Just a one-shot I've wanted to write for a while, inspired by Lady Antebellum's Need You Now song. Nothing more I really want to say just hope you like it :]
~NEED YOU~
"… Mikan" his voice huffed out my name softly after a long silence "I…" he called me why was he doing this? "I need you"
"Nat-"
"Sorry" he interrupted "I guess I had one too many"
What was I suppose to answer to that, God I told Ruka I didn't want to come to this wretched town! "You're at a bar?" it was more of a statement then a question but still…
"Yeah" he said and I'm guessing he'd had more than 'one' too many because he actually answered instead of making a snappy comment.
"C-call a cab and-"
"I meant it" he said quickly "I need you… come meet me" a part of me wants to run to him and he knows it, but another part of me, the rational part, knows better and it's in control right now "its 11:30 I'll wait till 1:00 if you don't come I'll-"
"Natsume, have we learned nothing? We're adults now; we can't run around like teenagers high on our hormones" twenty three is adult right?
"No, that's why there's alcohol. Rush Bar I'll wait till 1, got it Mikan?" so typical of him, he is asking but his tone is so demanding.
"Wait an eternity if you want Hyuga I won't show" I closed my phone in a snap hoping I had done it fast enough so that he couldn't hear the high pitch cry that escaped my lips. This man will be the end of me… no he was the end of me from the very beginning. I went to the hotel bed and let my body collapse against the rough sheets.
Tear began to spill from my eyes and while Natsume was wrong in calling me he had the right idea when he got drunk. I went to the mini frig and saw the small bottles of tequila, rum, and other bitter-sweet drinks that will make me forget that the man I love is currently waiting for me intoxicated in some cheap bar.
But what the hell right? How different is it from what I'll be doing? Laying here in a cheap hotel intoxicated crying my eyes out while trying to repress the urge to run out and meet him. I won't fall again this all started because of him anyways…
5 Years Ago
It was our senior prom and our last year at Gakuen Alice; I was so excited at first to have it outside of the academy. I had gone with Ruka since Mr. Popular could not be tied down by one girl or so his friends had informed me. He hadn't asked and well Ruka has always been there and he asked; what could I say? Ask me again later just in case that hopeless loser doesn't ask at the last minute?
The lights went off and the DJ announced the last song of the night, I looked around and Ruka was nowhere to be found. To this day I really don't know where he went but I can't say that my sour face at that moment was due to his absence. All night and Natsume didn't even ask for one dance, just one to show that he at least considered me something important. I mean come on he had even danced with Luna… Luna the slut! My mouth twitched I should be more upset that I'm going to miss the last dance of my own prom but no there I am fuming with anger at the thought of Natsume dancing with another girl.
"Oi Polka, are you that upset that your date ditched you? Weren't you the one that said that you were only going as friends? So what if he's dancing with another girl, can you really blame him?" There he was and I would like to say I was angered at his words but the truth was that I was a lot more relieved that he wasn't out there dancing with some girl.
"You're such a jerk!" hey I said I was more relieved that angered but I was still angered by his words. "For your information Ruka wouldn't go around with other girls like you" I said sticking my tongue out at him.
"Then where is he?" he said mockingly
"W-well he's…probably in the restroom. He'll be back in no time" I said thinking I was so smart to come up with that on the spot, I looked up and grinned at him
"Ok then while we wait" he graved me wrist lifting me up, much too willingly from my part, and then walked me to the dance floor. "Ruka won't mind if I keep you company while he's away right?"
I looked up at him dumbfounded and my intelligence only lessened as I saw his perfect white teeth flashing at me. I somehow managed a nod while he wasted no time in slipping his hand around my waist and I'd be lying if I said I didn't simply adore the feeling. I mimicked his steps while my hands found the perfect spot around his neck. The song went by much too fast, in fact I don't even remember what song was playing, I didn't know then and I sure as hell don't know now.
I remember that at one point Natsume stopped and when I looked around I realized that the song had ended and most of the couples where either leaving or kissing. I flushed as I realized that Natsume was still holding me possessively so much that if I tried to escape it would be futile, not that I planned to do so any time soon. "I guess it over" I said looking up at him from beneath my lashes I couldn't possibly hold his gaze.
