Extinction Level Event.
by Thomas Greene.
The majority of these..oh, wait, I created all these guys. I RULE! Anyway, there might be some stuff owned by other people in these, but it's mostly trendy references, so it's cool.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.
Part One: The Round-up.
January 19, 2001. Washington, D.C.
The President-elect's advisor came into the room."We have your poll results in, sir."
"What're the poll results?" the future President asked.
"Well, we've noticed that the reason you're going into the Presidency is because of the elderly voters, as they're the only people who aren't fed up with the process."
"Ah, God bless Alzheimer's..."
"Well, their main concern is that they've all seen the news and are deathly afraid of gun-toting teenagers shooting up their high schools and other places. Since they're all old people, they think all teenagers will do said act."
"I see..."
"Due to this, we've come up with a plan to keep all of those elderly people on your side for 2004. Basically..." The advisor paused for dramatic effect. "..We send all the different 'Cliques' of people to seperate areas of the country to live out their lives."
"How do we get this to occur? The parents, the people's wills..."
"Fear of school shootings! We get them afraid, they'll handle it. If the people involved in this don't like it, tough! Teens don't vote!"
"It sounds so simple."
"We've already got the first one set. We'll be trying to relocate 'Nerds' to a seperate housing facility near Area 51. We feel that that area will make them happiest."
"We should do it."
January 20, 2001: 12 noon.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased that you picked me to be your President. I promise that this country will be a country where all people can be truly safe in their schools..."
January 20, 2001: 6 p.m.
The speaker of the House put up the bill."And now, a bill to relocate the nation's nerds to Roswell, New Mexico..." The Congressmen started to vote No before a younger one spoke up. "I'd like to propose a rider to the bill that gives us all a pay raise."
"AYE!" the Capitol yelled.
February 3, 2001. Providence, Rhode Island.
Phil and Troy were nerds. Both were in the top levels of the people at Garden High. Their scientific skills were legendary, helping to bring Garden a sense of respectability in the shadows of the two nearby "preppy" schools. Unlike most nerds, however, these two were sort of well-liked by their peers without ever doing their homework for them. The two hung out together frequently and proceeded to check out what was happening.
"Okay, let's see what we've been able to accomplish for ourselves this week." Troy said.
"First off: We were able to convince the student body that Headmaster Cid was in fact a woman." Phil replied.
"That was our 'fun stuff.' What did you really work out?"
"I finally got working models set of my pet projects." Phil took out a ring box. " As you can see, it looks like a regular Legion flight ring, right?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Not exactly. This one really works. I fine-tuned a magnet up to the ability that it could ride the Earth's magnetic field and support up to 250 pounds to do the same. As a result..." Phil placed the ring on his finger and flew a lap around the room.
"Excellent. Does it have some communication ability with it as well?" Troy asked.
"No, but I have made a second ring that does have that ability. Can communicate anywhere, help each other out, or just pick up people's cell phones for our own amusement." Phil replied.
"Too bad. I was able to make some non-magnetic transistors that work perfectly in mine," Troy said. He placed one ring on and flew a lap.
"Just for that, I get the more powerful stuff I finished this week." Phil said. He took out a briefcase and revealed some power towards it. "This may look like a typical briefcase." He opened it up to show a 240-CD changer.
"That's old news. So it's portable and you can listen to a lot of CD's, big deal," Troy replied.
"Not exactly. I've done double duty. I harnessed the ultimate power of batteries to the point where they can last for nigh-limitless amounts of time and give off enough power for that time to make an energy field enough to light the state of Rhode Island for a century, or at least give one certain person an energy field enough to actually create a form of 'magic'. Then I proceeded to take the CD's encodings, translate them into Blue, Black, White, or Generic forms of magic, and proceed to release them at will."
"Cool. All I did was make a weapon." Troy opened up a guitar case to reveal a shiny new gunblade.
"WHOA. How'd you make that?" Phil asked.
"Simple. I took an old sword, put on a gun handle, and put a tazer toward the gun's handle. I made you up one as well." Troy took his gunblade.
"Well, we certainly did some good stuff. What do we do now?" Phil asked.
"I dunno. Go see a movie?" Troy replied.
Meanwhile, at the cinema, the managers recieved a call from the government.
"So, you want us to do what?"
"Show 'Highlander: Endgame' again for free. We think the state's nerds will flock to it. After that, we'll send them over there."
