Black Star Meets Team Seven
By Clubbed2Death
Crossover b/ween Naruto and Soul Eater
(Disclaimer: Naruto and Soul Eater and all characters within do not belong to me.)
CRACKFIC
No pairings
R&R
Black Star didn't understand his situation. Here he was, just minding his own business, kicking this random guy's ass until all of a sudden there was a big flash. And here he was staring at a man with a mask and a gray head that defied the laws of gravity. That man...looked just like the same man in his family picture's bounty. This man looked exactly like White Star.
"Dad?" The man looked down at him and blinked. The three youngsters that stood chatting beside him stopped their incessant yapping when they heard what the new kid said.
"DAD!" they repeated in shock. Their heads turned to the adult and then back to the newcomer. "Since when did you have a kid, Kakashi-sensei!" A blond boy yelled out, his eyes wide and his mouth open in awe as he stared up and down at the new kid.
"Who the hell are you?" He demanded after a while of scrutinizing.
Black Star crossed his arms and made a puzzled expression. 'Maybe this isn't him...,' he thought. 'Besides, that man is dead with the rest of those greedy bastards.'
The girl angrily punched the boy in the head, forcing him to the ground. She then stared in his direction and put on an awkward smile.
'Whoa! Almost as bad as Maka's chop...' Black Star gaped. "S-sorry about that," the girl said, "Anyway, my name is Sakura Haruno. This is Sasuke Uchiha and this idiot here is Naruto." The girl was pleasant with her greetings, until she mentioned her friends with at first vigorous affection and then with annoyance. She again smiled at Black Star and waited, which Black Star blinked before crossing his arms.
"Well...this isn't weird at all," he said. "I guess I should introduce myself. I am Black Star and...I have no idea where I am."
The blond boy, Naruto, suddenly popped up (yes, popped up, because he can do that) from the ground and pointed at Black Star.
"YOU'RE IN FIRE COUNTRY!" He shouted with unknown excitement. "In a village called KONOHA!" The boy, with his fists clenched before him, appeared in front of Black Star.
"So, so, where are you from!" He asked, his excitement seething through his teeth, making Black Star very concerned with his mental stability. Black Star can see the sparkles in his eyes, and he didn't know why, but he liked this boy's attitude.
"Oh, I'm from Death City." "..." The four people stared at Black Star for the longest time, until Naruto broke the silence with a hearty laugh.
"BUWAHAHAHAHA! You're hilarious, even you're name is funny!"
Black Star sweat dropped. "No...really..." He was surprised when Naruto started tugging at his arm, urging him to walk with him and the other three people.
"I'm so excited. I never thought Kakashi had a kid! You have to hang out with us, oh! And spar and stuff." Black Star had no idea why this kid is so happy for, but if he gets to spar then nothing really matters.
'I can so kick this kid's ass anytime!' He started to get excited for that spar.
Kakashi on the other hand was not doing so well.
"Kakashi-sensei, are you okay?" Sakura asked, noticing her teacher's distress and sweat droplets. Kakashi let out a groan before mumbling to himself, "Did I use it...did I? ...I swear to God she said she was on the pill...was she? Did she lie? Do I have to smack a bitch? ..."
Naruto laughed, "Sensei knocked someone up!"
Sakura used her 'Sakura Chop' on Naruto again, as Black Star now puts it.
Sasuke, being the second know it all of the group, came in to save the day. He sighed before explaining his theory, "I doubt that this guy is actually Kakashi's kid. This kid looks like to be our age so that would mean Kakashi would have to be in his teens when he had...er, sex."
"..."
"Kya! Sasuke, you're so smart!" Sakura squealed, raping (yes, raping, because she can do that) everyone's ears.
Naruto huffed and put his hands on his hips, always in line to prove Sasuke wrong. "Oh yeah! Well what if Kakashi did have sex!" All the kids turned to their teacher and only adult of the group, expecting him to explain his sex life.
Kakashi wanted to die. "U-um...well...er...you see...the hormornes...and, um,...WHO WANTS RAMEN!"
Naruto picked up a tree trunk and threw it across the training grounds. "HOLY SHIT! I FUCKING DO!" No one knew why he had to throw that tree trunk, but now Naruto was jumping all over the place creating a distraction from the adult's issue, as Kakashi planned.
"Sensei...," Sakura mumbled, shaking her head. Sasuke just crossed his arms and let out another sigh. Why was he stuck with this useless group? Why God? Why!
Black Star watched the team a little more and started scratching his head. "Man, this is like a bad fanfiction, except no one has been raped yet..."
"GYAH! DON'T JINX IT!" Sakura screamed, totally not realizing that she already raped everyone's ears.
"Holy crap! We must rape something!" Naruto cried.
Sasuke just shivered...praying to god that Orochimaru wasn't in this fanfic. "Well, first I need to figure out how I was transported here and how I can get back to Death City," Black Star said.
Kakashi regained his right of mind and entered the conversation... literally. He stepped on Naruto, which forced the boy to fall face flat on the ground with Kakashi's foot on his head, literally standing in the boy's place. Why?
