Take it back take, it all back now
The things I gave, like the taste of my kiss on your lips,
I miss that now
Emma laid in his arms, on her bed, like so many other nights before. It was great having a basement room, it made it easy sneaking him in her room without anyone knowing. He stroked her hair, as they just laid there in silence.
"What are we doing?" Emma asked something that she had been thinking a lot lately.
"Well we're lying here, after having made love," outlining her lips with his fingertip.
They had begun this secret affair, four months ago when his girlfriend went away for the summer, and they had begun spending a lot of time together.
One day they were sitting in her bedroom, he had her pinned down so he could tickle her, and out of now, here he leaned in and kissed her. They almost were caught by her mom, which caused a rush through both of their bodies, making them want to do it again, eventually lead to something more. No one knew about it, it wasn't supposed to mean anything but just sex, but then feelings eventually came into the picture.
"No, I mean with us. How long are we going to keep this up?" knowing that she had began to fall in love with him. Something that wasn't suppose to happen.
"Em, I don't know, I mean I like things the way they are right now." Thinking that having two girls wasn't too bad, each gave him what he wanted when he wanted it, he couldn't complain. It was every boys dream.
Emma thought that she could just be with him for comfort, for sex without her feelings coming into. But now that they had, she wasn't sure if she was ready to let go, even if meant getting hurt in the end. "Okay, I guess your right. But can I ask you one question?"
"Sure."
Not knowing why she wanted to know about his and his girlfriend's relationship, "When you're with her, does she really give you what you need?"
"Yes."
"Then why do you keep coming back for more?"
That was a good question; I mean he knew if she ever found out, she would be so hurt, especially if she found out who it was. "I don't know why."
I can't try any harder than I do
All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for you
Are broken in two
Manny walked up to Craig the next day at school, looking awfully pissed off, with a look that could kill. "Where were you last night? I tried calling your house until 11pm. You thought said that you were coming over."
Hitting his forehead, with a panic look on his face, "That was…last night?"
Emma overheard this, and decided to intervene, to help him out, "He was at my house babysitting for me. I had a date last night, and since my parents were out themselves we had no other person who could sit for us at the last moment."
Craig had a sign of relief that Emma was able to come up with that story at such a short amount of time. "Yeah, I thought I would offer since she hasn't had much time to do things just for her. She needed a night out on the town."
Manny had a big smile on her face, putting her arms around Craig's arm, "Aww, you're the sweetest." Looking at Emma, "Don't I just have the best boyfriend?" Manny didn't seem to notice the intense looks that were exchanged between Emma and Craig.
Putting on a fake smile, and a fake voice, "Yeah, sure do." Just the thought of them together made Emma want to puke.
"Well I have to go meet Paige, I'll talk to you both later," leaning in for a kiss before she leaving.
When she was out of site, Craig grabbed Emma by her arm, and pulled her into the empty classroom across the hall. So that no one would over hear them. There was no way that he wanted to get caught, he couldn't lose Manny.
"Thanks Em, I owe you big time for saving me," he smiled, giving her a hug.
"Well I couldn't let you suffer like that, I mean if she were to find out then she would kill you, and I couldn't let that happen."
Moving in closer, "Of course not, because then we might not be able to do this," leaning in to kiss her soft lips, making both of their bodies to tingle.
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
I'm sitting on my bed eagerly awaiting the results from my pregnancy test. That's right, I, Emma Nelson have a chance of being pregnant. That's not suppose to happen, I mean what would others say once they found out. They would be shocked to say the least, because people don't consider that I would be the kind of girl to do that type of thing. Even worse, they would be even more surprised to know that I'm boyfriend stealer too.
The worse thing is it would be Craig's child, who is my best friend boyfriend. I mean what was I thinking when I decided to start this affair with him. I couldn't have been thinking of her feelings, and what it might do to her if she was ever to find out.
I kept a close eye on the clock, and it didn't feel like any time had really past. When the time was finally up, it took me a little while until I was actually able to open my eyes to look at the results.
I slowly brought it closer to look, my heart felt as if it was going to pound out of my chest my hands were shaking. I looked at it, and felt a little faint, "I'm…..pregnant!" That was the biggest shock of all; even I didn't think that I would follow in my mother's footsteps.
This was going to ruin everything. What was I to do, Craig is with Manny, and I know he loves for her a lot, and all I'll ever be is a friend. "I've got to leave, and let him have the life he really wants. Because in the end he will have ended up leaving me anyways."
Emma slowly climbed the stairs, feeling like there were a hundred of them, to find her mother cooking in the kitchen. Good she could tell her alone, without Snake being there, because it would be harder to tell them with both of their eyes on her. "Mom, can we talk?"
Spike could see the sadness in her daughter's eyes, "Hun what's wrong?"
"You might want to sit down for this," wondering what her mother would think when she found the news. Knowing that her mother always wanted what she never got out of life.
Her mom began to worry what her daughter had to tell her, "Okay."
Taking a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves, "I'm…I'm…pregnant."
