Disclaimer: I don't own RENT or the song New Soul, by Yael Naim
I had always felt different. When I was four, I insisted that my parents call me by my middle name. Angel fit me so much better than Diego. When I was eight, a little girl moved into the house next door, and we'd play dress- up for hours. I'd always pick dresses and skirts. I liked the idea of pretending to be someone closer to who I felt I was inside. At thirteen, I joined the basketball team at my father's insistence. Although I didn't love sports, I didn't mind being on the team too much. It gave me something to talk about with my dad, not to mention getting to spend time with athletic boys in the locker rooms.
I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take.
But since I came here,
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake
At sixteen, my father found out about my boyfriend, and it wasn't long before I was on a bus headed to New York. I wasn't accepted as myself in my household, so it was time to reinvent myself. I changed my name, changed my look and started to make who I was inside match who I was on the outside. Those first months in the city weren't easy. I knew very little about life on the streets and made a few really bad choices. Once I lost some of my naïveté, I learned how to balance treating others the way I wished to be treated with protecting myself. Unfortunately, I still had to live with the consequences of my mistakes.
I'm a young soul
In this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make
la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
Learning to live with HIV was a process. At first, I denied that there was anything wrong. I felt fine and tried to forget about it, hoping it would just go away. But then little things would remind me that my life had changed. I'd pass the condom displays at the drug store or see a man covered in lesions in the tent city. Eventually I went to the clinic for AZT and a beeper and learned about life support. The people there taught me how to truly live, even as my body started to fail and HIV gave way to AIDS.
This is a happy end
'Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong?
This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away
Although I knew I didn't have a lot of time left, I tried to make each day count. I learned the things I wanted to learn at community college. I made a modest living in a consignment shop and supplemented my income by drumming on the street. Although the jobs didn't pay a lot, I loved them with all my heart. I was happy. I had enough money to live on and friends who accepted me regardless of what I was wearing or who I chose to be with. When Collins literally stumbled into my life, it made my life even more complete.
I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take.
But since I came here,
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake
Even though we have only had ten months together, I can honestly say they've been the most fulfilling months of my life. I'm with someone who truly understands me. Collins is the only one who knows about my life prior to my arrival in New York City. He promised he'd try to let my mother know that I love her, when it's over. I'm not really afraid to die. I'm more afraid to leave Collins behind. His soul is forever linked to mine.
I'm a new soul... (la, la, la, la,...)
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake
Possible mistake
Every possible mistake
Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes...
Take take take take take... take a mistake
Take, take a mistake
Take, take a mistake
(oh oh oh oh...)
[fade out]
(oh oh oh oh...)