Sailor Stupidity
How much more blonde can we get?
A/N: This is not copying the "Digidestined Scouts" in any way, shape or form. Although I find that series funny as hell and incredibly clever, I'm not copying it. Besides, somebody has to stop putting poor Yama-chan in a fuku.
Long, long ago, there were people living on the moon. How they survived without oxygen…who knows. Anyway, the moon people lived in peace until Queen Beryl and her Negaverse, where everybody's name had to end in "ite," (Jedite, Malachite, etc.) decided to take it over. The Sailor Scouts did what they could to fight off the Negaverse, but a couple girls in fukus don't really make an impact. So the queen of the moon decided to send the Sailor Scouts, one of them being Princess Serenity, and the handsome prince she was dating, along with two talking cats, to another world that was safer and actually had oxygen.
But that's what was supposed to happen. Flint the Time Detective was put in charge of sending the Sailor Moon cast to the right network, but somehow he screwed up and put them on "the Jackie Chan Adventures." Needing someone to fill in for the Sailor Moon cast, he took most of the Digidestined and launched them onto the Sailor Moon set, and they won't get off until one episode is completed. Oh this should be interesting.
~*~
"Mimi, you're going to be late again!"
"WHAT?!"
Mimi hurried to get dressed for school, tripping over her pet cat as she went.
"Luna, you dumb cat, move!"
"The name's Shadowmon, you muffin. Just because I'm not your digimon doesn't mean you have the right to neglect me."
"Oh, well then, get out of my way, whoever you are."
"Don't you want to get your Moon Crystal, Sailor Moon?"
"What? Are you trying to be sarcastic?"
"No, I'm trying to tell you that you're Sailor Moon."
"Whatever. Now I know not to eat Oreos before I go to bed."
Mimi darted out of the house, one shoe still untied. She collided into Lia and Nicki, who were discussing Nicki's friend Andrea and her turtles.
"Yup, Erwin the demented turtle died and Andrea started poking…ow, watch where you're going Mimi!"
"Sorry, I'm running late."
"You should be more responsible!" Kari cried, joining them. She had a book tucked under her arm as usual.
"Yeah, show a little responsibility!" Yolei chimed, joining them as well.
"Mr. Rogers banter later, we're going to be late for school," Lia stated, breaking into a sprint.
~*~
"Davisite, is everything ready?" Queen Beryl asked.
"Yes, my queen. We're all set. One way or another the Sailor Scouts will come out of hiding."
"Good, now recap the plan for the readers so they'll know what we're talking about."
"Yes, my queen. With the power from the Dark Crystal Wand Thingy, we will turn all the Digidestined guys into Chibimon and ship them here, to the Negaverse, cuz Chibimon are chock loaded with energy."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! That'll never work, Davisite," came a laugh.
"Shaddup, Soracite. Like you could do any better."
"Sure I can, but I have to wait until you die to prove it."
"Whatever, I've got Digidestined guys to Chibi-ize. Maybe then Kari will go out with me."
"Do not disappoint me, Davisite," Queen Beryl cautioned.
A/N: I do not have a problem with Sora; she's okay in my book. She's only a villain because I needed to give her a part but she doesn't look like any Sailor I know.
~*~
School went by as usual, boring and long. Mimi walked home and found, oh happy day, that the house was empty, except…
"Hi Mimi! You gonna be Sailor Moon now?"
"Oh, I forgot, you can talk now, huh Luna?"
"Get it through your head, I'm Shadowmon. I'm Nicki's digimon, kinda like Palmon is your digimon."
"Oh whatever. Is Yama-chan on the TRL top ten again?"
"Yes, he's still number one," Shad sighed, batting the Moon Crystal back and forth in her paws.
Just then an alarm went off in the house.
"What's that?"
"That? Oh, I had Izzy install a Negaverse alarm last week. That way I don't have to guess if the Negaverse is up to something. Now please, take the crystal and become Sailor Moon."
"And if I don't?" Mimi asked cautiously.
