Erue, Domine, animas eorum.
(From the gate of hell.
O Lord, deliver their souls.)
(From traditional Psalmi Graduales)
[Rewritten 5/24/01]
A knock at the door forced Reeve to glance up from the memo he'd been reading for the third time. With a sigh, he set the nonsensical document down on his desk, promptly losing it among the other papers blanketing every inch of his workspace. "Who seeks entry to the dungeon of despair?" He asked, the note of humor he'd attempted to inject in his voice falling flat.
"It's Tseng. You locked your office door again, Reeve. I could pick the lock and all, but do you mind just buzzing me in instead? I'm too tired to mess with it."
Reeve smiled slightly at the sound of Tseng's voice. The man was quite possibly the best friend he had, but he hadn't been able to visit lately. "Give me a sec. I have to find the button." Reeve shuffled through the papers, attempting to rearrange them into neater piles so that he could see the top of his desk, cussing under his breath as he added three new paper cuts to his collection. At long last, he found the row of buttons embedded in his desktop and pushed the one for the door.
Tseng slipped in, his blue suit impeccable as ever. He shut the door behind him, locking it again. "You don't normally lock your door. The Wicked Witch bothering you again?"
Reeve shuddered. "Yeah, I think someone just dropped a house on her sister. I oughta just hang a sign over my door that reads 'Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.' Thank god I have a couch to sleep on, because frankly, I'm scared to leave the room."
"I see." Tseng's eyes narrowed. "You look like shit. How long has she had you treed in here?"
"Since Sunday. Every time I try to leave, I get a waft of that godawful perfume coming down the hall, so I know she's waiting to spring on me."
"Really. You look like a bum...stubble, pallid complexion, bags under your faintly psychotic eyes and all the trimmings. How much have you been using that couch, exactly?"
"Huh?" Reeve looked up from examining his hands, which were trembling, though he wasn't certain if the cause was exhaustion or malnutrition. He'd eaten less than normal this week, junk food ordered from a sector 6 pizza place mostly. "Dunno. Couple hours a night." He suddenly realized his mistake as Tseng's eyes narrowed. "I mean, my full eight, by God. " He smiled winningly.
Tseng's expression showed nothing but disapproval. "You're going to end up having a break down, you know...and I'd be tempted not to pick up the pieces, because if you're locked in a rubber room, at least you're getting some rest." The man shook his head. "The rest of the world can run itself without you for a day, you know. If you're that worried about Scarlet, all you have to do is ask for some help."
Reeve grimaced. The moment his sleeping habits were mentioned, he'd known this lecture was coming. "It's not just Scarlet. I can't afford to take the time off...it's the whole Sector 7 thing."
"It isn't going to do you much good when you're trying to think with a brain rotted by too much diet pop and greasy pizza. Besides...both of us know that we can't do a damn thing." A look of pain crossed over Tseng's face. "If it weren't a fatal breach of contract, I would have pulled everyone out the minute this crap came up." He glanced at Reeve. "And I would have hit you over the head and dragged you with us."
Reeve shook his head. "I'm needed here...I'm the city manager...I might not be able to do much, but I have to at least try."
"You're everyone's whipping boy, Reeve. The citizens hate you, even if they don't know who the hell you are, because you have to pass along the edicts from on high. The high ups hate you because you aren't a passive little yes man. The only people that like you are the other mid-level peons like me, the other Turks, and the mailroom guys...and what we want doesn't count for shit."
Reeve sighed, rubbing his temples. "I have to try, though. I saw the projected casualty figures for Sector 7..." He shook his head. "Thousands of children will die...the numbers for adults are much, much higher. They don't even know what's coming...there's no chance."
"You've got to stop thinking about this, man." Tseng shook his head. "I think the only reason they even told you is because they knew how opposed you would be...and Scarlet wants to screw with your head. All of them like hurting people."
"I already knew that, Tseng. I knew that when they got a hold of Reno...I was surprised you didn't walk then."
