Warnings : Spoilers mainly for The Hero in the Hold, and The Pain in the Heart .
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with Bones or Fox or any of the other PTB in relation to the show...although I wouldn't mind playing with Booth for awhile...No infringement is intended. I'm just taking the characters out to play, and will do my best to show them a very, VERY good time. ;)
A/N1: Unbeta'd; all mistakes are mine.
A/N2: I've only seen Hero in the Hold once, so I might have the quote wrong - but I think the sentiment is accurate.
"Haven't you ever loved somebody and never told them?"
You stare through the windshield and listen to the tick of the engine as it cools. The building in front of you looks cold...intimidating.
You think of captivity, of fear and the taste of desperation in the back of your throat. You think of Teddy Parker, of ghosts and guilt and grief. You think of forgiveness and help received from beyond – you know Teddy was there, no matter what Bones believes.
"Haven't you ever loved somebody and never told them?"
Until you talked to Teddy again, you hadn't acknowledged the similarities – not consciously. You can't help but marvel at them now. Similar features, similar voice patterns, similar air of stunned innocence (sorry, Teddy), similar moments of shining hero worship that – with Teddy – made you preen. With Zach it only made you squirm with discomfort and guilt and – yes. Fear. The last boy who looked at you like that ended up slung over your back (already dead) as you made your way to the rendezvous point. All because you didn't look out for him the way you were supposed to.
"Haven't you ever loved somebody and never told them?"
You'd wanted to say no, you always told people you loved them. But you couldn't lie to a ghost. There was one off the top of your head – and sadly, another one you never even showed you loved, except by not showing it.
You didn't want another stunned innocent lying dead in your arms.
"Haven't you ever loved somebody and never told them?"
You thought of Bones first, of course. She's never far from your thoughts in any situation. But looking at Teddy, recognizing the similarities, it wasn't Bones you felt the most regret about. Bones is still here, beside you, in front of you, whole and as happy as you can make her. You know, deep inside, that someday the time will be right for both of you, and then you'll tell her.
Someday.
"Haven't you ever loved somebody and never told them?"
You had wanted to keep Zach at a distance; to protect him from the danger that came with the hero worship of Seeley Booth. You'd had your protege, your sidekick, and you'd let him die. It wasn't until you talked to Teddy again that you acknowledged the truth.
Just as there are different kinds of love, there are different ways for the kid beside you to lose their life.
"Haven't you ever loved somebody and never told them?"
Yes. Of course.
You take a deep breath and open the door. You lock the truck then turn and look at the building. Unlike all the others, you've never been here. You haven't seen him since you dropped him off with Sweets outside this very building. You stare at it. The structure is cold, forbidding, ominous.
You told him to keep his head down – you should have told Zach, too. But each time Zach looked at you with that little bit of hero worship, all you could remember was Teddy (how heavy he was, how his blood seemed to burn, how you thought you'd never make it back, how you almost wished you never would) and you'd turn away.
You named your boy to honour the one you failed. The other boy you failed is still here, in this world, even if he's never truly been of it. You can't give him back the life he's lost but maybe...maybe you can help him build another one, one where he won't feel so alone he falls prey to any monster who can twist logic until his innocent soul can't see the insanity of what he's doing (there's still a part of you that doesn't believe it – not Zach).
"Haven't you ever loved somebody and never told them?"
You shake your head, then square your shoulders and stride purposefully towards the building and the lost boy inside it.
Maybe you'll never tell him you love him.
But maybe it's time to show him.