Summery: conner was the ranger, he was the one in danger everyday. He should be the one dying, not his little brother. Not Trent. Losing Trent was never an option Conner even remotely considered. Now though, he doesn't have much of a choice.
A/N: This is my first crack at a tragedy fic, so let me know how I do. This is dedicated to a good friend of mine who recently passed away in a car accident. Her brother loved power rangers when he was younger and her favorite was Conner because he played soccer like she did. She also loved fanfiction just as much as I did and I know she would love something like this.
I love writing Conner and Trent as brothers and already have another fanfic with that same storyline. Trent is not a ranger in this, but the other four rangers are. I really hope you guys like this story and I'l just leave you with a tissue warning right now.
Warnings: Car accident, Language, Major Character Death, Blood and injuries, mentions of slash if you squint, and overall heavy sadness and angst
Losing You
"You can't leave me. You know that right?"
Conner didn't think it was possible for his heart to hurt this much, but seeing Trent this broken in a hospital bed brought on a fresh wave of emotional pain as well as more tears.
Conner gripped his brother's hand tighter as he continued to speak.
"I know I don't tell you very often, but I love you Trent. You're my brother, and I need you. Which is why you can't leave me okay? Please don't leave me."
Conner hated this. It wasn't fair. He was a ranger, he got hurt on a daily basis. Thankfully it had never been anything life threatening, but he knew to expect that one day he would get in a fight with a monster and never come back. He was even prepared for it. He'd left videos for his parents and Trent, telling them that he loved them and that he died protecting people and doing what he loved.
He was never prepared for something to happen to Trent.
Trent was Conner's little brother, which meant Conner was supposed to protect him at all costs. Conner should be the one dying in a hospital bed. Not Trent.
"Conner come on! We're gonna be late for school!" Conner groaned at the sound of his brother's voice. He'd been out late last night with Dr. Oliver, Haley, and the rest of the rangers trying to track down Mesagog's latest monster and hadn't gotten much sleep. Which meant he was tired, grumpy, and did not want to go to school.
"Conner!" Trent was shaking his older brother now. Conner did the reasonable thing and smacked his younger brother away with his pillow. Trent rolled his eyes.
"Dude if you don't get up in the next five seconds I'm going to dump a bucket of water on you." This caused Conner to lift his head and look up at his brother.
"You wouldn't." Trent smirked.
"Try me." Conner glared at his brother but nevertheless tossed his covers away and got out of bed. Trent chuckled.
"Got a coffee waiting for you downstairs."
This whole situation was all Conner's fault, no matter what his parents, Ethan, or Kira said. If Conner had gotten up earlier, or if he and Trent left a couple minutes later, they would have avoided getting t-boned by that truck. And Trent wouldn't be in a medically induced coma with bleeding in his brain while Conner got off with a broken arm and the truck driver only had a few cuts and bruises that were treated on the scene.
It happened so fast.
One minute, Conner was laughing at something his brother had told him while stoping for a few seconds at a stop sign. Conner checked both ways, then started to pull out while Trent continued to talk animatedly and gesturing wildly with his hands.
The next minute, a truck ran their stop sign and t-boned Conner's car. Right into Trent's side.
Conner let out a string of curses as the impact was enough to flip the jeep over. Conner shouted in pain as his arm got caught between the steering wheel and the mess of metal that used to be the driver side door.
Intense pain clouded his mind but Conner turned his head the best he could to look at his brother. Conner let out another string of curses.
Trent was pinned to his seat by what was left of Conner's dashboard and glass from his window and the windshield covered his body. He had a deep gash on his head that was at least three inches and the worst part was the fact that Trent was now tangled up in the mess that was what used to be the passenger side door.
Trent looked up and met Conner's worried gaze. Trent's eyes were glazed over and that worried Conner more than anything else. Until Trent opened his mouth and a small stream of blood came out.
Shit!" Conner swore, reaching over with his good arm to wipe the blood away. "Hang in there buddy. You gotta stay with me, you hear me?" Trent started to close his eyes and Conner smacked his cheek lightly.
"Stay with me Trent." Conner repeated. "Don't go to sleep on me. You're the morning person remember." Conner joked and Trent let out a quiet laugh before gasping in pain.
