For the second time in her life, Leia Organa witnessed the end of a war. Most people celebrated, cheers from across the galaxy rang through her but all she could think of was what was it worth? All that wasted life. All that lost potential. Only some were voluntary, a large number were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was sickening. The war was over but the universe was in shambles. While a part of her was relieved by the sense that no more life would be taken by this particular act of violence. The rest of her wanted to be sick. Right now everyone was making hopeful promises that never again would this happen. A new and rightful government will be put in place and that acts of terrorism will be stopped before they escalate. Promises Leia had heard before, and promises her ancestors had also heard. Out on the battlefield the dead and injured were still being collected, the few scraps of the First Order fled and were being hunted by the entire able-bodied Resistance. Surrender was inevitable and many looked at this as a cause of celebration. Instead, all she could see was for celebration. All Leia could see was waste. What was it all worth? Why did this always happen?

In her mind, the young faces she had grown to care about were not so bright and full of hope as they had once been; not after seeing the worst of life. Poe Dameron, sacrificing himself in the final air raid, would never be found. Only his memory could be laid to rest. His faithful droid BB-8 had gone into hibernation the moment it heard the news. Rey, as she had been told only moments before, had escaped the fortress of Snoke, successful but battle worn. She was seemingly locked in a state of shock. Finn, the former storm trooper, had dealt major damage to the First Order army alongside Chewbacca and had even slain Captain Phasma. Leia, having witnessed the fight, had seen him plead for her to surrender. Argue that her wounds were too great and that she need not have to die but surrender. The captain had refused and fought to the last breath which had taken a lot from the young man to take. His tears were unmissable and justified in every way. All of them, filling her mind like a curtain call of the damned and they were the the only players.

Leia stood silently over the scene of her battle, the body gone and taken back onto the base but the memory fresh in her mind. The crumbling ruin was a bit further from all the the rest of commotion of for the final assault. She had been told that the First Order had made base here as it had supposedly been an important site to the Old Jedi Order. Nothing could prove this claim as these old Jedi temples were scarce these days and information about them even more so. Yet even Leia herself could feel that the force had once been strong here. Damage from neglect and weather had turned it into nothing more than a dilapidated ruin but they had to be going more for show instead of her feet, the muddy and overgrown courtyard only haunted her; serving as a reminder of what she had done. The indent from where he had lain on the ground was very noticeable, the place she had ended their fight. The moment a mother had defeated her son. Her hands felt unclean, Leia couldn't get the image of blood staining her hands out of her head. She had taken lives before, and not just with a gun or ship. Leia had done it personally. Some nights she awoke with a chill and an unexplainable fearful rage. She could almost pick up the scent of a sweaty metal chain in her hand as her fists clenched up and pulled tight to her as if strangling someone. She'd claim she was cold and wrap herself tightly in the blanket, covering herself as much as she could. Han would wrap his arms around her, using the excuse of 'body heat' to help her save face. This was different, she had created this life and fate had decreed that she'd be the one to-

No, she couldn't think that way. But how can I not? Nothing. All of this was worth nothing. There were no real winners in war. The only prize was history deciding who was justified and who was a villain. The real story; the more complex one, was always lost forever. That isn't worth it. Sure, she'd be hailed as a hero but Leia would never get the look of her son realizing what she was about to do; what she had been pushed to do, out of her memory. The thud of his body falling back onto the ground and the shout he had exclaimed. His breaths became agonized as an unspoken surrender passed between them. Her voice sounding cold, distant and unfamiliar to her as she called for a pick up; trapped on a single thought. He was alive, she felt a relief at that but what frightened her was the realization that she had shot to kill.

Why did this happen? Why did this keep happening. The answer was simple, but it was one that was hard to bear. It was her fault; not just hers but her family. Everything had been set off by her birth father but he couldn't take all the blame. Everyone, she, her brother, her husband, her son, her mother, her parents, had all done what they had done and said what they said because they thought it was what was right. All of them had been so convinced, consciously or not, that they knew what was best for the greater good and hardly stopped to think if they were right. They had been on different sides and others had agreed and encouraged both sides; but the same rang true for everyone. Everyone who had died today and in the days prior, had died for her, her son, or because of them. It seemed only destiny that the final shot be between them.

"General?" the voice belonged to a strained Finn. His uniform had been replaced by a familiar jacket, and his cheeks were still slightly stained from tears. Something told her that the news of Dameron had shaken him greatly.

