It really should not happen to a Sorceress
A Slayers, Ranma, Tenchi Muyo, Bubblegum Crisis, Domination Tank Police, Full Metal Panic, Tylor and SG-1 crossover.
By Paul "Astivalis" Haines
Thanks to Simon Wright for all the proof reading.
(None of these characters or series belong to me. I'm just having a little fun with them
a bit.)
PROLOGUE BIG SISTER'S WATCHING YOU!
The room was very dark with only the sounds of machines humming distantly and the occasional curse, A woman sat before what could be called a screen which hovered in the air without any visible support. Around her parts of machines and the odd bit of paper lay scattered about.
"Ahh system check AOK" the woman said to herself.
She typed on the keyboard in front of her and the area in front of her blazed with light reveling a very large clinical shaped machine which started to hum as the woman continued to type away.
"Yes thats it"
The hum was getting loader in pitch as the machine was fed with increasing amounts of power. A second screen formed along side the other one which showed static, but a picture was starting to be seen until it cleared to reveal a spaceship quickly moving as the view of a planet could be seen in the distance.
"YESSS IM A GENIUS, I WASHSU THE BEST SCIENTIFIC MIND IN THE UNIVERSE HAVE CREATED THE
FIRST DIMENSION VIEWER/TRANSPORTER HAA HAAA HAA HAA"
Washsu watched the screen as she laughed awhile, finally grinning evilly she typed in
commands and the view changed. For awhile she studied the local area of this dimension,
taking note of how advanced these people where and who they were.
Half hour later a surprised Washsu returned to the first ship she'd seen and focused in on
it.
"What a strange system to develop, hmmm" said Washsu as she grinned evilly at the picture in front of her.
The ship was a bright silver coloured vessel and seemed to be a strange hybrid of similar vessels she had seen in this system, having never seen its like Washsu studied the vessel
until she focused the view until she was looking inside the bridge.
The bridge was big and was positioned above what seemed to be a park, there were six people seated in the consoles, Washsu looked at each person trying to figure what they were doing.
The first four were young women busily working but the other two caught her attention, the first was a bronzed skinned tall looking woman with long silver hair. The other which Washsu believed to be the one in command was a elderly looking woman in a long Black dress
with a large hood. Continuing to watch Washsu typed some more and could hear what was being said.
"Hmm this should be interesting" muttered Washsu
"They're doing what..." said the elderly woman
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With one hand against her forehand Captain Magnol Vivan groaned after what BC had said.
"They're doing what..."
"Fighting in the hanger bay captain, I'm going down there to sort it out now" replied a frowning looking BC.
"Just what we need, Was either of them hurt badly?"
"Barnette's badly bruised, Jiro's has a broken arm and Hibiki's unconscious"
Magno groaned again upon hearing Hibiki, perfect she thought dreading the conflict that was brewing between the dredd pilots and the vanguard pilots.
It had been two months since the Earth fleet was defeated and relations between Taraak and Mejale seemed to be improving as the people of the two planets learned about each other, when the twenty male pilots with their engineering and support teams first arrived with Hibiki, Dita, BC, Bart and Duero at the pirate base everything looked promising until the first meeting between the two groups of pilots.
All the men had taken awhile to accept Dita(Hibiki making sure that they did) but now they were in contact with more women than they cope with, the engineers and support crews were introduced to their female counterparts and at first were wary until after working together
for awhile. The pilots were the problem as they adjusted to their duties certain male pilots ignored many of the orders that came from Meia until Magnol decided to put Hibiki in charge of the Vanguards.
That did help but the those pilots were still causing friction between the two groups so Magnol decided a training cruise was needed, so taking the problem Vanguard pilots and some of the Dredd pilots the Nirvana left the pirate base leaving the rest of the men behind.
At first the Vanguard pilots being on their own seemed to settle down until the first joint Vanguard/Dredd exercise drill which Magnol was trying to forget.
It started with Barnette and Jiro, The other pilots were starting to settle in and getting to know the others when something happened and Barnette and Jiro ignoring the enemy drones turned on each other. In the confusion that followed it was decided for a while that no exercises to done until the involved people had some time to straighten themselves out, two hours later this happens.
"This has gone on long enough, find out what happened and once those three are able I WANT TO SEE THEM" Magnol said though her teeth on the last part.
"Aye captain" BC turning to the exit hatch
Great just great thought Magnol as she pressed the seat control which carried her up to the briefing room/captains office. Inside waiting for her was Gascogne seated at the desk, shuffling a deck of cards.
