Alone
By Squirtel the Squirtle
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Sue me if you wish, you'll end up with the large sum of fifty cents and some pocket lint.
A/N: People were getting confused with the fics that included me, so I'm going to try another Tentomon POV. This takes place after Izzy leaves for the first time.
I return to my tree, as I do everyday. In my arms is a large sum of berries and fruits- my dinner. I start to gobble them up and I get a strange feeling. Something just didn't feel right. After dinner, I walk to the beach, only a short distance away from my home. I close my eyes and listen to the waves. Something still doesn't feel right.
"What's the matter with me?" I asked aloud. I open my eyes and glance at the sky again. I can so clearly make out the tram that left with Izzy. Then I know what's wrong. "Izzy... I miss you so much." I lower my head again. Agumon had stated that they'd be back someday, and I tried hard to believe him. Half of me says I'll never see Izzy again. Another half says don't loose hope. I'm so confused.
"Izzy could help me if he was here," I think. "He understands emotions. He just can't express them. Then again, if he were here I wouldn't be having this problem." The wind picks up and I shiver a bit. I close my eyes as a scene flashes in my mind.
I was lying next to Izzy, half asleep. The campfire was warm and inviting. He had his hand lying aimlessly on my back. He says something but I don't hear him. From the look of his eyes, it wasn't anything important.
I open my eyes again. Why had that scene just played itself to me? There was nothing special about it, right? I recapture the scene in my head and try to see what's different about it. Then I realize just what it was. He wasn't on his computer.
That computer... I remember how he looks typing on it. So serious and so dedicated to sticking to it. There was something about that computer that comforted Izzy. I had my own theory as to what it might be. It was the fact that he could control what happened on it. In reality, he had no control on what happened in his life.
"But Izzy, there isn't anyone who can control life," I think. I wish sorely that I had told him that once. Now it was too late. I picture his eyes. His eyes reflect his heart. I start to compare their looks. On the computer, they were hard and strong. When he was with his friends, they seemed a little looser and calmer. Anywhere else, when he wasn't on his laptop, they were scared and unsure. Then I remembered the look he gave me. Unlike any other I'd seen, it was warm and happy; while at the same time sad and desiring something.
What was it they desired? Me? Why?
"Because you are his closest friend," I think. "He felt he could tell you anything, and wanted to do so but never took that chance. He didn't want to risk loosing someone so close over his own problems. But it'd take so much more to scare me away, Izzy." I nearly hate myself for never sharing to Izzy the thoughts in my heads now. Questions filled my mind.
I still wonder about his return. I let my heart give an answer. It says, "Don't worry. He'll come back. He'd never leave you for good, you're both too close for that." Then my mind gives a colder view.
"Forget about it, Tentomon," it says. "The chances are so low that hope would be an empty promise." I'm torn between my heart and my mind. Which one is the right one? What would Izzy choose? Knowing him, he'd go with his mind. I shake my head, no. No, Izzy is very knowledgeable, but in these situations he knows his heart is first.
For a moment, I think I almost hear Izzy calling out, "You're heart is right." Now I'm losing my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if I was. How long has it been since his heart braking departure? About a month now. I reflect back on that first week after he left.
I had stayed with my comrades for a while. They were glad to have me; we all needed someone to keep us company. After a few days, however, the thought of waking up in the morning to see Gommamon or Agumon instead of Izzy became too much. I had to leave and venture out on my own again. That's what I did. I went and found a suitable living spot, my current home now. I lived easily on memories of what I did before meeting Izzy.
Before Izzy... Other than survival skills, I don't remember much of what happened before Izzy came. I probably didn't do much. It doesn't matter now. It's in the past. But so is Izzy... I will never forget him.
I look around me now; it's nighttime. How long had I been standing here? I walked a little bit, to get the blood circulating in my legs again. Then I hovered a bit, finally coming down to resume my thoughts.
It is very quite. This doesn't bother me much. I'm used to the silence. Izzy's language, when he was truly talking of his feeling, consisted mainly of silence. He didn't need words; it was his eyes. I wonder if my eyes talk also? I walk to the edge of the sand to a small pool of still water. I look in it, at my eyes. They don't seem to be showing anything. I sigh; I just don't have the ability to express myself silently. Why then was Izzy always looking at my eyes? Perhaps he saw something I didn't. I look back at my reflection. All I see in them now is loneliness. I feel a little tired, but don't go home. It might break my thoughts.