"We understand."
"What's playing?" Phil asked.
"I heard 'Highlander:Endgame' is starting up again over at the Place..." Troy replied.
"Yeah, but why would we want to see that? I mean, making there be two? There can be only one! Not to mention that they gave Edge a role in the flick..."
"In his words, that is SO going to set new records for heinousitude."
"Exactly."
Meanwhile, the agents over at the movie theater were happy.
"We got them. Hook, line, and sinker. Every cinema in this state did the same story, and now a vast majority of nerds are going to Roswell," Agent Biggs said.
"Yeah, but that's what? 1500 nerds, tops? We need to eliminate the lot of them. I have a plan that will get the rest of them over here..." Agent Wedge replied.
"DUDE!" Troy said. "Did you hear about this one here?"
"What's the 411, man?" Phil replied.
"According to this, there's a free play over at the Civic Center. They guarantee Christina Damian will get naked during it."
"Does it really matter, man? I mean, we don't need to see anything from her. Her skills as an actress are why we view her movies, not the fact that she's a hottie."
"Yeah, plus those 'Beach' pics weren't anything special. The fakes are much better."
"See? You're catching on!"
"I think we've got them all. No nerd could resist either of these two things," Biggs said.
"I think so. Let's head toward the next place," Wedge replied.
March 13, 2001.
"So, it's been pretty dead recently on these web sites," Phil said.
"Yeah. People rarely post, and when they do it's usually 'HELP! I'M A PRISONER NEAR AREA 51!'" Troy replied.
"Can't they be original for once?"
"Let's just watch some TV."
"Good evening. The U.S. government has come forward with their plan that has relocated all of the country's nerds to Roswell, New Mexico, but first, our top story, famed 'Survivor' Richard Hatch actually walked down the street today. For more on this story..."
"DUDE!" Phil exclaimed. "All the country's nerds are in Roswell?"
"Say, if all of them are in captivity, does this mean we're the last two nerds in the country?" Troy asked.
The two looked at each other.
"BONUS!"
The two walked around their school like kings.
"Hello, homies! We are the LAST TWO nerds out of captivity. Breed with us now before we're gone..." Suddenly, the two were pulled into a room by their guidance counselor.
"Why'd you do that?" Phil asked.
"Don't you know? You two are now probably the most wanted men in America."
"Why are you saying this? You're supposed to be on our side."
"I am. Listen. You two are the last nerds in the country, and arguably the smartest people out of captivity. As such, you have a chance to have great fortune at the risk of your lives."
"Why?"
"If you're free, the country could have problems. This move wasn't about saving school shootings, it was about money."
"You're reading Cary's copy of Zinn again, aren't you?"
"No. They chose nerds first rather than Trenchcoat Mafia members so that they could make money off of their dot com companies.As such, as the last two nerds, you can make huge dough taking control of them and selling them for 100% profit."
"Where do we go for this?"
"All around. Just create some characters, gain control of the company, and sell it. You'll make your fortune, maybe even get all the nerds freed."
"I see."
"You'll have to leave now. I called your parents and told them about how your lives were in danger as long as you were in Rhode Island. They've transferred enough money and places to get you out of any situations. Go for it."
"Okay. We'll see you."
"Oh, don't bother. I've got one of those 'Secret Communication Rings' too. I'll keep in touch while you're on the road." The two left the office to find three wanna-be rappers going toward them.
"Hey, why are you two not in Roswell?" their leader asked.
"We'll get you there," one said.
"Not bloody likely..." the two replied. They drew their gunblades and started to cut and shock.
"Hey, that really hurt!", one exclaimed as he fell to the ground. Two were left to fight, until one was also brought down.
"You jerks! I'll get you." the leader pulled out a gun. Phil pulled out his "briefcase."
"I've loaded up a 'Nerd/Teleportation' Generic spell. It'll save us for sure," Phil said.
"Well, represent!" Troy replied. Phil put in a CD. The strains of it started as bio-mechanical constructs slowly replaced Phil and Troy.
"'cause I remember how we drank time together
and how you used to say that the stars are forever
and daydreamed about how to make your life better
by leaving town, leaving town..."
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LISTENING TO THAT CRAP? PLAY SOME EMINEM!" the leader said. The two constructs motioned to "just bring it." The leader hit the two to find them disintegrated. "WHAT THE HELL?
Meanwhile, the two rematerialized in Phil's car. "LET'S GO!"
by Thomas Greene.