"No." she replied after a moment, before turning towards him. Her words stung her throat, coming out in a rasp. "No. Not anymore. Not General, not Senator, not even Princess. I am no greater than you, Finn. I never was, in fact I am probably the worst." That last comment directed more at herself than him. Her hands flying to the base of her throat as what felt like razors flew about inside and the feeling of a tightening grip ghosted over her neck. The latter wasn't actually happening, but the memory flooded back with every strangled word.

He was clearly confused by her words; it wasn't too surprising as his best friend had been all but the president of her fan club. "I…. err sorry?"

Leia gave him a small smile, one she wished her heart could have backed if just for his own sake. "Leia will do." she whispered, even the soft sound agonizingly painful.

Finn, clearly not wishing to distress her or himself over this shifted awkwardly as his tongue tried to feel the words out. Addressing her so commonly was clearly something he found difficult; but eventually succeeded. "Leia… erm, he's….he's ready to see you." There was only one he that could be; and she wasn't certain she was ready to see him but she knew this could be her only chance to. Looking back to the Ben-shaped imprint on the ground one more time, she drew herself up and walked away.

The current First Senator was on his way and expected to speak to Leia upon his arrival, he had been hastily elected after Hosian Prime met the same tragic fate as so many others. He was really just a figurehead as most of the war the senate and it's participating systems had been lead by the Resistance. Clearly this was an attempt to act like he was actually an authority figure and relevant. People were already calling for a remodeling of government and Leia truthfully didn't see him holding the title by weeks end. This was the first piece of news that reached her ears upon arriving to the base. The second was that Rey was in New Republic transit and that Chewbacca was leading the team that was going to meet them at the rendezvous and bring her home. The war may have been over but some smaller First Order groups might become desperate and attack. However, they had made a point that Luke Skywalker was not with her and that they didn't know where he was and that Rey was in too much battle shock to actually be very informative. This last part didn't concern her too much. She knew exactly where he was and planned to join him very soon after. First, she had to confront her fears.

Facing Kylo Ren had been one thing, facing the last remnant of her son would be another. In a weird way, she hoped that it would be Kylo Ren that awaited beyond the infirmary doors that she now stood frozen at. It had become very easy to begin firing on the stranger; something she never could have done when he was her son. Leia could remember her pleas, her words hovered around her head as if someone were constantly playing the scene back to her...

She had done everything she could to bring her son back onto the surface, to remind him of who he truly was and could be. Leia placed her own weapon down as he had yelled and fought back against her words; telling him that she'd only believe that her son was gone if he proved it. She had watched him struggle, her own heart racing as she waited for what could very easily have been her end.

That was when he raised his hand, Leia had seen Darth Vader do this a few times as a girl, she didn't even need to feel her legs lift from the ground to know what he was doing. Force chokehold.

Her feet flailed against her will as her hands flew to try to pry non-existent hands from her neck, she hated looking so weak in front of him but human instinct couldn't always be fought. Her own raspy voice sputtered out the confirmation that she still loved Ben. He had been taken off guard by her words for a split second, his grip loosening for just a moment for a intake of oxygen to fill her lungs. It also gave a chance to Lieutenant Connix, who had followed her onto the battlefield after insisting that Leia stay, to jump in uninvited. Leia had admired her courage but knew she was outmatched. She was a behind the scenes worker, she had very little field experience. She shot Kylo in the shoulder, allowing his hold on her to break and send her collapsing to the ground. Gasping for air, she wanted to tell her to run but her throat had swelled, no words could be made. Coughed and choked, desperately watching the scene. It was over in a matter of minutes. Looking desperately between her and Connix for a moment before reaching for his belt, Connix made a few desperate shots. One deflected by his lightsaber and hit her leg. Lightheaded and disoriented, Leia only realized what happened when she heard the familiar sound of a saber piercing through a body. A rage had filled her then. Staggering to her feet, her breath strained but adrenaline coursing through her. Ben had known Connix. They had played together as small children during their parents meetings. He hadn't even given her a second thought before cutting her through. He was going to suffocate you, a voice whispered violently in her ear. He was going to kill you like you killed Jabba. With his own hands.

