Written after my final exams this semester. This is, in a way, a darker side of me, a deeper and artistic side that sometime comes out. Meaning it has a different flow and is very different (I think) from what I usually write. First it was just an outlet for me, but in the end I chose to publish it.
The idea was originally born from the theme of the last day of Hiccelsa week "Frozen in time" so I suppose this can be seen as a contribution.
Disclaimer; I do not own the songs and lyrics used.
They belong to Florence + The Machine (No light no light, Various Saints and Storms) and Celiné Dion (My heart will go on) respectively.
I'd do anything to make you stay,
To the crowd I was crying out,
I was disappearing in plain sight
She saw them fall. Along with everyone else she saw how the fire consumed the Red Death, the massive dragon that had emerged from the mountain, and how Toothless and Hiccup tried to get away. She saw the moment Hiccup fell and Toothless turned around. She saw them be consumed by the flames as Toothless tried to save his human friend.
And there was nothing they could do except watch. The dread, the horror, lay thick in the air. Then the heatwave started to rush towards them and they had to crouch down, Gobber protecting her from the heat.
There was a moment when all that existed was fire. Then the world just became eerie quiet. It was like all sound had died, there was nothing. Not even a tiny breeze broke the silence. Looking up she saw how the world around them had turned grey, ashes falling to the ground. No one said anything for a second, everyone frozen in time.
Then it all crashed down and she came back to life.
"Hiccup."
Elsa whispered his name, breaking free from her uncle Gobber's hold before rushing over the shore as fast as she possibly could. She could hear heavy steps following her, but she didn't turn around to see who it was.
Her heart was pounding in her ears, the terror spreading through her. It was like a poison, dulling her emotions and her brain.
He couldn't be dead. He couldn't be gone. Toothless had saved him. Of course he had. Hiccup always survived. He managed, that was why he was so unique. No matter what happened, Hiccup always pulled through.
Finally seeing the dark shape that was the Nightfury, Elsa rushed up to Toothless. He was laying on his side, his eyes closed with his wings wrapped around himself.
"Toothless... Hiccup." She managed to choke out the words, feeling how her throat was thick with tears and fear. It hurt to talk, the ashes turning her voice raspy. At her words the Nightfury Hiccup had introduced her to, the dragon who she slowly had started to see as a friend, opened his eyes slowly. Then he blinked at her, looking away.
"No." The word was nothing more than a breath, for she had seen it in his eyes. "No, no, no, no." She whispered it like a mantra, like if she said it enough times it would become the truth. Looking at her with broken eyes, Toothless opening up his wings to her.
Hiccup was lying there and he looked fine, but his eyes were closed. His chest still. He wasn't breathing.
"No." She chocked out, throwing herself over him, placing her ear over his chest. Nothing. It was silent. Nothing at all. A steady heartbeat had comforted her just a few minutes before, before he had faced the Red Death.
But now there was only silence.
"He can't be…" She whispered, the world around her moving so slowly. She was numb.
"Elsa." Turning her head slowly, she saw Stoick sitting next to her. The tears were already flowing down his face. "There's nothing we can do."
Hearing him say it suddenly made the world speed up and it all crashed around her. She understood, but refused to understand. It hurt too much.
"No, no! NO!" She screamed. She couldn't think. Her mind refused to process what she already knew.
She loved him and he loved her. They were young, but not very much so. He was fifteen and so was she. She was lucky she hadn't been married off already. They loved each other. The two outsiders. The two who were always different. The two who were, despite this, both of fine blood.
Her father had already talked to Stoick, their tribes would become one through their union. The wedding was to take place in the summer.
And now he was gone. No, he couldn't be gone! He couldn't just leave her! They couldn't just take him away from her! They couldn't! It wasn't fair! She had lost her sister as a baby and her mother only a few months ago. Everyone around her was disappearing. Everyone she loved. How dared the norns pain her so? To make her suffer?
Holding onto Hiccup, she felt Stoick's arms close around them both. He didn't deserve it either. Stoick had lost his wife and now his only son. She could hear the tribe crying as Toothless roared out his own sorrow, but it was all a little once again blurred.
It was like she was under water and was desperately trying to reach the surface. But it was impossible. The heaviness was only kept dragging her deeper down.
It wasn't fair! How could the norns do this?! How could they dare take him away so quickly? How did they dare to take him to the other side before they had gotten a chance to live? Before he had gotten the chance to?!
Suddenly her sorrow was replaced by pure hatred. It welled up inside so powerfully it almost made her choke, but she didn't stop it. She hated them all. The tribe for not listening, the norns for doing this. The norns wove fate. Together they decided every fate in the world, even that of Gods.
So she hated them and she would give anything to have Hiccup back. She would offer them anything to give him life. She knew the norns were wrong. Hiccup was supposed to live, he was just starting to find his place in the world. He could change it to the better.
She swore on her soul, her life, anything, that she was right. The norns were free to take it all. And she cursed them from the very depth of her heart.
