This was inadvertently inspired by the talented spiritbathbomb over on tumblr (again), and first posted on their tumblr page (again). They were talking about AUs – not this one, just in general, but this popped into my head and then marinated all night. One of these days I will shake this freaking AU-spawning compulsion, I swear it… or at least tone it down so I can finish all my current AUs before starting another new one…

The Three Professors

Star of the Dragon University (affectionately known as 'Holy Balls U' by its students) had many things that made it noteworthy. An excellent curriculum, an interesting bit of mythology involving its founding, a meal hall that actually produced good food, decent dorms, and a good reputation.

Less publicly, it was known for its slightly eccentric professors, somewhat strange goings-on ('no, seriously, the Turtle Dorm had actual mermaids at its last house party!'), and a willingness to work around the students a little and encourage creativity if that meant they'd actually learn what they were supposed to better.

And of course there were the things you only knew if you attended, like about that one guy whose family lived in one of the dorms not because any of them were students, but because it was technically their house, which their family had lived in for many generations, and they had a deal with the school. Or the fact that not only was there an emergency procedure set up in case of zombies, but also one for demons, and another for aliens, and several others for a few more improbable-sounding things, and these procedures were outlined in a pamphlet you got when you moved in, worded in a worrisomely serious tone.

And, of course, there were the three professors. Professor Tien Shinhan, head of the Mathematics department, noted for his serious mien, ocular oddity, and broad shoulders. Prof. Raditz, with hair like a glam-rocker, the build of a professional athlete, and some of the best English classes this side of West City. And Professor Yamcha, a culinary anthropologist; friendly, cheerful, passionate about his subject, and with a propensity for offering non-mandatory side classes where course material was put into practice, with mouth-watering results. All tall, all handsome, all apparently single, at least a third of the incoming freshman class each year had a crush on one of them by the time the first month was up.

By the time the second month was up, most had generally caught on to the fact that something was going on between the three professors. For starters, there was a tension in the air whenever Professor Shinhan or Prof. Raditz encountered each other, an almost tangible electricity when they interacted, that left no doubt as to where the weird rivalry between the Math and English departments came from. Then there was the gentleness that only really surfaced in Professor Shinhan when he was around Professor Yamcha, offering a dropped paper to the long-haired man, or a quiet reminder that he had a class in a few minutes, acts which never failed to earn him a heart-felt thanks and a sunny smile. And finally, there was the way that Prof. Raditz only seemed to truly relax when he was chatting with Professor Yamcha, offering him a new book or mentioning a reference to various foods and meals in the literature he was currently teaching, even his hair seeming less intense than usual as his scarred colleague laughed and gave him that same sunny smile. After watching these interactions a few times, even the slowest, most unwilling students tended to figure out that the head of Math and the star of English were both absolutely besotted with the friendly anthropologist.

And it seemed like Professor Yamcha was completely oblivious to it.

And then the third month would arrive, and the truth would slip out, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but it happened every year, in some way or another. This year it happened mid-morning in the middle of the quad, during another of Professor Shinhan's and Prof. Raditz's tension-laced encounters. Students were giving them both a wide berth but also watching if they could, because the air of danger such meetings held was as enticing as it was scary, when Professor Yamcha came jogging up, looking cross.

"Oi, Tien, Raditz!"

Both men looked up guiltily as the third professor joined them, a slightly annoyed look on his face.

"You idiots forgot your lunches again! Seriously, next time I let you both starve!"

"Aw, you wouldn't do that," Prof. Raditz grinned as he accepted one of the bags from Professor Yamcha, "You put too much work into these things and have too much respect for food to let it go to waste."

The shorter man scowled at him. "Who said anything about going to waste – all I have to do is take a slightly different route and tell Chichi she doesn't have to make lunch for Gohan and Goten after all. It would take me exactly five minutes longer to get here, and I would still have time to lean on my podium before class and wonder how I ended up with a pair of idiots like you two!"

Professor Shinhan glanced at Prof. Raditz with his third eye, keeping the other two on Yamcha. "That he would do."

"That he has done," Prof. Raditz agreed, looking wary but also amused. And then – in front of Kami, his rival, and a goodly proportion of the student body – he bent down and kissed Professor Yamcha on top of the head. "Sorry, Yams, we'll be more careful."

"Indeed. Apologies, Yamcha," Professor Shinhan agreed, moving in to put his arms around the anthropologist.

And neither of the assumed rivals killed each other or even commented on the other's actions, and Professor Yamcha just rolled his eyes at both of them, making a face. "Guys, come on, you know the rules – not on campus. Separation of workplace and play space, remember?" Then he relented and gave them each a quick peck on the lips before jogging off, tossing a sunny smile over his shoulder at both of them. "Gotta go, class in two minutes!"

"See you tonight!" Prof. Raditz called after him, while Professor Shinhan gave a more reserved wave. The expressions on the faces of all three men, however, were equally fond.

OoOoOoOoO

The first month was when the crushes occurred. The second month was when the triangle was noticed. The third month was when the triangle's true nature was revealed, and when the little details that the new students had been overlooking came into focus, like how there was almost always a volume of poetry mixed among Professor Shinhan's math texts, or how the heart tattoo Prof. Raditz usually kept under a wrist band in class wasn't sitting inside a tengu chair but the symbol for pi, or how Professor Yamcha never could seem to encounter either of the other two without touching them at least briefly, and how his smiles were always brightest around them.

Sometimes a bolder student would ask one of the three about their relationship. The results differed depending on which professor was approached. If it was Professor Yamcha, this was the moment when they found out that while his passion was food, he also took an interest in relationship structures in other cultures that were deemed 'non-typical' by western society, even if they sometimes seemed to work out better. Prof. Raditz would wink and then hand the student a list of literature involving unusual relationships, both fictional and non. As for Professor Tien… he always tended to look puzzled at the question at first. Then he would give a slight smile and say that if the student had been paying slightly better attention in geometry, they'd know the equilateral triangle was one of the strongest possible structures, and leave it at that.

And so the current freshman class would learn about the three professors of Star of the Dragon University and, after some mental adjusting, eventually they would sit back to wait until the next fall came, when they would get to be the ones watching and grinning as the newest batch of students went through the cycle themselves.

OoOoOoOoO

…so I may or may not have a major weakness for healthy triads and a tendency to nudge certain romantic triangles into that direction… Yamcha's teaching what he does because he's apparently one of the best cooks in the DBZ world, Tien's in math because I thought it suited him, and Raditz… it was just too amazing in my head to not to. If I was being really accurate, he'd probably be off teaching at a tech college or a dojo, but this is a university, so he had to do something setting-appropriate.

Anyone who wants to play in this AU is welcome to, with any pairing or focus you like; it'd be neat to see what everyone else is up to in this world, or to see these three in more detail. I don't think I'll be doing any more with it at the moment, though – I have too many active ones going to take on another beyond this level of commitment.

Seriously, though – picture these three in university professor-type get-up. Tien would wear one of those tweedy coats with the elbow patches and it's be so old-fashioned but it also makes his shoulders just go on for freaking ever, man, and Yamcha would always be all neat and pressed with his hair pulled back, and Raditz would be in a vest with his sleeves rolled up past the elbows and a red kerchief tied around his left arm that everyone wonders about but no one dares to ask about and then that ridiculous hair on top of it all… Seriously, they'd look sharp.

…okay, one last bit of headcanon – I think sometimes they all call each other 'professor' in the bedroom, but not often, because none of them can ever keep a straight face for more than two minutes of this and they all crack up and the sexytimes are thoroughly derailed.