You Let Me Cry
A STAR TREK VOYAGER SHORT STORY
BY Tomutionmyha - 2009
DISCLAIMER: TPTB own everything, know nothing.
Summary: J/C NW, SW – Set in the fifth year in the DQ after the Once Upon A Time episode.
Can anyone help Chakotay recover from a disastrous Away mission?
Kathryn Janeway was worried as she stepped into the turbo lift "Deck 5." She ordered. Chakotay was not progressing and the doctor had voiced his concerns about the commander's weight loss and detachment.
The doctor was right, Chakotay was distant, he had turned down every dinner invitation she'd made for the last month sighting work or fatigue. God knows he had a right to take some time to recover.
When she thought of the condition he had been in when they had finally rescued him from the Salutrin terrorist camp, the memory of the torture he'd been put through made her shiver with horror and rage.
He had been at their mercy for ten days, ten days while she tried to negotiate with the unreasonable demands of his captors for weapons and the total surrender of the legitimate government.
On the eleventh day the scanners finally found him but a damping field stopped the transporters from beaming him out. On the twelfth day they had sent her his COM badge, rank bar and his finger wrapped a dirty towel covered with his blood, that night she sent in Tuvok with the strike force.
Six members of the terrorist cell had died and if her people were a little too aggressive in the rescue she hadn't reprimanded them; not when she saw the starved, beaten, mutilated body of her first officer, her best friend, and the love of her life.
Greg Ayala had carried him out of that hell hole like he was a baby. Tom Paris ran along side using his tri-corder, the look on Tom's face one of pure anger and fear. Chakotay unconscious and pale despite his bruises was so still her heart had jumped when she'd run up to them.
"Captain!" Tom said, "We've got to get him back to Voyager now!" His voice broke as he looked her in the eye. "I don't know if his going make it, it's bad, real bad."
And it had been, for three days Chakotay had lingered at death's door. The Doctor and Tom had worked around the clock; healing internal injuries, repairing bones, reattaching his finger and regenerating his wounds. The amount of blood loss had been critical but it had probably saved him from dying from the drugs they had pumped into his system.
She and B'Elanna had taken turns sitting by his side. The Doctor said they had to "talk" him out of his coma, pull him back from where he gone to escape the pain.
She had teased him, ordered him and begged him to open his eyes to no avail. Finally, on the fourth day she whispered into his ear while holding his hand. "Chakotay, please don't leave me, please come back to me, I need you I…I...love you." Five minutes later she'd felt a squeeze on her hand and looked up into the saddest most beautiful eyes she's ever seen.
That had been eight weeks ago and physically he had healed well, he was walking again only using a walking stick, but he still was not talking, he had not said a single word since he awoke. The doctor couldn't find any physical reason and diagnosed Post Traumatic Stress, he had advised time, patience and counseling. The main problem being that Chakotay was the ship's counselor. When she questioned him he would PADD some version of:
*** I'M FINE – JUST TIRED- I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPEN AFTER THEY JUMPED ME AT THE CONFERENCE-I DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T TALK- I HAVE SOUGHT THE SPIRITS BUT THEY ARE NOT SPEAKING EITHER- BUT I'M FINE! JUST LET ME HAVE SOME TIME***
Then he would smile a sad smile that didn't reach his eyes and turn away. He had asked and the doctor had let him work on reports for a few hours each day. He stayed in his quarters unless he was in sickbay for his therapy. He discouraged visitors.
*** I'M FINE! JUST LET ME HAVE SOME TIME***
Still someone checked in on him once a day and she stopped to say good night, every night. She wanted so much to tell him how she felt when she knew he could hear her. She had come so close to losing him that she knew she couldn't keep denying her feelings and protocol be damn, but not yet, not until he was well, so he'd know it wasn't pity but love.
But enough was enough, she'd just left sickbay, the doctor reported Chakotay had lost another five pounds and he had started him on nutritional supplements.
"Well Chakotay, you may not want to talk to your friend, but you damn well will talk to your Captain. I'm not going watch you just fade away!" She said aloud to herself.
The lift stopped and Samantha Wildman stepped in, "Good afternoon, Captain." She greeted her with a smile.
"How are you today Ensign and my little assistant as well? Janeway asked returning the smile.
"We're doing well Captain, actually your little assistant is in big trouble, she's suppose to be having a reading lesson but the computer tells me she's in holodeck 2, probably playing with Flotter. I'm on my way to catch her in the act and give her a scolding."
"Aw poor Baby…I… wait did you say holodeck 2? That's where I'm going, the computer told me Commander Chakotay was there. Listen, if our little stowaway has managed to get Chakotay out of his quarters, you're going to have to forgive her for skipping lessons today okay?"
"Of course Captain, we've been so worried about the Commander, Naomi asks about him all the time. She wants to know why he's so sad, why he can't talk. He's going to be alright isn't he?" Sam asked concern in her voice.
