Disclaimer: characters are not mine. I am only borrowing them. No infringement or profit is intended.
Tired of Loving This Way
He stood near the gate waiting for her, sighing as he looked worriedly at the watch on his wrist. She was late as usual, but if she didn't get here soon, they'd miss their flight. His fears were put to rest as he saw her running towards him, and a smile crossed his stone features, but it quickly turned to a frown. "Where's Michael?" he asked.
She skidded to a stop in front of him, his words the answer she needed to let her know that she was doing the right thing--- for once. "He's with Leticia," Carly sighed as she brushed her hair out of her eyes.
"Carly, they had better be hurrying, because we're going to miss our flight."
Carly sighed, "that's just it. They're not coming."
"You're not leaving Michael. . ."
"No," she replied quickly. "See the thing is, I'm not leaving period.
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Liz stared at Lucky as he threw his things into a bag, "I can't believe you're doing this. Leaving again. Leaving all of us."
"Give it up Liz," Lucky sighed as he stared at her. "We all know that you're not upset that I'm leaving town. Just that I'm leaving you."
"Lucky, it's just. . . We were just staring to get back to where we were. . ."
"We were what? Elizabeth, when are you going to get it through your head their is no us anymore! Hell, I don't even think there ever really was!"
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Emily sat on her bed as she looked at the bags that lined her wall. She knew this was the right decision, but she still couldn't quite get her head around it. Sighing, she got up and started to walk around her room, freezing when she saw him climbing into her window. "What do you want?" she asked tensely.
"Em, you can't go. I need you," Juan said as he approached her.
"Don't do this," Emily sighed as she pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.
"Do what? Tell you I need you? I love you?"
"You don't, Juan. If you did, you wouldn't be doing this right now."
"Em, that doesn't make any sense."
"Doesn't it?" Emily asked as she looked at him, a frown on her lips. *What did I see in him?* she asked herself as she tried to find the words to get through to him.
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I'm tired of watching me hurt you
I'm tired of being the teardrops on your face
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I know your every weakness
I can find one in everything you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
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"Don't you get it, Liz?" Lucky asked, as he bracketed her arms with his hands. "I can't do this anymore. I can't keep hurting everyone I loved. I can't keep watching the expectations turn to disappointment and hurt."
"But it doesn't have to, Lucky. Our love's so strong it can get us through anything," Liz sighed as she wrapped her arms around him, holding on for dear life.
"No, Liz, it can't," Lucky replied as he pulled away from her. "I tired of fighting it. Love shouldn't make someone this tired. I'm so tired, Liz. That's why I need out. That's why I have to leave. If you loved me you'd understand that."
"What? Because I want to hang on to what we shared I don't love you? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?"
"No, if you really loved me, you'd understand why I have to do this," Lucky sighed. "I can't be your hero anymore. Hell, I don't even have the strength to be my own. If you need one go find someone else," he said as he hefted his bag onto his shoulder and started out.
"Lucky. . .LUCKY! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" Liz called after him, but he ignored her and she fell to her knees in tears. Left alone once again.
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I'm not the one that you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh, baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
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"Carly, come on, what do you mean you're not coming with me?" Jason asked as he shifted uncomfortably. "This is what you've always wanted."
"Is it?" she asked as she looked up at him. "And even if it is, what about what you want? Do you want to spend the rest of your life cleaning up my messes."
"I've been doing it long enough," he tried to tease, but it fell flat.
"My point exactly," Carly sighed. "Jas, am I the one you dream of?"
"What?!?!"
"Do you dream of me? When you think of us, do you think of the future? And if you do, do you see an us that doesn't include Michael, or is he so intregial to us that you can't."
"Carly, I want us to be a family."
"I know, but. . . Jas, I don't know if it's what I want anymore," she admitted.
"It's what you've always said you wanted. I'm finally giving it to you."
Carly nodded as she looked down and bit her lip, "Jas, I tried to imagine an us. Yeah, at first I could, but now. . . It seems like it's just a fantasy. Like it can never be. I. . .I, uhh, had a dream last night. A dream of what my life could be like, but. . . but you weren't in it. Funny thing is, I was happy in it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just that. . . Jason," she paused touching his cheek as she looked in his eyes, "a part of me will always love you, because you were my first love. But. . . Jason, I realize now, I'm not in love with you. Not anymore than you are with me."
"Carly, you know I love you. . ."
"But not the way I want you too. I can't do this anymore, Jas. You deserve better. We both do."