Suddenly the world around her started to sound even more far away than before. Then she noticed how the cold started to disappear.
She didn't understand.
Looking around, her vision was blurred from her tears but she saw how the world had become white. She felt pure panic spread through her for it had ceased to exist. But the thought had barely entered her mind before the white started to fade away and the world started to materialize around her again.
She was no longer at the beach and the fog was gone. It was no longer cold, but a pleasant warmth. Like a day in the middle of spring. Above her an endless network of enormous roots were spreading out, letting through a strange light. It didn't look like the sun and it shone even brighter. The earth beneath her feet was hard dirt and there was no wind present at all. Next to her was a pond, two white swans sleeping with their heads under their wings.
And there was something about this place that wasn't right. She didn't belong here. She wasn't supposed to be here.
"Where am I?!" She screamed in terror. "Take me back right now!" No response. "Where am I?!" She screamed again.
"Your screaming will change nothing." A young voice was heard.
"You cursed us, you brought yourself here." Another spoke. It was old and cranky.
Spinning around, her eyes wide in terror, Elsa stared at the vision before her. Three women sat before her. One so old her back was crocked and she was shaking with each movement. Her was white and her eyes cloudy. She was picking at the threads in her hands, inspecting them slowly.
The woman sitting next to her was in the height of her years. She was sitting straight, with a strong back. Her face was fairer than any Elsa had ever seen while black hair fell down around her in waves. Her hands were quick, working with a speed which spoke of a lifetime of skill. But her eyes were black, never focusing. They were constantly moving as if following something that was invisible to everyone else. She wasn't looking at what she was doing.
The last was a girl on the brink to womanhood. Red hair, small and skinny. She was staring at the threads in her hands with great interest, like it was a puzzle. Elsa only glimpsed her eyes, which were clearer than the others, but they were also dangerous. They were endless pools of knowledge and endless roads. It was like she needed the clarity to see them all. But Elsa could never all the roads and possibilities. If she tried she would go mad in seconds.
The three women were all sitting in front of the massive oak that spread its roots out above them. On the ground lay a mes of endless threads, all in some strange way coming together in the three women's hands. It was like a giant braid, but so complicated Elsa in no way could make out the pattern.
"Where am I?" Elsa asked again slowly, the three women just ignoring her.
Looking around again Elsa had to accept the impossible. She could only be in one place.
She was at the foot of Yggdrasil. The world tree which held together all of the dimensions of the world.
The place that also was the home of the norns.
The old woman had to be Urd, the norn who remembered past. Verdandi was in the middle, seeing the present, and Skuld, the youngest, had rule over the future. Together they wove the threads of fate, dictating every destiny. Ruling over much time everyone had on earth before walking into another realm.
For a second Elsa only felt pure awe to be in their presence and was about to fall on her knees, but then she remembered why she was here. Hiccup. The loss welled up inside of her, still so fresh she couldn't control it. So instead of showing respect and bowing down, she only straightened her back instead.
"I demand you bring Hiccup back. I say you've made a mistake and you need to bring him back. You have to change this. You can change his fate." She told them, trying to keep her voice from trembling.
"You know nothing about our power Elsa..." Verdandi whispered, her eyes never focusing on anything.
"Or about the reasons why we wove his fate the way we did. The boy died fighting a dragon queen. A hero's death. The Valkyries have already welcomed him into Valhalla." The old hag, Urd, continued.
"We see that the sorrow that fills his departure is great. Your heart is breaking Elsa but underneath it all, somewhere, you know the truth. Still you wish us to change death." Verdandi said, her eyes landing on Elsa. It only lasted for a second, but when they went back to searching the present, Elsa felt hollow. Like her whole being had just been laid bare and there was nothing left of her.
Trying to quench the feeling, she wrapped her arms around herself.
"It's the previous pain. The pain of those she have already lost." Urd spoke once again, but now it felt like the norns were talking only to each other.
"The pain fills her again. It's not fully healed and now it adds to the broken heart. So much pain. It tears you apart and you wish to give anything to bring back the young man you love. The one you want to spend your life with." Verdandi filled in, directing the last part to Elsa.
"But the future is unseen to you, child." Skuld spoke before Elsa had the time to respond. "We see all possible paths of the future, you know nothing at all. You can't see, still you say we made the wrong decision, but you can't see where this decision will take you."
"I cannot live without him." Elsa whispered weekly, having never felt more insignificant in her life. Or more afraid.
"You are young…" Verdandi began.
"Old wounds from the past has healed before…" Urd filled in.
"And with time we change." Skuld ended, her childlike voice filling Elsa with chills. But this couldn't be it, she hadn't come here for them to brush her off so easily.
"But he dosen't deserve to die!" Elsa shouted to the norns, feeling she needed everything to make herself heard. "Hiccup deserves to live! He has so much left to give to this world! He is needed! I know he can change the view we have on dragons; we all need him! Why can't you see that?! Why are you doing this?! What reasons are greater than this?!" She screamed. "I need him, please. I love him."
