A Farewell
She looked at them from afar. Stuck to the floor, she couldn't move albeit her biggest wish was running away from them. She couldn't stand the view. Inuyasha and Kikyou, kissing. It was too much, tears flew down her cheeks, silent sobs shaking her body. It hurt much than any physical injury.
She had to move away before being totally broken. Taking a deep breath, she succeed in making her legs obey her will. She began to run as fast as her state permitted it. They didn't notice her. Even when she betrayed her presence rather loudly, they didn't hear. And he didn't run after her like – deep inside her – she hoped he would. She hoped he would follow her, hug her and say it was not what it looked like. He wasn't kissing, instead he was, he was...
She tripped over a root. She didn't know what he should had done instead. He shouldn't had been in this situation at all! She cried even more. It hurt her so much. Yes, she loved him. Yes, she had fallen for the hanyou, and she was paying it, but no regret grew from that pain. She couldn't deny this love. She cherished it too much. It was the first time she felt so warm inside. It was the first time her heart beat with such strength, such enthusiasm. She was happy to love, to care for somebody other than her family. She felt so alive by his side. It almost terrified her at first, then she had learnt to enjoy this feeling. However, she knew it wouldn't last. Unfortunately, she didn't know when it would end. She didn't suppose it could be so early.
She crashed onto the forest floor. Her vision was blurry because of her tears, she had tripped over something again, she didn't even bother to search what. It had no importance. She remained still, laying on the dirt, crying. She didn't know how long she stayed like that, but she was sure about one thing, Inuyasha didn't come.
When her tears dried up, she picked herself up, watching what surrounded her. She couldn't exactly discern the surroundings. It was dark, either it was night, or it could be because of the canopy, too thick.
Kagome shivered. She didn't recognize where she was. Lost. She was lost among beasts and demons, enemies. One word came to her mind: end. Finally, she was reaching her limits. She didn't usually give up so easily, but she felt exhausted. When she had asked to stay by his side, she knew he would come back to Kikyou, she knew it would be hard to bear, but she thought she was ready because she couldn't leave him.
"What a fool I was," she whispered, "I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry Inuyasha. You'll find the shard without me."
She clenched her fists. How she wished to be at home! The faces of her family came to her mind.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she repeated weakly. "I'm sorry everyone."
She closed her eyelids tightly. She imagined their faces stained with tears, their eyes weighed down with grief. 'I... I can't die now.' she thought. Her eyes shot opened. The fact that she couldn't stay by Inuyasha side anymore didn't mean she had to give up everything. She would come back to her time, safe.
With her new found strength, she picked herself up and examined her body. She had some cuts and bruises, nothing to worry about. Then, she studied the possible paths.
"Maybe when I tripped I left some... The bull's eye!" she exclaimed.
Some roots were broken, surely because of her fall. A small smile stretched her lips. In her case, optimism was the best choice.
Loud noises came from a casual hut. Screams. Growls. Crashes. Every passer-by walked as far as possible from this frightening dwelling.
"I repeat I don't know where she is!" Inuyasha grunted.
"You sure she isn't at home?" Miroku asked, tensed.
Kagome was missing for four hours and her friends were getting very worried. Sango and Shippou had forced Inuyasha to jumped in the Bones Eater well. He had gone to her house, without result, she wasn't over there.
"I'm sure. I even asked her brother. He said that maybe he had missed her because he was at school. But at the moment, he was sure she wasn't home."
Inuyasha didn't dare meet his friends' eyes. Something whispered to him that he was the reason of her absence. What did he do this time? In spite of his reflection, he could not remember doing something wrong towards Kagome. Besides, they hadn't met since the morning. Where in the hell did she go?
"It's not her type to disappear like that. Usually she tells somebody about her plans. And what if she is in danger? Inuyasha! You should be able to catch her scent, shouldn't you?"
Sango was on the edge. Kagome had gone to the forest thirty minutes after Inuyasha's departure.
"She wanted to walk a little, but to see you too Inuyasha! I'm sure of that! What were you doing to miss her?"
Her eyes were accusing. Kagome loved the hanyou so much and he... he didn't care at all. At least, it was Sango's impression, because each time he could he ran off to Kikyou.
"I... I didn't know she was in the forest!"
Inuyasha clenched his fists, an idea growing in his mind. Maybe she was over there, in the forest, when he met Kikyou.
"Did you really not smell her?" Sango asked again, suspiciously.
"I didn't!" Inuyasha grunted. He really didn't, he was too preoccupied, but he knew where he should wait to see her.
"Well, having a quarrel won't do any good. It's better if we look for Kagome rather than staying here."
In spite of his apparent calm, Miroku was also worried for his friend. He hoped she was safe.
Kagome coughed a little. She was being tired by her walk and didn't find any drinking water, but she was now out of the forest. The sun was still high in the sky. 'So it wasn't that long, was it?'
