An Intervention for Jillian
Hey there, folks! L1701E here! As you know, I'm a wrestling fan, so I decided to write another wrestling fic. I couldn't think of ideas, until I heard Jillian Hall sing. I wondered,what would happen if some Superstars decided to hold an intervention for her? This is how I think it'd go...
A room
Melina Perez paced around the white-walled room she managed to borrow for a while. The room had a table that had a couple big bags of chips, a container of dip, and a couple bottles of soda with plastic cups. The other furniture was some comfy chairs surrounding the table.
"Come on..." The Diva grumbled to herself. "Somebody must've decided to accept my invitation. I can't hold an intervention by myself." Suddenly, the dark-haired woman heard a knock. "Thank you, God." She walked up to the door and opened it.
No one was there.
"Huh?" Melina blinked.
"MISTERRRRRRRR...KENNEDY!" A familiar voice exclaimed.
"Aw, man..." Melina groaned. "Why does he always do this?" Suddenly, Ken Kennedy appeared out of nowhere. He was dressed in a Green Bay Packers jersey with Brett Favre's number on it and blue jeans.
"KENNEDY!" He yelled in her face.
"God, Kennedy!" Melina snapped. "Do you really need to do that?!" She waved her hand in front of her face. "You could at least get some Tic Tacs!"
"Kennedy." Kennedy shrugged. Melina noticed the blond Green Bay native had his hands behind his back.
"What've you got there, Kennedy?"
"KENNEDY!"Kennedy grinned proudly, holding out a tray of various cheeses.
"Oh...thanks." Melina blinked, accepting the tray. "I didn't know what everyone liked, so I just got chips and soda."
"Kennedy!" Kennedy grinned, walking inside. He pulled out a chip and started chowing down. Melina put down the tray.
"Are you the only one coming?" Melina asked Kennedy. "It's tough holding an intervention with only two people." Kennedy shook his head.
"Kennedy." He answered. A knock was heard at the door.
"Oh good, someone else is here." The Diva sighed as she opened the door. Standing there was Jeff Hardy, holding a bowl full of Skittles.
"Hey, Mel!" The North Carolina native grinned. "I brought Skittles!"
"Come on in." Melina waved the Rainbow-Haired Warrior inside. "Have some chips. Kennedy brought cheese."
"Kennedy!" Kennedy pointed at his cheese tray. Jeff put down his bowl and picked up a slice of cheese.
"What kind is this?" Jeff blinked.
"Kennedy." Kennedy told the rainbow-haired wrestler.
"Brie, huh?" Jeff tried it. "Hey, it's good."
"Kennedy!" Kennedy pointed at another area of his tray.
"Got all kinds of cheese on it, huh?" Jeff blinked.
"You know those Wisconsin people. They know cheese like I know celebs." Melina smirked.
"Sure you do." Jeff rolled his eyes.
"Kennedy." Kennedy scoffed.
"I am not making up random crap, Kennedy!" Melina exclaimed in her own defense. Another knock was heard. "Alright!" She opened the door...
"WELCOME TO...INTERVENTION...IS...JERICHO!" Chris Jericho laughed. Melina rolled her eyes.
"Kennedy..." Kennedy looked at Jericho like he lost his mind.
"Somehow Mel, I think he's the one who needs the intervention." Jericho snickered, pointing at Kennedy.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy flipped him off.
"We're doing one for him next week. Don't tell him." Melina whispered in Jericho's ear. The blond Canadian nodded in response.
"Anyway, I brought beer." Jericho held up a cooler as he walked in. "You know, I'm surprised that you took this long to do an intervention for her."
"Yeah." Jeff agreed. "It was bad enough when she tried to sing 'Auld Lang Syne'."
"Kennedy." Kennedy nodded.
"I'm with Mr. I-Can-Only-Say-My-Name." Jericho nodded. "Why didn't you do this before she released that damn godawful Christmas album and started singing in her own theme song?"
"Oh, I'm sure you know about good singing." Melina cracked.
"Hey, people love Fozzy!" Jericho grinned, putting his feet on the table.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy grinned, flashing the 'Rock On' sign. "Kennedy?"