"What?" a little sadness in her voice. Her daughter had followed in her footsteps, just like she always prayed that she wouldn't. Not that she regretted having her, but she knew how she would never be able to have a life of her very own, there was a child now to consider. "Who's the father?"
"……….…Craig," a little hesitant to answer, not wanting her mom to judge her for that too.
"But isn't he…"
"Yes he's with Manny, let's not get into that," not wanting to hear a lecture, that would probably follow.
Spike felt like screaming. She wanted to strangle Craig right now, for helping in ruining her daughter's life. But of course to him it wouldn't matter because he wouldn't have to be responsible like Emma, he could just walk away if he wanted to.
"I want to move out of this town so that Manny won't ever have to know, so I don't ruin his life anymore."
"You ruin his life, this is his mess too, hun," sad to think that this was all on her plate, not his.
"Mom, it may be his mess too, but me staying would hurt Manny. I'm suppose to be her best friend, how could I do this to her? I can't do that to her anymore," hoping her mom would understand.
"Where would you go?" wondering how long her daughter has really been thinking about this for.
"Maybe to B.C or something, anywhere but here would be great. I just don't want to hurt Manny like she hurt Ashley."
"Aren't you going to tell Craig about his child?" thinking that she should be truthful with him incase he really wanted to be apart of his child's life.
"Yeah, I'll write him after I leave. I just can't tell him now." Looking away from her mother, "I don't want him to try to stop me."
"Are you sure you won't change your mind? I mean I don't know what I'll do without my baby," feeling tears coming down her face.
"I know what you mean mom, but I really think this is for the best," praying that he mother would let her go, that she wouldn't have to fight her on this.
Spike went over and gave her daughter a hug, holding her tight, never wanting to let her go. She couldn't believe that her little girl would no longer be here. She could stop her, but she really didn't want to hinder her relationship with her, or worse have her end up running away. This was the only way she knew she would be safe.
A week later Emma was off on a plane leaving her world behind, but most of all leaving Craig behind. The love she would never forget, even if she wanted to. Their baby would always be a memory of him, and their nights together. She cried in her seat just thinking about it. Putting her hand on her stomach, "It's just you and me baby."
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
I came home a wondering why Emma hadn't been in school today, it wasn't like her to miss school, unless she was sick. I went to ask Mr. Simpson if she was okay, and he said she was perfectly fine. What was up? She didn't even want me to come over last night as I always did on Thursday nights.
I decided to go give her a visit to see what was up. I needed to know, why she was avoiding me. I knocked on the door only to have her mom answer it, "Hi, is Emma here?"
"No…she no longer lives here," said in a sad tone. Craig's heart just dropped, feeling like it had been broken in a million pieces. What how was this possible, her parents were still here.
"Why?"
"She said she had to get out of here, away from everything," leaving out some of the reasons.
"Oh I see," feeling like he was going to cry. Was it something he said or did? "I'll talk to you later."
"Could you tell Manny for me?" not sure if she would be able to do it. She was still sad over Emma leaving, hoping that this was some kind of dream.
Shaking his head, "Yeah." He slowly walked away, as if he had no energy to really move. He was in a state of shock.
Don't walk away
Craig left the Simpson house questioning why Emma would have Degrassi, without saying good-bye. How could she not say good-bye when they had so many wonderful nights together?
Then he recalled a conversation they had a month ago, did it mean she was falling for him? Did she leave because she wouldn't be able to handle seeing him with Manny, seeing them kiss and act as a couple in front of her? He was mad at himself for driving her away from her home, her family, and her friends.
As he walked up his path with his head down, he kicked the rocks that were before him. When he looked up who should be there no other than Manny with a big smile on her face. She came up and gave him a big hug, but he barely touched her; he was still astonished by the news. Feeling responsible for it all, it was him who had kissed her that day in her bedroom, which had started this all.
Many noticed this, "Why the long face?" Wondering why he seemed to be so upset, he hadn't even bothered to talk to her all day. She knew that it had to be something big.
"I think you need to sit down," guiding her to the swing on the porch, knowing that the news would devastate her. She had known Emma since elementary, they had done everything together. He knew this would hit her pretty hard.
She was uneasiness about what he had to tell her. The smile that had been planted on her face, soon faded, "What is it?"
"I just came from Mr. Simpson's house, and Spike said that Emma has moved away, that she needed to get away from here."
Her stomach dropped, and her eyes formed tears, "I can't believe she didn't even say good-bye." Feeling maybe that this was her fault since she lately had been spending most of her time with either Craig or the Spirit Squad, not having much time for her.
Craig wanted to tell Emma how he felt about her, tell her that he didn't think of her as just someone he fooled around with. Nevertheless, what was Manny? Sure Manny and he had fun together, and he thought that he loved her and all. However, it now didn't seem like it was something he wanted anymore. He just wanted to go back to those nights in Emma's room, to those nights he felt whole.