"I hope they're not near the well," she mumbled.
She didn't want to see them, either Inuyasha or the others. She didn't want to talk, to explain her reaction. She needed to be alone, alone with herself in a world she knew better than this one.
She walked quietly, jumping each time she heard a noise, even the smallest one. It was getting on her nerves. All she wanted was to fled this place because she could meet him at every moment.
She was reaching her aim when a hand grabbed her shoulder.
"Kya!" she shouted.
"It's me Kagome!" Miroku quickly said before the girl panicked more.
Kagome raised a hand to her heart.
"You scared me! Why didn't you call?" She was harsh with him but she couldn't control her tone, she was too lost.
"Because you seemed ready to flee. I didn't want you to run away."
"And what if I was about to do that?" she spat before regained her calm, a bit. "I... I'm sorry Miroku but... but I need some time. Please, understand," she asked, tears in her eyes.
"Is it about Inuyasha? We can talk, you know-"
"Please Miroku! Just let me go!"
He watched his friend running away from him, from them, from their world. Miroku knew that this time would come, that one day the pressure would be too hard for her, but he, Shippou and Sango hoped she would surpass their differences and Inuyasha's stupid behaviour.
Kagome was going to jump into the well when two strong arms encircled her waist. She was pulled against a well-built chest whose she unfortunately knew the owner. He placed his hands on her hips, preventing her from escaping.
"What... what are you doing... Inuyasha?" she stammered.
He buried his nose in her hair, in her scent.
"Inuyasha!" she screamed, distressed.
"Don't leave," he whispered.
"What!" she cried.
Kagome forcefully broke his – sort of – embrace. She turned to face him. Eyes in eyes. She was defying him to lie.
"What do you think I am? You fool! A spare? I can't and won't take her place if she dumped you! But it's not the case, is it? Because you are getting well together, I saw you! And... and I can't stand it anymore... Please Inuyasha... let me go. I want to rest a little... at home."
She kept her tears in her eyes. She wouldn't cry again, not in front of him.
"I won't let you go! I'm too worried that you don't come back. I care too much for you. Kagome, please, believe me."
She felt the pain in his voice, the pain of losing her. Though her heart was shouting at her to embrace him, something inside her didn't want to trust him.
"I... I can't. You have Kikyou after all, you don't need me."
Her voice became a lot harder while she was talking. 'Yeah, he was with her. Don't be fooled.'
Inuyasha took a step forward but stopped when he saw her eyes. Lost, more than all, she was lost in her own feelings. Anger, despair, betrayal and... he didn't dare hop... love.
"Say me what you exactly saw and, I promise, I will tell you the truth and explain everything."
She thought a little then nodded. Maybe there was a chance, even if it was small, that she could be with him. She had acknowledged it a while ago, she fell for him, and she loved him too much not to listen to him.
"I saw you both in the forest this morning. You were kissing her. I saw your back, but you had your arms around her! You didn't push her away," she finally whispered.
He went nearer her and slowly raised her head with his hand.
"I admit. It's true. I didn't push her away- Let me finish please. I don't know if you will believe me, forgive me. I don't know if you will even talk to me again but, I assure you, it was not a kiss of love, it was a farewell."
Kagome blinked. "A farewell? How... why?"
Inuyasha dove his eyes in hers, his hands delicately caressing her jaw.
"Because I know I can't be with her, not because she is dead, but because she is not the person I want the most. With her, I learnt to know humans, I even imagined to be one of them. With you, I learnt how to trust somebody, how to have friends and how to behave with them. I learnt to be myself, a hanyou, and now, I can be proud of what I am. You made me change not because you wanted it, but because I needed to. It was for my well-being. I could never thank you enough for what you brought to me."
His voice didn't shake once. He was sure of his choice.
"I know it may be strange that I kissed her but... well, I don't know how to explain. She had a great importance in my life and I thought I... I found it was the proper way to say farewell," he murmured.
Kagome's cheeks was flooded with tears. Some anger remained because she didn't like that he kissed Kikyou, but she understood. He had love Kikyou, she had been the first person, human, except his mother, who had cared for him. No, she couldn't be angry at him anymore.
She cupped his cheeks in her hands and smiled though her tears.
"Inuyasha, it means you won't see Kikyou anymore?" she asked shyly.
He nodded, hope filling him. She smiled wider and flung herself around his neck.
"I understand. I understand," she repeated.
Inuyasha hugged her tightly.
"I have fallen for you Kagome" he whispered in her ear. "I love you."
The End.
Hey! I hope ou enjoyed the reading. It's my first try for Inuyasha and I also hope I didn't make too many mistakes. English isn't my native language. Sorry if it's reaaly horrible to read ^^"
Please review =)