"I dunno, Kennedy. I may cover 'Freebird'. Who knows?" Jericho answered. Another knock was heard.
"Don't rush to get it. I got it." Melina grumbled.
"You're the party host, Mel." Jericho snickered. Melina opened the door to find Montel Vontavious Porter standing there, dressed in a nice black suit with a pink tie.
"MVP is here, so this party can start poppin'!" MVP exclaimed.
"Porter, this isn't a party. It's in intervention for Jillian." Melina corrected.
"Who?" MVP blinked. He never really bothered to learn the names of his fellow wrestlers. After all, he was better than them, so their names didn't matter to him.
"The blonde big-boobied one who thinks she's Britney, only she's saner and can't sing." Jeff explained.
"Kennedy?" Kennedy asked.
"Hell, no!" MVP sauntered in. "I didn't bring no party snacks. I'm MVP! That's your job."
"Kennedy!" Kennedy flipped MVP off. The Green Bay native then looked at MVP's tie. The blond man snickered as MVP took a seat next to him.
"What?" MVP asked the snickering Kennedy. "What?!"
"Kennedy." Kennedy pointed at MVP's tie.
"Yeah, what about my tie?" MVP blinked behind his shades.
"Kennedy." Kennedy explained.
"It's pink. So what?!"
"Kennedy."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Kennedy..." Kennedy cracked in a feminine voice.
"You insinuating something?!" MVP snapped, jumping out of his seat angrily and getting in Kennedy's face.
"Ooh, Kennedy..." Kennedy joked in an effeminate voice, making a motion like he was holding a purse.
"That's it!" MVP moved to punch the loudmouthed Green Bay native. Kennedy moved to pop MVP one as well, but Jericho and Jeff held them back.
"Calm down!" Jeff snapped. "Save it for the ring!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" An annoyed Melina unleashed her Primal Scream. The four Superstars screamed.
"Agh!" Jericho yelled. "And Jillian is the one we're doing this for?!"
"My ears..." Jeff whimpered.
"How do you think I feel?!" MVP explained. "My hearing is better than all of yours!"
"Kennedy..." Kennedy winced as he rubbed his ears.
"Oh good, you're all in line." The Latina woman grinned. Jericho growled and glared at the dark-haired Diva.
"Never. Do. That. Again." Melina smirked at Jericho's command.
"Keep out of trouble, and you don't have to worry about it." She laughed.
"Damn, girl..." MVP complained. "You tryin' to kill our ears?" A knocking was heard. "I ain't gettin' that."
"Because you are a lazy jerk." Melina cracked as she walked towards the door.
"Kennedy." Kennedy smirked.
"What'd he say?" MVP blinked. He still wasn't quite used to Kennedy's...language.
"He said that you also have very fruity ring gear." Jeff translated.
"Fruity?!" MVP exclaimed. "Oh that's hilarious coming from a guy who wrestles in green tights with his name on them!"
"Hey, you want another dose of my scream?!" Melina snapped at the two.
"...no, ma'am." MVP whimpered.
"Kennedy." Kennedy shook his head like a child who just got yelled at.
"I do have to agree with Kennedy, though." Jeff piped up. "What the hell is up with your ring gear, Porter?"
"Yeah." Jericho snickered. "You look like a Power Ranger on crack. Or a refugee from the Blue Oyster Bar." Kennedy and Jeff burst out laughing, getting Jericho's reference.
"Hey, I'll have you know that my gear is designed for me by a famous fashion designer!" MVP snapped.
"Oh yeah? Which one?" Jeff smirked.
"Hell, I dunno." MVP shrugged. "All I know is my ring gear is the epitome of style!"
"Kennedy!" Kennedy piped up.
"The Pokemon over here is right." Jericho jerked his thumb at Kennedy. "Ric Flair's robes. Now those are stylish!" Melina peeked through the crack she made when she opened the door slightly. She noticed Jillian Hall standing there. The blonde Diva, clad in jeans, a white cowboy hat, a Britney Spears t-shirt, had a big smile on her face. She was carrying a cake.
