-March 15, 2010

Morning. My eyes wrenched open, I couldn't tell if I wanted to open them or not. Part of me yearned to just stay in my bed forever. Nothing was worth the effort of getting up. Nothing mattered anymore. Nevertheless, I had school today, so I forced myself out of bed, and trudged over to my mirror. I looked exhausted. Not that I cared, but I hadn't realized how much of a toll loss had on me. Loss…I shook my head trying to repress the memories. I threw on my uniform, and slowly walked out of my room without even putting makeup on. The dorm was quiet. Mitsuru-senpai, and the others had probably already gone to school, so I quietly walked down the steps myself. I came to the second floor landing and looked down the hall. At the end of the hall…was where he and I first talked alone together…Again, I placed my right hand on my forehead, and turned back toward the steps. Now wasn't the time to remember. Remembering only made it hurt more…I proceeded down the steps and checked the time. It was getting late. I wouldn't have time to make breakfast. I walked toward the entrance of the dorm hastily, when a familiar voice called out to me.

"Hey, Yuka-tan! Where're you going?"

Junpei. I was a bit indifferent about seeing him. He was affected by the loss as well, but not as much as me…no one was affected as much as me.

"Oh…hey." I said turning slightly. "I don't have time to make breakfast, so I gotta go."

"Wha- wait!" He called right before I wrenched the door open, "I already made breakfast. C'mon, you gotta eat."

"Junpei…" I said a little bothered. But he had a point. I was feeling a little hungry. "Fine. What'd you make?"

I slowly walked with him through the gloomy atmosphere. Junpei knew I was still depressed, so I figured this was his way of trying to cheer me up. It wasn't going to work. I appreciated his effort though.

"I'm surprised," He suddenly started awakening me from my thoughts, "you didn't say something like, 'You made breakfast, Stupei?' when I told you I did."

"Yeah well…" I said smirking a little at his impression of me. I dropped down onto the dining room chair as he went over to grab whatever the food was that he prepared. The aroma of pancakes was coming from the kitchen, and I was surprised to find it wasn't brunt pancakes.

"Awwright, here you go Yuka-ta—WOAH!" Junpei slipped and did what looked like a ninja roll next to me, dropping one of the plates of pancakes which splattered onto the ground. I burst out laughing.

"Oh Stupei!" I said between snorts. "Are you okay?"

He stared at me wide eyed still on his stomach. Was there something on my face? Suddenly he began laughing too. He picked himself up quickly along with the downtrodden pancakes, and threw it them out.

"Never fear, there's still another plate in there that hasn't been…well whatever that was."

He walked back into the kitchen still looking at me. What was he looking at?

Just as he said, Junpei came out with another plate of pancakes, this time not falling flat on his face. I felt a little bad about me eating and not him so I offered one of mine, but he insisted that I ate them. We both sat at the dining room table in silence sas I began eating.

"I'll tell you what Yukari-san…it was good to see you laugh again." I looked at him with a serious expression. His cheeks suddenly got red.

"D-don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make a move on you, but…y'know…it sucks to see you so down like that."

I swallowed a large piece of pancake, and realized why he looked at me with such surprise. It never occurred to me that I could be making someone upset, all I could think aout the pain that I was enduring.

"…Thanks. For this, and for giving up your burnt pancakes." His eyes lit up.
"Aw man, and I tried so hard not to burn them!"

We both went to school together, sometimes striking up small conversations. I knew that Junpei cared, but I was still depressed nonetheless. School went by the same as always, and finally after last period, I rounded up all my stuff preparing to go back to the usual routine I had recently acquired: going home, eating, taking a shower, and going to bed. I had no enthusiasm to play any games, and no energy to talk to people. I made my way to the shoe lockers avoiding everyone's concerned looks, and gathered my things. Just as I had stepped out into the warm spring sunlight, again, a familiar voice called out to me. I turned to see Junpei racing toward me.

"Hey Yuka-tan…" He said gathering his breath. "Listen, I—"

"Junpei." I said irritably. "Listen…I appreciate the concern. I really do…but I…"

I looked down quickly, "I'm not ready to talk to anyone yet." I could feel my eyes watering. "Not you, not Fuuka, Mitsuru…I just…"

The more I tried to convince Junpei, the more the images of him filled my mind.

"Junpei…" I sniffed. I could suddenly feel the tears coming down my face, and before I knew it, I was running. I didn't care where, but I just wanted to get out of there, I wanted to get away! I wanted to get away from him. Before I knew it, I was outside of the dorm. I could hear Junpei's footsteps behind me. The tears kept coming and coming, and I couldn't stop sobbing.

"Yukari…" I could feel Junpei's arm around my shoulder. He guided me toward the steps of the dorm, and I automatically sat down.

"I had blocked out all memories of him ever since I had gotten the news of his death." I said between sobs.

"I was doing whatever I could to avoid facing it...I was so afraid of being alone again…but now…!"

He pulled me into an embrace, and I let it all out. The pain, suffering, apathy, loss…All that I had thought I couldn't handle.

"Yukari…you'll never be alone. You have people who care about you, Mitsuru, Fuuka, Akihiko, Ken…me too."

"Junpei…" I said sniffing. I looked up to see his face. I noticed that he too, looked exhausted, and upset. As upset and depressed as I was, I never stopped to think that he was suffering as well. Even the others. I was too worried about myself to realize…

"…I'm sorry." I said wrapping my arms around him. We sat in each other's embrace for a little while longer, until we both proceeded into the dorm, his arm still around my shoulder. Everyone else was already inside, sitting quietly at the coffee table near the entrance. I was too exhausted to look, but I knew they too were upset. Junpei lead me to the couch where we both sat. I rested my head onto his shoulder, and closed my eyes. I didn't want to be alone. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep. Regardless of how upset I just was, I still felt a bit renewed. It finally dawned on me that I wasn't alone, regardless of whether he was there or not. I still had friends who cared for me, who would offer me a shoulder when I needed it. If there was one time I had to be strong, it had to be now. Not just for me, but for the others as well. We all had to be strong for each other.

My eyes slowly opened automatically. I was still leaning on Junpei's shoulder, but someone had thrown a cover over the two of us. I got up and stretched. It was still really early in the morning, so I had time to take a shower. I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

"Wow I look really tired…" I thought to myself. I splashed some water over my face, and a confident and refreshed face looked back.

Steam dusted out of the bathroom as I dried my hair with a towel. I got dressed, and touched up my face with a little makeup. I looked good. I trotted down the steps, and heard Junpei calling out to me.

"Hey Yuka-tan! I made breakfast!"

I turned slowly, with a positive, rehabilitated expression.

"What? You made breakfast, Stupei!"