He wished he had warning so that he could stop her from leaving. Tell her how much he really needed her. Would she have listened though? He knew deep inside that she was always worried that her best friend would find out, and forever hate her. She had committed the worse betrayal to a friend. Maybe she did this so that Manny could have her happy ever after, but was that what he really wanted anymore? A couple of months ago he would've yes, but now he just didn't know.
"Emma, where ever you are?" he mouthed, "Come back to me."
Touch me now how I wanna feel
Something so real, please remind me
My love, and take me back
Cuz I'm so in love with what we were
I'm not breathing I'm suffocating without you
Do u feel it to
Emma sat in her new room, at her cousin's house, looking out the window at the dark blue sky. She wondered what Craig was doing at this very moment, properly with Manny the girl of his dreams.
"I wonder if he has noticed that I'm gone, or even if he cares. What am I talking about, he's better off without me…and our child," she said as tears ran down her face.
This wasn't suppose to happen, she wasn't supposed to get this attached to him. It was only supposed to be something they did for fun, for excitement, but then she fell for him. She still could feel his hands upon her skin, making her tingle all over.
She had to stop torching herself like this; it wasn't going to help her move on from all of this. Craig would always be Manny's, he would never see past the friendship they had, even if they did more things that friends did.
The best thing to start out new would be to write Craig, tell him good-bye, and the reason behind her leaving. Maybe then she could get real closure to this all, and be able to move forward, instead of backwards like she had been these last few months.
When I'm in the dark and all alone
Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door,
Its then I know my heart is whole
There's a million reasons why I cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cuz I don't wanna be alone
Craig couldn't keep up this lie anymore he didn't want Manny anymore. He didn't think he has wanted her for a longtime he just didn't realize it. He wished that he had realized what he had felt before she had got up and left.
He slowly walked up the too familiar path, trying to think how he was going to break it off. He rung the doorbell, and stood there, awaiting for someone to answer. He really hoped that she was home, so that he could get this over and done with.
His luck she answered, smiling "Aw you came to see me."
"Ye...ah," not knowing how to reply to that, knowing that was to break her heart. "Why don't we go inside?"
"Alright," grabbing his hand, "My parents aren't home, we could go up stairs."
That was so tempting, but he couldn't do it, "No, I want to talk."
"About what?" wondering why he had resisted having sex with her. That was so not like him.
"Us!"
Not getting the meaning behind it, not thinking that it could be anything bad, "What about us?"
"I…I don't think that we should be together anymore," finally able to breathe after getting that off his chest, as if he had been holding his breath for the last few months since Emma's absence.
Her face went blank, and she didn't know what to say. "I thought you loved me," she sobbed.
"I use to, but things have changed," looking down at the floor, not wanting to see what her face looked like. He knew she was crying.
"How…is there another woman?" she began to shout.
He took a huge breath, how do you tell your current girlfriend that the other girl is her best friend? Maybe it was better to leave out the name, for Emma's sake. "Yes!"
"How did that happen?" wanting to know how she had lost him, the man that she was going to spend the rest of her life with.
"When you went away for the summer, we were comfort to each other…"
"You…slept with her!"
"…Yes," feeling ashamed that he had done the same thing to her as he had done to Ash.
"How could you?"
"It was exciting, I felt rush. It was supposed to end by the end of the summer, but we couldn't get enough of each other."
"Do I know her?" demanding to know.
Feeling the pressure, "No."
"Get out, get out NOW!" she screamed on the top of her lungs, pointing to the door.
Craig rushed out, he didn't want to bother her any longer, he had caused her enough damage, enough pain.
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you, I need you
One week later Craig walked through the kitchen door to find an envelope addressed to him, he looked at the envelope but it seemed to have no return address. He opened it:
Craig,
I'm sorry I had to leave so quickly, without any warning, and no good-bye. It was the hardest thing I had to do, but I couldn't cause Manny anymore pain, even if she didn't know our little secret.
If you're wondering, I didn't leave because of you, nothing. Trust me, if I could still have our moments I would, but I have someone else to think about now. I can't be selfish; anyway, with me out of the way you and Manny can get back to what you had before our nights. That great love that I know that you share.
However, I do need to tell you the real reason I left, you deserve that, it's because I'm pregnant with your child. I knew it would only be a matter of time before people would find out, and question who the father was. I know you're very happy with Manny, I see it every time that you're together. Anyways to you I wasn't anything but a bedmate, so I thought the best would be if I started a new life where nobody knew me. I know Manny will take good care of you.
Maybe someday I'll come back, but right now, I have to let the people I love be happy instead of being selfish.
Good-bye
Love Emma
P.S. I'll update you on my pregnancy, you at least deserve to know how your own child is, even if you never will get to lay eyes on it.
Craig couldn't believe what he just read, he felt overwhelmed. He was going to be a father, but wouldn't ever get the chance of raising him or her. He wanted to be mad at her for that, but he knew she had good reasons to do it.
He couldn't believe that Emma had sacrificed everything for his happiness, and hadn't asked for anything in return. Craig decided that he needed to find her, even if it took years. He had to be with her and his child.
Parts of Ashlee Simpson - Undiscovered