Natsume's eyes have always been intense but at that moment they were on full blow, how can one person hold such power with just their eyes? "Mikan" he said beneath his breath and only I, who was so close to him, could hear his velvet voice. "Just one more time… just tonight" he said and before I knew it his lips were gently on mine. What started off as a sweet kiss slowly turned to a lustful one full of desire, and for all that its worth at that moment I could care less if my own grandfather was in the room I wanted to show Natsume just how much I loved him with this one kiss.
When we finally separated his head fell on my shoulder and I knew there was something wrong. Wasn't this the time for him to look me in the eyes and tell me that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever? Or at least that's how it happened in all the dramas and mangas I read, which ones had he read recently? Instead his head rested on my shoulder, he must have looked quite pitiful to anyone who was looking. "Natsume?" I said not sure what was wrong
His head rose and the gently hands that had been wrapped around my waits moved to my wrist and became rough. Without much explanation I was dragged out of the dance floor and thrown into someone. I looked up and Ruka was holding me his expression unreadable "There, she's yours I've gotten what I wanted now you can have her" Natsume said and walked out of the room stuffing his hands in his pockets and not once looking back.
I couldn't believe him how dare he use me like that! All he wanted was to stroke his ego, kiss me and then throw me back so he could tell his friends. I was humiliated and I hated myself for even at that moment I still loved Natsume.
12:00am
Its midnight, I successfully drank all the liquor and nothing's left but the beer. I hate the taste of beer but since I still recall my prom perfectly I must not be drunk enough. I moved to the frig again and pulled out the two beers. You know for a cheap motel they don't have that many things to get wasted in the room. I guess it's a precaution and I guess I could always order some more but I really don't want some poor employee coming up at midnight to witness my pathetic state.
It is pathetic, here I am weeks away from marring this wonderful man, who's handsome, smart, caring, compassionate, and what else do all the girls call him? Oh God see I don't even know his good qualities! I'll blame it on the liquor… is that a song? Anyways Ruka really is amazing and I know it, even without all the good qualities I should still be as lucky as to have someone like him by my side. He's been with me through all the Natsume drama and then some. That's why I couldn't help but say yes when he proposed and I couldn't help but set my mind on forgetting Natsume…
3 Years Ago
It was official Ruka and me were a couple and everyone was ecstatic about it, which kind of worked out since it made up for my lack of excitement. Don't get the wrong idea I was happy, but how do I put this? When I'm with Ruka its peaceful my heart is at ease I don't need to worry about trivial things, I feel I could live pleasantly the rest of my life. So you see I'm content with Ruka, and would be stupid not to respond to Ruka's undying and unconditional love.
You know when you see all those dramas where the guy hides his love from the girl for years and then two episodes before it ends he takes her up a hill overlooking the beautiful sunset to confess his love and you think… Like That Really Happens In Real Life! Well apparently it does, and when he confessed and we shared our first kiss all I could think about was Natsume and tears began to spill from my eyes. Ruka thought I was just so happy and it's not a lie if you don't initiate the misunderstanding right? Either way how was I suppose to break this guys heart when I knew firsthand what it felt like to be in so much pain you want to rip out your own heart. Not only that but Ruka was there through it all to help me, how could I not accept?
"Ne Mikan let me see the necklace again!" Anna said wanting to see the necklace that Ruka had given me. I pulled it out of my purse and handed it to her "Kyaaa!" she squealed at the sight of it… again.
"It's gold, it must have cost him quite a shiny penny" Hotaru said, even she was a bit happy I could tell and since Ruka had given me something of value Hotaru was impressed and more or less accepted the boy as my boyfriend.
"Why don't you wear it? I know that if it was mine I wouldn't take it from the second he gave it to me" Permy said as we walked into a store. We had gone shopping since Ruka had given me this for our 1 year anniversary and I like a dumbass forgot all about the date, I had to make it up to him somehow.
"I feel bad I shouldn't wear it until I get him something too, in fact I have to get him something even better since I forgot about our anniversary" I said but to be honest that wasn't really the issue. The date of our anniversary on the back of the necklace was the same as our prom; the irony would have been funny if I wasn't still hung up on that night.
"Then why are we in this clothing store?" Permy said loudly and I tried to ignore her as I looked around but you try ignoring that girl she's like an annoying Chihuahua when she sets her mind on something.