"I swear these kids are going to kill me yet" said a smiling Magnol
"Its not as bad as that captain, it seems as soon as THOSE two first meet they rubbed each other the wrong way and they're been competing ever since"
Shaking her head Magnol pulled up the crew lists of the pilots
"how are the rest of them coping with it all" Magnol replied
"They're fine for now except Jura's acting like a unstable reactor"
"That girl never does anything in half measures, anything else"
Gascogne shifts alittle on her seat then says
"Yeah it might not have been wise to put Hibiki in charge of the vanguards"
"oh... well there was not much choice at the time besides the vanguards had trouble taking orders from Meia, At least they're over that now"
It had taken the vanguard pilots some time to adjust taking orders from women which having Hibiki around helped and some now respected the dredd pilots. If only this feud could be dealt with the pilots could be a well balanced team.
"I think we leave that young man under Meia's tutelage for now" said Magnol
Nodding her head Gascogne stood and walked out heading back to the REG systems area
Turning back to the crew listings Mangol was being aware of feeling that had been with her since BC had informed her of the current crisis, a feeling of being watched.
Scanning the room for cameras or other surveillance devices she said.
"You might as well come out i know some ones here"
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"You might as well come out i know some ones here"
Washsu hearing this typed like mad and cuts the connection, when the screen blanked she sighed with relief and noting for the future to NOT follow that captain too closely.
Smiling smugly she entered the dimension in the computer and marked it for looking there again later.
"haa haa i'm such a genius"
Typing in commands the screen lit up again with static and slowly the image cleared showing another ship which incomparision with the last looked quite battered and worn. The ship was a dark blue and shaped similar to a vessel Tenchi had showed her on TV, a submarine.
Alongside was another vessel which instantly had Washsu's full attention. That ship was purple with green blobs on its surface and was defiantly ALIEN in nature, its shape at best as Washsu saw it was a deformed rose.
Changing the focus she looked on to the alien bridge, it too was purple and the aliens looked humanoid expect they had pointed ears which Washsu liked, at the back on a raised section stood what looked like high backed stone chair which seemed to dominate the room. In front worked the crew at their consoles, noting that the only people here were the bridge crew she moved away. After searching the ship and finding only the crew working away with their tasks, she decided that the owners of that ship must be on the other.
"Oh where to look haa haa"
Focusing in Washsu was caught off guard when it seemed she watching a battle in process, eight men in combat suits were attacking what looked like a large group of techs welding crowbars and other tools. At first she thought the aliens were attacking this ship but dismissed that when one of the suits blew up reveling a singed man lying there amid what was left of the suit. Smirking she changed the view until she found the bridge and what looked to be a interesting confrontation.
"Captain is this the way you run this ship"
"Ohh this looks good" says an evilly smiling Washsu
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"Captain is this the way you run this ship" demanded an angry looking Ru Baraba Dom
Captain Justy Ueki Tylor feet propped on the control board lowers his dark glasses and turns to Dom
"Well yeah i do, relax captain Dom they're only blowing off steam" replied Tylor as he continues to read the message tablet given to him by lieutenant Kim just before Dom had barged onto the bridge.
Behind Tylor commanders Yuriko Star and Yamamoto watch with worried expressions as Dom badly tries not strangle Tylor.
It had been a week since the Soyokaze crew had rescued the ship from being scrapped and said attempt wreaked the UPSF space station the Soyokaze was held in.
The high command tried repeatedly broadcasting orders for them to return with no response being sent back expect for crew fitness reports, after two days they were ordered to patrol a distant UPSF sector close to the Raalgon empire's border. Everyone believed high command had put them in an unimportant sector well away from the more usual duties, to coin the phase out of sight out of mind.
Three days later the patrol almost completed Tylor gets a message relayed by Harumi asking for the Soyokaze to stay where they are, asked why Harumi would only say its a surprise which really irritated Yuriko and Yamamoto, so for three days the ship held position while the whole crew waited to see what happened next.
Finally the waiting was over as the Raalgon cruiser Doroume hypered in nearby, on board was her Imperial highness Goza the 16th wanting to make a surprise visit to the Soyokaze and Tylor. Unfortunately at the same time the marines lead by lieutenant Andressen and master sergeant Cryburn tired of waiting started the weekly full scale fight with the pilots and mechanics.
That was the scene that greeted the visiting VIPS when they docked, recognising Azalyn(Goza 16TH) and Dom all the combatants stopped and welcomed them onboard, the moment they left the hangerbay the fight resumed.
