Hey guys here is my pathetic first attempt at a fanfic. Summary Kevins not the only one with power troubles. i will touch on aspects the show never does. Will Gwen be able to overcome all that has happened and the problems arising with her powers? Will Kevin and Ben be able to help her and how long can she keep them in the dark. Will Gwen have to leave earth for Anodyne and never return? don't like? don't read. Just something I'm trying to get started. Serious now and will get funnier and more romantic in later chapters.

-me

Disclaimer: me no own ben 10 in any way shape or form.

PROLOUGE

Gwen's POV

"Gwen!"…

"GWEN!"…

"please…"

I was drifting… I didn't know where or to what exactly, all I knew is that I was drifting. It was dark and it was cold. I welcomed the dark and the cold. It was strangely comforting. Maybe that's where I belonged. Nowhere, in nothing, where nothing could hurt me. Pain… just like that, at that moment something in me decided to never go back. I was done feeling pain. All of a sudden there was a bright light. Magenta, oddly familiar. If felt, it felt… powerful. The closer I got to it the more powerful, no indestructible I felt. I would never let it go, ever. Something though told me to stop. That if I embraced the power I could never go back. Who cares? I thought. So what? All that power… was mana. And it all hit me at once.

Clarity Returned, Clarity? HURTS.

My memories, my pain, I remembered everything. Including where I was and what I was doing. The hybreed were attacking, we were losing and I? I was an Anodite. All that power? It was my true Anodite form. Not to mention, I was dangerously close to it, the point of no return. That one question pops up again. Who cares? Smaller this time, more in the back of my mind but still there. The fight would stop, the pain would stop. With one choice it could, no, it would all stop. Then I heard it. His voice. The one voice that will always be worth it, that will always bring me back from the edge. Kevin. He was telling me to come back to him. That he couldn't lose me. I argued momentarily before I gave in. As I left my Anodite form to return to Kevin and Ben so I could help save the Universe I thought I heard it say one word, "Selfish." Whether it was talking about me or Kevin I couldn't tell. I wasn't even sure I heard anything at all so I paid it no attention.

BIG MISTAKE.

I returned to normal and we defeated the hybreed in time everything else went back to normal too. So there it was, the first time showing my Anodite form. I was barely able to come back. Little did I know that would be the easiest fight for control that I would ever have with my powers.

Everything would just get soo much harder.

CHAPTER 1

Gwen's house

Narrator's POV

I was surrounded. Nowhere to go, no place to hide. It was now or never. Make your choice Gwen. Make a move.

So she did.

Her eyes closed momentarily and when they reopened they were glowing a bright magenta. So were her hands. She felt the familiar surge of energy that always accompanied her powers. Momentarily she felt that the surge was stronger than usual, and then it was gone.

And Gwen had done it.

She had finally finished the burdening task, the hardest part, the first move, the beginning. She had picked which spellbook she wanted to read for the 300th time. (What did you expect? An epic battle? Sorry not yet guys!) She had picked one of the hundreds of looming books surrounding her. The Archamadian Book Of Spells. She always had to keep learning spells. Her powers were getting stronger but it was never good enough for her. She needed more. She hated feeling useless in a fight. Then, not for the first time, the thought hit her, like it had been a lot lately. I could be indestructible. I could end the useless feeling. She pushed it away as she usually did. It didn't go away as easily as usual. It wouldn't stay out of her mind. So she put the book down and decided to meditate. The thought of the second time she became an Anodite popped into her mind. It made her blood boil to think someone would ever want to, or even think about, hurting her friends/family. Those innocent lives. Kevin, Ben, and I brought this upon ourselves. They didn't chose this life, we did. Her family didn't deserve the pain or the threat. She thought of how afraid Zombozo had been. All her enemies would be afraid like that. To afraid to even put up a fight. The power was there and Kevin hadn't been there to hold her back. What did bring me back? Gwen thought. Then she remembered. It had been the look on Aunt Sandra's face. She was purely terrified of Gwen. She had realized then that her Anodite self could scare her enemies, but terrify her family. When Gwen saw her face she completely let go of the power and let her humanity consume her. Gwen felt every time she transformed her humanity would weaken. Little did she know, not only would her humanity weaken, but her inner-Anodite would get stronger as well.

Finally, Gwen let her mind slip and turn blank. All thoughts left and she finally found peace within herself. Then…

"Knock Knock!"

And there goes her peace.

"Gwen! You've been up here for hours. Come out and hang with us!" said Ben, her obnoxious but good-hearted cousin. His hearts in the right place, his hearts in the right place, Gwen repeated this thought in her head to keep herself from screaming at her beloved cousin.

"No," Gwen replied as calmly as she could manage. "I'm busy."

The door opened. Of course, Gwen mentally complained, just barge in.

"Ben…," she said warning and annoyance clear in her voice.

"I didn't do it!" Ben whines.

"What?" Gwen opened her eyes, all hope of meditation shattered. "Kevin, what are you doing in here?" Gwen asked, her voice softening.

"You need a break and I am going to make sure you get one." Kevin then picks Gwen up and carries her out of her room.