Tseng clenched his fists. "When the contract is completed, I'm going to gut those monsters with my bare hands." His voice was cold. "As well as the lawyers that came up with the damn contract. The entire thing has been a cluster fuck from day one."
Reeve put his face in his hands, sharing his friend's anger. The memory rose unbidden...
The day after AVALANCHE had blown the reactor, saying that Old Man Shinra was just pissed that day was like calling Godzilla a little lizard. He'd called Reeve and the Turks up to his office, lining them up. He paced back and forth, glaring at each in turn, finally stopping in front of Reno, who was wearing his usual barely suppressed mocking smile.
"What the hell are you laughing at, you little shit?"
Reno's eyes grew cold for a moment, but then his insolent air returned, betraying no other emotions. Reeve could see the predatory look in the Old Man's eyes. In the lineup of all the others, Reno looked to be the weakest. He was thinner than everyone, his face and hands delicately boned. Reeve was fairly well acquainted with the man, and knew him to be perhaps the strongest of the Turks, next to Tseng...but when the attitude and the way that Reno wore his uniform got added up, he looked like a complete, pretty wimp.
"I'm laughing about the fact that a bunch of basement terrorists managed to take out a reactor."
-Shit, Reno, that was not the thing to say,- Reeve hissed mentally. -You're only going to piss him off more.-
Perhaps that had been Reno's intention from the start...drawing the fire upon himself to protect Elena and Rude. Perhaps not...no one but Tseng had ever understood the inner workings of Reno's mind, and he kept it to himself.
Shinra stabbed a finger at Reno, hitting him in the chest. The red-head winced convincingly, though Reeve
could see his eyes sparkling with barely suppressed merriment. "Protecting the reactor was the job of YOU! The Turks! And you really screwed up." The old man glared. "You little shit...I'm holding you personally responsible, since you think it's so funny!"
-Oh, fuck...- Reeve bit his lip, staring straight ahead. His mind screamed at him to say something, anything at all to divert the old man's wrath, but he couldn't form any coherent words. He could feel his knees shaking.
"The rest of you, get the hell out of my office!" Shinra yelled, his face turning purple.
They quickly turned and filed out, leaving Reno to face Shinra alone...
A week passed, and there was no word of Reno's whereabouts. Tseng finally got too worried to take it anymore and asked Shinra. The old man had smiled at him, and asked him with mock surprise if Hojo had forgotten to inform him that Reno had volunteered to help with an experiment.
Reeve could still remember the look in Tseng's eye when he exited that office, and he prayed that one like it would never be directed at him. They all followed him in silence down to the clinic on the 63rd floor of the building.
Reno was tucked into an overlarge bed, swathed almost completely in bandages. He was pale, his red hair standing out shockingly, his thin frame looking like it would break with the slightest puff of breath. Green and purple bruises stood out vividly on what little skin was exposed to the air...someone had beaten him within an inch of his life.
A muscle under Tseng's eye began to twitch as he pushed the IV stand out of the way, carefully making sure not to pull on the needle stuck in Reno's arm. Reeve was horrified -- Reno looked like a wax doll.
Then Reno opened his eyes-they glowed bright blue with the light of Mako. He'd smiled slightly at everyone hovering by his bedside, trying weakly to joke and be his former, obnoxious self, without much luck. Slowly, he quieted, then asked for a mirror in the flat, dangerous voice of a man hanging over a pit, only his hand between him and certain death.
Tseng had held the mirror, his face unreadable. Reno stared silently into his new eyes for a long moment. "It's a good change from green. The blue brings out the highlights in my hair," he said, his voice hoarse and thin, shaking slightly.
"Reno..." Elena stopped just short of touching him.
Tears ran slowly from Reno's eyes, sliding down to the pillow under his head. "It's a good change, really..." More tears slipped from Reno's eyes, and there was a low moan. It took a moment to realize that Reno was making the sound. It was so full of pain that it hurt the ears to listen.
Reeve had once again silently screamed at himself, wanting to say something, anything at all...anything that could take the pain away. His throat was so dry that no sound could make its way out. -You would have though I'd be used to being a turtle on my back by now.- he thought.
