Shrek And Farquad
Once upon a time, in the swamp, Shrek was sitting on his favourite chair, lazing about. He said aloud to himself "Did I have anything to do today? Nah.". All of a sudden he heard a screeching sound. "SHREK!" Shrek's face turned blue in shock. He completely forgot about doing his chores.
Hoping Fiona is yelling at him for something else, he quietly replies "yes?". The door slams open. "Everyday I leave you a note of chores to do while I buy food from the store and anything else we need. And every FREAKING day you don't do your chores!" Shrek sunk into his chair. "That's it, I'm kicking you out until you realise that both of us have to do an equal amount of work in this relationship." Shrek replies "but hone-" and was quickly interrupted by a "NO BUTS! You have to find somewhere else to live until you realise the earth doesn't revolve around you" Shrek does the only thing he could do. Hug his wife and leave.
"DANKEY! DANKEY OPEN UP!" "WHAT DO YOU WANT SHREK?" Shrek answers "can I live with you? Fiona kicked me out and I have nowhere to go" Dankey's face turns from an angry expression to a sad expression and then to a fustrated expression. "Look man, I can't fit you in my house, you need to find somewhere else" Shrek snaps back like a rocket "YOU'RE FITTING A FLIPPIN' FIRE BREATHING DRAGON IN YOUR HOME SO LET ME IN!" Dankey knew Shrek was his best friend but he couldn't let him stay. "I know! I'll help you find a new house!" Shrek completely forgot about staying with Dankey and immediately replied "I'd love that a lot!"
Dankey put his dank boots on and they went out to search for a new home. There first destination was a town filled with beautiful homes. "I like that house, it's no swamp but it's better than the streets" Dankey and Shrek walked right up to the door and knocked on the door in the tune of old MacDonald had a farm. A tall man with glasses opened the door. "H-hi, how may I help you?" "Hi, I'm looking for a new home to stay in, if you need a room mate or someone to look after things, then I'll come live with you. My name is Shrek by the way and this is Dankey" Dankey replied with an informal "Hello". "Hi my name is Willie, we don't really need someone to sit around here. If my wife found out we were keeping an alien, an ogre and a donkey in our house she would probably kick me out" Dankey replies "oh I'm not staying" Willie says "oh. Well I still can't keep you Shrek. You can try asking the Ochmonek's next door, they might accept you" Shrek replies with a "Thank-you" "meow" All three in unison say "what was that?" "Shrek looks down to see a little tabby cat staring up at him" "Aren't you a cutie?" Shrek cutely says. "Oh that's Lucky Boots. He's our cat, but if you want I can give him to you. Our alien keeps trying to eat it and it is becoming an annoyance"
Shrek instantly replies with a firm voice "I'll take him" Willie says "Ok, thank-you. Bye" Dankey and Shrek reply "Bye"
"Now why would you take someone's cat like that?" Shrek says back to donkey "But look at how cute he is." Lucky's eyes widen and he begins to purr. "Now tell me you would leave that in a house with a cat eating alien" Dankey gives up and says "Okay Shrek, I'll admit that cat is too cute to pass down." "You missed the Ochmonek's about 5 minutes ago!" Dankey and Shrek say "WHO WAS THAT?" They look around and don't see anyone walking by. "Down here" the stranger said. "Did you just talk Lucky Boots?" Shrek said. "Yes, and you forgot about the Ochmonek's, but I wouldn't worry, they annoy the heck out of everyone they meet." Shrek and Dankey are just standing there in awe as they have just witnessed a talking cat, although almost every animal can talk in their world. "Uhh, thank-you for the advice about the Ochmonek's, but I have never seen a talking cat before, this is all new to me!" Lucky replies "well get used to it, I'm sticking with you ponchos forever."