"If anything happens to her highness while she is here YOU will be held responsible" said Dom as he Storms off the bridge
The moment the hatch closes both the commanders start shouting at the same time
"Captain if ANYTHING happens to Azalyn we're be in big trouble even if the high command don't find out she's here" Yamamoto
"Captain you have to stop the brawl in the hanger bay!" Yuriko
Ignoring both Tylor continues to read the tablet then presses the keypad, stands up and hands it back to Kim, turning to the commanders he smiles which causes both of them to sweat drop and says
"Calm down you guys, really its not good for you to worry so much. I'm going down to meet our guests now, you have the bridge Mr Yamamoto"
"CAPTAIN!" the two commanders shout knowing what they say will be ignored.
Tylor casually walks off the bridge leaving two very grumpy commanders behind him and the other bridge crew pretending that they are invisible.
sighing Yuriko turns to Yamamoto
"I'm going to sickbay, see if the doctor has anything for ulcers"
"While your there get some for me too please commander"
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Wiping her eyes Washsu types away filing this dimension for when ever she's feeling low and goes looking for Tylor and finally finds him in the sickbay.
"This guy is sooo funny"
Still giggling she settles down to see what happens next.
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Tylor walks into the sickbay to find Azalyn thanking Harumi for arranging this visit while the doctor sits on one of the beds drinking away quite happily.
"Paco Paco! there you are" cried Azalyn (Empress Goza 16TH)
Upon seeing Tylor, Azalyn rushes over and hugs him
"Hi there Azalyn sorry im late i had to finish my duties on the bridge otherwise i get moaned at" replied a smiling Tylor
On the other side of the room captain Dom glares at Tylor ignoring the attempts by Harumi in starting a conversation.
"Well your here now" Azalyn still hugging a unresistant Tylor
Finally stepping back Azalyn grabs Tylors hand and leads him out of the room with Dom following hotly behind.
"What was all that fighting about in the hanger bay Paco Paco"
"Oh that the marines and pilots are fighting again, they're just blowing off steam"
"I see after i asked them not to last time i was here"
They made they're way back to the hanger, followed by Dom, Harumi and the doctor who decided to save himself the probable journey later. When the group arrived the fight was almost over as there was only two combatants left fighting, the rest lay sprawled about the hanger unconscious. Cryburn and ensign Kojiro(the red samurai) were raining blows on each other without noticing the audience they now had.
"STOP I COMMAND YOU" Azalyn called using her imperial voice
Cryburn hearing this turns towards the voice and gets hammered when Kojiro who is so focused does not hear anything follows though with a punch that sends Cryburn flying into the nearest wall.
"Oh er erm...thank you your highness" Kojiro says as he finally notices the audience
Rolling her eyes and shaking her head Azalyn returns to the corridor with Tylor and Dom while Harumi and the doctor wake up the fallen.
"Dom you can return to the Doroume now everythings calmed down now, i'll be alright" commanded Azalyn as they made there way back to sickbay
"Bu...yes highness" says Dom as he bows his head and glares at the deck plating
Tylor and Azalyn continue up the corridor chatting away leaving Dom standing there furious at being dismissed. Damn you Tylor thought Dom as he proceeded back to the shuttle wishing not for the first time that her highness would allow him to assign some guards around her while she was on this ship of fools.
-----------------------
Smiling Washsu blanked the screen and made some notes then prepared to carry on, when the screen cleared it showed a planet very much like Earth but with on sign of spacecraft or industry in orbit.
Frowning Washsu changed the view around the planet and found nothing.
Focusing down on the planet she found what looked like medieval cites with people dressed in tunics and beeches doing all kinds of different tasks, grinning evilly now she believed that she had found a perfect place to research in secret if she ever felt the need to.
At that moment Washsu was above a large forest when a Large explosion blazed into being, rushing to the scene Washsu was surprised to find a small group sitting around a fire.
In the group were two men and two women, one of the women was standing by what looked like a scorched bear, confused she turned up the volume and watched.
"Hey Gourry give me a hand here"
-------------------
"Hey Gourry give me a hand here" cried Lina Inverse
Sighing Gourry walked over to her knowing that arguing was pointless.
"Yeah Lina"
"I need a hand skinning it, i bet it tastes good and the pelt will make a nice profit" said Lina
Amelia and Zelgadis watched Gourry not for the first time feeling sorry for him as Lina ordered him about. When the task was completed Gourry went down to the river to clean up While Lina wrapped the pelt and placed it Gourry's pack while he was away.
Amelia was reading her spell book while Zel sharpened his sword while they waited for the meat to be cooked.
They had all met each other about three days ago by complete chance, Lina and Gourry were investing the rumours about a crime cartel who were using a magical artifact to take out their rivals. Zelgadis also heard of the cartel/item and believed or hoped it could be used cure him once and for all, Amelia taking a holiday from the court at Seyroon was wandering about delivering JUSTICE to evil doers and just happened to encounter Lina and Gourry.