"You are not thinking this through." Verdadni spoke.
"You don't know what the future needs. You only see to the now. We see everything. Do you still say we are wrong?" Skuld asked, Elsa hearing the underlying irritation. Still she stood her ground.
"I do." She only answered as steady as she could.
At her response, she both saw and felt the anger that awoke in the norns. For a second she thought they would punish her, but then they only turned back to their work and stayed silent. Watching them, she realized they were ignoring her and she felt the desperation well up inside. Why she had been brought here if she couldn't change what had happened?
"I'll give you anything you need, just save him." She finally whispered to them, Verdandi sighing.
"She means it. She will give anything, endure anything, to save the boy. She thinks nothing is worse." Verdant spoke, voicing Elsa's thoughts and feeling perfectly.
"Time will break. We will break time and it will need to heal. It will take time. She'll have to stay until its whole." Skuld responded.
"Once has this happened before. We granted the wish and the person went mad. Could never return. This child has shown great strength in the past, but then again this changes the past as well." Urd added.
"You'll be part of something greater, something you can't control. Something that only time will tell if you can endure." Skuld suddenly directed to Elsa.
"Which makes her afraid, but she is still determined. Her love for the boy is reckless but impressive." Verdani spoke.
It was simply horrifying hearing them speak. They were all one, but at the same time stuck in the time they saw and they didn't make any sense to Elsa at all. She didn't understand what they talked about, but they were giving her a chance to be with Hiccup and Elsa was convinced that was why she had brought here.
Hiccup could live and they could have a life together. There was no choice to be made.
"Never think the future you want is the one that is written. The purpose might be another." Skuld warned her.
"But he would live. I would have him in my life. Whatever you want I'll do it." Elsa spoke and the moment she did, Skuld pulled out a single thread from the endless bundle before the norns while Urd took picked up one that was broken.
"You have made your choice. We now break time, tear it apart to change it, and you till tear with it…" Verdani spoke.
"You will exist outside of time until its healed. Until it becomes what it was meant to be. The future needs to happen... " Skuld continued.
"What we change is the past." Urd finished, Elsa watching how the old hag started mending the broken thread before somehow braiding it into the already finished braid. She saw Skuld nod before holding up the thread she had taken out. She took a hold of both ends before bringing them together, a soft light glowing as the two ends molded together creating a perfect loop.
The moment the light died, an unbelievable pain made Elsa scream out in pain. Her whole body was breaking in million pieces, tearing apart. It was fighting all it could against the strange power that was tearing into her, but it just mercilessly tore through her until it reached her heart. She felt it pierce through before settling deep inside her heart that was beating wildly.
The pain faded, but some painfully remained. It was like a shard of ice had buried itself inside.
She also felt different, like she had stepped out of the world and was watching it through a thin veil. She was cold, her emotions not as prominent. Looking down at her hands she saw that her skin had turned unnaturally pale, her blue veins slightly more visible. It was like she was a memory, not fully there but still alive.
"The past has changed; the rift has opened. The seasons will change like ever…" Urd began.
"And you will stay in winter." Skuld spoke.
"For winter it is now and you're frozen in this moment. Now you return… Verdani continued.
"And you'll be there until the rift has healed." Skuld finished, her voice already starting to disappear as the world changed once more.
She was back on the shore, back to see Hiccup fall from the sky. She watched the fire spread and how the world turned grey, but to her shock and disbelief it wasn't she who called Hiccup's name. Instead it was their Chief, Stoick, who rushed up to Hiccup's body on his own.
And that was when she realized she couldn't she move.
Elsa tried breaking free, but something had her in a mighty hold. She screamed out but no one heard her. Instead she watched Toothless open his wings and she saw Stoick pulling Hiccup into his arms, listening to his heart before laughing happily.
At the confirmation of life, Elsa cried out with happiness, new tears flowing down her cheeks as she realised he was alive. Hiccup was back. Finally the hold around her disappeared and she rushed up to them, only to realize no one could see her. She called out to them but no heard her. No one missed her.
She tried to touch Hiccup, but when her skin touched his it was only the memory of a touch, she didn't really feel him at all. And no one saw her.
In staggering panic, she watched how all the Vikings prepared to leave. She tried calling out to them to not leave her behind, but she was left to stare after them on the shore.
She was nothing but a mere ghost. The norns had called it a rift in time, told her that the past would change. She had given her life to give Hiccup's his, but he would never know who she was. He would never remember her for she had never even existed. She had been ripped out of the past to exist somewhere in-between. Frozen in time. A part of the world, but not fully.
She was a moment, nothing less, nothing more.
A life for a life.
Breaking down, she felt her legs give out as she started crying. The tears never seemed to stop and the world around her turned white to match her sorrow. She was part of time, part of the season in which she had lived in when she was pulled over the veil.
A spirit.
A winterspirit.
That was what she had become.
And she was all alone.