They. Don't. Know.
But Kakashi had this to explain, "Black Star, was it? Before we saw you here we noticed a bright light a little while away. When we came to check it out it seems like you were...warped into shape, as if you...crossed into a different dimension...how do I know this...? Yeah I'm just making crap up."
"It's a fanfic, Sensei, don't sweat it," Naruto gasped from beneath Kakashi's feet.
Black Star nodded while he sweat dropped. "Well, I guess I'll be concerned later... How about that spar you promised me!"
Naruto popped up from underneath Kakashi's feet and screamed, "HELL YEAH! ME FIRST!"
"YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN!"
"NO WAY! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"
"NO, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"
"YOU'RE MOM IS GOING DOWN!"
"Dude, not cool, I don't have a Mom to be put down."
"Oh shit, man, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better I have no Mom to put down either."
Suddenly Black Star and Naruto had a heart to heart talk about their pasts without parents and how they were hated since birth and other depressing stuffs that we don't want to hear about because it's going to give everyone a hard on. ...No? Just me? ...Okay then, moving on...
"I am also the last of my clan...," Sasuke added, after hearing Black Star's past about his ninja clan.
"SHUT UP SASUKE, I'M HAVING MY HEART TO HEART TALK WITH BLACK STAR!" Naruto screamed angrily at the 'last' Uchiha.
And to prove his point, Naruto grabbed a hold of Black Star's arm and began pulling him to the direction of Konoha. "TO ICHIRAKU'S RAMEN BAR BEFORE WE SPAR!"
Everyone just watched them go.
"Should we save Black Star, sensei?" Sakura asked Kakashi.
"...nah, let him figure it out on his own...," Kakashi replied with his eyes curved into a sadistic smile. 'That's what he gets for giving me that baby scare... I know I used that condom, I know!'
Later on, Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke soon found out the hard way that Black Star is also not normal. He's another obnoxious, annoying brat who overexcites himself, has ADD and unneccessarily screams out his goals in life. They stared as both boys stood on the Hokage Monument ready for their match, each screaming, "I'M GOING TO BE HOKAGE!" and the other, "I'M GOING TO BECOME A GOD!" Then both boys started a fight on which title is stronger. Black Star was winning but Naruto refused to give up.
"You know Sensei, Sasuke is right, Black Star isn't your kid," Sakura said. "If he was then he wouldn't act like that at all."
Kakashi considered it. "You're right, he acts more like Naruto. Maybe he's Naruto's future kid."
"Or maybe it's you and Naruto's kid," Sasuke muttered.
"..."
"..."
"I SO do not have a HARD ON! Ha...haha...hahahaha."
Kakashi and Sasuke stared at Sakura. Then everything just went awkward from there.
"I-I'm totally not into that! Although since this is a fanfic, Kakashi and Naruto making a baby can SO happen! Kya~! 3"
"..."
Kakashi went back to his broken mental state, mostly because of the image...oh god, the image...the image...their babies and more images...oh god... more baby scares... Sasuke on the other hand was feeling disappointed.
"I thought KakaSasu was the favorite pairing when it came to yaoi Kakashi pairings..."
"I CONTRADICT! KakaIru is the favorite pairing," Sakura shouted defensively.
"..."
"D-D-D-DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW THAT! I'm totally not into that stuff... haha...hahahaha..."
"Well, at least you still have me~," Orochimaru said seductively...appearing out of...nowhere...O_o
"OH NOES!" Sasuke cried, putting up his defenses... which is his chastity belt and etc.
"Oh man, orgasm!" Sakura cried.
"..."
Everyone started to slowly back away from the closet yaoi-obsessed girl.
"N-no, really, I'm not into that, really!"
"Hey! Guys!" Naruto yelled from on top of the 3rd Hokage's head. "Is being the Hokage better than being a God! It so is, right!"
"WRONG!" Black Star yelled. "And I thought you were cool, you fucking retard!"
Naruto gasped, grasping his chest as if his heart was in pain, which it was. Suddenly he started to tear up. Black Star watched on in surprise.
"O-oh, wait a minute. What are you doing there?"
"You...you..."
"Come on man, you know I didn't mean to say that."
"YOU THINK I'M COOL!" Naruto sobbed.
"..."
"I TOTALLY AM COOL, AREN'T I!" Black Star sweat dropped.
"THAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME!"
"...your welcome?"
Naruto fell to the floor in hysteria, crying his eyes out while Black Star stood to the side watching awkardly. He wasn't sure what to do. Usually when Maka cried, Tsubaki would just do the consoling. He's not good with people who cry. "I'll go see what that guy is up to," Black Star shrugged, looking down to where Kakashi was sitting in fetal position.
After easily jumping off the monuments to the areas where Sakura and Orochimaru were fighting over Sasuke, he walked to Kakashi's side and raised an eyebrow at the distressed man.