The majority of these..oh, wait, I created all these guys. I RULE! Anyway, there might be some stuff owned by other people in these, but it's mostly trendy references, so it's cool.
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.
Part One: The Round-up.
January 19, 2001. Washington, D.C.
The President-elect's advisor came into the room."We have your poll results in, sir."
"What're the poll results?" the future President asked.
"Well, we've noticed that the reason you're going into the Presidency is because of the elderly voters, as they're the only people who aren't fed up with the process."
"Ah, God bless Alzheimer's..."
"Well, their main concern is that they've all seen the news and are deathly afraid of gun-toting teenagers shooting up their high schools and other places. Since they're all old people, they think all teenagers will do said act."
"I see..."
"Due to this, we've come up with a plan to keep all of those elderly people on your side for 2004. Basically..." The advisor paused for dramatic effect. "..We send all the different 'Cliques' of people to seperate areas of the country to live out their lives."
"How do we get this to occur? The parents, the people's wills..."
"Fear of school shootings! We get them afraid, they'll handle it. If the people involved in this don't like it, tough! Teens don't vote!"
"It sounds so simple."
"We've already got the first one set. We'll be trying to relocate 'Nerds' to a seperate housing facility near Area 51. We feel that that area will make them happiest."
"We should do it."
January 20, 2001: 12 noon.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased that you picked me to be your President. I promise that this country will be a country where all people can be truly safe in their schools..."
January 20, 2001: 6 p.m.
The speaker of the House put up the bill."And now, a bill to relocate the nation's nerds to Roswell, New Mexico..." The Congressmen started to vote No before a younger one spoke up. "I'd like to propose a rider to the bill that gives us all a pay raise."
"AYE!" the Capitol yelled.
February 3, 2001. Providence, Rhode Island.
Phil and Troy were nerds. Both were in the top levels of the people at Garden High. Their scientific skills were legendary, helping to bring Garden a sense of respectability in the shadows of the two nearby "preppy" schools. Unlike most nerds, however, these two were sort of well-liked by their peers without ever doing their homework for them. The two hung out together frequently and proceeded to check out what was happening.
"Okay, let's see what we've been able to accomplish for ourselves this week." Troy said.
"First off: We were able to convince the student body that Headmaster Cid was in fact a woman." Phil replied.
"That was our 'fun stuff.' What did you really work out?"
"I finally got working models set of my pet projects." Phil took out a ring box. " As you can see, it looks like a regular Legion flight ring, right?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Not exactly. This one really works. I fine-tuned a magnet up to the ability that it could ride the Earth's magnetic field and support up to 250 pounds to do the same. As a result..." Phil placed the ring on his finger and flew a lap around the room.
"Excellent. Does it have some communication ability with it as well?" Troy asked.
"No, but I have made a second ring that does have that ability. Can communicate anywhere, help each other out, or just pick up people's cell phones for our own amusement." Phil replied.
"Too bad. I was able to make some non-magnetic transistors that work perfectly in mine," Troy said. He placed one ring on and flew a lap.
"Just for that, I get the more powerful stuff I finished this week." Phil said. He took out a briefcase and revealed some power towards it. "This may look like a typical briefcase." He opened it up to show a 240-CD changer.
"That's old news. So it's portable and you can listen to a lot of CD's, big deal," Troy replied.
"Not exactly. I've done double duty. I harnessed the ultimate power of batteries to the point where they can last for nigh-limitless amounts of time and give off enough power for that time to make an energy field enough to light the state of Rhode Island for a century, or at least give one certain person an energy field enough to actually create a form of 'magic'. Then I proceeded to take the CD's encodings, translate them into Blue, Black, White, or Generic forms of magic, and proceed to release them at will."
"Cool. All I did was make a weapon." Troy opened up a guitar case to reveal a shiny new gunblade.
"WHOA. How'd you make that?" Phil asked.
"Simple. I took an old sword, put on a gun handle, and put a tazer toward the gun's handle. I made you up one as well." Troy took his gunblade.
"Well, we certainly did some good stuff. What do we do now?" Phil asked.
"I dunno. Go see a movie?" Troy replied.
Meanwhile, at the cinema, the managers recieved a call from the government.
"So, you want us to do what?"
"Show 'Highlander: Endgame' again for free. We think the state's nerds will flock to it. After that, we'll send them over there."
"We understand."