"C-C-Con.." Trent whispered horsely, using the nickname he'd given Conner when they were kids. Conner grabbed ahold of Trent's left hand and squeezed it tight.
"Don't talk ok." Conner said. "Save your strength." But as usual, Trent didn't listen.
"H-Hur-Hurts..." Trent sputtered out and Conner gave his hand another squeeze.
"I know buddy." He said softly. "I know."
Unconsciousness was starting to creep up on Conner, and he blinked his eyes a couple of times. Trying to get rid of the overwhelming tiredness that had washed over him.
Conner began to panic as another trickle of blood came out of Trent's mouth.
"L-Love...yo-you..." Trent managed to get out before closing his eyes. Conner's heartbeat sped up when he didn't open them again.
"Tr-Trent? C-Come on buddy! Wake up!" The last thing Conner remembered before blacking out was the sound of sirens approaching them and squeezing his brother's hand so tight his knuckles went white.
Conner brushed some hair out of his brother's face.
Apparently the driver who'd hit them was coming home from working the night shift and fell asleep at the wheel. The guy was arrested and going to be held accountable for the accident but that didn't mean Conner didn't want to murder him.
It also didn't make this any less painful.
to murder the guy.
It also didn't make this any less painful.
The doctor Conner's parents had spoken with had said Trent only had a 20% chance of surviving.
They had also said that there was a very high chance that Trent was brain dead.
"You gotta wake up for me pal." Conner said, tears once again in his eyes. "You don't get it Trent, I can't lose you. You're the best part of me. Without you...I'm nothing. At least, not anything good. Not anything I'm proud of."
Conner was an asshole, that he could admit. He was worse before he'd met Ethan and Kira, but he still was a jerk. Even if he'd gotten better.
Trent was Conner's conscious. He kept Conner grounded, he brought out the best in his older brother. Trent was the reason Conner agreed to be a ranger in the first place. Ever since Trent was born, it's been Conner's job to protect him. Even when Conner was rude to his brother, even when he told Trent not to talk to him at school, to stop doing art because it was a "girl's hobby", and even when he looked the other way when his soccer friends would laugh or make fun of Trent, Trent never stopped seeing the good in his older brother. He never stopped looking out for him.
A soft knock at the door brought Conner out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Kira.
"Hey." She said just above a whisper. "Can I come in?" Conner nodded and Kira slipped through the door, closing it behind her.
"Where's Ethan?" Conner asked as Kira pulled up a chair.
"In the waiting room with Haley and Dr. Oliver." Kira said. "Your parents said we could see you, but only one at a time. The others said I could go first." Kira looked down at Trent and brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. Conner decided to take this moment to really look at her. He took in how red and puffy Kira's eyes were, how tired she looked, and how she'd gone to the other side of Trent's bed so she could hold his hand. Conner had always given Kira crap and teased her about having a crush on Trent, but now his heart hurt for her. If Kira lost Trent before she got a chance to tell him how she felt, Conner knew it would crush her. Just like how he knew Trent reciprocated the yellow rangers feelings. Hell, Trent had started liking Kira way before Conner even knew her.
"How's he doing?" Kira asked and Conner looked back down at his brother.
"My parent's want to take him off of life support." Conner spoke so quietly Kira almost couldn't hear him. It was the first time Conner had said it out loud.
"Oh." Kira said just as quietly. "Do you think that might be-"
"No."
"Conner-" Kira tried but the red ranger cut her off again.
"Absolutely, one-hundred-percent, over-my-dead-body no. He could still wake up you know." There was a chance. A small chance, but it was still a chance. Kira sighed.
"Conner even if he does wake up his brain was without oxygen for so long that he'll never walk, talk, or be able to draw again. Do you really think that's something he'd want?" Kira spoke as gently as possible and reached over to place a hand on Conner's good arm. Conner pulled away from her and closed his eyes tight.
No. Of course Trent wouldn't want that. Trent not being able to draw would be like Conner not being able to play soccer. Or Kira not being able to sing. Or Ethan not being able to use computers.
