Maura switched positions for what felt like the hundredth time that night. She stared, eyes unfocused at the moving images on the screen. She had been prepared to feel horrible this evening and throughout the next day but this emptiness was far worse than she could have imagined. Her head felt ready to burst and yet she couldn't have said what she was thinking. It was like there was something lurking on the edge that she knew was there but couldn't quite see. She closed her eyes breathing deeply as she tried to silence the gnawing feeling in her stomach. She unfurled her legs from beneath herself, walked to the TV and turned it off. She would make cakes for Jane, beautifully decorated cakes like the ones she had been so in awe of in Paris. She picked up her coat and a few notes from the counter as she thought of the baking section of the small shop at the other side of the park.
As Maura stepped into the orange glow of the street lights she wrapped her arms around herself hugging the coat tighter to her. It felt good to have something to focus on and the cool air helped her to think. All she could think of was Jane. She imagined her finishing her night time routine walking in to her bedroom and admiring her dress. Standing in front of the wardrobe were it hung and smiling to herself as she got butterflies in her stomach thinking about the next day. Then she would turn and crawl into bed. Next to him. Maura stopped herself, it was too painful to think of Jane in this way. As she looked up she discovered she was already leaving the park and the late night store's sign shone above her. She walked up and down the artificially lit aisles concentrating on the cheesy music playing on the stereos in the store trying to drown out her thoughts. It failed though as every lyric in the songs, no matter how many times she had previously heard them seemed to take on new life. Speaking to her on a deep personal level and worming their way inside her head. She found the bakery section and looked the shelves up and down. She picked up a tub of vanilla frosting and a pack of little wafer daisy's thinking she could replicate a cake she once seen in a magazine. She sighed to herself placing them down again opting instead for a tub of chocolate frosting and a packet of fudge which she knew Jane would much prefer. She paid for the items giving the cashier a vacant smile as snippets of lyrics continued to rattle around her brain.
Maura chose an even longer route to get home feeling the need to keep walking, though it had now lost purposefulness. She felt like something significant was looming and she didn't want to return to her empty house. She no longer thought of Jane but filled her head with pointless thoughts, noticing little things like a cat's tail disappearing behind a wall as it slunk back to its house, and the bushes which had become overgrown making the path seem claustrophobic. As she walked into open space she saw a lone figure with dark hair hunched over on a bench. Jane.
As Maura walked over Jane looked up. She gave a thin smile of recognition but said nothing. Maura sat down heavily beside her friend returning the smile. They both sat in silence for a while staring straight ahead. "Jane" Maura turned to look at Jane's profile. "I need to ask you something". Jane nodded slightly but didn't turn to look at Maura. "Do you love me?" Maura grasped the cold metal of the bench as she waited, what seemed like an agonisingly long time, for Jane's reply.
"Yes." her voice was monotone and she continued to look into the empty darkness yet Maura did not doubt her for a second.
"I love you too." Maura placed her hand on Jane's and was sure she saw a silent tear run down her face before she too turned to look into the darkness. They sat like that for a long time, content and comfortable in their silence enjoying the warmth they each got from the others presence. Eventually Maura reached into her pocket and pulled out the frosting. She pulled the lid off and wordlessly offered it to Jane. She dipped her finger in and ate it silently. When she finished she stood up and turned to look Maura in the eye for the first time that night. "Let's go."
They stayed up late that night talking and laughing in a way that they hadn't in a long time. So at ease and happy in each other's company. It was 5am when they finally fell asleep, their limbs entwined as they held each other tight.
Maura awoke, seeing the time on her clock said 11:30 she panicked. Jane must have turned the alarm off. Jane? She turned to see what she already knew. Her heart still sank though as she took in the empty bed beside her. Maura's eyes stung as she cursed herself for being so stupid. Of course Jane was gone, she was getting married today. In half an hour. She buried her face in her hands not wanting to process what had happened.
"Maura?" On hearing the voice Maura slowed lowered her hands from her face not daring to believe that the raspy voice belonged to Jane. But sure enough there she stood in a pair of boy shorts and a plain grey T-shirt. Her hair was down and messy and there was a small smudge of flour above her left eyebrow. In her hands she held a cupcake covered in chocolate frosting and fudge sprinkles. She handed it to Maura before sitting on the bed beside her. "I called Casey" she stated. Her voice barely above a whisper. "Mind if I hide out here for a while?" Maura looked her friend in the eye as she placed her hands either side of Jane's face before leaning in and kissing her deeply.