stay" The moment lingered, as if both of them wanted to say something, but in each other's presence, the words remained elusive, and unspoken.
She looked out the peephole at his retreating figure sighing softly 'Stay with me Grissom. Stay with me forever and a day'
He had the answers to her questions, which he had originally gone there to answer. But in her presence the words he needed always seemed to fall away, and all he could resort to was wishing that she would let him hold her. Try to let her feel what he wanted to say. 'You have a quote for every occasion Gil, but when she pours her heart out to you, and wants answers, you can't even mumble a yes or a no'.
She slid her hand down the door, releasing the cool metal from her hand. She could feel the tears beginning to well, that sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, that she had had to experience so many times before, watching yet another person walk from her life. She padded through her lounge room contemplating turning on her scanner, to ease her pain, reminding her that at the least, with everything, she was still healthy and alive, listening to other people's pain, to try and soothe hers. But that would mean going into work, and she didn't want to open up that can of worms just yet. An attempt at sleep, she thought, would probably be her best course of action. Her head hit the pillow, and again, as almost every other night, the dreams began.
'See the stone set in your eyes see the thorn twist in your side, I'll wait for you. Slight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait. And I'll wait without you. With or without you. You give it all but I want more, and I'm waiting for you. With our without you. I can't live with or without you. And you give yourself away, and you give yourself away, and you give, and you give, and you give yourself away.'
U2- With Or Without You