Jason shook his head as the flight was announced. "You better get going or you'll miss your flight," she said as she stepped back.
"Carly, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "For the first time in a long time I don't have a plan. Maybe that's a good thing," she added on a slight laugh as she wiped at her tears.
"Yeah, maybe," he replied on a laugh of his own as he released her. "I do love you."
"I know. I love you too," she sighed. "Now get going. There's an adventure waiting."
Jason nodded as he turned and picked up his bag. He walked through the door just before they closed, and never looked back. . .
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I'll set your heart free
And if you're mine
You'll come flying back some day
But I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Well I'm taking you with me
Like a room in my heart
You will have your place
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
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Emily turned away from Juan as she said what she felt she had too. "I can't do this anymore, Juan. Love isn't supposed to hurt this much."
"Com'on, Em, we've just hit a couple of rough patches."
"No," Emily said as she turned. "We've become too comfortable. Too needy. We fill a part of each other that. . .Juan, I see us in this holding pattern, you know. It's like we're. . . my parents. We don't want to stay together, but we do. We do it because we're afraid to be alone. To not have someone. We do these awful things to each other, but come back to us because it's all we know."
"No, Em. Com'on. I love you. You're my muse."
"No, I'm your confidence. There's a difference," Emily sighed as she brush her hand through her hair. "I can't take it any more. I don't have enough strength to keep us together. Keep your head on straight so that you can get on some stage and perform. I don't like the person I've become. I was never clingy and jealous. But you've made me that. You made me the one who has to fix everything. The one who's responsible for forgiving and making things right. You make me feel like I can't even feel what I want anymore. I just can't do it.
I want a life of my own. I want to go to college. I want to meet new people and do new things. I don't want to be stuck in a relationship that's going no where. With someone who doesn't understand me or my needs."
"Fine, you wanna go to college, go to PCU. You wanna hang out with your friends, who's stopping you? But I need you."
"No. You need the person that you think I am. I'm sick of her. Sick of putting on an act for all of you. It's time I go back to being me again, and if you can't understand that. . . Well, to bad. Because I'm outta here," Emily said on a shrug as she went to the door and picked up her purse, "Oh, I'd suggest you leave before my grandfather finds you," she added as she walked out, leaving a stunned Juan in her wake.
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I'm not the one that you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh, baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sonny stood staring out of the window on the town below, a glass of scotch in his hand. He couldn't believe it had come to this. That she had really left. Somehow, it didn't seem possible. But it was.
He never would've thought she'd be like the rest of them. But she was. She left just like them.
But then again, maybe they had never really left. Maybe he had just always pushed them away.
Sighing, he took a long drink, turning in surprise as the door opened and she stood there. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "Did you miss your flight? Where's Michael?"
"Michael's with Leticia. No, I didn't 'miss' my flight, I decided not to go," Carly replied as she closed the door and started towards him, stopping about half the length of the room from him. "And I'm here, because I hope I still have a home here."
"What no place else to go?" he asked.
She cringed slightly. "In case you're forgetting I had another offer, I chose to come back. But hey, if you don't want me. . ." she shrugged and she started towards the door.
"Carly," he called out, surprising himself, and her. "Don't go."
"OK, I won't," Carly replied as she turned around and looked at him. "But we're going to have to make some changes."
"Meaning?" Sonny asked as he stepped down from the rise and walked towards her.
"Meaning, we can't keep going on like this," she replied. "I can't keep walking out and walking in. Being let in and shut out. I don't think either of us can take much more of it. I'm tired of the fighting and the hurting each other because we're hurt."
"What do you suggest we do?" Sonny asked.
"Why did you ask me to stay?" Carly asked.
"You know why."
"Do I?"
"It's the same reason that you want to stay."
"Which is what?" she asked.
"Hey, if you don't know. . ."
Carly groaned. "Fine we both say it at the count of three."
Sonny smiled slightly at that, "Fine. 1 . . ."
"2"
"3" they said together as they took a deep breathe and simultaneously said, "I Love you."
"Now, I think that's a step in the right direction," Sonny replied as he looked at her.
"Yeah, maybe it is," she laughed as she took the glass from his hand and took a sip from it. "So now what?"
Sonny shrugged, "I guess we just go with it."
"Sounds like a plan," Carly said with a smile, causing him to shake his head.
"You and your plans."
"Hey, Mister, this one's all yours."
"Yeah, yeah it is," he replied as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
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Song credit: Tired of Loving This Way Collin Raye and Bobbie Eakes, off of Collin Raye's Tracks