November 30, 2014

Chris rubbed his palms together, pulling the fabric from the long sleeves of his sweater over his knuckles. His breath billowed out in dense, white clouds, and he felt as though the tip of his nose had gone numb. The temperatures had dropped well below freezing as dusk had fallen, and even though the winter snows had not yet come, the clouds above were dark and menacing. He suspected that the first snows would be coming soon.

He stood outside the pinewood door of Josh's family lodge - a place he'd come familiar with over the years. The place had been mostly abandoned since Hannah and Beth disappeared, but he and Josh came up here every so often by themselves. It had been several weeks since their last visit, and Chris felt rather spooked as he gazed up at the massive building. The electricity had mostly been shut off - Josh's dad decided it was pointless to pay for electricity that no one used since the lodge became abandoned - and the windows above were dark and hollow.

Josh had already been at the lodge by himself for several days, and Chris had finally found some time off from school to visit him. On one hand, he envied Josh for not being in school, but on the other, he knew the price had been to high to pay. The disappearance of his sisters had taken a devastating toll on him, and it was hard for Josh to even get out of bed most days.

Now, he waited outside of the front door, waiting for Josh to let him in. He'd knocked on the door and heard a muffled voice from deep inside, telling him to wait. Chris cupped his hands over his nose and mouth, using his warm breath to heat up the frigid skin of his fingers. The air was humid and the wind brought an extra chill to the night air, making it feel far colder than it actually was.

"Come on, Josh." Chris mumbled to himself, hopping from one leg to the other. Another moment out in the cold and he might turn to ice.

The sound of a latch clicking open from inside caught his attention, and the pinewood door swung open. Josh stood in the doorway, bathed in shadow. Chris quickly stepped inside, audibly chattering his teeth and relishing in the warm air inside. At least Josh had lit all the fireplaces.

"Thanks, man." Chris greeted his friend, swinging his backpack onto one of the couches in the main living room, "Another moment out there and I would have turned into a human icicle."

"Make yourself at home." Josh's reply was strangely subdued, his voice rasping in his throat, as if it hadn't been used for days. Chris glanced up and watched as Josh stepped into the dim light from the fire, and could barely contain his shock. Josh's skin was deathly pale, and circles had formed so deep under his eyes that they appeared sunken in. His eyes were bloodshot and his lips are cracked and dry. The most startling was the way that his clothes seemed to hang from his frame, and his cheeks were hollow. He looked as if he hadn't eaten in months, and his legs shook as he stepped down into the living room.

"Jesus, Josh." Chris gasped, "What the hell happened to you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Josh's words came out slow, as if the effort was too much for him. He sank onto the couch, his eyes half lidded and head lolling to the side.

Chris immediately sat down next to him, peering closely at Josh's complexion. He looked almost as bad as he had the night his sisters went missing. Chris shuddered at the memory of Josh, who had barely slept or eaten for months after their disappearance. He had only just began to recover from the shock, and Chris had no idea what could have caused this.

"Yes, you do." Chris pressed, grabbing Josh's arm and pulling it towards him. Josh didn't react, and his arm hung limply from Chris' grasp, as if he didn't care. Chris turned over Josh's hand and pressed his thumb against the vain in his wrist. His heartbeat was so weak, Chris was surprised he could even sense it. He glanced back up at Josh, who was staring at the wall as if he didn't even know Chris was there. "Josh?" He asked. His friend didn't respond. Chris raised his hand and held it inches from Josh's face, snapping his fingers. "Josh!"

Josh jumped as if he had been woken out of a daze. His wide eyes flickered around, as if searching for danger in every corner of the house. His frantic gaze fell on Chris, and he let out a deep breath. "Don't do that, man." He grumbled, "Nearly scared the shit out of me."

Chris frowned. He knew Josh well enough to know when his friend used subtle humor to cover up a more sinister problem. He let go of his friend's arm, and maneuvered his body so that he faced Josh directly. "What's gotten into you?" He asked.

Josh's eyes blazed, anger making his eyebrows furrow into a frown. However, the blaze died away and was replaced by a look of sadness almost as quickly as it had appeared. "What hasn't?" He replied.