"Kevin," Gwen screamed, "Put me DOWN! NOW!"

"Fine," Kevin said not trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"I'm sorry Kevin…"

"Save it Gwen. I get it. Whatever," Kevin interrupted.

"STOP," Gwen said, getting mad, "You don't get to walk away in a huff every time you get mad or I lose my temper!" which had been a lot lately, Gwen admitted to herself, "I know I haven't been spending a lot of time with you guys recently and I truly am sorry…" which was more true than Gwen had realized. She did miss the guys, but her powers were more important than hang out sessions at Mr. Smoothie at the moment, "Look, I really am sorry. It's just my powers are really important to me right now and I'm making some breakthroughs. I've gotta keep going."

"Yeah. Kev we should leave. Let her get back to work." Ben said in an uncharacteristically considerate way. He also tried to keep the sadness out of his voice for her but she saw right through him. Gwen's known him long enough not to be fooled that easily.

Both boys were hurt. Gwen could see that, she wasn't stupid. Part of her wanted to make it up to them and part of her NEEDED to keep training.

"Mr. Smoothie?" Gwen forced out the words, "I'm buying."

The boys perked up considerabely at her offer and accepted without hesitation. They were still curious though, concerning her weird behavior lately. Why does she keep shutting me out? Kevin thought. Ben's thoughts? She is acting really weird. I did get a free smoothie out of it though so I won't question her just yet. Especially if there's another free smoothie in my future! YAY SMOOHTIES!

at mr. Smoothie

It was a bright sunny day in Bellwood. Gwen nearly had forgotten what natural lighting looked like since she had cooped herself up in her room with her florescent lamp. She had only come out for missions and those usually took place at night. So, Gwen sat and watched as Ben went to go get another one of his signature, bizarre, smoothies.

"You coming?" Kevin asked.

"I'll stay here. Can you get me a strawberry?" Gwen replied.

"Yeah, ok, sure," Kevin said, his voice holding nonchalance while his eyes told a different story. Some people say the eyes are a window to the soul. Gwen thought that no sentence was truer when it came to Kevin Levin. He hides behind his tough guy act but his eyes give him away every time. God, I love those eyes. I know I've been ignoring him lately and in the process hurting him. I've got to try harder to see him more often. I really do love him.

"Kevin," Gwen said.

"Yeah, Gwen," Kevin sullenly replied.

"Thank you," Gwen said. Kevin smiled. He knew that Gwen wasn't talking about the smoothie he was going to get her. She was thanking him for every thing. Just for being around. She cares, he thought, my girl really cares. I've got to ease up. She's going through something right now. She cares and that's enough for me. So he goes to get his girl her smoothie.

There are my boys, Gwen thought to herself. Ben was getting a fudge and wheatgrass smoothie (ewwwww Beeen! GROSS!) and Kevin was making fun of him for it. Gwen couldn't help but think of how much work and training she could be doing. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with those two idiots and really, truly enjoy myself, she ponders, but…

"Hey here's your smoothie," Kevin goes to give Gwen her smoothie when he notices she's got a concentrated look on her face. "What are you thinking about?" he inquires.

"Nothing important," she says, which is kinda true. Gwen hates lying to Kevin but something's are better left unsaid.

"Come on," Kevin pressed, "I thought we agreed, no secrets. Remember?" He was truly worried about his girlfriend. If I could get her to just tell me one thing today, well I would feel accomplished. She always asks so many questions to me about my life but I don't do the same to her. If I could just figure her out sometimes, see what's going on in her beautiful head. She always seems to be worrying about something. I want to help I just don't know how.

"I was just thinking about my research," not a lie, she comforts herself, "and I know this is supposed to be a break but I just can't help it," not a lie, "but I'm fine Kev, really no reason to worry." LIE. Big fat lie, I am consumed in my work and he should worry. I did it, I lied once again to the guy I totally love. But he fell for it. Kevin shrugged and sipped his smoothie utterly content right next to me. When he was done Kevin got up to throw away his smoothie and started bugging Ben.

Another thought entered Gwen's already guilty mind. This thought though, brought with it a boatload of guilt. She thought about all she hasn't told Kevin and Ben. Why she spends so much time practicing, about the other Anodite transformation, traveling back in time, the weird stuff that's been happening lately, oh and then there's him…

Gwen pulled away more and more these days. Maybe she should find a place of her own? If she left her badge behind they couldn't track her. She would come back for missions of course but that would be it. She could transport now without passing out so they couldn't follow her back. No, she thought, wow Gwen you're such an idiot sometimes. They'd find you and besides you should go home. You already have one of those, remember. That's when Gwen heard it, faint but there, "home, Anodyne" and as soon as it came it was gone. Even if the mysterious voice had said anything else Gwen wouldn't have heard it, because at that moment…

A smoothie was spilled…

Punching ensued…

And Gwen was there to break it all up…

Again.

Review! Will she ever tell the guys what's going on? What exactly is going on? Who is the mysterious Him Gwen mentioned? Tell me if i should keep going. Turned out lamer than i expected it to, sorry!