Some things you let go in order to live,
While all around you, the buildings sway,
You sing it out loud, "who made us this way"?
For a while Elsa had stayed around Berk, she had stayed because she told herself that she wanted to see that her family and tribe would be happy. But the longer she had stayed, the more she had realized there truly was nothing left for her. She had never existed. No one had missed her and there had been no traces of her.
She had watched Hiccup grow up, her feelings for him only growing as well. She had seen him become accepted by the tribe, loved even, while staying true to who he had always been.
When she had realized Astrid had become the new girl he had turned his sights to, she had accepted it. She was not there, so really there was no "her" he could love. The first kiss Hiccup and Astrid shared had made her heart break slightly, but she had managed to stay around. She had told herself she wanted him to be happy. But it had still hurt seeing him happy with someone else.
She had been with him when he lost Stoick and then she had stayed with him all the nights he cried when no one else saw. She had stroked his hair, sung to , in another time, he had begged her to sing to him and she had refused.
Those nights she had wondered why she had been so silly back then.
And during all the time she had stayed on Berk, she had told herself that perhaps, at times, he knew she was there. She had told herself while she soothed him, that Hiccup really slept better. She had told herself he could feel that there was someone who didn't judge him, who only loved him.
Then Hiccup and Astrid had announced their wedding and that day had become the day she left. Her heart had been unable to take any more, the pain had become too much. The shard inside of her had grown more painful over the years, hurting her more the more she felt. She had learned how to exist in a state where her emotions flowed through her, but she didn't linger on them. She just allowed them to pass.
But that it had been unable to let them pass that day and she had known she could take no more. It had been hard to leave, but she had.
Her last night on Berk she had walked through the village, saying goodbye to a life she had never lived. She had said goodbye to Hiccup lastly, standing next to him and Toothless.
Despite knowing better, she had always felt like Toothless knew she was around and that night had been no exception. She had placed her hand on his wings and the dragon had stirred in his sleep before opening them to her. There she had seen Hiccup sleeping and she had marveled one last time over the man he had become.
Seven years she had stayed with him. Or at least she thought it was seven years, time had started to become harder and harder to grasp ever since she had left. But really it didn't matter, what mattered was knowing she had been with him all the time, but he had never known.
The tears had gathered in her eyes as she stroked his cheek. She had wished so deeply that he, just for a moment, a second, would know she was with him. She had held back her tears, giving him a kiss on the forehead before walking away, letting go of her emotions. She had felt the cold well up inside, how it had spread through her and numbed her feelings. How it had eased the aching.
Though what she still didn't know was that Hiccup that night had awoken that night with a start, holding his hand to his forehead where he had felt a cold marking. She still didn't know that he had told Toothless it felt like it an old memory, the old memory he had of longing. Longing for something, or someone. Something that had eluded him all his life.
She still didn't know that he had walked up that night, seeing a shadow move over the ocean, ice spreading with her every step. She didn't know he had watched her in fear and awe, for she had never turned back. Ever since she left Berk she had just kept wandering. In fact, she still did, Elsa had never stopped.
She was seeking a purpose with her existence, but so far she had never found one. She knew she could be seen by no one, heard by no one and that wherever she went she brought winter to the world.
And as she wandered, time ceased to exist to her. It all just turned into endless days and nights, a never-ending cycle that meant nothing to her. All she knew was that she was slowly growing stronger, though she didn't know why.
Than one day a human had suddenly seen her.
It had surprised her so much that she had frozen and simply stared at the woman in shock while the woman kept on screaming. She had been talking a language Elsa didn't understand, but she had felt still hope spread within. Hope that maybe her existence wouldn't be so lonely.
But then the woman's husband had taken a gun and fired at her. The bullet had never hurt her, but Elsa had run as fast as she could, leaving the family in panic behind. She had run deep into the woods, reaching a lake where she had seen her reflection and there she had started crying for the first time in forever. She had understood why they had been terrified of her for she had changed. She had turned older, her dress had been an old rag. Her eyes had been piercing and haunted while her skin had been blue.
She had left the forest and kept away from humans ever since. But they were spreading out around her and they were pushing her deeper into the wilderness. Now she was tired of running, she was tired of wandering, she was tired of seeking a purpose she could not find.
Perhaps her purpose was not with the humans? Perhaps it never had been? Was that why she had been so lost?
Looking down into the reflection of the small lake before her, she saw nothing that resembled a human. Strong features and extremely wide eyes. Her skin was white and her veins icy blue. Her eyes were completely white, except for a small hint of black and blue. Her hair was even whiter. She was in an old dress barely holding together. Her mouth was a pale pink.
She was beautiful, cold and terrible. Just like winter itself. She was no human, why had she ever thought herself to be? Why had she tried fitting in with those strange creatures? She couldn't remember.
Or she maybe could, there was still something. Something green. A man, or a boy? Yes, she had loved a man, a man who had died. He had had green eyes. They still held a warm place in her heart. Yes, he had had green eyes and dark hair. She thought he must have been special to capture her attention. She couldn't remember how she had come to love him, she only knew her cold and broken heart still treasured him. It didn't want to forget.
