Disclaimer:I do not own Harry potter, but i do own all the time you have spent reading this! that's right! you are now several seconds closer to death and you'll never get them back! i have stolen your TIMES! i will return them for 1 jillion schmillion drillion shares of microsoft.MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!

:note to everyone: this is definitely a serious story. leave very serious and criticial reviews. insult my punctuation and that shit.

once there was a girl named harry pottina. she had a female last name for some reason instead of a first name, and because of it the dursleys always beat the crap out of her cause she was inapropriately named. one day she discovered she had magic powers while IM'ing 26 year olds from canada.

harry: i'm just looking for a good time ;)

canadaperson18: back off dude i'm not into mans

harry: no lol i am a gurl ;)

canadaperson: ya right u r totally a mans. (block)

harry: why does nobody want 2 IM with me!?!

and so harry said the magic words that unlocked her special power- those words was IM. all of a sudden harry realised that she could turn visible and run at the speed of a 10 year old. she could also do a somersault, but only if she concentrated really hard. also she could do magic.

"wow" said harry. " i can do...

a somersault!"

"and magic."

harry danced around like the little girl she was, then ran downstairs.

"mommy mommy i'm magic!" she shrieked!

"i'm not your real mommy!" roared uncle vernon.

suddenly an owl carrying a letter flew into the house. the letter said

Harry Potina
The house Harry Potina lives in

England

the return address said Hogwerts, which was crossed out and then written over with HOGWARTS!

"wow" said harry. "hogwarts magic school!"

"shut the fuck up!" roared uncle vernon. "you don't know about that, that's an important plot element!"

just then some giant hairy guy burst in the door.

" is this the house of Harry Potina?" he said goffikally. (LOOOOOOOLLSLOSLOS)

"yes"

"and is it true

that you can do

a somersault"

"yes", replied harry. "it's true!"

"congratulations!" said giant hairy guy. "you've been accepted into Hogwarts: School of Somersaults!"

"wow!" said harry. "what is your name?"

"professor McOnca...MCgoag...MCGOcna...Mcgonalgal...Mcgongagal...Snape! now let's fly away to hogwarts on this magic car! which was really just some regular cars mashed together"

and so harry potina left the dursleys and lived happily ever after for 5 minutes. THEN SHE WENT TO HOGWARTS

end of chapter 898956