"I'll make sure Tuxedo Mask, who might be Joe, goes out with one of the other Sailor Scouts…who could be Lia."
"Then she'd get Matt and Joe?! No way, gimme that thing!"
Shadowmon handed (or pawed) Mimi the compact.
"Moon crystal power!"
The spiffy magic light encircled Mimi, and when it died down she was in full Sailor Moon gear: fuku, pigtails, tiara, yada yada.
"Okay, let's go up onto the roof and see what the problem is," Shadowmon ordered.
"Why? I'll get my pretty new clothes dirty!"
"Sailor Moon always has a dramatic entrance, so you get one too. I'll come up onto the roof too."
Standing on the roof, Sailor Moon and Shadowmon saw Davisite and a whole bunch of Chibimon sitting on a bench at the bus stop. Sailor Moon pointed to them.
"Look at all the kawaii little Chibimon! I didn't know they came in so many colors! They're like little plushy things!"
"Sailor Moon, I don't think those are ordinary Chibimon."
"Why do you say that?"
"See that orange one? I think he's holding a pineapple laptop. And there's a little yellow one with…a kendo stick?! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That these Chibimon are thieves?"
"No, Mimi. Just do the Sailor Moon motto."
"Hey, you down there!" she shouted. Davisite looked up.
"What the?"
"I'm…"
"Sailor Moon?" Shadowmon suggested.
"Yeah. I'm Sailor Moon, and in the name of the moon I will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means…"
"You?"
"Me? I'm not evil, I'm Sailor Moon!"
"No, you the word you."
"I will right wrongs and triumph over evil and that means the word you!"
A/N: Mimi fans, don't hurt me. I know Mimi isn't as stupid as she's acting, I'm not crazy over her but I'm not mean. She's trying to be Sailor Moon here, and we all know Sailor Moon isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Davisite stood up, holding a big black wand do-hickey in one hand. He pointed at Mimi and started laughing hysterically.
"You look like an idiot!"
"Hey, not nice!" the Chibimon squeaked.
"Do I look nice to you? Dark Crystal Wand Thingy Power!"
A stream of black light shot at Mimi and Shadowmon, and they jumped off the roof, miraculously landing unharmed.
"Ooh, I could've hurt myself!" Mimi squealed.
"I never liked you!" came a shout.
"You've gone too far this time!" came another.
"Now what?" Davisite asked.
"I'm Sailor Mercury, and in the name of Mercury I will punish you!"
"And I'm Sailor Mars! In the name of Mars, I will punish you!"
Two girls in fukus carrying wand things ran over. Mimi glared at them in confusion.
"Kari, Lia, you're Sailor Scouts?"
"Did Horton hear a Who?" Kari asked sarcastically.
"No! No Dr. Seuss!" cried another voice.
"Davis, you're one dumb muffin!" called yet another person.
"I'm Sailor Jupiter! In the name of Jupiter I'll punish you!"
"I'm Sailor Venus and in the name of Venus I will punish you!"
Yolei, Nicki, both wearing fukus, and Gatomon ran over.
"So we're all Sailor Scouts and Davis is part of the Negaverse. Oh, this is soooo much fun," Lia said, rolling her eyes in annoyance.
"Can we get this over with? I got Wizardmon to finally ask me out to dinner and I'm not missing this date!" Gatomon sulked.
"Artemis, I thought you were a guy," Yolei stated.
"Uh, no."
"Dark Crystal Wand Thingy Power!" Davisite shouted. The darkness almost hit the Sailor Scouts, but they all dodged it in time.
"Girls, Davisite has turned the guys into a bunch of Chibimon!" Shadowmon cried.
"HE DID WHAT?!"
"Wait a sec. Kari, there are ten Digidestined guys including Ken, Willis, and Michael, right?" Gatomon asked.
"Yes, but why…"
"I only get a count of eight."
"Dark Crystal Wand Thingy Power!"
"Grrr. Mercury bubbles, blast!" Kari screamed.