But he was dead, so what was her reason to stay? The humans fickle worries was nothing to her and time was beyond her. She moved between. The winter was the only thing that was constant inside, that kept returning. She was a winter spirit.
And if she was a winter spirit, why was she dressed like a lowly human?
Waving her hand, the rags fell apart and the ice encased her body. It grew around her until it fell down in a glittering dress that showed off who she truly was.
Smiling, ice crystals fell like diamonds in her hair as she looked up towards the mountain. She was the ruler of ice and snow. She saw no reason to walk amongst the pitiful humans, she didn't know why she had done it. She needed her kingdom, her realm, her solitude. She should not move for the tiny humans, they should flee from her.
Walking towards the mountains she left behind the last of that she could no longer remember, except for the green eyes that warmed her heat. Those she could not forget for they reminded her of the man she had loved. The love that still burned in her heart. Those eyes would be her treasure and she would cherish them.
And so she came to build her palace on the mountain side. One made purely out of ice. Up where winter never died time became even more useless to her. She even forgot there existed a concept of time. Existing was all she knew.
At least until someone dared entering her land.
The monument of a memory,
You tear it in your head,
I know you're bleeding, but you'll be okay,
Hold on to your heart, you'll keep it safe,
Hold on to your heart, don't give it away
She was watching the stars, seeing them move over the heavens. She had done it for thirty moons without moving from her throne. They captivated her and they stirred something within. Not that she remembered what.
Then a sudden sound brought her out of her thoughts. It awoke her since it wasn't the wind, nor was it the ice moving. Before her, in the middle of her throne room, stood a creature that looked at her with wide eyes. It stirred something in her.
It was one of creatures she could barely remember. The ones walking on two limbs with two hanging by their sides. It had that hole in the face it could open and close, now it was closed. But it didn't blink.
What was it called? A Human? Yes, that was the name the of the creature. It was a human. Dumb, short-lived creatures if she didn't remember incorrectly. Unable to see the bigger movings of the universe. Selfish and trying to take what they wanted. Hateful.
Still it had walked in here and now it was staring at her. It was actually a little entertaining.
Rising from her throne, the human stared at her as she walked down the stairs and glided over to it. It looked spellbound and an emotion that she didn't fully remember. It was causing the wide eyes, the increased heartbeat.
Fear?
Yes, that was it. Fear.
Seeing the human up closer, she suddenly realized it was a male. Humans could be both male and female. Who could ever remember something so insignificant?
"What brings you to my mountain? My kingdom, my world." She asked him, a far off memory telling her that her voice was different. Cold, cacaltulating and void of any emotion. It was soft and alluring, powerful in a cruel way. Had it once been filled with something called…. Joy? Had it? Had it been filled with life?
She didn't know, but she could remember a time she had been alive, when she had not only existed, so she supposed it had.
The man stared at her, swallowing without any response. It annoyed her for she didn't care for anyone, even less for those who meant nothing. It was far more pressing matters that she wanted to ponder about. Like the stars and the night. Or how she could turn the world into eternal winter, a whole world which she could take over. A world where she could exist without anyone else.
It would be the greatest gift to her.
Looking at the man who still seemed terrified of her, she felt herself getting irritated. How had she ever thought he could bring her some entertainment? He was nothing more than a lowly rat, an annoyance.
She could just as well get rid of him.
Rising her hand to price his heart, her eyes finally looked into his. Blue, with a hint of green. Suddenly she felt something come alive in her heart. Something that had nearly died in the cold. A flame in her heart.
And suddenly it came back, the memory she had promised to never forget. Green eyes. Green kind eyes that now filled her with something she hadn't felt for an eternity. Warmth.
And the warmth brought a burning pain to her icey heart and cold body.
It made her scream in pain and she tried to fight it away. She didn't want to feel it anymore; she was better without it. She had told herself to never forget, but she had been wrong. This hurt. Remembering, hurt.
"Why are you standing there?! Leave! Leave and never come back, stay away! I never want to remember again! Leave!" She screamed at the man and he finally came back to life, barely having the time to disappear before her blast of ice could hit him and kill him.
She felt the pain spread, she felt the world change. The mountain cried out in pain as she ripped into it with her anger but she didn't care. The snowstorm was unlike anything ever seen, it took all her focus, it turned her heart even colder.
But still the green eyes refused to away. They stayed and she couldn't understand why. She didn't know their purpose, so why did they refuse to leave? Why couldn't she let them go? Why couldn't she keep them out?
In the end the storm died, but the green eyes stayed with her. They refused to leave and she refused to remember. She started to hate them, but she could never put out the fire in her heart. Each time she nearly managed she panicked and drew back. No matter how much she hated them, she couldn't let them go. Not until she remembered their purpose. Why they made her feel and care about trivial things.