"What's wrong with it? I think it carries nice clothes and this is his favorite clothing line I'll get him a whole outfit from here and then… I'll see what else I can do I really do feel bad" I said not even realizing that I was walking into Permy's trap.
"Well if you really want to get Ruka something he'll like you should have gone to a lingerie store!" she said making it so that the whole store turn to look.
"From what he's told me he sleeps in his boxers… plus I doubt those stores carry anything for men I mean-" then I got it and I turned all sorts of red. All of them began to laugh; even Hotaru couldn't repress a smile. I was so embarrassed I turned to run from them but only ended up crashing into someone.
"Oww… ah sorry" I said rubbing my head and when I looked up, I was sure I would have fall back if he weren't holding me up. "Natsume I-I'm…"
"Still as clumsy as ever apparently" Some may say its fate or destiny or whatever it is that people believe in these days; but it's not, it's just a stupid coincidence. A stupid coincidence that should never had happened, but I can't say if it happened all over again I wouldn't do it because I would again and again.
We ended up going for coffee… just the two of us. I told the girls that there were things that I needed to clear up with him on my own, all of them gave each other glances but in the end it was my decision. We ended up sipping our drinks at the park, at first we talked about trivial things that we both knew were not the conversation we wanted to be having. "So you're still in contact with the school?"
"I really don't have a choice" he said letting his eyes wonder and I knew that this was a touchy subject that he really didn't want to talk about. I stayed quite working up the courage to ask him the one thing that was eating me inside "you and Ruka are an item now" he said, and at first I thought he was letting me know because he said it so sure of himself but then I realized it was a question.
I nodded "Yeah" at that point I didn't care either I was going to ask too "what about you... Do you have anyone?"
"No… not someone permanent anyways" I don't know if that was a good thing or not but I guess my heart would have hurt a bit more if he had told me he was deeply in love with another person.
"That's good" I said serenely and then I realized what that must have sounded like "No! ... I-I mean your dating … it's good that your dating" I said trying to correct myself.
To my surprise he only chuckled and I thank God for that. That's one thing that drives me mad about Natsume he's always so composed his shoulders straight, his muscles tense, and his neck held up high; I can never fully understand what's going on in his mind. But when he chuckled I couldn't help but followed his example and giggled as well.
"You know at first I was freaking out about bumping into you but now I-" I began to say only to be interrupted.
"Are you sleeping with him?" he asked so abruptly that I was at loss for words
"W-what?" I said
"I knew you were slow but this is ridicules. Are you and Ruka having-"
"That's Not What I Meant!" I said angered at his question what was it to him if Ruka and I had slept together anyways "T-that's none of your business!"
"Is that a yes?" he said stopping to look at me and then I remembered that while Natsume was always composed, I could always tell how he felt through his eyes and right now they were hurt maybe even a little desperate.
"No…" I said without thinking, I forgot that I had no reason to share my personal life with this guy, especially this guy.
"Good" he said and ran his hand through his hair before he continued on walking like nothing had happened.
I on the other hand stayed behind not believing what he had just done "you" I began very softly and then "You! You Ass!" I yelled to him and before I knew it my heel was flying towards him
"Oi! Woman, have you gone crazy?" he said just barely missing my attack; right he was trained in combat what was a heel compared to attacks aimed to kill.
"How dare you! You act like nothing happened here or 2 years ago!"
"That's right nothing happened so stop making a scene" he said bending down to pick up my shoe.
"Nothing might have happened for you but do you know what you have done to me?" I said my eyes ready to burst with tears.
Natsume looked guilty and hurt "Everything" he whispered "that night meant everything to me" he walked over and lifted my foot to put my heel back on "that was the last night I would be able to hold the woman I loved for the last time" he said keeping his eyes on the floor
My body froze; it must have been a dream, just another dream like the one I had been having for countless nights. Soon I would wake up in my bed, alone tears spilling down to my pillow, so I did what any desperate person would, I took that dream for all it was worth. I placed my hand under Natsume's chin bringing his face close to mine I wanted to relive that kiss all over again. "I'm right here why don't you do what we both want most right now?"
I don't know what he was expecting to hear but his eyes were so confused at first that I thought I was going to have to spell it out for him, really and he called me the slow one. I soon learned he wasn't slow at all, in an instant he had me against the tree kissing me deeply. Maybe I'm some kind of masochist but I liked his possessive side, his mind and body where completely focus on me and there was no one or nothing that could have pulled us apart.
