Lily is dead.
It didn't seem to matter the hours of listening into secret conversations and leaning over rank smelling potions. The excruciating drawn-out periods of time under crucio; the sneers and jibes from fellow 'Order' members. All of it pointless.
Lily is dead.
I'd never see her green eyes sparkle with her laughter again. Never see her porcelain brow furrow over an academic problem. Never feel her warmth as she hugged me.
Because Lily is dead.
Albus had assured me that they were safe. I had begged him at my very weakest to save her. Anything to save her. I knew he merely saw me as a chess piece in his fight against the Dark Lord. A very useful chess piece but an expendable one none the less. I didn't care about being tossed back into the cesspool that the Dark Lord has created, if only to save her. To keep her brightly burning light on earth as long as possible, I'd have done anything.
Sirius Black was one of the stupidest choices for a Secret Keeper out there. Albus himself, manipulator as he is, would have been a better choice. Or the werewolf with his connection to his 'pack'. Hell, I would have been a better choice than that immature insane man-whore. Pettigrew of course was always a sniveling little worm, even managing to cause more issues with his death by going after Black in a muggle public place. The pure stupidity of Gryffindors.
I find I am apathetic about the thought of Lily's child. The boy supposedly looks just like his good for nothing father and is most obviously not her. And what sort of name is Harry for a son from a pureblood family anyways? Pathetic and certainly Potter's choice.
There is no way that this babe can have defeated the most powerful dark wizard that ever lived. Not after the potions he drank that I gave him and the power he exuded. The rest of the fools out there may celebrate his demise but I know we shall all feel his wrath again with time.
I snort with disbelief at the idea Albus is hung up on about Potter's son being so essential later on. A child? The wizarding world is going to depend on a child, and Potter's child at that? Then we really are doomed.
However, the enemy of enemy is my friend. Let Albus believe what he wishes, all I care about is avenging the only girl that ever made me feel anything close to warmth. I'll keep my head down, go through the farce of Death Eater trials and becoming Potions Master for all the sniveling brats. This is my sentence, my debt for not protecting the best thing that ever happened to me. Once the madman that killed Lily is dead nothing else will matter. Until then I'll move forward, pick up information and keep quiet. Joy nor pleasure have no real meaning anymore anyways.
Lily is Dead.
~10 years later~
Sitting at the Gryffindor table among a sea of gaudy red and gold sits something that makes my breath stop and my heart clench. A sight I never thought I'd see again- Lily's sparkling green eyes. And though I scowl at the boy who's hair and face match my childhood tormentor I promise myself. I'll protect this small part of Lily with all that I can. My main goal won't stray but for her I'll protect her son.
Because Lily died for him.