"He wears a pink robe on occasion." MVP grumbled, crossing his arms.
"Uh, hello?" She called. "I'm here for the party." Melina quickly closed the door.
"Okay, guys! Remember, this is an intervention! Try to be gentle!" She whispered harshly.
"This is your first intervention, isn't it?" Jericho asked the Latina woman. Melina ignored the question, and opened the door.
"Hey, Mel!" Jillian grinned. "I brought cake for the party! Sorry there's nothing on it, I didn't know what it was for, and nobody would tell me anything."
"It's a surprise. Come on in." Melina waved. The blonde Diva grinned as she sauntered in.
"Come join the party." Jericho chuckled. "We're just playing a new party game. It's called 'Make A Joke About MVP's Sexuality.'"
"HEY!" MVP shouted in annoyance. "Mr. McMahon wears a pink tie on occasion! Make fun of him!"
"I don't want to get fired, dude. I just came back." Jericho rolled his eyes.
"Uh..." Jillian blinked nervously as she put down the cake. "Would anyone like some cake? It's chocolate."
"If your cooking is better than your singing, then I'll have some." MVP shrugged.
"Please let her cooking be better than her singing." Jeff begged to himself as he took a slice of cake.
"It's from one of those Betty Crocker mixes." MVP tasted the cake.
"Yeah, I'm no pastry chef." Jillian admitted.
"At least she's aware of her shortcomings there." MVP muttered.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy smacked MVP upside the head.
"Hey!" The Ballin' Superstar yelped, rubbing his head. "What'd you do that for?" Melina closed the door.
"Jillian, we're here because we want to talk to you."
"To me?" A puzzled Jillian blinked. "About what?"
"Jillian, we're...concerned about a certain...hobby of yours..." Melina struggled to find the words.
"What? My Britney Spears merchandise collection?" Jillian blinked. A collective shudder arose from the four Superstars.
"That was creepy." Jeff shuddered.
"If she started going after toenails, we're going to have to take her down." Jericho gulped.
"Kennedy." Kennedy nodded nervously in agreement.
"No, Jillian. It's not about your Britney Spears stuff. It's creepy, but it's not what we're worried about." Melina explained.
"Kennedy." Kennedy grabbed a beer.
"Jillian...it's your singing." Melina told the blonde.
"My singing?" Jillian blinked. "What about it?"
"It..." The Latina Diva winced as she found the words. "Needs...improvement."
"Improvement?" Jillian blinked.
"Girl, your singing sucks!" MVP exclaimed.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy snapped, smacking MVP upside the head.
"What?!" Jillian's jaw dropped in horror.
"Jillian, we're here because we're worried about you." Melina tried to reassure the blonde.
"No, we're not." Jericho grinned.
"Okay, I'm here because I care. These guys are here to play peanut gallery and for the food and drink. Is that accurate?!" Melina snapped.
"Yup." Jericho nodded.
"You got it." Jeff concurred, eating some chips.
"Right on, girl." MVP nodded.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy agreed, raising his beer in a toast-like gesture.
"Oh you guys think my singing is terrible?!" Jillian exclaimed.
"We've heard better." Jericho shrugged.
"Oh, what do you know?!" Jillian snapped at the blond Canadian. "You aren't exactly Steven Tyler yourself."
"Hey, he sings better than you, and his band sucks!" MVP defended.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy snapped, smacking MVP upside the head again.
"Hey, what the hell, man?!" The Ballin' Superstar yelled angrily.
"Kennedy!" The Green Bay native shouted.
"Oh, like you know anything about respect!" MVP grumbled.
"I can't believe you all are saying that about my singing!" Jillian took a seat. "My singing's not that bad, is it?!"
"Jill...you serenaded a guy once, and he ended up trying to bash his brains in with a clipboard." Jeff reminded.
"Wasn't it JBL?" Jericho frowned.
"Kennedy." Kennedy confirmed with a nod.
"I did not serenade JBL!" Jillian grumbled. "I was trying to make up some lyrics to his theme song. His song needs some."
"I...think his theme song is just fine the way it is." Jeff winced.