Trent loved art. He needed it almost as badly as he needed air and he was good at it too. There was no doubt in Conner's mind that his brother would become a famous artist someday. Even if their parents constantly told Trent that art was a hobby, not a job.
Losing art would kill Trent, and Conner knew it. Even if Trent woke up again, he'd be a vegetable. He wouldn't be Conner's brother anymore, just someone who looked like him. But that didn't make losing him any less painful.
"I can't lose him Kira. I don't know if I could handle it." Kira placed her hand on Conner's arm once again and this time he didn't pull away.
"It's gonna suck Conner, but you can't just quite. Trent wouldn't want you to stop saving the world because of him and you know it."
"I know." Conner whispered. "Do you think you could give me a minute? The nurse said I had to go back to my room soon." Kira gave him a soft smile.
"Of course." She said, standing up and walking over to Conner's side.
"I'm here if you need me." She said before turning and walking out the door. Conner watched her go before squeezing Trent's hand, desperately hoping he'd squeeze back.
"I don't know if I can handle losing you Trent." Conner shut his eyes as more tears came. "But Kira's right, you wouldn't want this. I love you too much to make you suffer. I just wanted to have a minute to say goodbye."
Conner took a breath. "I've always been a bit of an ass to you, and I'm so sorry. You'll never know how truly sorry I am. But I hope you know that, no matter how much of jerk I was, or even though I didn't tell you very often, I love you. More than anything. Losing you is the one battle I don't think I'd ever be ready to face. You never deserved something like this, you're the good brother. There's one more thing..." Conner gulped slightly, preparing himself for what he was going to say.
"Trent," Conner said, lowering his voice. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I need you to know this. I'm a power ranger. The red ranger actually. So are Kira, Ethan, and Dr. Oliver. We're the ones that've been fighting all those ugly monsters. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but I needed you to know. Besides, I don't think you'll tell anyone." Conner cracked a half-smile.
A nurse came in a few seconds later.
"Conner," She said. "it's time to go back to you're room." Conner looked over at the nurse.
"Can you ask my parents to come in here for a second first?" He asked, a lump forming in his throat. "There's something I need to tell them."
...
Conner's parents had made him go back to his room to rest after he had given his consent to take Trent off life support. He begrudgingly obliged, but only after he made them promise they wouldn't do anything until he was there.
Ethan came and sat with him after the blue ranger saw Trent. The good thing about Ethan was that he didn't hover or try to force Conner to talk about things like Kira did. Ethan was less intense, and just sat in the room with Conner in silence until Conner was ready to talk.
Conner sighed and decided to break the silence, but still kept his gaze trained on his lap.
"I'm scared Ethan." Conner admitted, closing his eyes and leaning back in his hospital bed. Ethan looked up from his laptop and just stared at Conner for a few seconds unsure of what to say, before putting his computer on the small table next to him.
Ethan moved his chair closer to Conner's bed.
"I know buddy. We all are." Conner finally looked up and his eyes met the computer nerd's.
"Am I doing the right thing?" Conner asked.
"I don't know." Ethan admitted truthfully, looking down.
"But," He said quickly. "I do know that if Trent was in your position, he would be having just as hard of a time with all of this as you are. He loves you too Conner. More than you know." And just like that Conner's fall were momentarily down and a few tears were escaping.
Ethan placed a hand on Conner's good shoulder in silent support as the red ranger broke down in front of him.
"I'm gonna lose him Ethan." Conner whispered and Ethan squeezed his shoulder.
"I know buddy. And I can't promise you it'll get better, but I can promise you Kira and I have you're back and we'll always be here for you. So will Dr. O and Haley. Losing him is going to hurt, and it's going to hurt bad. But you have us and you always will." A shaky sob escaped Conner's throat, and he put his good hand over Ethan's, which was still on his shoulder.
Ethan squeezed Conner's shoulder again, letting the red ranger know it was okay to cry.
The ranger's might be superheroes, but that didn't mean they weren't human.
...
Losing Trent was by war the worst thing Conner had ever experienced in his eighteen years on earth.
When the time came to actually let Trent go, Conner still wasn't ready. Then again, he didn't think he'd ever be ready.