Shrek, Lucky and Dankey have been searching forever and it's almost time for Dankey to go back home to his beautiful dragon. "Will we ever find a home that doesn't have some grumpy owners or a troll?" Dankey was just about to reply when he bumps his head into a mailbox. Dankey's vision blurred up. When he got his vision back he tried reading the mailbox. "Lady Fishsquad?" Shrek and Lucky are staring blankly at Dankey until they realise that Dankey was just reading the mailbox. "At least that's what I think it says, hey Shrek, Lucky, go read that mailbox and tell me what it says" Shrek and Lucky Boots observe the mailbox thoroughly. Shrek said "Long Fangblob?" and Lucky said "I think it says Lamp Funthrob" They all agreed to say that the mailbox was hard to read. They walked down the gravel path the owner had put down to their house. They have been walking for 45 seconds and say in perfect unison "will the path ever end?" Eventually they make it to a sunflower field and can see a huge castle up ahead. The 3 guys all look excited! They run as fast as they can to the castle doors. Shrek, with the biggest hands, knocked on the door 3 times. This made a very loud noise so that the owner could hear it from any end of the castle. They wait 30 seconds and still no answer. "I think the owner isn't home" said Dankey. "I've gone too far to just turn back Dankey, we have to go in after that person." Shrek said with great courage in his voice. Shrek starts shifting his feet under him. "What are you doing?" yelled Dankey. "Is he breaking in?" asked Lucky Boots.
Shrek then says to the two "It's time to shift into OGRE-drive!" BOOM! Shrek rammed himself into the 12 foot tall doors and knocked them splat on the ground.
Shrek, Dankey and Lucky start there exploration into the unknown owner's house. "Now if I were an owner of a castle where would I be?" Shrek looks right up and sees a beautiful tower with a circular room on the top. "There!" Shrek points out. Dankey and Lucky agree to climb up the stairs with Shrek to meet this mysterious person. After a backbreaking 3 minute stair climb, they make it to a single 5 foot door. "This door is REALLY small" said Shrek. Dankey and Lucky had no problem because both were shorter than 5 feet. They try for the door hoping it is unlocked. It is! Shrek continues to open the door until he can squeeze through the little door. Shrek gets stuck halfway and needs help getting through. Lucky and Dankey ram themselves towards Shrek's back. After 3 attempts Shrek finally bounces through and thanks Dankey and Lucky. "Now lets see if this owner is up here" Shrek says. Shrek looks around the room with a surprisingly high roof considering the door size. The last thing he sees is a bed. A bed with a person in it. "YES!" Shrek yells out with excitement. This wakes up the person. "Wh-who's there?" The man says. "It is I, Shrek, and I am seeking for a house to live in, well as long as until I learn to be a proper husband. Then I can go back home." The man in the bed falls out of the bed when he tried to get up. He flicks the light on so he could see this 'Shrek' character. Shrek looks around but can't find anyone, until he looks down and sees a small man. "Are you Shrek? I see you also have 2 friends with you." Shrek just stands there and stares at this man. "aren't you gonna say anything?" Then Shrek says "you're beautiful!" The man says "I'm not beautiful, I'm Lord Farquad" Lucky says "that's what it said on the mailbox". Shrek then says to Lord Farquad "May I live with you, only for a short while?" The man sits there on his bed and thinks, then he looks out his window purposely positioned to see his front doors. "MY WORD! What happened to my door?" Shrek nervously giggles "uhh, sorry about SHREK-ing your door!" Farquad just says "It's okay, I will let you live with me and I will teach you how to be a husband". Shrek stands on his two feet for 5 more seconds until he faints to the floor. "shrek-Shrek-SHREK!" "HUH? WHA-? HOW?" Shrek wakes back up to see Farquad, Dankey and Lucky staring at him. "I said you can live with me and you just fainted! Oh, by the way, your friends introduced themselves to me." Shrek said "So I can live with you and you will teach me how to be a husband?" "Yes" Farquad replies. Shrek unpacked his stuff and Dankey walked home.
Shrek lived with Farquad for 5 weeks until he became a proper husband, true to his word. Shrek moved back in with Fiona and brought Lucky Boots with him. Shrek would do all his chores everyday and send letters to Farquad weekly.
End