After… well I really don't know how long we spent lip locked but it was a while because the sun was not even close to where it was when we began. After that I laid in his arms under the tree in silence; he had dozed off a while ago and I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts. I knew why I wasn't excited when Ruka and I became an item, and predictably enough it was because of this man that was holding me. Ruka was a kind person who I could spend the rest of my life content with, but because I knew Natsume because I had met him I found out that there was more than being content. Natsume gave me so many more emotions. Yes I was happy if that even properly describes the ecstasy I feel when I'm with him. But there's all so excitement, laughter, passion, even bad emotions like jealousy and anxiety but more than anything I felt love, I was in love with him, something I can't honestly say I feel when Ruka is around or at least not this kind of love.
12:45am
After that day Natsume and I kept seeing each other behind everyone's back. I was the happiest I have ever been for that one year, Natsume gave me so much joy that it made my time with Ruka seem dull. Every minute spent with Ruka was a minute that I couldn't spend with Natsume. I know how bad that sounds but I was so intoxicated with that man that it was driving me crazy. In fact I'm surprised that I was able to walk away when we stopped seeing each other…
2 Years Ago
"Psst…hey …. Natsume" I whispered from behind our tree he turned around and it wasn't the reaction I was expecting. We hadn't seen each other for Two Whole Days!
"What are you wearing?" he said holding back a laugh
"Huh? You said wear a disguise, and hey, is that what I get after not seeing each other for so long. Where are the beautiful love poems that you recite to show your undying love for me?" I said puffing up my cheeks
"Tch. I think you have me confused for a gay man" he said as he walked over to sit under the tree where we had kissed a year ago. "When I told you to wear a disguise I said it so that we wouldn't get noticed" Natsume pulled on my hand and brought me down to his lap "this … this is an eye sore" he said with a chuckle and began to take off the sunglasses I was wearing and the huge summer hat on my head.
"Mao. You're so mean, I have half a mind to go back home!" I said and he untied the cloth that I had draped over my head.
"Really what's the point of the wig if you were going to put this thing over it?" he said and he uncovered a big curly black wig underneath.
"What if I got hot?" I said explaining the wig. He only raised an eyebrow "well I would take off the hat and the cloth and the wig would still conceal my identity"
"Wouldn't the reason you got hot be because of all these layer? You know I was expecting you to show up in a baseball hat not the entire Halloween shop"
"Sorry" I said sheepishly as he finally finished taking all my costumes accessories off "I just didn't want to get us into trouble"
Natsume's eyes fell down to my hands "It's troublesome" he said "I don't know what we're thinking"
"Natsume?" I said scared of his word "we're thinking that we love each other" I said "you do still love me right?"
"Don't be stupid" he said and moved to give me a quick kiss on my forehead
"Then?" I asked as my anxiety becoming worse "what are you saying?"
"You're still with Ruka and I still can't have you… I don't think I'll be able to live with myself if something happens to you because of me, with my type of job I have too many enemies… dangerous enemies"
"If it's because of Ruka I'll leave him and as for you not having me, look around Natsume! … You have me right now" my eyes became watery he was doing it again he was trying to throw me away again.
Natsume pulled my head into his chest and ran his fingers through my hair "Just one more time Mikan" he said and I felt me body go cold. I had the urge to throw up, he had said it again and I knew that one way or another tonight I was going to be crying myself to sleep just like I had 3 years ago when he had said those exact words.
I abruptly pushed myself off him, he didn't look surprised just hurt to say the least. I know he must have known I was going to react that way when he said those words. My hand moved on its own and I slapped him across the face as hard as I could "I Don't Ever Want To See You Again!" I said holding my burning hand
"Let me see your hand you-"
"Did you hear me?" I yelled pulling away from his attempt to see my hand "I Don't Want to See Your Face Ever… Ever Again" I said as calmly as I could, ignoring the tears that fell from my face.
12:55am
That's why I'm here. Maybe I did over react but I just couldn't believe he had said those words to me, not again. I told Ruka about what had happened with Natsume, it took some time but in the end Ruka and I became a couple again. To some degree I wish we hadn't, not that I don't want to be with him I just feel he is a whole lot more devoted to me then I can ever be to him. I turn to look at the clock that flashed in red numbers 3min till 1:00am.