But no matter how hard she tried, all that existed in her memory was ice and snow. It was her existence; it was all it ever had been. So where did the green and the warmth come from?
But she never fully got the time to ponder, for after the he-human more came. Each time she haunted them away, but they always came back.
She created snowmen to protect her boarders and still they came through. So she started to hate them as well, for they made it impossible for her to remember and they made it impossible for her to forget about the green eyes.
And in the end when she had finally had enough, things changed. A memory broke through when she was about to kill a whole group of the plague that haunted her home. A memory of a hollowness, a silent heart. She herself had no heart, but the new memory was one of a beating heart that had turned silent. The memory of a heart that was supposed to beat.
It had kept her from killing the humans. Instead she had thrown them out before rising huge ice walls around her palace to keep them out.
And after that they actually stayed away. She was left to sit alone and ponder.
What she didn't notice though was how her hold grew on the world. How the winters turned longer and colder until they didn't go away at all. Winter was spreading like the cold within her and nothing could stop it.
Not even she.
She forgot that there even a existed a world outside of her dark lonely palace. All that existed to her was the ice and snow around her. It whispered to her and she to it. She felt how it grew more powerful, but she didn't question why, all she wanted to know was what her two memories meant. The ones that never left her and that keep the small flame alive.
Her whole mind focused on trying to understand, to remember. And while she refused to let go, no matter how hard she tried, the memories only kept falling farther out of her reach.
Your heart is there, it's in your hands,
I know it seems like forever,
I know it seems like an age,
But one day this will be over,
I swear it's not so far away
This was how they found her, the six explorers who had travelled to the heart of the north to try and understand the climate change. They had heard the old stories of a woman who lived in the heart of the north. Not a human, but something else. Something that could control winter.
In the old folklores she was called the Snow Queen. It was said she had built herself a palace up in the mountains with giant walls of ice so she could take over the world in solitude. The last sighting of her had been over 300 years ago.
No one had believed in the old stories, so when they had found the giant ice walls they still hadn't believed them to be true. Not until the drill had broken through the ice after a two days and they had gotten to the other side had they realized some part of the old tale had to be true.
They had stopped to stare in awe at the massive ice palace that had risen high into the sky. They had been mesmerized by its beauty, but also cautions for there was something dark about the place.
Despite the fact that the sun had shone brightly outside the ice had been dark, refusing to reflect the sunlight. Still they had decided to enter and a world of ice had opened up to them. Giant halls, grand staircases, chandeliers and frozen fountains. They had walked slowly and quietly, afraid of what to find until they had walked into the massive room where they now were all standing.
The giant throne room was unlike anything ever seen. It was dark and full of pure sadness that seemed to hang in the air. Still it was spellbinding with all the art and decorations that filled it and in the middle of room a giant throne reached high up to the ceiling.
Getting closer, they saw that a grand staircase led up to the throne and on it sat, to their disbelief, a human figure. A woman.
White eyes were staring into nothingness, never blinking, while long white hair that glowed with frost fell around her. A dress of ice crystals covered her body. and her skin was almost white like snow with blue veins underneath. It looked like her blood had frozen. Her skin was also covered in a layer of ice, like she had just sat down and never risen again. Her lips were dark from frostbite.
She was also the most beautiful woman they had ever seen, despite the fact that it was from her that the darkness and the heaviness seemed to spread like poison in the room. She looked dead, but she felt alive.
Gathering his courage, one of the men started walking up to her.
"Don't." His twin whispered to him, but he only sent his sister a reassuring look before slowly starting to walk up the stairs and towards the creature sitting on the throne.
No light, no light,
In your bright blue eyes,
Something nearly touched her.
She suddenly felt a warmth in the air that closed in on her. Warmth didn't belong here. Slowly she came out from the depth within as the warmth kept getting closer. With a small sigh she barely had to think the thought before world listened to her.
Far away she heard a scream as the thing that had neared her was thrown away. She heard more screams when her guards entered the room, even more frantic they became when the floor came to life and captured all that lived to so that it stayed in place.
Her body felt strangely unmovable. She could hear something crack and break when she slowly turned her head.
Six. They were six beings. What where they again? Somewhere far away the word existed. They stared at her without blinking.
Slowly she rose from her throne. More things cracking and breaking. Ice was falling from her. Strange, she really didn't think she had been sitting down for so long. She felt that her face was frozen and she saw how they looked around when the dark walls starting to glow with a dark blue color that matched the coldness inside her. She had no concept of emotions anymore.
As she walked closer to them, she saw that their faces looked stretched, that their eyes seemed widened, but she couldn't understand why.
Two limbs standing, two hanging. Two of one body type and the others of another. What were they?
A plage she had haunted away once, that kept returning.
Humans! That was it! Had she not built the wall to keep them out? How had they come back so quickly? She had just done it hadn't she? She didn't know.
So two females and four males. Interesting.
She walked between them, all of them looking at her with that strange expression. They had something on their heads that covered them slightly.