Is Izzy lonely for me? I hope not as much as I am for him. I know that would cause more pain than necessary. He already hurts too much. The thought of me causing more pain is enough to make me cry. I don't want that. Crying isn't the best way to get over someone all the time. I did my share of crying, now I should get on with life. Move on and look to the future. Why can't I? Why can't I just get out of the past? It draws me to it so much, and hurts just as much.
Maybe I can't look forward because I don't see anything there. I've served my duty as a Digidestined's Digimon, what do I do now? I'd go visit one of my friends, but they're probably busy with their own life, like I should be.
I decide the time has come for me to leave my sad thoughts and memories. Walking slowly back to my home, I let one more memory catch me. It's the saddest.
Izzy and I were in the tramcar. He only had an hour to say his goodbyes, and not yet had he spoken a word to me. I wanted to tell him my thoughts and my sorrows on his leaving, but couldn't. Not until he said something. It got to the point were I thought he'd leave without saying goodbye. I felt so empty. I felt like he didn't care. That's why it was such a shock when Izzy said he loved me. Something so unexpected made me fall over. This shocked Izzy so that he knocked over his laptop in his haste to comfort any pain I might have had. That was even more shocking than his sudden outburst of emotion. He had actually cared enough to knock over the thing he supposedly loved most. I didn't know what to say. Those windshield wipers were streaking loudly and getting on my nerves.
"Then in the name of our friendship can you do one last thing?" I asked him. He complied. "Turn off those windshield wipers!" I winced a little now. That's not what I had planned to say. I had planned to say, "Always remember me." I had planned something sentimental and came out with another wisecrack. I don't know why I couldn't just say it. Now it's too late.
Too late, too late. Everything I ever wanted to say and do is coming to me, but it's useless. It's too late. I finally start walking home without any more thoughts. It's too late now. I walk home still feeling that cold empty stab of sadness. I walk home without Izzy. Without anyone.
I walk in memories... Alone....
By Squirtel the Squirtle
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Sue me if you wish, you'll end up with the large sum of fifty cents and some pocket lint.
A/N: People were getting confused with the fics that included me, so I'm going to try another Tentomon POV. This takes place after Izzy leaves for the first time.
I return to my tree, as I do everyday. In my arms is a large sum of berries and fruits- my dinner. I start to gobble them up and I get a strange feeling. Something just didn't feel right. After dinner, I walk to the beach, only a short distance away from my home. I close my eyes and listen to the waves. Something still doesn't feel right.
"What's the matter with me?" I asked aloud. I open my eyes and glance at the sky again. I can so clearly make out the tram that left with Izzy. Then I know what's wrong. "Izzy... I miss you so much." I lower my head again. Agumon had stated that they'd be back someday, and I tried hard to believe him. Half of me says I'll never see Izzy again. Another half says don't loose hope. I'm so confused.
"Izzy could help me if he was here," I think. "He understands emotions. He just can't express them. Then again, if he were here I wouldn't be having this problem." The wind picks up and I shiver a bit. I close my eyes as a scene flashes in my mind.
I was lying next to Izzy, half asleep. The campfire was warm and inviting. He had his hand lying aimlessly on my back. He says something but I don't hear him. From the look of his eyes, it wasn't anything important.
I open my eyes again. Why had that scene just played itself to me? There was nothing special about it, right? I recapture the scene in my head and try to see what's different about it. Then I realize just what it was. He wasn't on his computer.
That computer... I remember how he looks typing on it. So serious and so dedicated to sticking to it. There was something about that computer that comforted Izzy. I had my own theory as to what it might be. It was the fact that he could control what happened on it. In reality, he had no control on what happened in his life.
"But Izzy, there isn't anyone who can control life," I think. I wish sorely that I had told him that once. Now it was too late. I picture his eyes. His eyes reflect his heart. I start to compare their looks. On the computer, they were hard and strong. When he was with his friends, they seemed a little looser and calmer. Anywhere else, when he wasn't on his laptop, they were scared and unsure. Then I remembered the look he gave me. Unlike any other I'd seen, it was warm and happy; while at the same time sad and desiring something.