She didn't have to say a word, she had denounced him right then and there and it could be felt. Her gun aimed high as he looked at her, realizing the shift. Turning back towards her, he lifted his sword high and charged. Leia had practiced many times against Luke, she had been ready for this fight for a very long time. Under any normal circumstance, she felt that he might have won. However, the shot had been in his saber shoulder and perhaps the realization that he had lost her forever had shaken him. This wasn't his best fight. Shooting, still set to stun, as fast as she could, his deflections became rapid and wild, trying to keep up with each bolt, Instead of pointing them towards her, he began flinging them everywhere. A plan that turned out to be flawed as a bolt bounced back and hit the hilt, just missing his fingers. The saber went flying and Leia instinctively reached for it and pulled it to her. Kylo watched in fear as she activated it, the blade glowing crimson and casting a blood coloured light on her face. For a moment, she considered it. It was so easy. He deserves it. He killed that girl. He killed so many without a thought. That's no reason, she countered mentally. He killed Han, the voice replied. The feeling of this lightsaber piercing through her husband's abdomen so many months ago, the memory of feeling it herself lightyears away haunted her daily. This man had done that. This man was responsible. Maybe he did deserve it. She swiftly pointed the blade at him, he looked at her carefully.

"You don't have it in you." he had mocked, but his eyes showed fear that didn't believe that. Leia stared him down. Do it, the voice whispered. Do it, the voice begged. She looked back at the face, watching her, but instead of her former son she saw Han. Han reaching out, his eyes apologetic as his body became limp and lifeless. She wasn't on the battlefield anymore, she was on Starkiller Base. Leia was no longer Leia, but her father - her birth father. The body fell off the bridge, but it wasn't Han anymore… instead the sad, heartbroken face of her mother slipped into the abyss.

No.

"No!" she rasped out, every second of sound feeling like a million needles in her throat. The red blade vanished into the hilt as the terrain sprouted back around her. What had felt like a nightmare had only be a millisecond. This saber had done enough. Turning her back for a second, Leia tossed it off the ruins that made their battleground. The moment it left her hand, she hear her son scream in anger and reach for it but in a swift movement pushed the force towards him and knocked him down. He scrambled back to his feet, making the motion to grab her throat once again. Leia wouldn't be able to withstand another chokehold, she could still hardly breath from the previous one. She was done killing for Vader, she was tired of people dying for him too. No matter what she did, she couldn't seem to stop it. Even now, that was what this fight was really about. The shadow over them that would never recede. It was time for this to end.

This was when she had changed the setting from stun… to kill.

She could feel him through the medbay doors, waiting for her. He could feel her presence too. Leia couldn't tell which version of her son was waiting for her; but it was only know that she realized what the voice in her ear had truly been. The call of the dark side; the potential inside her that she had always feared. She deserved everything that awaited her, the enraged enemy and the heartbroken child. All of it. Unable to stand it anymore, she took a breath and opened the door. The shot had just missed his heart, but had still done some damage. Leia could see it more clearly now that the uniform had been replaced by bandages and a hospital gown. He was alive, but it was clear this wouldn't last. Either from shock or a culmination of all the battle damage he had acquired, Kylo Ren and Ben were dying.

Silence passed between them, seconds felt like hours as his glassy eyes met her red ones. What would he say? What did she wish to say? Just when she felt like their last encounter would be silence when he cleared his throat. "You deserved better than I." his voice was weaker than it had been before, and even though a long forgotten devilish smile spread across his lips.

Not permitted to speak by the medical staff, her throat and vocal chords having had swelled significantly, Leia reached for the holopad she had been provided with and truthfully replied. "You might have been exactly what I deserved."

He made no comment to that, and instead the sat in silence for a moment. Leia walked closer towards him, taking a seat on the edge of his bed, and took his hand. Hesitantly looking at him for any kind of reaction, she was taken by surprise when the boy started crying. Gone was the tall warrior and in his place was the boy she had rocked to sleep and taught everything she could to. "I'm furious." he sputtered out, "I'm angry but I don't know why anymore. Or maybe I do know why and…" his words were caught by a sob, "...and I don't know how to accept it."

Nothing she could say could make his better, instead she squeezed his hand and listened. He sobbed for a while, years of pent up emotion pouring out. "I'm sorry." he forced out between sobs. "I'm sorry and it's too late. I'm gone, I've gone too far and I can never repay what I've done. I'm dying and I don't know what's going to happen to me." So he knew, hearing him say it out loud made it feel all the more real, silently tears began to fall from her eyes as muted sobs shook her body. He continued on like that, sometimes taking angrier and more offensive turns before switching back to this more broken and apologetic one. He was feeling everything at once and she couldn't help him; she wasn't sure she would if she could. It was painful, but perhaps it was necessary. If he could pass on with less burden, then wouldn't that be preferable. His skin grew paler, her breaths more stranged. She could see on the monitors that his system was failing him. He was dying before her eyes.

