Wrecking Ball
Description: Sometimes taking a leap of faith leads to a crash and burn. A first person one shot inspired by recent autobiographical events and the song "Wrecking Ball". Jane or Maura's POV... you decide. Fair warning - super angsty. Not the usual rizzles fluff.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
I appreciate you so much... I hope that we can look past this and that things won't be awkward.
I sit curled in the darkness on my couch, fingertips slowly swiping the page long text message back and forth. My eyes grazing over and scrutinizing every word. My brain still questioning whether what I am staring at is actual reality or merely a convoluted nightmare.
It had been ten days... Ten days since I left a letter on your doorstep. A letter that confessed my deepeest darkest secrets to a woman who had become my life, my joy, the best and closest friend I could have ever asked for. The person who undertsood me more than any other human being walking this lonely planet.
Ten days of deafening silence that left me free falling through the sky not knowing if my fail-proof parachute would open before I hit the ground. Ten days of limbo only to be told that the feelings were not mutual. That what I knew to be the undeniable truth was merely an inconvenient misunderstanding.
I let you in... Let you permeate into my deepest crevices because you saw me. Recognized and celebrated parts of me that no one else would ackowledge. I gave you the power to disarm me. You took me by surprise and destroyed me.
I had been naive... Refusing to believe that the universe would bless me with such an amazing gift if it was only to whistfully take it away. Deny me of the fulfillment I had sought for over three decades of living. Years of wondering if anyone would be the missing piece that would complete my puzzle.
You were my match, my partner, my answered prayer. Only these words were left unspoken. Unspoken until I took a leap of faith and filleted myself open. Lay my bare heart beating helplessly on the table for you to care for, nurture, and love.
I trusted you. Trusted you to be as open and true about your feelings as I had. Had faith that everything, every little little moment that convinced me we were something more than friends, was a mutual experience. Believed you would treat my heart with the same respect I had given yours.
I pushed too hard... you fought back. Denied every beautiful moment that had ever happened. Every word, every touch, every shared glance. Painful excuses that tried to convince me that my perception of our experience was merely a constructed figment of my own imagination.
I had never been so right... you had never been so wrong.
Regardless of the outcome, it had to be done. The words needed to be said. Because the unrelenting need to seek my answer greatly superseded the desire to maintain the status quo... The blissful denial. The unspoken truths admitted between stolen glances and your gentle touch.
A broken heart... but no regrets.
A/N: I apologize to all my readers for my disappearance from the FanFic world. Too much real life drama to process and deal with (as you can probably decipher from this story). I hope to get back into "Clarity" and finally finish the last chapter in the near future. Hope you enjoyed this little drabble and THANK YOU for reading.