Chris stared at him in exasperation. "You look like shit, man. You have to tell me what's wrong - and don't you dare lie to me."

Josh met his eyes, an expression of sorrow clouding his own. He held his gaze for several moments before looking away. Josh remained silent, as if searching for the right words to say. "I can't stop seeing them."

"W-who?" Chris asked, his voice shaking slightly.

His friend's eyes glistened, as if tears were swelling that refused to fall. Josh pulled his knees up to his chest, propping his elbows on them and digging his fingernails into his hair. "Beth. She won't leave me alone. Hannah, too."

Chris felt his heart pound in his chest, his breath catching in his throat. He immediately understood. He'd found out long ago that Josh sometimes saw and heard things - things that weren't there. He knew that there was something in Josh's head that terrorized him, and he depended on a carefully selected assortment of drugs to chase the visions away. Chris swallowed thickly before asking, "What do they do?"

Josh shook his head, tangling his hair in his fingers as he squeezed his eyes shut. His voice came out as barely a whisper as he replied, "They just watch me, mostly. They watch me from the corners of the room, waiting in the shadows. I hear them laughing upstairs, calling to me." He trailed off, rocking slowly back and forth. "It was my fault, Chris. It was all my fault."

Chris reached forward and placed his hand on Josh's forearm, feeling the muscles tense as Josh dug his fingers into his scalp. "Josh, no." Chris pleaded, "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault."

"You don't understand," Josh whispered, "Beth told me. She told me she tried to wake me up. She told me that she died because of me. Hannah died because of me. They hate me for it, Chris. They tell me they hate me. I failed them, Chris. I was their older brother, I was supposed to protect them. I killed them. I killed them, Chris. Don't you understand? I killed them and they know it was my fault."

Josh was crying now, eyes squeezed tightly shut and teeth grinding. Chris stared at him in shock, feeling a cold lump of dread drop in his stomach. "Josh…" He whispered, "It wasn't your fault. What you're seeing aren't your sisters - it's your mind playing a cruel trick on you. Hannah and Beth would never hate you. They loved you, Josh."

"Why won't they leave me alone, Chris?" Josh wailed as if Chris hadn't spoken, "I tried to make them go away on my own but they won't!"

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"I-I thought if I took more, they would go away." Josh confessed, "D-Dr. Hill told me t-the medication would help. He said it would help but it's not. I thought I should take more, but it made them angrier."

Chris opened his mouth to speak, but Josh went on, "I t-thought the medication was making them angry, so I got rid of it. I got rid of it, Chris. I don't want them to hate me anymore so I got rid of it."

"Josh…." Chris gasped, and Josh continued, "I c-came up here so no one would know. I don't want anyone getting mad at me. They don't understand, Chris. They don't understand that the medication makes it worse. It makes them angry."

Chris moved his hand to Josh's back, feeling his friend trembling beneath his touch. "Is that why you asked me to come?"

Josh nodded, "I can't sleep. I can't eat. I get so cold and then so hot. I feel like my insides are being crushed and my heart is going to explode. I know my body needs the medication but I can't take it, Chris. I don't know what I'll do if they come back."

Chris turned away from Josh, feeling his mind spin. He could feel his heart twisting in his chest, pity and heartbreak for Josh creating a whirlpool of chaos. Next to him, Josh was rocking back and forth, muttering to himself as if trying to drown out voices that Chris couldn't hear. He swallowed thickly before speaking again, his back still turned to his friend. "What did you do with the medicine?"

"... fire….." Chris could barely make out the words that Josh uttered under his breath. It was in that moment that Chris realized that the fireplaces weren't lit to simply bring warmth into the house. His gaze fell into the fire, wondering if there was any possible way to salvage what was left. A gleam in the corners of his vision caught his attention, and he noticed an empty, orange bottle discarded on the floor. Pushing himself off of the couch, he reached for the bottle and turned it over in his hand, watching as the flames glinted in the reflection of the bottle.