They say time heals everything but how much time do I need, before I stop running back to Natsume. I graved my purse and the white card that opens the hotel door and dashed down the stairs not bothering with the elevator. I would have gone insane waiting for it plus the mirrors inside would have showed my reflection which can't be very attractive at the moment.
I pushed open the doors that lead from the stairs to the lobby when I hear him "Always so dramatic Strawberries"
Natsume was already here "y-you're here?" I said and I don't know why I was asking him when I could clearly see that myself. He nodded and walked closer to me "What if I was already on my way?" I asked "you would have missed me"
"The bar is down the block… did u even know where you were going?" he asked already so close to me
"I was making things up along the way" I said backing up a bit
"Impulsive like always" he said and reached behind me, I shut my eyes only to feel like a complete idiot when I heard the ding from the elevator. Right, he was reaching for the elevator button not me "either way you're about 20min late anyways… you should know I'm not much on penitence" he said walking in to the elevator, guess my clock was wrong.
"Yeah I seem to recall I was always the one that needed to wait for you" I said and even I couldn't miss the venom in my voice. The ride up was quite and my comment only made it worse, the only good thing about it was that I could sneak glances at him through the mirrors. God, he was everything he was years ago and more. Granted he looked like he hadn't slept in days but still there was no denying he was handsome. The elevator stopped and opened its doors abruptly and I made my way out walking much too quickly, I didn't even look back to see if Natsume was keeping up. Then again he never really did have trouble keeping up.
We were doors way from my room and I began to panic. What was I expecting to happen tonight? What was he expecting? I mean we were heading into my room and we were more or less … a bit … drunk? Not that I felt it much now, I think seeing him sobered me right up, but was it the same for him? And if it was, so what, would that really change the scenario?
I struggled with the stupid white card that opened the door; I could never get these things open on the first try. Of course it didn't help much that my hands kept shaking; I was getting frustrated when I felt Natsume's hand take over opening the door swiftly and with steady hands. I mumbled a 'thank you' and we both stared at the empty room for a few seconds.
I walked in first and made it all the way to the desk before I turned to see Natsume. He was looking at me with so much intensity I squirmed under his gaze. I really couldn't take it anymore I was about to break the silence when he did it for me "I just wanted to see you" he said "well I've been wanting to see you since ... but tonight I guess I couldn't keep myself in check"
"Since?" I questioned that part since it as the easiest to tackle. He looked away almost angry, I guess he wished I had said something different instead of making him say it. I knew exactly what he meant, what followed 'since', he meant since that day he said those words to me and I slapped him across the face. I knew and he knew but I really didn't want to make it easy on him… in fact I wanted to make it as painful as possible. The fact that he even thought I would soften it for him made me angry "You really are something" I said attempting to laugh but what came out was nothing close to that "you always think you are trying to protect me saying it's bad for me to stay near you"
"It is bad" he said through girthed teeth "you think I want to stay away from you? You were one of the few things that made me happy" I could barely believe what he was saying "but I would be damned if I were to let you follow me into my world"
"So you sacrifice yourself right? That's the alternative?" I said and I could care less if that sounded horrible "You're not the only one who suffers, you're not the only one you hurt when you push me away. Do you even understand what it is to watch as the person you love is … is HURT in front of you and you can't so much as go near them to ease the pain?"
"You don't know what you're talking about" he said "I would much rather you hurt for awhile than go through-"
"Awhile?" I interrupted, upset for lack of a better word "You think it's been awhile?" I said tears in my eyes, it's been years and I still wake up at night just wondering where he is and he thinks I'll only hurt for awhile? I look up at him and I want to punch him, hit him, make him feel pain for… awhile, but that's not going to make him feel the kind of pain I've felt. I bring my hand up to cover my face that is burning with tears and let myself fall on the bed.
"That's not what I meant Mikan" he says firmly but when says my name its soft. Natsume comes down to be at eye level and attempts to wipe away a few strands of hair from my face. I on the other hand don't want him anywhere near me… much less touching any part of me because after that I know I won't be strong enough to stay away from him.
"Don't touch me" I push on his chest as hard as I can before he gets a chance to push back my hair.