"Oh, what do you know?!" Jillian grumbled. "Your theme is a stock tune!"
"Yeah, my theme is better than yours!" MVP laughed at Jeff.
"Bite me, Porter." The rainbow-haired artist grunted.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy smacked MVP upside the head.
"Dammit Kennedy, I swear to God..." MVP growled.
"Kennedy..." Kennedy cracked in a feminine voice.
"I like women, Kennedy!" MVP snapped.
"Hey morons! Shut up!" Melina smacked both MVP and Kennedy upside their heads.
"Dammit! What's with people and hitting my head?!" MVP exclaimed.
"Kennedy..." Kennedy rubbed his head.
"Look Jillian..." Melina sighed, turning to the blonde Diva. "We just think you need to practice some more before you start singing in public."
"Again." Jericho rolled his eyes, sipping a beer.
"They think I'm a crappy singer, Mel!" Jillian wailed, pointing at the four Superstars.
"You are a crappy MMPH!" MVP started to crack, until Kennedy slammed his hand over the Ballin' Superstar's mouth.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy grumbled.
"Jillian..." Melina sighed. "Look, I know a vocal coach who can help you sound better."
"I don't need a vocal coach." Jillian countered, crossing her arms.
"I didn't need to cut my hair, but I did it anyway." Jericho shrugged, running his hand through his now-short blond hair.
"I don't see what the big deal is!" Jillian groaned. "Why does everyone act crazy when I start singing?!"
"Jillian, I'm sorry, but this has to be said straight. You. Sing. Badly." The Legend Thriller, Jeff Hardy, sighed. "When you sing in the ring, I can swear I can hear wolves howling."
"I think JR and the King make howling noises when you start to sing. They remove it in the broadcast." Jericho quipped.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy laughed. MVP glared at the blond man.
"They make smart-ass remarks and you do jack. I open my mouth, and you hit me. Are you mad because I'm better than you or something?" The suit-wearing Superstar grumbled.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy smacked MVP upside the head.
"You know, I just realized something." Jillian grumbled. "Why are you guys going on about my singing? Let's look at all of you! MVP, you're an egomaniac!"
"Naw, I'm just better than you." MVP shrugged.
"Kennedy!" Kennedy smacked MVP upside the head again.
"And Kennedy, you're a retarded loudmouth!" Jillian snapped.
"MISSSSTERRRRRRR KENNEDYYYYYYYYY!" Kennedy proclaimed proudly.
"Jeff Hardy, you're insane! You do lots of stuff in the ring with objects that anyone with an ounce of sense would not use." Jillian added.
"I live for the moment. It's what I do." Jeff shrugged, eating some Skittles.
"And Jericho..." Jillian smirked at the blond Canadian.
"Is this about that prank that was pulled on you with the camera, the horse head, the paper clips, and the green paint. Because I keep telling you, that was Orton's fault. He's the sick perv around here." Jericho gulped nervously.
"Kennedyyyyy..." Kennedy shuddered.
"Jericho, you're not exactly Dean Martin yourself, so you of all people shouldn't be here, holding an intervention for my singing." The blonde Diva smirked.
"...I'm just here for the food, Jill. Relax..." Jericho made calming gestures with his hands.
"And Melina...this was just a stupid idea!" The blonde snapped at the Hispanic woman. "The least you could've done for this intervention is invited Superstars that didn't have problems themselves!" She stomped out of the room.
"...That went well." Jericho sighed.
"A little anti-climactic, though." Jeff admitted.
"Kennedy." Kennedy ate a piece of cheese. He looked over at MVP. "Kennedy?" Melina groaned.
"Great idea, Melina." She mumbled to herself. "Next time, I'll ask DX to do the intervention. Those two whackos can put up with this garbage."
"Kennedy!"
"Dammit, Kennedy!" MVP roared. Meanwhile, outside, Jillian stomped down the hall, muttering. She nearly knocked into Ron Simmons.
"Out of my way! I'm not in a good mood!" She snapped as she stomped by. A completely puzzled Simmons just watched her walk away. He then shook his head.
"DAMN!"
Thanks for reading!