Cassian couldn't feel his legs. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't force his fingers around the trigger of his blaster.
He was dead. He was absolutely sure he was.
But wait, he was breathing. And his goddamn left palm was itching.
"Hold on, I've got you." An angel's voice came to him. "I've got you."
The angel was beautiful. Her voice made him feel weightless, like he was flying, bathed in a bright light.
Bright light... The beach. Such beauty in destruction. He couldn't have pictured his final moments any better. The sweet, sweet relief at the end of the fight. The real end. He'd be with his mother and father and brothers soon.
"Minmin bey heimo..." He called. He was home, laying in his childhood bed. His mother hovered above him, her smile creasing the corners of her worn face, like he remembered.
"Mia fil..." She cooed, resting a cool hand on his head. "You've been asleep for hours. You need rest."
"Ma." He took her hand. "Ma, I got a story to tell ya."
He noticed for the first time that Lars and Tascan were huddled around the foot of his bed too. He tousled his little brothers' hair and grinned. They were so big now, no longer little babies. Heaven was just like he dreamed.
"You guys aren't gonna believe where I've been."
"Did you see a space angel?! Did you meet the rebel princess? Did you fight the bad guys?" Lars let loose with the questions. Tascan nodded his head like a bobbler.
Cassian tried to sit up, to pull the boys onto his lap, but his Ma pushed him back down. She was stronger than he remembered, his chest hurt where her hand forced him back on the sheets. His pelvis twinged as well. When did he hurt that?
That's right. The fall. His hand had slipped as he was shot at. The impact had broken his back and pelvis. He could hear the cracks ringing in his ears still. He had some other injuries from the fight too.
"Does it hurt badly?" His brother asked.
"No, Tascan. It hardly hurts at all." He settled back into the pillows. His eyelids were heavy.
"Let the medicine do its work, mia fil. Your fever will break soon." His mother said, returning her cold hand to his forehead. It felt good.
"Ma..." He looked into her careworn features. He'd missed her.
Over her shoulder, the angel appeared again. Her brown hair framed her worried face. Why was the angel worried?
"Hey, ma... Why's your angel friend so... sad?" He could barely keep his eyes open. The angel pursed her lips.
"She's worried for you, mia fil. You've been at death's doorstep these past few days."
"I've always been walking death's path, ma. You know the rebellion's been no picnic."
Lars snorted. Tascan elbowed him and crawled up on the bed. Ma smiled at them all.
"I'll go tell your father you're awake. He's been out at the east paddock all day. Don't let the boys tire you." She left, her slippered feet making no sound on the dirt floor.
"Tell us about the rebels, Cassie!" Cassian propped himself up as best as he could. His eyes felt heavy, but he couldn't resist an opportunity to wow his younger brothers.
"Well. There are pilots, and droids, and a big council that keeps the peace. And there's a beautiful princess too."
"Have you seen her?" Tascan asked. "Tell me about the princess!"
"Patience, infanet."
"Is she as beautiful as the angel?" Lars asked, crawling up to sit by his knees. Cassian let his head flop to the side. The angel was still there, hovering in the dark corner. He met her worried blue-green eyes.
"Cassian..." She spoke. Her voice was familiar. He couldn't place it though.
"I'm here." He sighed. "I just need to close my eyes."
"No!" She said. Her voice was sharp. "You have to keep fighting!"
"Droyk." He swore. He couldn't get any rest even in heaven. This angel was as pushy as Jyn.
Jyn. Jyn Erso.
She'd been with him on that beach. The last thing he remembered feeling was her head on his shoulder and the warmth of her tears seeping through his jacket. She was in her own heaven now, probably taking long walks with her father, talking about the years they'd lost.
"Cassian, tell us about the princess." Tascan said, jabbing him in the arm.
"That hurt, infanet. You've become stronger." He chuckled. The angel faded as he focused on his baby brothers.
"You know, I never met the princess. But I did meet this other girl. She was something, all right..."
"A girl? Was she a rebel spy too?"
"I suppose." Tascan curled up next to him, laying his tiny head on his chest. Cassian began running his finger's through his brother's soft hair.
"After this mission, I'll disappear into the stars. If you're lucky, you'll never see me again..." Jyn said, avoiding his eyes.
"Was she beautiful?" Lars asked, taking the same pose on his other side.
"What are you saying?" He asked, brow furrowing.
"I'm saying that you should take a shot with me while I'm here. Save a trip to the canteen to pick up some other captain. It's... mutually beneficial."
"You're saying-"
"Fuck me in the back of your ship before we die in it." She said, fixing him in her gaze. He felt the breath leave him, and then he brought his lips crashing down on hers. His mind went blank. He didn't care if it was her first time or not. He didn't care if she had feelings. He wanted to relieve his tensions so he could fly straight in the morning. That was what she had said, right? Mutually beneficial?
It was more, but neither of them would allow themselves to face it. They were about to go fight a one-ship war.
"She was... beautiful." Cassian replied, holding his brothers close. "She was brave, too. She wanted to take down the whole empire by herself."
"I bet you helped her. You flew your ship like sheewww-sheeew pew pew pew pew!" Lars hopped up and began running around the room, mimicking a pilot in a ship. It had been one of their favorite games.
"You saved the day, didn't you Cassie?" Tascan said, his big brown eyes staring up into his.
"We did it." Jyn said softly, supporting his weight down into the sand. "We fucking did it." The sunset burned in front of their eyes.
"The rebellion is far from done, infanet, they have a long fight ahead." By now the death star plans were light years away, safe in the hands of the rebellion.
"Jyn. Jyn, I have to- Last night, it was-"
"I know." She said. He felt a tear roll down his cheek. She knew that-
"Then why aren't you still out there?" Lars asked. He stopped running around the room. Doubt clouded his brown eyes.
"I'm just resting. I'll be back in the sky soon enough."
He was so tired...
"Stop that." The angel was back in the corner. She looked so familiar, but her outline kept shifting, fading. He could see her worried eyes still.
"Who are you?" He asked.
"You know who I am." She insisted.
"Who are you talking to?" Tascan asked him, poking his chest. His ribs protested.
"Ow, not so hard."
"I'm bored." Lars said, coming to the side and pulling on his arm. "I want you to play with us."
"Not so hard, Lars. My arm hurts." Cassian gasped as his body lit up with pain. Where was his mother? She said she had medicine-
"Cassian!" The angel was at the foot of his bed, looking straight at him.
"Jyn..." He cried. "Why do I hurt?"
"Because you're not done fighting." Her clear eyes fixed his. "You need to keep going."
"What is there to fight, Larel?" Cassian gasped between the waves of pain racking his body. "We did it, we're in heaven now."
"Cassian, wake up!"
"Cassie, stay!" Tascan pushed on his chest, suffocating him. Lars began to cry loudly. Sound assaulted his ears.
"Mia fil..." Ma was back, she was crying. "Don't leave us again!"
"No, no, no!" Cassian cried, covering his eyes. Everything was fading, blurring, morphing. He saw lights and things he didn't recognize. He couldn't breathe. Everything hurt.
"Hold on, I've got you." The Angel's voice came to him. He saw her face. Jyn's face. It was the only thing he could see.
"I've got you." She repeated. His eyes widened, then everything went black. And he slept.