That's when I notice it, the twitch when my hands make contact, even the way his shirt is buttoned up all the way "you stubborn woman!" he yells at me but I'm no longer listening "Is it so hard to understand there are certain things I want to keep you from?" the way he sits back up from where I push him on the floor is strange too and I finally get it "There are things you see, hear… feel that will haunt you and… and I just didn't want you to live with that"
He raises his brow at me "Oh God…" I whisper and kneel down to him. I think he knows I've figured it out but he won't give up that easily, neither will I. "Let me see" I tell him, my hands already attempting to undo his first collar button… really who was he fooling? I doubt I have ever seen Natsume wear his shirts buttoned up all the way.
"Oi!" he yells and slaps my hand away before I get a decent shot "I can't even come near without you pushing me away but you can come undress me?"
"Stop it" I tell him "you can't possibly think that I wouldn't notice? Let me see" Here I was complaining about my own pain while... while Natsume's pain is much greater. It always has been, I feel like such a hypocrite yelling at him about him ignoring my pain when I've done nothing but ignore his.
Natsume's eyes wonder the room "There's nothing to see"
"Please" I beg him, I would give everything I have and more just to ease his pain… both our pains "please just let me do this much"
"I didn't come here for this" he tells me "I just wanted to see you one last time … nothing more" he tells me with a sad smile on his lips
"One last time?" I ask and move closer to him. He eyes dart up, realizing he's said too much. My hands again go up to his shirt, this time successfully undoing his first button. As I continue moving down I seem to be chocking on air. When I finish its more than I can take, I turn away, how long has he been like this? The black mark of decay are spread all over his chest, the darker circles indicate where he was hit. More alarming though are how close it has gotten to his heart 'one last time' that's what he meant. "When?" I mange to choke out.
He exhales "doesn't matter" I don't want to fight with him anymore, not when he's like this, so I let it go. I gently put my hand on his chest, very careful to hurt him as little as I possibly can. He grabs my hand, shaking his head and brings it down "Don't" he tells me simply.
"I'm such an idiot Natsume" I say with tear flowing down my cheeks and I don't even care "I talk about my pain as if I'm the only one hurting but you –you have this much pain both inside and out" my hands go up to my face "I'm such … such an idiot" I chock out and through my covered face I can only wonder what his reaction is.
I feel his hand on my hair and I instinctively reach out to grave it… I know it's useless to try but I won't let him die like this "stop it" he tells me and removes his hand from mine with a frustrated sigh "I told you I wasn't here for that right? I know I have no right to ask this but just let me stay next to you for a while"
"Just one more time?" I tell him and his smile is something between pain and amusement
"Yeah" he answers as I bring his head down to my lap and begin to run my fingers through his hair just like we use to do so many times for what seems like a life time ago. "It will all end" he whispers and I begin to feel his body relax and for an instant I panic, I panic to the point of feeling my heart stop beating unnaturally and then I realize he's just falling asleep.
"you know very well I'm far too selfish to let that happen… I need you as well" I tell him and I wonder if his still awake, I think I rather believe he is so I can say everything I want "can we just forget everything and everyone and let me worry about you… let me get mad when you show up late at night and then treat your wounds … let me be near you. I wish for that kind of life more than anything else, is that stupid of me?"
"yes" he tells me and sits up "you make me want that kind of life as well… and then I think that it would be perfect if I was the only one that would get hurt but things are never that black and white" he reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear "if you got involved what would I do?"
I know he doesn't want an answer but "the same thing I do" I tell him and I know that answer won't do. Natsume just looks out the window and his gaze is far away not really looking at anything. Is he really thinking it over? When he comes back to, he catches me looking at his chest his eyes widen and I wonder what kind of face I was making.
"Stupid polka don't make that face" he tells me and again I wonder what kind of face I'm making. Frustration, anxiety, pain all of those emotions pass through his eyes as he passes his hand through his hair.
"just once I want to be the one to protect you" I tell him and he seems to be avoiding my eyes "just once I would love to be the one that shields you from that darkness" I reach out once again this time he seems to allow me to come closer "just once" I keep whispering until I my lips reach his chest, I let my lips linger I few seconds before I actually make contact, a small but significant kiss "I-I just don't want to lose you" I tell him and even I'm surprised by my voice, so painful and sincere.