"I don't know anything. Maybe I never did. I don't even know what I believe anymore. All I know, is that this is goodbye and that I love you." her heart broke on those words as emotion filled his voice. His hands cupping hers as his eyes welled once more. "Mommy, I love you… and I'm sorry it turned out this way. I'm sorry…. I'm sorry…" his voice grew fainter with each repetition. Her holo was too far out of reach to type back. "I'm… I'm sorry." it was barely a whisper, his grip loosened as he fell back against his pillow.

Screw the pad. Screw the doctor's orders.

"I…." she forced out, unprepared for the pain the followed, clutching her throat and wincing as she did. "I love you… Ben." Leia looked back up, his eyes were closed and his body limp. He had passed and she'd never know if he heard her.

He looked like he was in a peaceful slumber, his battle wounds seemingly clearer than before. Leia held his hands tightly, his skin warm against hers. This was how she wanted to remember him, at peace and no longer at war with himself. Would she see him again after this, she didn't know but maybe she didn't need to know. After a few minutes of tears, thinking of how they ended up in this place, Leia wiped her eyes and leaned foreward. Releasing his hands to brush the hair from his face and place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Goodbye my little prince…

"Leia." A voice she didn't recognize came from the doorway, turning towards the door Leia saw a woman in a nurses uniform standing there. Her face looked upon her kindly, even in the harsh medbay lighting it was hard to miss how beautiful she was. "It's not your fault." she said. "It was just his time."

Leia frowned, raising to her feet and picking up the holopad where she had left it. "And what do you know of saying goodbye to your children?" it recited, as she looked upon her angrily. Not feeling her worth her actual voice.

A sadness crept over her face, her eyes saying more than her words did. "I know more than you realize." Long brown curls covering her face as she looked away, pain clear in her voice. Feeling uncomfortable, Leia said nothing more and brushed past the nurse and left the med unit.

Leia could hardly think, Luke was waiting for her but she couldn't leave yet. There were a few things she needed to attend to first, but she could still feel him - sense him. But he was patient, so she hoped he would understand. Out of instinct, she headed for her office in hope of a few minutes of silence; she made it halfway there when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she found a young man she didn't fully recognize but could identify as a general standing there. His face was kind and charming in spite of the long scar in the corner of his left eye. "I have some reports for you, Leia." She noted that the nurse had referred to her the same way, and thought to question it before remembering her words to Finn. It didn't seem to out of the ordinary for him to pass this order along out of consideration. It probably wouldn't last but at least for today the humoured her.

"Reports? Leave them with Ackbar for now. I have no mind for them." Leia answered, brushing him off slightly as she headed back down the hall.

"Sure thing." he called after her. "Also the senator and his wife will be here for you shortly too."

Leia paused, "Which one?" she called back, turning around but he had already left. Normally that would be unprofessional but today was not a normal day so she let it go. After all, Leia hardly cared who it was. It was the least important thing on her mind right now.

Finally reaching her office, Leia had intended to go to her desk but instead felt her massive exhaustion catch up with her and instead headed for her quarters. Sitting on her bed, she took a few breaths. Her mind mentally replaying everything over and over again, wearing her down with each repetition. Cupping her face in her hands, she expected tears to flow but she was dried out. Her body was too worn to produce anymore tears. This was something she didn't think she could walk away from. Leia didn't just mean today, but everything that had happened. Staring from the moment she first saw the evil in the Empire to this moment. Had she been living a lie, pretending she was fine all this time? Inside she felt like breaking down over every life, every nightmarish moment.

She couldn't do this anymore.

You were always too hard on yourself.

Leia heard the voice but no one had spoke. She was alone. Besides, they were wrong.

At least you tried, that's more than most can say. So you made mistakes, everyone did.

Most mistakes didn't result in bloodshed. That seemed to be a specialty of her.

You tried to be strong for too long.

Leia hid behind strength; convincing herself she was right every time. Most of the time, she had no idea what she was doing.

That's okay. Nobody really knows what they are doing. And you are not the first to believe their cause is just and you won't be the last.

That's not an excuse.