Who was it that had nearly touched her? He was standing next to a woman who looked much like him. They seemed to have a bond. What was it called? That which was shared without will, that you couldn't decide?
Family? Yes, and no. Siblings! That was it. Ties that came from being breed by the same female and the same male. Such a strange concept.
"Welcome." She said softly, but her voice echoed in the great hall. If it once had been hollow, it was nothing left in it now. It was completely empty. She was the Snow Queen. Ice and snow. Winter.
And her voice was as cold as the thing she had become.
"You're… how….?" One of the males stammered, the self proclaimed Queen gliding over to him. Looking at his face closely, he started to shake before her. He was not looking at her and he was whimpering. Something coming from his eyes.
What was it? What created this?
A... feeling? An emotion? Humans ran on it, were controlled by it.
Terrified. The emotion came back to her.
They were terrified.
How pathetic.
"Winter comes and winter remains." She only whispered, the blond man closing his eyes as he kept on talking quietly. She had no human sculptures in her home. No statues. Why didn't she? They would be a nice addition when she thought about it.
So she cooed softly, tunes falling over her lips in a calming lullaby. She had no idea how she knew it, where the tune came from, but it worked. The man opened his eyes and stared at her. Meeting her eyes, which were completely white with only a small burning light blue flame, his turned hazy when she smiled at him. She kept on humming, his body relaxing as the ice within her words flowed to him. A foolish smile spread over his face as the ice reached his heart and she leaned forward.
Just one kiss, one touch would be enough, and there would be nothing more than ice. It would take hold and spread. Statues to keep. Perfect for her world.
Warmth didn't belong here.
"Don't touch him! What are you doing to him?!" A feisty voice shouted, all of them suddenly shouting but she didn't care.
At least not until one broke through the others.
"Stop! If you want someone you can take me!" It shouted. It was a man's voice, a slightly nasal voice and she lost her track of thought. She blinked and turned.
It was the tall one, he who had his hood up. She couldn't see his face and she felt something within. A slight irritation.
Who was he who dared to tell her anything? But if he offered, why not begin there? Gliding over to him she walked in front of him, staring up into the goggles that hid his eyes from her. She didn't like them, nor did she like his hood. Slowly she reached up and pushed back it back, revealing brown hair.
She could hear the others protesting, but he was quiet. He stood tall before her. He was brave. Everyone else always ran away from her in panic and in fear.
But then again he had most fire. Most warmth. Maybe that meant something.
Pulling of his goggles, she drew in a breath and dropped them, backing away in utter disbelief.
Green eyes. Deep green eyes filled with warmth looked at her. They were guarded, protective and full of fear, but kind. Green eyes. Like those which she had searched for for so long.
The memory! They were same color as the eyes in her memory.
Slowly she walked up to him again, her eyes never leaving his. She looked at him, drank him in. For each moment it stirred something new within her. Deep green eyes. Dark hair. Dark brown hair. Unruly hair. Now short hair. Once shorter and younger. Now taller and older. But the eyes were the same.
A face suddenly flashed before her eyes. One to a young lanky creature. A young boy. A friend. She felt the shard in her heart twist and turn.
Pain, she had not felt it for so long. By killing her emotions, she had killed the pain. Like he had died. Died in her arms.
No. He had been dead. His heart had been silent.
But now he was here.
The monument of a memory,
Too tempting not to touch,
But even though it shocked you,
Something's electric in your blood,
With trembling hands, she reached towards the man's face. He looked frightened and the screaming sounds around them increased, but he stayed still and quiet. The moment her fingertips touched his face she had to draw back and she hissed as his skin burned her.
She could see her touch pained him as well for he groaned quietly and his face contorted in pain, but she didn't care. Once again she reached for him, the screams even louder, but this time she was more ready for the pain.
And it did hurt. She had felt no warmth for so long and now it was spreading through her fingers. It made her panic slightly, for she felt it travel towards her heart. But there was something more she needed to remember and she wanted to feel him. For some reason she need to know he was real.
He trembled under her hands and she could tell it was because her icy cold skin hurt him just like he hurt her. When she finally allowed her hands to fall he let out a deep breath in relief that caused something to stir within. A warm emotion.
Compassion and sympathy.
She felt sorry for him.
She felt sorry for him. It was not only an emotion, it was a caring one. A warm one.
Letting out a vile scream she blasted all of her snowmen into oblivion. It had nearly taken a beat, her heart. The warmth was burning her and it pained her. Turning back to the man who had awoken something in her, she rose her hand to kill him. She would end him so she never had to feel again, so she could be free. If she killed him the green eyes would die as well, she would never have to think about them again.
But then she did the mistake of looking into them one last time.
They were defiant as he stared at her. He wasn't begging her or asking for anything. He just looked at her, waiting, and all she could do was stare at him in return.
Another had once looked like that as well. The green eyes in her memory. They had been defiant as they refused to give in. Their owner had been cast aside, hurt and burned. But he had refused to back down.
Hiccup.
His name.
Hiccup.
