Misunderstanding
Chapter one
Dan's realisation
He sat at his desk, editing his latest video, but he was distracted. Phil had gone out, and Dan found that he could never concentrate when he wasn't there. He was always wondering what he was doing, where he was, when he would be home. He constantly found his eyes straying away from the computer, looking towards the window. He found himself stopping, his ears straining, trying to hear Phil approaching the door. He sighed and closed down the video. It wasn't any good anyway, the only interesting thing that had happened since his last upload was his sort-of-acceptance, which wasn't exactly something he could talk about. It was all he wanted to talk about.
He wasn't sure when it started, but he knew when he became consciously aware of it… sort-of. He had been reading a Phan-fiction, he couldn't remember which. He and Phil read them sometimes for a laugh, although Dan never seemed to find it as funny as Phil. This fan fiction he had been reading was one of the better ones, that weren't just gravitating around sex. In the story, he had Phil had been playing a video game, when Dan lost. He went into one of his pretend sulky moods, but all he… I guess me…. Was sulking about was that he didn't know how to tell Phil that he loved him without making things awkward. As Dan read it, he felt a ring of truth. For some reason lately, he had been careful what he said, and the way he acted around his best friend. He worried he'd do something wrong, something that what make their friendship awkward, and he just couldn't let it happen. He couldn't ruin one of the best things in his life; he couldn't bear the thought of the startling, clear green eyes turning away from him. But why would they? How would Dan make anything awkward between him and his best friend? Then Dan had realised. He could make things awkward by admitting to the feelings he was just realising. By admitting to the fact that he somehow knew the exact contours of Phil's face, the exact colour and shape of his eyes, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled his beautiful smile. Beautiful. And he realised, he was in love.
He guessed he must have known for a while, because the realisation didn't shock him. That had been about three months ago, and he had tried to carry on as though nothing had happened. Sometimes he worried that Phil might see him staring into space, might notice how distracted he was. But if he did, he didn't say anything. Dan was improving now though, he had worked through it. He used to deny it to himself. He didn't feel that way about Phil, he couldn't, that would be wrong. They were best friends! But then his thoughts would drift to how amazing his best friend was. How kind, funny and caring he was. Dan smiled at one of his favourite memories, from when they had just moved to London. They had been wandering through London, neither of them knowing what they were going to do next, Dan not really caring anymore. They stumbled across a hedgehog. It was injured, Dan suspected it would had been hit by a car. He knew they was no hope for it, it could barely move. When Phil saw it, he crouched down, and when he spoke it was in a devastated tone. "Awww, poor thing." Dan smiled slightly and Phil looked up, eyes wide. Dan knew what was coming next and sure enough…
"Can we keep it?"
Dan had been against it at first. It could have had any disease, and it was going to die no matter what, but Phil wouldn't accept it. He was desperate to bring it home and care for it, had some crazy idea about releasing it into the wild. Dan finally agreed, only because Phil genuinely looked like he was about to cry. He wrapped it up in his favourite hoodie, getting it covered in blood, and carried it gently back to the flat. He liberated one of Dan's many shoe boxes and made it a little nest in there. He wasn't sure what hedgehogs ate, be he discovered his little buddy was pretty happy with cheerio's. He talked to it, he tried to play with it, and he spent so much time trying to nurse it back to health. It died after 2 weeks, and Phil was so sad, it hurt Dan to look at him. The hedgehog may have died, but it had the best 2 weeks of its life with Phil.
Dan had been having the best time of his life with Phil too. Eventually he got over the denial, and reached the point he was at now. Ignorance. He knew how he felt, but he didn't think about it. He played make believe for everyone, never showing what was going on his head. He tried not to think about it. And he was managing. No one knew, not his fans, his friends, his family. What would he say? "Oh hi guys, im gay? Because he wasn't. He wasn't interested in girls, sure. But he wasn't interested in boys either; he was only interested in Phil. There was only Phil, and somehow, Dan knew there would only ever be Phil. Telling people… that would probably go something like "Im gay. Well not really gay, I just don't like any girls. I don't really like many boys either. Just one. While im at it, it's my best friend. I love him, he's amazing. So, how was your weekend?". No, he couldn't tell anyone, but at least he knew. He knew he was in love with Phil, and that's all that mattered, wasn't it?