Reno began to cry hysterically, sobs shaking his body, his voice raising in hoarse, panicked screams.
Tseng had stormed from the room then, his eyes black with anger, to confront Shinra. He was coldly informed that what had been done to Reno was perfectly legal because of the contract, and if they wanted to leave, they were welcome to try...and be called for breaking contract, an act that Shinra, inc, considered treason.
When he had returned to Reno's room, Tseng's voice was dangerously soft as he detailed the situation. He ordered the doctors to give Reno tranquilizers in a tone that booked no argument, then marched Reeve and the two Turks off to the nearest bar as soon as Reno was sleeping peacefully.
Reeve shuddered as he came to the end of the memory. He never wanted to see anyone that drunk again.
"They've ordered Reno to be the one to blow the pillar."
"Shit." Reeve looked up. "How's he taking it?"
Tseng shrugged helplessly. "With Reno, it's hard to tell. He's laughing and joking like always, smiling like an angel. I think it probably does bother him, a whole hell of a lot...but he hasn't been the same since Hojo got him."
"Reno's always been good at hiding his true feelings." Reeve sighed.
Tseng snorted. "You've no idea, man...he had a pretty rotten childhood...there's some stuff that he's told me that just about turned my hair white. Bad shit. I only found out because right after he joined up, he used to wake me up at nights screaming. Nightmares."
"God...and making him do the pillar...this whole thing sucks!" Reeve slammed his fist against the desk, scattering papers all over the floor. He stood abruptly, a little shocked by his explosion of anger, and began pacing back and forth, trying to shake the pain out of his hand. "How many lives does this company have to ruin? They're ready to go kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people! Jesus!"
"You have to stop doing this to yourself, Reeve, since-"
"-There's nothing I can do? Damn right I can't do anything! All these people are going to die, and I might as well be dead myself, for all the good I can do the whole shitty situation."
"Listen, Reeve...I don't like this anymore than you do...maybe even less, since I had a choice whether to accept this job or not, and I did...I curse myself for that little lapse in judgement every morning I get up and have to look Reno in the eye. Getting pissed isn't going to do anything. Just...stop torturing yourself."
"I've got to keep trying to find a way to stop it. I can't warn anyone, because they'll kill me...but I have to find another way."
Tseng shook his head. "Look...just get yourself some sleep, ok? Have a drink or something, and try to relax...you can't do anything when you're too tense to think." There was a beeping from his pocket, and he pulled out a phone. "Yeah? Ok." He snapped the phone shut and looked back over at Reeve. "I gotta head out now...something's going down that the assholes on high want me for."
Reeve turned away, heading back to his desk. He didn't watch his friend leave.
He stared into his glass of scotch, looking at the top of his desk through the amber liquid and the strange distortions of the ice cubes. His eyes felt too big for his head, burning with dryness and fatigue. He'd been up for 48 straight hours, trying to figure out some way to save at least a small part of Sector 7. By his estimate from the various memos he had been given, he had a little less than two days before everything ended...and he still had no clue.
A low rumble echoed through the building, running up his legs through the soles of his shoes, setting the ice cubes in the scotch clinking. Slowly, he looked up, then stood, drink forgotten. In the back of his mind, he could hear a rational voice telling him not to look, to go to sleep, to do anything but look. Reeve's feet seemed to have different orders, taking him slowly to the large window in the wall of his office. With curious detachment, he saw his own hand reach out and pull the curtain aside.
Smoke blackened the sky, orange flickers glowing underneath it. There was a gaping, jagged hole where Sector 7 should have been.
An unearthly moan, so like the one that Reno had uttered before rose up, full of anger and loathing. It grew louder and louder, accompanied by the sound of shattered glass, until it was a scream that went on forever.
Reeve opened his eyes slowly, his mind swirling with confusion. Why was he on the floor? Shouldn't he be asleep on his couch? That's where he always slept. Tseng's face suddenly hovered before him, eyes filled with concern. "Wha...?" Reeve whispered. He could barely hear himself, barely force out words. His throat was on fire.