"Mars celestial fire, surround!" Lia cried.
"Jupiter thunderclap, sound!" Nicki shrieked.
"Venus love chain, encircle!" Yolei yelled.
Davisite ducked, and the girls just narrowly missed hitting the Chibimon.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You loser! You can't hit a couple fuku-flashing sissies!"
"Knock it off, Soracite! I'm doing perfectly fine!"
"Oh yeah, sure, and Piedmon's straight."
"Get lost, Soracite. Dark Crystal Wand Thingy Power!"
Soracite vanished before she could become a Chibimon.
Just then a rose flew out of nowhere and struck Davisite in the cheek.
"Ow! Dammit! What the hell was that?"
"It's Tuxedo Mask!" Sailor Moon cried.
"Uh, no," Sailor Mars retorted.
"Huh?"
"Sailor Jupiter, in case you haven't noticed, one of those Chibimon is Izzy. Sailor Venus, one of them is Ken. Sailor Mercury, T.K. is over there too. And Sailor Moon, Joe has been taken by Davisite as well," Tuxedo Mask stated.
A/N: I hate the top hat, so Tuxedo Mask is sans hat.
"What about Sailor Mars?! How come her boyfriend isn't all chibi?" Sailor Moon asked, pouting.
"That's because he is my boyfriend. Yama!" she cried, leaping into his arms.
"What? No! I'm not letting you escape! Dark Crystal Wand Thingy Power!"
Tuxedo Matt (heheh) was instantly turned into a wicked cute Chibimon.
"NO!"
"I've had just about enough of this! Sailor Scouts, attack on my command!" Mimi ordered, pulling out her scepter.
"Hey Gatomon, how come Tuxedo Mask dates Sailor Mars when Tuxedo Mask is supposed to date Sailor Moon?" Shadowmon asked.
"Flint screwed this thing. Episodes always get messy when you're dealing with a pint-sized Tai with green hair. What a control freak! Besides, Matt looks cuter in a tux than Joe."
"Mercury bubbles, blast!"
"Mars celestial fire, surround!"
"Jupiter thunderclap, sound!"
"Venus love chain, encircle!"
"Moon scepter elimination!"
Davisite got blasted back to the Negaverse, crying.
"Sailor Moon, use your scepter to un-chibi the guys!" Sailor Mercury commanded.
"Right. Moon scepter activation!"
A pretty bunch of Christmas tree lights later…
"Lia, are you all right?" Matt asked, hugging her.
"Oh Yama!"
"Ugh, that was just not prodigious."
"Izz-chan!" Nicki cried.
"Please tell me this was all a bad nightmare." T.K. looked around for his hat.
"T.K.! Oh T.K. you're all right!" Kari shrieked.
"Ken-chan? You're not hurt, are you?" Yolei pouted, touching his jawbone with a gloved hand.
"No, I'm okay Yolei," he murmured, putting his hand on top of hers.
"I…was…so…scared!" Mimi whimpered.
"But you look pretty cute in that fuku," Joe said gently.
"Can we just go home now?" Cody asked.
~*~
"Davisite! You muffin! You screwed up again! How could you have foiled this plan, it was foolproof?!"
"I'm sorry, my queen. I didn't know Mimi and the other girls were pretending to be the Sailor Scouts! Don't hurt me!"
"For ruining my plan you must suffer the consequences. Go stick your tongue to that pole!"
Davisite did what he was told and his tongue got stuck to the metal pole.
"Not so cocky now, are we?" Soracite asked.
"Mmph, ugh umph uh mumph uh um," Davisite mumbled.
"Yes! The show's over, I can get out of here. I hope Tai isn't mad I tried to kill him," Sora said, taking off her costume and walking off the set.
"Oof, umph mumph uh um mmph uph!"
~*~
Yes, I am aware that this made no sense, but you are supposed to review here people! I read my statistics, and I know a whole lot of you read these things and don't review! CUT THAT OUT! REVIEW!