"What's playing?" Phil asked.
"I heard 'Highlander:Endgame' is starting up again over at the Place..." Troy replied.
"Yeah, but why would we want to see that? I mean, making there be two? There can be only one! Not to mention that they gave Edge a role in the flick..."
"In his words, that is SO going to set new records for heinousitude."
"Exactly."
Meanwhile, the agents over at the movie theater were happy.
"We got them. Hook, line, and sinker. Every cinema in this state did the same story, and now a vast majority of nerds are going to Roswell," Agent Biggs said.
"Yeah, but that's what? 1500 nerds, tops? We need to eliminate the lot of them. I have a plan that will get the rest of them over here..." Agent Wedge replied.
"DUDE!" Troy said. "Did you hear about this one here?"
"What's the 411, man?" Phil replied.
"According to this, there's a free play over at the Civic Center. They guarantee Christina Damian will get naked during it."
"Does it really matter, man? I mean, we don't need to see anything from her. Her skills as an actress are why we view her movies, not the fact that she's a hottie."
"Yeah, plus those 'Beach' pics weren't anything special. The fakes are much better."
"See? You're catching on!"
"I think we've got them all. No nerd could resist either of these two things," Biggs said.
"I think so. Let's head toward the next place," Wedge replied.
March 13, 2001.
"So, it's been pretty dead recently on these web sites," Phil said.
"Yeah. People rarely post, and when they do it's usually 'HELP! I'M A PRISONER NEAR AREA 51!'" Troy replied.
"Can't they be original for once?"
"Let's just watch some TV."
"Good evening. The U.S. government has come forward with their plan that has relocated all of the country's nerds to Roswell, New Mexico, but first, our top story, famed 'Survivor' Richard Hatch actually walked down the street today. For more on this story..."
"DUDE!" Phil exclaimed. "All the country's nerds are in Roswell?"
"Say, if all of them are in captivity, does this mean we're the last two nerds in the country?" Troy asked.
The two looked at each other.
"BONUS!"
The two walked around their school like kings.
"Hello, homies! We are the LAST TWO nerds out of captivity. Breed with us now before we're gone..." Suddenly, the two were pulled into a room by their guidance counselor.
"Why'd you do that?" Phil asked.
"Don't you know? You two are now probably the most wanted men in America."
"Why are you saying this? You're supposed to be on our side."
"I am. Listen. You two are the last nerds in the country, and arguably the smartest people out of captivity. As such, you have a chance to have great fortune at the risk of your lives."
"Why?"
"If you're free, the country could have problems. This move wasn't about saving school shootings, it was about money."
"You're reading Cary's copy of Zinn again, aren't you?"
"No. They chose nerds first rather than Trenchcoat Mafia members so that they could make money off of their dot com companies.As such, as the last two nerds, you can make huge dough taking control of them and selling them for 100% profit."
"Where do we go for this?"
"All around. Just create some characters, gain control of the company, and sell it. You'll make your fortune, maybe even get all the nerds freed."
"I see."
"You'll have to leave now. I called your parents and told them about how your lives were in danger as long as you were in Rhode Island. They've transferred enough money and places to get you out of any situations. Go for it."
"Okay. We'll see you."
"Oh, don't bother. I've got one of those 'Secret Communication Rings' too. I'll keep in touch while you're on the road." The two left the office to find three wanna-be rappers going toward them.
"Hey, why are you two not in Roswell?" their leader asked.
"We'll get you there," one said.
"Not bloody likely..." the two replied. They drew their gunblades and started to cut and shock.
"Hey, that really hurt!", one exclaimed as he fell to the ground. Two were left to fight, until one was also brought down.
"You jerks! I'll get you." the leader pulled out a gun. Phil pulled out his "briefcase."
"I've loaded up a 'Nerd/Teleportation' Generic spell. It'll save us for sure," Phil said.
"Well, represent!" Troy replied. Phil put in a CD. The strains of it started as bio-mechanical constructs slowly replaced Phil and Troy.
"'cause I remember how we drank time together
and how you used to say that the stars are forever
and daydreamed about how to make your life better
by leaving town, leaving town..."
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LISTENING TO THAT CRAP? PLAY SOME EMINEM!" the leader said. The two constructs motioned to "just bring it." The leader hit the two to find them disintegrated. "WHAT THE HELL?
Meanwhile, the two rematerialized in Phil's car. "LET'S GO!"