"Jesus, Reeve..." Tseng's eyes looked suspiciously watery. "I came running as soon as I felt the pillar go. God, Reeve..." He grabbed the other man, pulling Reeve tightly against him. "You were...screaming. You...broke your window, smashed right through it with your fists. I grabbed you right before you jumped." Tseng's shoulders were trembling. "Jesus, man, you scared me...I might have lost Reno already because of this shit...I can't handle having two basket case friends..."
Reeve tried to take a deep breath, but it stuck in his throat. The realization of what had just happened washed through him leaving nausea in its wake. "All those people...dead...because I was too weak to save them."
"Stop saying that..." Tseng held him tighter. "If you'd tried to out and warn someone, they would have killed you before you could."
"I should have tried. I should have...but I was too scared of death." Reeve choked. "All those people are dead." Hot tears ran down his face. "How could I have been so scared? Why couldn't I risk it? Why was I scared of death?"
Tseng closed his eyes. "Stop it, man."
"How could I be scared of hell, while all the devils are already here on earth?" Reeve let out a strangled sob. "I hate them all...I hate them...I hate them...they kill people to save their own worthless hides...they made me into a murderer..."
Tseng shook him. "Stop it! You didn't do this!"
Reeve gulped in a breath, trying to swallow the scream he could feel rising up inside him. "I'm a murderer because I didn't do anything to stop them! You should have let me jump out the window!"
Tseng's jaw suddenly clenched, and he drew back his hand, slapping Reeve roughly. "Stop it! Damnit, there wasn't anything you could do! You've got to keep going for me, Reeve, me and the other people who are getting the shit end in this!" Tears slowly crept down Tseng's cheeks. "I may have already lost Reno today...don't make me lose another friend..."
It took more than an hour for Reeve to get himself cleaned up. His hands were bleeding profusely, and he could see glass shards glittering in them before Tseng made him look away. The other men bent over his hands and extracted the glass shards with a pair of tweezers. Reeve bore the pain of the extraction and the disinfectant poured over his hands without a sound. He didn't have enough voice left to moan anyway. Finally, Tseng wrapped both of his hands thickly with a roll of white bandage, until only the tips of his fingers were showing.
"That'll do...you'll be ok as long as you have a doctor look at them soon. Shouldn't scar too bad."
Reeve nodded. Tseng had helped him wash the tears from his face, as well as change his suit, since the one he wore was covered with blood and full of tears. Normally, he would have been embarrassed that someone else was practically dressing him, but he felt the curious detachment again, like something inside him had died. He mechanically did everything the Tseng instructed him to do.
After giving his face one last swipe with a wet paper towel to ensure that all traces of tears and blood were gone, Tseng stepped back. "Well...your hands look like something out of 'Curse of the Mummy,' but if you keep them at your sides and try not to draw attention, it's not that noticeable. Hopefully, we won't run into anyone that cares anyway, huh?"
"Yeah. Sure." Reeve looked at him dully.
"Okay, then let's go and check for the other lost lamb. " Tseng's voice was forcibly light, and he tried to smile through the worry that shrouded him.
"Tseng...why do you worry about both of us so much?" Reeve managed to inject a little interest into his dull voice.
Tseng gave him a sidelong look before shrugging. "I worry about Reno since he's one of the Turks...they're all my people, and they depend on me to keep them alive and rich." Tseng's voice was full of pain. "And I'm failing them all, but especially Reno. The rate things are going, I'm not sure about just keeping him breathing." He stopped in front of the elevator, pushing the button before Reeve could forget himself and try. "But also...you and Reno are both really special to me. Elena and Rude can take care of themselves, mostly, but you and Reno...seem to need a lot of help. I mother you guys a lot." He smiled slightly. "I guess it's because the both of you...you accept with so much innocence. You just take me in as a friend without even worrying about where I'm coming from." The bell of the elevator dinged, and he pulled Reeve into the elevator. "I mean, sure, it sounds strange, saying that Reno is innocent...but frankly, he is. He's so trusting, and he knows it...so he tries to drive any potential friends away with the attitude. If you stick around...then he's a friend for life." Tseng clenched his teeth. "That's why I'm frantic right now...I'm afraid this might have been the last straw for him."