I didn't say it was. Only that you aren't any more special because you made these mistakes instead of someone else. So take comfort in that. Besides, let others decide if you were just or not. They will anyway, so why worry?

Leia looked up from her hands, her eyes red and stinging. I killed my son? Is that just?

You pulled a trigger. He killed himself long ago. You were more merciful that others would have been.

What kind of a mother does that?

I don't know. But if you hadn't, he wouldn't have been saved.

Saved?

Can't you feel him?

Feel him?

He's all around us.

Now that sounds like Luke's Jedi Logic.

"Luke is a bad influence on me. You could use a bad influence again, your worship."

That time it was audible and coming from behind her. Leia knew the voice but did not dare to believe it. Turning slowly as she stood with the last of the strength she had, her heart leapt when she saw him. "Han." her throat didnt sting this time.

"Aren't you tired of fighting?"

"We didn't always fight. Only when you were wrong."

"I remember it differently."

She smirked. "You always did." Leia smiled softly, but was deeply troubled by his appearance. "How can you be here?"

"How do you think?"

"This isn't the force?"

"You'd know better than me." he stepped towards her. Han Solo gave her that smile that had landed them in so much trouble and had simultaneously made her fall in love with him.

Leia was silence for a second, understanding. "I'm dying then."

"I think you already knew that."

She thought back to everything that had happened and looked away. "I was suppose to meet Luke."

"It's' okay. He's waiting for you. I can bring you to him."

Leia snapped back to him, "He's dead." she didn't ask, she stated it as a fact.

"He is passed, yes."

"Why aren't I crying then?"

"You were more perceptive when you weren't about to die." he teased, taking her hand into his.

She looked into his eyes, his hand felt so real but different than it used to. It felt more real than it ever had. "It's not sad for me. Not if I'm dying." Leia rationalized to herself, "What am I supposed to do? I'm dying and i still have all this work to do? Am I supposed to just leave it and let it work itself out?"

Han cupped her face, leaning in and giving her a kiss. Leia felt nothing but warmth fill her as all her worries and pain began to drip away slowly. The kiss itself was the greatest kiss she had ever had; she would have said in her life but that was debatable with her current limbo. Nothing fancy, just the simplest kiss in the world and it made everything feel better. When it was over, he pressed his forehead against hers and held her close. "Aren't you tired of fighting?" he repeated in a whisper.

Leia closed her eyes and felt his familiar embrace around her, one that was long overdue and missed dearly. This wasn't what made her choose, but it didn't hurt. She was exhausted; Leia felt heavy and slow. She couldn't remember when she hadn't felt this way. Am I tired of fighting?

"Yes."

"Then let's go home. Luke is waiting, so is Ben. Also a certain senator and his wife have been itching to see you…"

When Trooper Clarins cautiously opened the General's door, he had expected that General Organa had fallen asleep. He heard of the epic fight that had taken place between her and Kylo Ren and was itching to hear more about it. "General Organa? The First Senator is here?" he called out, poking his head in. Stepping into the office, he saw that her desk was empty but the door to her quarters was half open.

I hope she isn't offended. He thought to himself as he walked towards the door. "General Organa? Hello? Are you sleeping?" Clarins feared catching her in a private moment, afraid of getting in trouble but is orders came from Ackbar, so what could he do? Opening the door, he poked his head into her room. "General Organa? Gener-" his words were cut short and he lost all proprietary and swung the door open. Her pale colourless skin was the first sign of trouble. Rushing to her, he felt for a pulse, "General! General can you hear me?" Her skin was cool, signalling she had been dead for a few hours now.

Fearing the worst, he quickly looked for any sign of toxin or attack. Paging medical staff on his wrist, he continued to search the room for any sign of what caused it but none showed. A half hour later his search was confirmed. General Organa had passed away in her sleep, overexertion, stress, trauma and her earlier strangulation were listed as the cause. Clarins was a little shaken, in the medbay when a hand touched his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Finn. He had never spoken to him but knew of his daring deeds. Finn offered a warm mug to him, which he accepted.

He seemed to be struggling with questions, unsure which to ask or how to ask them, but clearly from a caring place. Finally, he sputtered. "How did she look?" his voice was shaken. "Was… I mean.. Did she look pained."

Clarins took a sip from his mug, it contents helping to cool his nerves, before looking back at Finn with a sad smile and answered truthfully. "She looked peaceful, like she was sleeping. I think it was the happiest and most relaxed I've ever seen her."