What was it they desired? Me? Why?
"Because you are his closest friend," I think. "He felt he could tell you anything, and wanted to do so but never took that chance. He didn't want to risk loosing someone so close over his own problems. But it'd take so much more to scare me away, Izzy." I nearly hate myself for never sharing to Izzy the thoughts in my heads now. Questions filled my mind.
I still wonder about his return. I let my heart give an answer. It says, "Don't worry. He'll come back. He'd never leave you for good, you're both too close for that." Then my mind gives a colder view.
"Forget about it, Tentomon," it says. "The chances are so low that hope would be an empty promise." I'm torn between my heart and my mind. Which one is the right one? What would Izzy choose? Knowing him, he'd go with his mind. I shake my head, no. No, Izzy is very knowledgeable, but in these situations he knows his heart is first.
For a moment, I think I almost hear Izzy calling out, "You're heart is right." Now I'm losing my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if I was. How long has it been since his heart braking departure? About a month now. I reflect back on that first week after he left.
I had stayed with my comrades for a while. They were glad to have me; we all needed someone to keep us company. After a few days, however, the thought of waking up in the morning to see Gommamon or Agumon instead of Izzy became too much. I had to leave and venture out on my own again. That's what I did. I went and found a suitable living spot, my current home now. I lived easily on memories of what I did before meeting Izzy.
Before Izzy... Other than survival skills, I don't remember much of what happened before Izzy came. I probably didn't do much. It doesn't matter now. It's in the past. But so is Izzy... I will never forget him.
I look around me now; it's nighttime. How long had I been standing here? I walked a little bit, to get the blood circulating in my legs again. Then I hovered a bit, finally coming down to resume my thoughts.
It is very quite. This doesn't bother me much. I'm used to the silence. Izzy's language, when he was truly talking of his feeling, consisted mainly of silence. He didn't need words; it was his eyes. I wonder if my eyes talk also? I walk to the edge of the sand to a small pool of still water. I look in it, at my eyes. They don't seem to be showing anything. I sigh; I just don't have the ability to express myself silently. Why then was Izzy always looking at my eyes? Perhaps he saw something I didn't. I look back at my reflection. All I see in them now is loneliness. I feel a little tired, but don't go home. It might break my thoughts.
Is Izzy lonely for me? I hope not as much as I am for him. I know that would cause more pain than necessary. He already hurts too much. The thought of me causing more pain is enough to make me cry. I don't want that. Crying isn't the best way to get over someone all the time. I did my share of crying, now I should get on with life. Move on and look to the future. Why can't I? Why can't I just get out of the past? It draws me to it so much, and hurts just as much.
Maybe I can't look forward because I don't see anything there. I've served my duty as a Digidestined's Digimon, what do I do now? I'd go visit one of my friends, but they're probably busy with their own life, like I should be.
I decide the time has come for me to leave my sad thoughts and memories. Walking slowly back to my home, I let one more memory catch me. It's the saddest.
Izzy and I were in the tramcar. He only had an hour to say his goodbyes, and not yet had he spoken a word to me. I wanted to tell him my thoughts and my sorrows on his leaving, but couldn't. Not until he said something. It got to the point were I thought he'd leave without saying goodbye. I felt so empty. I felt like he didn't care. That's why it was such a shock when Izzy said he loved me. Something so unexpected made me fall over. This shocked Izzy so that he knocked over his laptop in his haste to comfort any pain I might have had. That was even more shocking than his sudden outburst of emotion. He had actually cared enough to knock over the thing he supposedly loved most. I didn't know what to say. Those windshield wipers were streaking loudly and getting on my nerves.
"Then in the name of our friendship can you do one last thing?" I asked him. He complied. "Turn off those windshield wipers!" I winced a little now. That's not what I had planned to say. I had planned to say, "Always remember me." I had planned something sentimental and came out with another wisecrack. I don't know why I couldn't just say it. Now it's too late.
Too late, too late. Everything I ever wanted to say and do is coming to me, but it's useless. It's too late. I finally start walking home without any more thoughts. It's too late now. I walk home still feeling that cold empty stab of sadness. I walk home without Izzy. Without anyone.
I walk in memories... Alone....