'These people are so weird...,' "Hey, guy who looks like my Dad...Kakashi was it?" Kakashi looked up with his one eye and felt it twitch at the boy's comment.
"Ah...what do you need?"
"Oh! Um, well I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I guess I mistook you for my Dad since you look just like him in the picture, and obviously it caused a misunderstanding."
"Oh...why do they love to torture me like this?" Kakashi asked, showing no signs of him listening at all.
Black Star felt a vein popped, but he controlled his easy temper and said, "Anyways, Naruto is crying on those giant heads over there, and so...I was wondering where the off button was."
Kakashi blinked. He then went back to his fetal position, where everything was good and there were no annoying little brats to bug him, and there was also all the Icha Icha Paradise books in the world for him to read.
"...yes..."
Black Star scratched his head while giving Kakashi a quizzical look. He shrugged and went away. "I wonder what Tsubaki is doing," he muttered to himself.
Suddenly he stopped and noticed something to the side. A man stood there wearing a black cloak with red clouds and a pointed straw hat with bells on his head. The man approached Black Star and asked in a deep voice, "Hey, have you seen my giant ass fish?"
"..."
"No? ...damn."
"..."
"Do you wanna?"
Black Star slowly shook his head and tried to back away. The stranger shrugged and began wandering off into the distance, shouting, "Kisame~ Kisame~! God damn you Kisame, you better not be chopping people's legs off again..."
The boy didn't look back as he ran off for the blonde boy again. "This fanfic is so weird...," he mumbled, wishing he was home. But alas, for this fanfic is weird, and the author is a bitch, and she will not return Black Star to his rightful home... because she has not been SATISFIED!
"THEN HOW THE HELL DO I GET HOME!" Black Star screamed, his hands raised in the air in hysteria. "GIVE ME A SIGN! WHAT DO YOU WANT!"
And then... something fell from the sky. Black Star watched with wide eyes along with everyone else, who ran towards where he stood to look at the item that dropped in front of their feet. The boy picked up the item, and Kakashi's eyes bugged out while Orochimaru's eyes lit up in perverted glee and the three children looked on with confusion.
In Black Star's hands was rope, a gun, lube and condoms.
"Oh my God... It's a rape kit," Kakashi said in horror. "IT'S A SIGN FROM THE HEAVENS!"
Black Star dropped the items, and stepped back.
Everyone just stared.
Everyone was afraid (minus one).
SOMEONE BETTER GET RAPED DAMN IT! OR ELSE I'LL NEVER END THIS FANFIC!
"Naruto. Get on the down," Sasuke ordered.
"WHY DO I HAVE TO GET RAPED!" Naruto screamed.
"Because, it's often. Now get down!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, OFTEN!"
"Now, now," Kakashi began, his hands slowly waving as if it would calm them down. "No one is getting raped."
Black Star's eyes gleamed as he looked at all his prey. "Oh fucking yes, someone is getting raped! I want to go home!"
"I vote for Sasuke," Orochimaru hissed, eying the boy as if he was at a park all alone at night.
"NO! If anyone... I volunteer myself... for Sasuke's sake," Sakura sighed, then hugging herself like a poor victim.
"Masochist," Naruto muttered.
"SHUT UP! YOU'RE THE MASOCHIST, MASOCHIST!" Sakura screamed, Sakura chopping the hell out of Naruto.
Kakashi stopped Sakura before she could finish her damage and he just sighed. "Fine. In order to bring Black Star home, we need to rape someone... but it should be someone we hate. Someone we hate and would be an annoying, undeveloped character that would hinder us in the future anime and manga."
Then everyone, including Black Star, slowly turned their heads towards Orochimaru.
Orochimaru sweat dropped.
"Alright, alright! But as long as it's by Sasuke!"
"OH HELLS NAW!" Sasuke screamed, out of character. "I AIN'T TAPPING DAT!"
"You can't tap anything," Naruto muttered.
"Oh, snap!" Black Star laughed.
"He can tap me!" Sakura shouted in protest.
Sasuke tapped Sakura's shoulder and sighed, "Done."
"HEY! You're supposed to be tapping me!" Orochimaru cried.
Sasuke tapped Orochimaru's shoulder and sighed, "Done."
An inner feeling developed within the man that no one in the world would ever understand except for maybe all the pedophiles out there. "Oh yes... one more time," Orochimaru shuddered, holding himself with his arms wrapped around him, cradling the spot Sasuke touched.
"Okay, this is getting weird," Black Star said.
"Yeah... Maybe I should really tell someone in Konoha about this," Kakashi said, looking on as he let Orochimaru, an S-ranked missing nin, roam free.
"I still didn't get that ramen, beetch!" Naruto pouted.
"I just want to go home!" Black Star moaned.
UGH! FINE! This fanfic is now done! Black Star returned home and everyone returned to their normal selves.
"HEY! HEY! Wait a minute!" Black Star yelled. "You can't end the story like that!"
...
I just did, bitch.
THE END!
Thanks for reading. :3
This was made purely for my entertainment.