AN: I always thought Joker was overly dismissive of FemShep in the game as a romance possibility, so that was my main inspiration for this story. The time when this story takes place is ambiguous; It is probably set during later in ME1 but since I became a ME2 and 3 fan first I have limited knowledge of the original Mass Effect so please point out if things are glaringly wrong. This is my first FemShep x Joker fic so please review and tell me what you think.

The Shepard in this story is based on my goth Renegade/Earthborn/Ruthless Alex Shepard so expect her to be brutal at times.

Chapter 1:

Love, unrequited

A whole damn year and Joker still didn't notice her. She wasn't subtle in her advances; playing coy just wasn't Alex Shepard's style. He was just oblivious. It went beyond flirting at this point, but he mostly ignored it anyway or outright laughed in Shepard's face. Not to be cruel, but because somewhere in his mind he thought Shepard's advances were actually meant to be funny.

That was precisely what frustrated her.

And so here she was again tying to catch his wandering eye and failing tragically. That morning he never noticed the button undone on the neckline of her uniform so she buttoned herself up again and went on about her day. He gave only a vague 'thank you' when she brought him his coffee, sugared and with a spoonful of milk, the way he always liked it. It was too much, his naivety.

Later that afternoon, Shepard leaned in the doorway of the Normandy's flight deck, starring daggers in the back of Joker's head. He was oblivious to that too, at first, but he eventually swung around in his chair and gave her raised brow,

"Something wrong Commander? You've been staring me down for the past five minutes now. It's starting to scare me a little."

Shepard sat in the vacant chair beside him and tried not to notice the faint musky smell of his aftershave. She wasn't sure why he used it, considering the trimmed beard he regularly wore on his face, but she never complained. She had to remind herself she was there for a reason.

"Dr. Chakwas sent me."

"Uh-oh…" his face fell. For an instant Joker looked like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

"You've been avoiding her." Shepard said pointedly.

"It wasn't intentional," Joker protested weakly but paused when he saw the hardened look on his Commander's face,

"Okay, maybe it was."

"Damn it, Joker!" Shepard swore, "I need my crew in top shape and Dr. Chakwas is here to see to that! If your Vrolic Syndrome poses any liability to my mission you're fired!"

"Don't worry, I was only due in for a routine physical. Besides, you can't fire a cripple for being a cripple; there are laws against that. I know, I checked."

"I'm the first human Spectre in the galaxy. You really think those laws apply to me? I could fire you for sneezing the wrong way."

Joker smirked, enjoying the abuse. "Fine," he turned his chair back towards the control panels but leaning back defiantly, "Make me go see Dr. Chakwas. But I know you'll never fire me, I'm the only one qualified to fly this ship."

The smirk kept dancing across his thin lips, knowing he always held that as his trump card. Shepard stood up, unsure if she wanted to make a pass at him or punch him squarely in the nose.

"Joker?"

"Hmm?"

"Go to hell. And take better care of yourself, I'm not here to mother you."

"You're not the 'mothering' type, anyway. More the 'rip-your-head-off ' type." She heard him chuckle and felt something in her chest flutter as she left the flight deck.

That man would be the death of her. But god, he made her crazy!

N7N7N7

The Normandy docked at Illium for supplies that next day. The crew needed time off the ship anyway, as it kept morale up to be reminded of civilian life outside the Normandy occasionally. Shepard was the last to disembark, making sure everyone got a little shore leave this time around.
She walked the corridors, pleased with the silence and tempted to linger behind and take a nap in her quarters. She knew she couldn't but the thought danced in her mind a minute longer before she convinced herself it was time to leave. Shepard grabbed her credit chit, identification and tucked an extra pistol inside her jacket, just in case. It would be a long day and she expected to use it at some point, though she hoped she wouldn't have to.

Shepard gave the ship a once over. Everything was in order, nothing was misplaced or set aflame. A good start to an unlikely good day. She summoned the elevator to the appropriate deck and descended within minutes. As she exited she nearly collided into a familiar yet unexpected human figure.
Joker, precariously balanced, crutches hooked around each arm, stood defensively as if he expected to be knocked over.

"Thanks Commander, but if you want to kill me, I'll give you gun so you can shoot me in the head. It'd be a lot less painful."

"What the hell are you still doing on the ship?" Shepard asked. She made it clear everyone was entitled to some shore leave. Joker mustn't have gotten the memo.

"You can leave at any time, you know. We'll be docked at Illium for several hours."

Joker shrugged, "I never cared for Illium. The customer service reps practically ambush you to buy at their shops, there are stairs everywhere, and the drinks at the Eternity Bar are outrageously overpriced. I'll pass, thanks."

"So you're just going to wait here? We might not have the chance to make another stop like this in some time. It's now or never."

"If it's all the same to you, I'll take never." Joker walked past her and entered the open elevator. Shepard pondered her opportunity; Joker would be alone all day. So would she.

Shepard ran toward the elevator and wedged her shoe in the door before it could close. She looked in his green eyes through the gap in the door and smiled at the shock written on his face.

"Have lunch with me." She said with much audacity, "In fact, have dinner with me too. My treat."

"Commander..." He muttered, seemingly taken aback.

"Not 'Commander'. Not today. Just say you'll go with me."

Joker held the elevator and stepped out. He glanced up at Shepard and sighed.

"Okay, as long as you're treating."

It wasn't the victory she had in mind, but that was good enough for Commander Shepard.

To be continued...

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