The elevator shot up. "What about me, then?".
"You're just you, Reeve. One of the last truly selfless men in this world...something I need around for when I'm being too greedy." Tseng smiled slightly. "I'm still concerned about you, but you already showed signs of being worried about Reno...so I think you'll be ok. Someone like you...the day they stop thinking about other people is the day they've lost it."
Suddenly, the elevator stopped, the lights going out. They both stood quietly for a few moments, until it became obvious that things were not going to be moving any time soon. Tseng said a very bad word, followed by as many more as he could think of.
Reeve slid down the wall of the elevator and sat, his hands hanging in front of him. "I'm never going to be able to forget." he said.
"I wouldn't want you to." Tseng leaned against the wall and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting on up without asking for permission. His hands shook slightly. "Things like this...you never forget. That's what my Uncle always told me. You remember the bad shit, so you know how to not let it happen again." He took a long drag of his smoke.
Reeve grimaced as the cloying cigarette stench reached his nostrils, but couldn't muster the energy to complain, reminding himself that it could be worse...he could be trapped in an elevator with Scarlet and her perfume. The very thought made him shudder. Time dragged past in silence. Tseng finished his cigarette and immediately lit another, chain smoking his way through an entire pack.
"Damnit...how long have we been trapped in here?" Reeve looked up.
Tseng checked his watch. "Nearly three hours."
"How long was I out before I woke back up?"
"A good 15 minutes. Scared the hell out of me."
"Shit...Reno's been at the mercy of those whacko doctors and whoever else wants to get to him for the last four hours." Reeve shook his head. "That's assuming he's alive and in the clinic to start with."
"Fuck...thanks for bringing that up." Tseng dropped his last cigarette butt on the elevator carpet, grinding it in with the toe of his shoe. "No...unless the Sector 7 thing killed him, Reno'll still be alive. He's too stubborn for the fat bastard to kill." He grimaced as he realized that he was completely out of smokes. "And he's always gotten worked over pretty fast before, so he should definitely be in there by now. That's Heidigger for you...fast and thorough, but only when it's his own little hobby."
"God..." Reeve let his head droop forward. He could feel tears welling in his eyes again.
"This is my fault...I should have realized that losing Sector 7 would screw with the building power a bit...shoulda taken the stairs."
"I wouldn't have made it up one flight."
"I could've carried you." Tseng laughed. "You got about as much meat on you as a chicken nugget. I keep telling you that you don't eat enough."
"Yeah..." Reeve hiccupped, trying to keep the sadness he felt inside. "That's one thing...we're never going to get lunch from that burger place in Sector 7 any more."
"What, the one with the chartreuse chocobo in front of it?" Tseng laughed hoarsely. "Shit, they had crappy fries."
"Yeah, but good cheeseburgers...and the owner always had his little girl sit by the door to greet the customers..." Reeve's voice choked off.
"Oh damn...Reeve..." Tseng knelt in front of him. "This ain't gonna be easy."
Reeve took the shoulder he was offered, and cried quietly into it until he couldn't bring any more tears out.
"You done now?" Tseng's voice was gentle.
"Yeah...you shoulda saved the shoulder for Reno." Reeve wiped his nose on his sleeve. "He's probably going to need the shoulder more than me."
With an abrupt jerk, the elevator restarted, stopping at the 63rd floor. The doors slid open with a pleasant chime. Tseng grabbed one of Reeves arms, pulling him to his feet and rapidly down the hall to the clinic. The duty nurse looked up from her glamour magazine, her blue eyes completely devoid of intelligence under her perfectly coifed blonde hair. The top button of her white uniform was fighting for its life...Reeve certainly hoped that she wasn't performing any medical procedures, since it was obvious the only reason she worked here was because she was sleeping with the chief doctor.