After all meeting up and smashing the cartel the leader was the only one left to be dealt with and stupidly smashed the relic in moronic opinion that if he could not keep it, no one would. Since then no one had seen him since, what was not surprising was that he had been on the receiving end of a double powered dragonslave from a really pissed Lina so only those four where not expecting to rencounter him ever again.
Zelgadis continuing his search for a cure now finds himself being reunited with his old comrades who seem to going the same way he is as they're in no hurry right now.
Finally Gourry now clean returns just at the right time to eat, all not bothering with conversion dig in with the food. Three of them stop after the first bite while Lina happily continues on.
"Erg what the..." says Zel as he stares at the others
Amelia stares at her meat with a disapproving frown while Gourry puts his down onto Lina's portion.
"Er whats up guys, never had bear before" Lina finally comes up for air
"No" says Zel
"I don't think i will again either" replies Amelia
"Oh well it is an acquired taste" Lina says as she carrys on
Later Zel and Amelia having no choice eat some more, Without knowing that Lina when the meat was cooking put on one of her favourite spices just for added flavour. Gourry wisly never had anymore, after the meal Lina forced Zel to move the carcass away from the camp. He only did this so Lina would stop fluttering her eyelashes at him then they settled down and slept.
--------------------
Washsu watched as the party went to sleep and tried to work out what had caused that explosion, finally she decided to follow this group for a while she might find out what the cause was yet. While they slept she prepared the next set of tests to be done on the Dimension viewer.
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In the morning Lina awoke to find Zelgadis and Amelia groaning and clutching theirs stomachs, Gourry was still asleep.
The day was clear and bright and the only bad thing to spoil such a morning was with the groans of pain from her two comrades.
"Whats wrong with you two"
Zel looking very white glares at lina while Amelia looking green around the gills just sits there hunched over.
"It was that damn meat last night, looks like it was bad" snarled Zel
"Damn wish i not wasted the spice i had on it now oh well" said Lina not fully awake yet
At that point Lina notices the glares of her comrades and realises that she's just erred big time.
"SPICE" both Zel and Amelia snarl while Lina sweat drops
Amelia starts to cast a healing spell on Zel while he looks for his sword
"Com'n guys i'll cast a healing spell and..." says Lina just as Zel's sword whistles just
past her nose
"WHAO...hey careful with that thing Zel" Lina said as she leaps away
Now fully wake Lina regains her footing and looks at the others, at the same moment Zel on his hands and knees while still holding his sword waits for Amelias Spell to take effect.
"Your lucky my aim was off" growled Zel as he glared at Lina
"Why blame me YOU said the meat was off, thats the reason you feel bad" Lina challenged back at him
Amelia finishing her spell trys to stand with not much success while Zel sword held low charges at Lina
"LEVITATION" shouts Lina rapidly taking off only just avoiding Zel's attack, Taking to the air as well Zel chases Lina for about a minute as Lina dodges his sword swings, Lina finally led Zel back to the campsite. Just as Lina clears the tree line she receives a nasty shock
"ELMEKIA LANCE" Amelia called weakly
While she have been dodging Zelgadis's attacks Lina forgeting all about Amelia was hit full on by Amelias spell and did a superb impersonation of a shot down plane, crashing Lina fell on the grass in a big heap and did not move for a couple of seconds. By that time Zelgadis had landed softy down and looked at Lina, Amelia had fallen again after casting her spell and sat hunched up while she looked at lina.
Slowly Lina stood up while holding her arm to her side as if in pain and blood flowed across one eye from a nasty looking head wound, Looking singed alittle she REALLY glared at other two.
"I told you it WAS THE MEAT NOT ME, BUT RIGHT NOW I COULD NOT CARE LESS" snarled Lina
Upon hearing this Zel and Amelia finally start to calm down as they register Lina's injuries and deciding that they want too far, but now its too late as Lina activated her magic amplifiers.
"DARKNESS BEYOND TWILIGHT, CRIMSON BEYOND BLOOD THAT FLOWS"
Hearing that spell Zel's jaw drops and Amelia turns from green faced to ashen white
"BURIED IN THE FLOW OF TIME, IN THY GREAT NAME I PLEDGE MYSELF TO DARKNESS"
"Lina NO wait" shouted Zelgadis
"Miss Lina don't do it, your hurt" cried Amelia worried about Lina's head wound rather than her own safety.
"LET THE FOOLS WHO..."
