When bad anime gets worse!
Chapter 1: The story unfolds...
By: Inviso Inc. of the Four Elements
Ahhh, it's good to be back at FF.N! Didja miss me?
Blondegoddessychs: You suck!
Yeah, f--k you too. --Immolates blondegoddessychs with a flame-thrower-- Anyway, this is a fic I shall be co-writing with my disciple, Sovios Falchion Romantic, as well as Mecha Scorpion, and... --Reads the script-- Who? Anyway! On with the fic!
Disclaimer: I am God and you know it! However, I do not own any of the following characters. Sovios owns Angel and himself, and the other authors own themselves as well. In addition, I own Lex.
Dateline: Hyrule Castle Town. Link was walking around, minding his own business, when all of a sudden, the Digidestined appeared and began throwing hot dogs at him.
Link: WTF! YRU throwng H-dogs at me?
They then proceeded to chuck Krispy Kremes at him. Meanwhile, I had stumbled upon them, and, (being the awesomely cool guy I am) tried valiantly to stop them from wasting perfectly delicious donuts on a stupid prank. But alas, my efforts were in vain, as they merely began throwing horrible Pokémon yaoi (both hentai and lemons) at me until I fell down and curled up into the fetal position. Then they left, and Katt and Aisha happened upon me.
Inviso: Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary, Pikachu, and Professor Oak... the horror...
Katt: --Reads the narrative-- I thought they bombarded you with yaoi...
Inviso: They DID, dammit!
Aisha: Oh, ew...
Katt: Well, let's get going, then, Invi. --Picks up Inviso and throws him over her shoulder--
Inviso: --BIG grin--
They arrived at Hyrule Castle, where the noble Princess Zelda was already taking steps to thwart the impending crisis.
Zelda: zZzZzZz...
I said, WHERE THE NOBLE PRINCESS ZELDA WAS ALREADY TAKING STEPS TO THWART THE IMPENDING CRISIS!
Zelda: --Wakes up-- Huh? Oh yeah! --Begins taking steps to thwart the impending crisis--
Her first act was to assemble a crack team of characters from the finest video games known to man, as well as some random people. Then she summoned the Four Elements, who are really the authors writing this fic! They are:
Inviso, with the power of Oddity!
Sovios Falchion Romantic, with the power of Perversion!
Mecha Scorpion, with the power of Satire!
And Mystery Author, with the power of... Mystery!
Alone they are each a mighty force, but together, they are unstoppable! ...At least, that was what she hoped. She quickly called the meeting to order in the War Room.
Zelda: Order! ORDER! HEY, RM, QUIT RUNNING AROUND!
Running Man: Oh, my bad! --Takes off the Bunny Hood and sits down--
Zelda: Anyway! You have all been called here b3c4u53... H3Y 1NV150! QU17 M4K1N6 M3 741K 1N 1337-5P34K!
Inviso: BUT IT'S FUN!
Zelda: 7H3N Y0U D0 17!
Inviso: 0-K4Y!
Zelda: Crazy-ass bastard...
Inviso: 7H47 1 4M!
Saria: Hey, how come you diss AOL-speak but not Leet-speak?
Inviso: BECAUSE I, TOO, HAVE BECOME A HYPOCRITE!
Saria: ARE YOU CALLING ME A HYPOCRITE!
Inviso: WHAT IF I AM!
Inviso and Saria got into a shouting match until Zelda came in there and smacked them around a bit. Then they settled down.
Zelda: Right then. Anyway, the reason you have been called here is that the Digidestined have unleashed the worst plague ever to hit our shores.
All others: WORSE THAN POP MUSIC?
Zelda: Many times worse. I'm talking about... POKÉMON YAOI!
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE HORROR!
Zelda: Well, now we must discuss the plan by which we shall thwart their own ambitions.
Yuffie: Does it involve Materia?
Zelda: Probably not.
Rauru & Palmer: Does it involve tea? With lots of sugar and honey and, oh yeah, don't forget the lard!
Zelda: ...It does not involve tea, with or without lard.
Rikku: Oooh, does it involve spheres?
Yuffie: That reminds me, I have a bone to pick with you! You're just a f--king rip-off of me! And this whole "Sphere Hunter" crap? Hello! Materias ARE spheres!
Rikku: What, you wanna fight? --Puts on her Godhand--
Yuffie: As a matter of fact, I do! --Whips out her Conformer--
Zelda: Hey! You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!
Rikku & Yuffie: --Hang their heads-- We're sorry.
--Note: The reason I have Rikku putting on her Godhand instead of Spherechanging to Dark Knight is because, let's be honest, FFX-2 really sucked ass out the piehole. And anyone who says it didn't is either on drugs or just in a deep state of denial.--
Squall: Does it involve GFs at all?
Zelda: I don't think so.
Squall: Good. I can't afford to lose any more memories.
Zelda: Anyway, let's get back to business-- Yes, MS?
Mecha: First of all, why ARE the Digidestined here?
Zelda: Because they want to blackmail the creators of Pokémon into halting the series.
Mystery: They really should, it sucks!
Sovios: Yeah, Pokémon reached perfection at Crystal, now they're just trying to make more money.
Zidane: Is anyone else here completely lost?
Sovios: Nope-- --Double-take--ZIDANE? --To Zelda-- I thought you were supposed to have assembled a crack team of characters from all the BEST games!
Zelda: I did.
Sovios: BUT FINAL FANTASY IX SUCKED HOT WET ASS!
Zidane: Hey, how do you know about that?
Garnet: Zidane! --Smacks him--
Sovios: Okay, that's just wrong...
Mystery Author: ...--Sweatdrop--
Master Chief: ...so, what should we do? Do you want me to just find these guys and blow their heads off?
Zelda: That won't work. They've somehow developed Authorial powers.
Authors: WHAT?
Zelda: Yep. Fortunately, they haven't mastered them yet, and can only use them at close range. But, as soon as you got within shooting range of them, they could sense you and turn your gun into something far less pleasant for you to hold.
Master Chief: So how are we supposed to defeat them?
Dart: Even Dragoons aren't immune to Authorial magic...
Zelda: Okay, here's the plan...
2bc!
What? I ran out of ideas, okay! Besides, I've gotta leave SOME stuff left for the other authors to do! Okay, next up to write a chapter is my dear, dear friend, Sovios, so it should be coming soon. You've read, so now... Review! I COMMAND YOU! Note: By the way, the MYSTERY AUTHOR thing is just until we find a fourth author for the fic. Anyone interested, drop Sovios a line at his e-mail address, which can be found in his bio. You'll need your own ASCII signature, though...
/ Inviso
XX/