"Where's Reno?" Tseng demanded without prelude.
The woman blinked her large eyes at him. "Well sir, let me just get the doctor..."
"Forget it." Tseng pushed her aside, causing her to let out an outraged squeal, and kicked the door open. He paused for a moment, glaring back and forth, then grabbed Reeve's arm and dragged him to the right, toward the room that Reno had been in last time. Without pausing, he kicked this door open as well. They both ground to a halt in the doorway.
Reno looked like the corpse of a murder victim laid out on the coroner's table. Both of his eyes were swollen shut, his bright red hair dulled and stiffened with dried blood. There were several cuts on his forehead, small trails of red flowing around and down his to the pillow, making an unbroken circlet around Reno's head. Tseng took a deep, steadying breath and walked forward. Carefully, he grabbed the sheet that was pulled up the man's chin and pulled it down. He let out his breath with a hiss, and Reeve gave voice to a small whimper of sympathy. The tracks of bruises that began on his face trailed down his shoulders and into the barrier of white bandages swathing his chest. Red streaks of blood had soaked through the bandages in parallel lines. One of his arms was encased in a cast from above his elbow to the tips of his fingers.
"Oh shit..." Reeve whispered. "I don't think it's ever been this bad."
A tiny muscle twitched on the side of Tseng's jaw. "No." His voice was very calm.
"Tseng...? And Reeve...?" Reno managed to open one of his eyes a crack, the bright blue color glittering through. "Wow...a whole...welcoming committee to herald me back..." His voice was barely a whisper, and when he tried to laugh softly he broke of in a pained hiss.
"Reno, how much of this was done by AVALANCHE?" Tseng's voice was dangerously unemotional.
"Oh...one of the cuts on my head...the broken arm...the slashes on my legs...and the bullet hole in my stomach." Reno managed to twitch one corner of his swollen mouth. "The rest courtesy of Heidigger and the bitch...I mean Scarlet."
"Shit...both of them this time..." Reeve closed his eyes, trying to stave off the images it provoked.
"Yeah...I don't think...I'll ever be able to see women quite the same...way..." Reno tried to smile again, a line of tears running slowly out of the corners of his swollen eyes. "Oh God...I want to take a shower so bad...I want to stand under boiling water and scrub my skin 'til it's bloody...the way they liked it so much...when I couldn't take it and screamed." Reno took in a gasping breath. "I'm so sorry I let you down and screamed...I'm a Turk...I should have been better than that...but god...those...sickos...they could bring an angel down...the things they did to me..." More tears ran from his eyes, turning pink as they picked up dried blood from his face.
Tseng was slowly becoming pale, his shoulders shaking. Reeve looked into his eyes once, then looked quickly away, frightened by what he saw.
"Don't get mad, boss..." Reno quickly regained control of himself and tried to pat one of Tseng's hands. "I brought this on myself...they tried to go after Rude, they just wanted someone after the thing with the pillar...they didn't care that it was all me...but I managed to make them get me anyway. I figured I was used to it, and I could take it." He laughed silently. "Scarlet...has a thing for redheads..."
"Jesus, Reno..." Reeve felt his own shoulders beginning to shake.
"Don't worry about me, Reeve...you look like shit yourself." Reno closed his eye. "I'll live...I'll survive..." He whimpered softly.
"I'm going to kill them." Tseng's voice was quiet.
"No." Though Reno's voice was barely a whisper, it held a sharp note as he almost visibly gathered the broken shards of his sanity back together. "Don't demean everything I've done to keep you guys in one piece. We're Turks...we don't walk out on the contract. We can't."
"Damnit..."
Reeve looked at his bandaged hands. "They'll just keep doing this to you, again and again, Reno."
"It doesn't matter." Reno's voice faded. "After what I did today, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm never going to be able to sleep without hearing the last sound...all that metal screeching when it went down and down...and...the people...screaming..." He took a deep breath, a drowning man gulping at the air. "None of our lives are worth what happened. I...just have to keep going and try to make up for it...Sector 7...has fallen."