I slowly pull back and his head falls on my shoulder stopping me "you have, so many time" he tells me and his hand graves mine lifting it up to his chest. I don't waste a moment, just in case he changes his mind. He flinches a bit and I realize I wasn't being careful "I'm sorry, does it hurt?" I ask.
"No" he lies but since its Natsume; just him allowing me to extract the mark of death is a big step. I feel the stone grow in my palm more and more and time passes by so slow. Natsume sinks deeper into my neck holding back the pain and I pray that it will all end soon I don't know how much more he can take before he collapse. I look up trying to make the tears stay in place and hopping that somehow if I look up my prayers will reach the heavens faster, faster so this person can stop being hurt.
"Just a bit more" I tell him and I'm not lying. A few seconds more and it's gone, all of it… gone. I smile to myself and wait for him to compose himself before leaving my shoulder. It takes him a while and I run my fingers through his hair and pretend I don't hear his heavy breathing, he wouldn't want me to. When he finally looks up his eyed are drained and there is a stain of blood on his lip from where I can only guess he had bitten down. His chest though, is clear not a single trace of black. I couldn't help but smile a bit before looking down to where the stone rested in my hand; so big that I can't closes my hand around it. My eyes linger on the stone; all of this was inside of him I shudder to think of how he could have come to have these marks. When I finally look up Natsume is looking at me and he is just about ready to collapse. "Ah! Natsume you should probably lay down for awhile" I tell him.
I move over to him and his eyes never leave me "one way or another I always end up making you cry" he tells me and I realize that the reason that he is looking at me is because I have not stop crying. His hands come up to wipe my tears away, the warmth of his hand surprises me but it's a nice melancholic feeing. I lean in so that are foreheads are touching, and it not long before his lips find mine, very softly they move over mine and for now that's more than enough for the two of us.
"I'll become stronger for you" I tell him and he manages a smile as I help him up and on to the bed.
"Tch, stop saying things that make me want to keep you… mine and no one else's…" as soon as he reaches the pillow he falls asleep. I lay down next to him, his face is so peaceful, his eyelashes are long and thick, his mouth is slightly parted, and his hair like always falls onto his face. I push it back and it manages to fall back in place again. The rest of the night I just watch as his chest raises and falls, if every night I can lay like this with him I would be happy… so happy.
I don't know when exactly I fall asleep but I do and it's not till the sun's rays on my face wake me up. At first I think it was all a dream but Natsume's arms are around me and his warmth is evident all over the bed. What happens now? He stirs a bit and I know he's awake "morning" I tell him and he grunts a bit still not quite ready to wake up completely. I giggle and place a kiss on his jaw; that makes him open one of his eyes and look down to me, a smirk on his face. I feel the heat go up to my face and his smirk widens into a cocky grin "stupid Natsume"
He shifts me up so that I'm laying on his stomach the heat in my face just seems to increase "that's not what I wanted to hear, the kiss on the other hand is a good start" he teases just like he always does when it comes to me showing him affection. I hide my face in his chest and I begin to draw small circles on his arm. Then that same question comes into my head again, 'what now?'
"If you leave this time I'm sure my heart won't take it" I tell him
It's a long moment before he answers "this time I couldn't leave you even if I tried… even now I know I should stay away but all I want is to shut everything and keep you to myself" I let what he said sink in
"…and that won't change?" I push on
"Not even if you wanted it to… I'm in love with you and unfortunately you have the bad habit of letting in people you shouldn't" he tells me his face unwavering, I nod slightly and again blush madly, my heart pounding against my chest. How can he possibly say this kind of things so serious, but I guess that's another thing I love about Natsume that and so much more. So much more that he has me running to him at one in the morning, forgetting everything and everyone that isn't him. So much that I rather feel all this pain and let my heart feel everything good and bad just to be able to be with him.
"I love you too, so much that it scares me" I tell him just in case he hadn't figured it out yet.
"Good" he tells me before closing his eyes determined to regain his sleep. This is definitely one of those good moments; I'll make sure to keep it safe.
The end …
Hope you all liked it don't forget to give me good reviews… or bad ones … maybe TT_TT. Just kidding all reviews are welcomed. Love to hear from you guys real soon lots of love MoonStarLight
P.S. FIRST COMPLETED FIC! _