Author's Note: I wrote this story for a 500 word fanfiction challenge. It's a bit humorous and may or may not be canon. I'll let you decide if it is or not. Poor Draco. I do so love giving him a hard time.

The Mysterious Admirer

"I love you."

Draco nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of the voice behind him. This was it. He'd been caught sneaking out of the Room of Requirement and now he was going to...wait, what did that voice just say?

"What...did you-?"

But when he turned around, no one was there.

Draco scoffed and stuffed his hands in his robes with an evil glare at the empty hallway. The trolls in the nearby tapestry were sleeping mid-pirouette, their faces slack with drool as they snored.

Oh well, maybe I was just imagining it.

He didn't notice the shadow following him to the dungeons.

"Draco, I love you." the voice whispered into his ear.

"Who the fuck are you!?" Draco turned so violently that he nearly slammed into the stone wall, prompting an irritated glare from one of the trolls, "Show yourself!"

But he was alone.

"Did you see who was there?" he asked the troll with an irritated snarl, but the troll simply shrugged.

Goddammit, I'm really cracking up.

The following week had passed without incident, though Draco still had a strange feeling of being watched even when he knew himself to be alone. He woke up half-remembering little bits of dreams. That voice….it was oddly familiar, but as soon as he thought he knew the answer, it slipped away.

Ugh, Valentine's Day sucks!

Draco sneered over his Advanced Potions book in the Slytherin Common Room and tried not to vomit. Not only was Pansy sitting in Blaise's lap with her arms draped around him in an altogether inappropriate manner, but everyone else had paired off, leaving him alone.

"Why the long face?" A fearsome growl came from his right and Draco flinched as the Bloody Baron floated through the wall, looking horrible as ever.

"It's this...love day thing," Draco said with disgust, scrunching up his nose, "I don't think I'll ever understand it, much less enjoy it."

"But love is a very important thing. Sometimes it's even worth dying for!" the Baron pointed his wounds, "Er...that probably wasn't the best argument. Be careful, though. Love can be a real pain in the...neck."

He dabbed at his ghostly neck wound with a transparent handkerchief and tucked it back in his waistcoat before disappearing through the opposite wall.

Draco slammed his book closed and stormed up the stairs.

"Draco?"

"WHAT?!" He spun around wildly, "Oh. It's just you."

"It isn't anyone else, is it?" Luna asked mysteriously.

"Yeah, well, I'm not taking any chances."

"Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say...I…"

"It was YOU?"

"What-?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Both of them looked up in surprise.

"Draco is mine! I love him!" shouted Moaning Myrtle.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Draco shouted incredulously.

"I was just going to tell you that your head was full of Wrackspurts," Luna said with a shrug as Moaning Myrtle slid her cold, ghostly arms around the shocked Slytherin boy.

It was going to be a long, unpleasant spring.