AN: Well, my first X-2 fic. I love Paine/Rikku, but this one's a subtle one. And a personal one too. I dedicate this to my friend out there, she's just a friend, yet I wish she was more than just that. Course, I can't just go up to her and say "yeah, I like you. As in like like", so I'll just sit here and write instead. Review after you read please.
She and I are just friends. Just friends.
I like to think about things nowadays, especially about the times way back when. About how the Gullwings started, about how YRP started, about Yunie, about Paine. Especially about Paine.
When I first started the Gullwings, along with Brother and Buddy, Paine was the first of the YRP to join us. She seemed really cold, really I-hate-the-world-don't-come-near-me kind of cold. I guess I must have really annoyed her at the beginning. But we got to know each other. Well, at least as best as we could considering she absolutely hated it when people asked her about herself. You can't imagine how many respect points I lost over that.
Yunie joined us a bit after that, and we went and did stuff. You know, fight battles against really gross monsters, ride around in the ultra cool Celsius, have fun in hot springs, stuff like that. I was with the Gullwings because of the same reason as Yunie. Well, not quite. She was there because I showed her a sphere of a certain guy. I was there because I wanted to help her find him. Paine was there because she needed to uncloud her past. So we spherehunted together.
During the course of our entire journey, we began to get to know each other. Even with Paine's growls about losing respect points and about her personal favourite time, hurt time, I uncovered a lot about her. In the end, she loosened up around me, didn't guard herself against me so much. I was really happy about that.
I remember the time when I was one of Yunie's Guardians, during her pilgrimage, more than 2 years ago. I had a fellow Guardian with me, one of Yunie's close friends, Lulu. Lulu was 22, dark, mysterious, mature, stoic, everything that I wasn't and wanted to be. So I vowed at the top of my lungs that one day, when I grew up, I'd be just like Lulu. Kimahri, another one of Yunie's Guardians who never talked much, said to me that he thought I was just fine the way I was. After a while, I learned to accept myself the way I was, all bubbly and hyper and blonde, and I took to heart what the quiet Ronso had told me.
When I first saw Paine, I thought she must have been Lulu's long lost sister or something, they were just so alike! All at once, my old feelings of self-doubt came rushing back, and I felt like I was 15 again. I wanted to be like Paine, just like I wanted to be like Lulu, but then I remembered Kimahri's kind words, and instead of vowing at the top of my lungs that I'd grow up to be like Paine, I vowed that I'd be her friend, a close friend at that.
It took time, it took effort, but I did become her friend, and I was, little by little, getting closer to her. She may not have hugged me like Yunie did, nor did she ever show any kind of emotion except for when she yelled at me that it was hurt time, but I knew that I was getting closer to her, earning a place in her not-so-cold heart.
We found Yunie's blonde Mr. Blitzball-Lover in the end, and she left us for him. 'Course, I was really upset, but I knew that that was what was best for Yunie, and I wanted the best for her, so I let her go. YRP became RP, just me and Paine, and even though I missed Yunie, I was kind of happy with this arrangement, because I had Paine all to myself. Paine used to tell Yunie a lot of personal stuff about herself, and if it hadn't been Yunie that Paine was talking to, I would have died from jealousy. But it was Yunie, so I let it slide. Paine and I spherehunted together for a bit, until, out of the blue, Paine announced that she had to leave the Gullwings. She never gave a reason why, just said she had to leave. By then, I'd learned not to question Paine too much, 'specially 'bout things like that.
Me, Brother and Buddy threw Paine a farewell party, and I bawled my eyes out through most of it. Paine, in a moment of sudden openness, managed to pat Buddy and Brother on the back, but conveniently forgot about me. She left the next day without saying goodbye. She just kind of... gave me a look, and whisked out of the Celsius.
We're just friends. She's just a friend, nothing more. At least, that's what I want you to think, that's what I want me to think, that's what I want everyone to think. It's common knowledge that I'm bi. That doesn't mean that the person I like has to be a girl, right? If only twisted reasoning like that could work. She's just a friend, yet I find myself, everyday, wishing she wasn't, wishing she was something more, something more than just a friend.
We still keep in touch, I hear from her everyday. She's still the same old Paine, still cold, still killingly sarcastic, still a big meanie on the outside and a big softie deep down. She's still the same. Everything's still the same. We're still just friends. She's just a friend, always will be just a friend.
Maybe one day I'll build up the courage to tell her. Until then, we'll still be just friends. Sometimes, I can swear that she knows. Little clues, dropped here and there, I just know she knows. And then, moments later, she does something that screams that she doesn't. It's torture.
Until then...
She's just a friend. Only just a friend.