Conner was eighteen. Technically, he was an adult. Trent was only fifteen. He was a freshman, had just started high school this year. It wasn't fair.
Trent was never going to get his driver's license, or have his first kiss, or first girlfriend, or go to college, or get married, or do anything else because he was going to die at fifteen.
And there was nothing Conner could do about it.
"Conner honey," His mother said, her voice soft and tender, barely above a whisper. "it's time. Are you ready?"
No. Conner thought. I'm not ready. I'll never ever be ready. I can't lose Trent. Not now, not ever. He's my baby brother. He's always had my back even when I was a complete and total asshat. He's my right hand, the only person that thinks of me as a hero when I'm not in the ranger suit. He's only fifteen, he doesn't deserve this. I can't do this! I can't lose him! I'm not ready!
"Yes." was the only word Conner was able to get out. He looked up at his mother and felt a wave of guilt crash over him upon seeing the tears that were streaming down her cheeks in thick rivers.
Conner wasn't the only one losing someone. His parent's were going to lose a child, something no parent should ever be faced with. Dr. Oliver was going to lose a student, one of his favorite student's actual. Conner remembered countless times when he would complain about his brother to Dr. Oliver, and the teacher would figure out a way to get Conner to see things from Trent's perspective. Not to mention Trent went on and on about how much he loved Dr. O's class and his style of teaching. Haley was going to lose her favorite worker, someone she thought of as a son. Haley was often the mediator between the two brothers, but she was also the person Trent confided in the most. Trent was able to be himself around her and let his guard down without fearing the backlash that might come with being vulnerable in public.
Then there was Ethan and Kira. Ethan was going to lose a friend, someone he actually had a lot in common with and someone who didn't make fun of him for being a computer nerd like Conner, Kira, and practically everyone at school did. Then there was Kira. Kira, the girl Trent was falling in love with. Kira, who was going to lose more than just a friend, and even more than just a crush. Conner knew in his heart that Kira was falling for his brother just as hard as he was for her. Now Kira was going to lose Trent without ever getting to tell him how she felt, or hear how Trent felt about her. That broke Conner's heart more than anything.
Conner sat in the same chair by Trent's bedside he sat in yesterday as a plethora of people piled into the room. Conner and Trent's parent's were on the other side of the comatose boy's bed, while Ethan and Kira made there way over to Conner. Conner was able to get his parent's to let not only Ethan and Kira be here when they said goodbye to Trent, but Dr. Oliver and Haley too. The two adults were farther away, but still close to the bed. Tommy had an arm around Haley and her head was resting on his shoulder while tears poured from her eyes. Conner saw some in Tommy's eyes too, but the black ranger was able to keep them from falling. Despite the situation, Conner smiled slightly at the interaction between the two adults.
The three younger rangers had always thought Tommy and Haley had a thing for each other, but they soon realized the two were just friends...After Conner mentioned his thoughts to Trent and Trent explained to his older brother that Haley didn't swing that way. After he stopped laughing of course.
Conner looked down at his brother while more doctors and nurses filed into the small room. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he regretted, but he always thought there'd be more time. Then again, wasn't that always the excuse? Conner had no idea what he could say that would some up everything he was feeling.
"I'll miss you." It was just a whisper, but those words held all the strength and love Conner had for his brother.. In those three little words, he was able to explain what was going on in his head. All his grief, anger, sadness, guilt, and love were conveyed in those three words.
"Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez-McKnight?" Conner's parents looked up at the doctor who was standing by the machines that were keeping Trent alive.
"Are you ready?" Conner's mother let out a shaky sob that was quickly followed by several more as she clung to her husband's shirt. Mr. Fernandez-McKnight wrapped his arms tighter around his wife as he looked from the doctor to Trent, and then to Conner. Conner gave his father a nod and the older man sighed deeply.
"No." He said, pain evident in his deep voice. "But go ahead." The doctor nodded as he and several other hospital personal started to turn off all of the machines Trent was hooked up to except for the heart monitor.
Through it all, Conner clutched onto Trent's hand like his life depended on it. Trent's heartbeat gradually got slower and slower until it finally stopped.
Conner was still holding his little brother's hand when the doctor announced time of death.