Chris heaved a sigh, relaxing his grip and allowing the bottle to slip from his fingers and back onto the floor. The sound of it's plastic bouncing against the stone floor seemed oddly distant, and neither boy reacted to it's cry. Chris fell back onto the couch, feeling Josh quiver beside him as silent sobs racked his body. He had never felt so utterly helpless - not even when the twins disappeared. At least he had the chance to aid in the search, and spend countless hours scouring the woods for them. However, this was different. There was nothing he could do to chase away the visions that Josh had. He would do anything to make Josh not sick anymore, but wishing wouldn't help his friend.

Turning slightly towards his friend, Chris reached up and put his hand over Josh's, which was tense as he pressed it firmly against his head, fingernails twisting his hair. Gently, he pulled Josh's hand away, unrelenting as Josh strained against his grasp. There was nothing Chris could do to fix Josh's brain, but he could comfort him in every way he knew how.

"Josh." He whispered. Josh looked up, eyes wide and glistening with sorrow and despair. Chris held his hand in his own, feeling his friend's hand shake slightly. With his other hand, he reached up and cupped Josh's cheek, letting his thumb rest against the side of his nose. The contact seemed to slightly relax Josh, who leaned into his hand with eyes closed and lips quivering.

Chris wasn't thinking about this action seeming strange or awkward - his only desire was to bring comfort to his terrorized friend. He could still feel Josh shaking under his touch, and he furrowed his brow slightly. "Josh, please listen to me."

Josh opened his eyes once more, his deep green gaze locking with Chris's. The dark circles under his eyes seemed like deep shadows in the dim light, causing his expression to seem much more sinister than it was. Chris cleared his throat, and gently rubbed his thumb against Josh's cheekbone, beginning to feel his friend's shaking reside, and watching as the haunted look began to fade from his eyes. Chris took a deep breath before continuing, "You must call Dr. Hill. You have to tell him."

Josh squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, pulling away from Chris' hand. However, Chris still had a grip on Josh's hand, and he pulled the boy closer. "I know you don't want to. I know, Josh." Chris whispered, a pleading tone dripping from his voice, "but you have to. You need to tell him about these visions. He'll know what to do, Josh. He can't help you if you don't let him."

Josh was silent for several moments before responding in a voice as quiet as a breath, "I know… but I can't."

"Why not?"

Josh gazed at him, unblinking, a chasm of sorrow and guilt swirling in his eyes. His hand in Chris' gasp clinched as he spoke, "They taunt me, yell at me. They hurt me every chance they get, but I can't let them go. Don't you see, Chris?" Josh's words were broken with so much anguish, Chris was afraid he wouldn't be able to bear it, "When they visit me - they're here. They aren't lost or dead. They're my sisters. I can't lose them again."

Chris felt his heart twist in his chest, "Josh…"

He had no words to continue, and instead raised his hand back to Josh's cheek. He let the tips of his fingers brush the short hair behind Josh's ear, and felt his body relax under his touch. As much as he sympathized with Josh, as much as his heart ached to hear Josh's fear of losing his sisters again, he knew that he couldn't let this go on.

Taking a deep breath, he whispered, "You can't put yourself through this. Please, please, call him. You're getting ill from not taking your pills - your body is going through withdrawals. I know you hate the medication, but stopping it isn't the answer. Dr. Hill will give you something new, something to help."

Josh was silent once more, gaze trained towards the floor as he swallowed thickly. Chris lifted Josh's chin until his eyes locked with Chris's. "Please… for me?" He begged.

Josh stared at him for a long time. Chris was almost sure that Josh wouldn't respond, and was beginning to plead again when Josh opened his mouth and whispered, "Okay."

"Really?" Chris hadn't expected to win that easily, and stared at Josh with eyes wide. He felt Josh lean into his hand, and let his thumb gently slide against his friend's cheek once more. The green-eyed boy blinked, a flicker of deep emotion shining in his eyes that Chris couldn't quite decipher. Josh opened his mouth again, and spoke in a voice clearer than Chris had heard in days.

"I'd do anything for you."

And in that moment, Chris knew it was true.