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Washsu had watched last couple of minutes in shock while her scanners copied anything that happened, From the first spell cast every tool Washsu had was brought to bare on the quarrel played out in front of her. A warning tone sounded and Washsu pulled up the data which caused the warning, her medical scans of the red haired girl showed that if she casted her spell the exertion would kill her thanks to that head wound she received.
Quickly Washsu activated one of the prepared experiments and hoped it worked, all in the name of science. In reality Washsu could not just stand by and watch someone kill themselves over something so trivial as bad meat.
turning back to the screen, it being a matter of seconds since the warning tone she crossed her fingers and watched.
"LET THE FOOLS WHO..."
-------------------
"STAND BEFORE US BE DESTROYED"
"DRAGO..."
At that second Lina was hit and covered with cold water which fell out of the clear sky, Lina losing her concentration caused the spell be disrupted.
Lina screaming in agony crumpled to the ground for the second time today in a heap.
Zelgadis rushing to her side checked her pulse and quickly carried her over to Amelia so she could start casting healing spells, Gourry sleep through out all this awoke at Lina's scream. Drawing his sword and scanning the area only to find the others kneeling by Lina's body.
"Wha LINA!"
Amelia and Zel both ignoring him while they worked they're spells on Lina.
-------------------------------
Ten hours later Lina came too and the first thing she found was a worried looking Amelia looking back at her.
"Easy Now Miss Lina your hurt bad, stay still Mr Gourry Mr Zelgadis shes awake"
Tell me something i don't know thought Lina as she followed Amelia's advice, not having the energy to argue. A relived looking Gourry and a sheepish looking Zelgadis sporting a nasty looking black eye came into view.
"Hey Lina how you doing, you had me so worried you know" said Gourry smiling down at her
Blushing alittle Lina smiled warmly at Gourry guessing who had given Zel his new panda look.
"Im sorry Lina i overreacted" said Zel looking really guilty
"Me too miss Lina how are you"
"Urh I feel like i've been fighting Dark Star single handed"
Zel winced while Amelia paled, Gourry placing one hand on Lina's shoulder smiled down which caused Lina to really blush, looking at Zel and Amelia Lina decided to clear the air.
"I still think that meat was bad, but lets forget what happened ok"
Nodding Zel and Amelia smiled back.
"We've been waiting for you to wake before we carried on, every things packed" said Gourry
"Yeah so i notice" Lina replied smiling weakly while pointing an unsteady finger at Zel's eye
Everyone laughed at that including Zel who deemed he owed Lina this and alot more to make amends, Amelia casted one more healing spell then gathered up her gear.
Much to Lina's surprise Gourry removed his torso armour gave it to Zel to carry while gently picking her up in his arms and started to carry her, blushing again and enjoying the feeling of being in Gourry's arms she started to dose off with a really big smile on her face.
I could get used to this but i won't admit it thought Lina as she fell into deep healing slumber.
As the party left the clearing the one thing that they all forgot was where that water had come from that disrupted Lina's spell.
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A grinning Washsu followed the party as they left the clearing, That girl was real lucky there, espeically with a genius like me on the case she thought. Filing this dimension as high priority Washsu considered what she had seen, Magic, REAL Magic she had to have it. Transferring all the files to her personnel computer Washsu started to power down the system as it was nearly dinnertime and she was ready for one of Sasami's meals.
When she left the lab Washsu headed to the living room wondering where the rest of the Masakai household were, There asleep on the couch lay Mihoshi snoring loudly. On the lawn by the lake Ayeka and Ryoko were fighting again, shaking her head Washsu wondered when those two would ever learn. Suddenly the thought occurred of those two throwing spells like the ones she'd seen earlier, shuddering she turned away quickly from that idea and sat in one of the chairs and started to read through the files While ignoring the sounds of explosions and the snoring.
The next day Washsu checked back to the party and was pleased with what she saw, the girl called Lina had recovered and was making Zelgadis and Amelia work very hard to make amends.
Lina had them doing everything for her including at one time a back rub from a tired but eager Amelia.
Also noticing Zelgadis at one time scowling while he cleaned Linas cloak and boots Washsu could not resist doing to him want she had to Lina, as he continued the task he was hit by falling water soaking him through and giving him the extra task of drying Linas boots.
"Always pay off your debts young man" cackled Washsu as she laughed at Zel's reaction
She now knew the reason why these people could use magic and not surprising it turned out the magic could work in any dimension, smiling Washsu decided for the last test of her new creation she would visit that world and get as much magic she could get her hands on. Besides she liked Lina, that girl reminded her of herself.
So Washsu the Greatest scientific mind of that universe decided to keep track of this group of people so while she worked she saw everything that happened next.
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END
ONTO CHAPTER 1