The doors to the lift opened and both women step out and started down the corridor.
"Yes he is going to be alright. I won't settle anything less!" The Captain said with determination. "This is a good sign, him meeting Naomi." She keyed the door open as they reach their destination and the women stepped out of the corridor and into a lush forest.
"Flotter." They said together shaking their heads and heading down the well worn path.
They stopped short of the clearing hidden behind the bushes and stared out at the sight of Voyager's First Officer sitting on a giant mushroom. Four year old Naomi stood in front of him talking animatedly her piping voice carrying to them clearly.
"See I told you it was comfortable! This is the Thinking Meadow, Flotter and I come here to plan our adventures, it's my special place you can share it with me! My mom said you are feeling sad because some bad people hurt you on your Away mission, she said you're feeling so sad that you can't talk about it or anything else. But when you are feeling happy again you'll be able to talk again. I brought you to the Thinking Meadow because it's a happy place."
"Oh Honey." Her mother whispered glancing at the Captain, pride and compassion in her voice.
"Let's see what happens, maybe she can reach him." Janeway whispered. Sam nodded agreement.
"Everybody is worried about you because we love you."
Chakotay shook his head.
"It's true! I love you, Mommy loves you, and Captain Janeway really loves you.
Aunt B'Elanna and Uncle Tom love you so much they had a fight about it. Aunt B'Elanna said he was being a 'insent pig' and Uncle Tom said "You know I love the big guy!" Naomi continued.
"Captain Janeway said we have to help each other because we're a family on Voyager and she said the captain has to take care of the crew most of all. I'm her assistant I got to help her take care of you."
Chakotay shook his head at her again with a sad but pleased smile.
"No really I know how." She said coming close. "I remember what everyone teaches me, Mom said it's because my daddy is K'Tarin and they have special memory cells in their brains. The child began to count off on her fingers.
"Mom teaches me about love and cleaning my room, Uncle Nelix teaches me about hugs, bedtime stories and the Great Forest, the Doctor teaches me about owwies and science, Seven teaches me about KOT is KOT and astrofizz, Uncle Tom teaches me to fly the shuttle." Her fingers imitated gliding across a navigation panel. "Uncle Harry teaches me to play the clarinet." Her fingers changed to show the notes.
"Aunt B'Elanna, teaches me about the engines and how to growl when I get angry, but nobody can growl like her!" Naomi growled her childish version 'ARRR". "Aunt Megan teaches me to dance." She did a hip swaying move that was definitely the 'Delaney Swing'. Uncle Greg teaches me karate." She jumped into a first position defense stance. "Mr. Tuvok teaches me about safety and logic, Captain Janeway teaches me about Star Fleet." She said snapping to attention. "And you teach me how to stopped being scared and sad." She said taking hold of his hand.
"Sometimes after the ship is attacked I get scared and Mommy brings me to your office. I remember everything you do to make me feel better – wanna see?"
Chakotay looked at the little girl in awe, the logic she'd used to describe her life and his situation would have done Tuvok proud. Silently he nodded his head.
"OK!" Naomi said excitedly, "First you let me sit on your lap." Putting words to action she climbed into his lap facing him. "Then you say "Did what happen scare you?" Well, did what happen to you on the Away mission scare you?" She asked innocently.
Chakotay stiffened and stared into the tiny face, the little horns on her brow crinkled with concern. The silent witnesses held their breaths. After a few moments he nodded, yes.
Naomi hugged him as much as her short arms would let her. "I'm so sorry something bad happened and scared you, but you're safe now, you're safe with me." That's what you tell me and I promise if any bad people try to hurt you, I'll flip them with the moves Uncle Greg taught me!" Her voice was fierce with protection. "Uncle Chakotay, you're safe with me."
Leaning back she looked into him eyes. "Now comes an important part. You let me cry. Everyone else gets upset if I cry, but you said, "Sometimes crying is good for you, it clears out the bad stuff so the good stuff can get in." You say crying doesn't make you a baby or a scaredy cat; it means you're brave enough to face your fears and wash them away."
"You can cry if you want to Uncle Chakotay and I promise I won't tell anyone not even Mommy. I know you're brave enough, you're the Commander!" She dug into the pocket of her tunic. "Look, I even brought you some tissues, and when you're finished, we can go get ice cream!" She added and held up the rumpled mass of paper.
There was a moments silence then, "Oh Spirits, I love you too, Little One!" Chakotay said his voice shaky but clear. He gathered her into his arms as tears streamed down his face and racked his body.
"It's okay, it's okay." The child said, patting him; giving him back the comfort he'd often given her. "I got you, it's okay."
In the bushes mother and love, ensign and captain held each other, crying silent tears of relief and joy they turned and headed away from the meadow.
End.
A/N: Okay so its a little corny, but it's a first try and while not the story I started writing, it's the one I ended up with and I like it…..kindly review or should that be review kindly?