That was his name, the name of the boy and the young man with the green warm eyes that had kept her from freezing fully.
And he was here again. It was his eyes.
"Hiccup." The name left her like a prayer. She glided over to the man again, placing her hand on his cheek. She noticed that he flinched slightly, that he expected it to hurt him, but then he looked slightly surprised. She noticed his skin wasn't burning her either. "Hiccup." She whispered again, caressing his cheek, but to there was no recognition in his eyes, only caution.
And then she remembered. Hiccup had died. She had heard his hollow chest, how the heart had made no sound. He had died. He was gone. So long gone.
She felt it well up inside, the longing, the pain, the sorrow. She backed away, the memories crashing down around her. It came all back again. How she had lost him. How she had begged the norns to save him. How she had become a broken piece of time. How he had died without ever knowing her.
She had been forgotten and alone. So alone. But she had always loved him somewhere deep inside. He had never left her. But he was gone.
"Gone. Gone. Always gone. Never here. Always alone." She whispered, trying to hold her broken heart together as the emotions came back. She realized she had once been human. She had once had a family. It had been nearly 2 000 years since then. For 2 000 years she had been alone. All alone.
Then she felt a warm hand on her shoulder and she looked into warm green concerned eyes. She could see the others watching in terror behind them. They were scared, saw her as a monster as everyone always had. But his man cared. This human she had almost killed.
Green eyes.
Hiccup. Hiccup had been like him. He had saved Toothless. Hiccup, it was him. It had to be him.
"I gave everything." She whispered, the words flowing out of her. "Hiccup I gave you my life and you lived. I ripped time apart and you forgot about me. I saw you live on until I could take no more. I've given up everything to stay alive. Your eyes, I've never forgotten your eyes. How could you forget me?" She asked him brokenly, Hiccup looking a little confused and still so cautious.
"I'm not Hiccup." He told her and she blinked at him. Of course he was. Didn't he remember her? Maybe if she gave him her name? Hadn't she had a name once? Maybe he would know her then.
"I'm Elsa. You must know." She told him desperately. "I love you, you loved me. You died and I brought you back. I turned into this. I had to leave and please don't hate me for it, but I simply couldn't bear to see that you had forgotten. But I've never let go of what we were, the love we shared has kept my heart alive. Now you're here and it's changing me again which means things are different. I'm coming alive again so you must remember. You must remember now." She whispered, clasping his hand in hers.
But Hiccup only looked at her with a pained expression and sad eyes.
"I'm not Hiccup, but I'm sure he didn't forget Elsa." He told her and hearing her own name for the first time in so long she sighed.
It was her name indeed. Elsa. That was who she had been. Who she had lost. She had been Elsa who had loved Hiccup. Elsa who had loved to sing and had a talent for the spiritual. She who had been an outsider. Elsa who had been the daughter of Adgar and Idun. She who had gone to the norns and asked them to save Hiccup. She had given them everything and they had ripped time open. They had told her she would live untill time healed, but she hadn't understood.
She had never known she would turn into nothing at all. That she would loose so much and that green eyes would keep her from turning fully to ice.
"But it's your eyes. Hiccup, please. Please." She whispered to him, reaching out her hand and stroking his cheek and while he didn't draw back, there was only sadness in his eyes. There was sympathy and compassion, but no recognition, no love.
Pulling back her hand, she held it against her chest, staring at him. She felt the darkness growing within as her throat felt thick. It hurt so much. She had to swallow, but it only made it worse.
"You're not really him?" She whispered, the young man before her shaking his head, that strange water forming in his eyes as he looked at her.
Her vision blurred as a strange strangled sound escaped her. Tears. Her eyes were filling with tears as well.
Another strange sound. A sob.
She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to hold herself together and suddenly there was warmth around her. A warmth coming from the man before her.
The man she had nearly killed. The one who was the first not to turn away.
Closing her eyes, she felt how the tears escaped. They were warm and left a warm trails down her cheeks.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did. For what I've done. I was wrong." She whispered, him only holding her closer.
The shard in her heart twisted painfully.
And then it was gone.
"Time is healed." The soft female was heard behind them and Elsa turned around, a warm hand staying on her shoulder.
The three norns stood before them, all looking at her with small smiles.
"You've endured the rift in time. The circle is full. You've walked to the time that was supposed to be. The time that he was supposed to have." Urd told her. Elsa staring at her in disbelief.
"So he is…" She trailed off, looking at the man behind her who did his best to not look in fear at the three norns. He was brave indeed.
"Not Hiccup." Verdandi answered.
"Never has been." Urd filled in.
"Never will be." Skuld finished.
"But you said this is the time he is supposed to have." Elsa responded.
"An essence can be reborn; it changes into something new. That's what humans cannot see." Skuld replied.
"The essence has memories of the old; fears or feelings that guide the new vessel." Urd continued.
"But it's never the same." Skuld filled in.
"Hiccup's death was what would give his essence the need to find a new way, but you ripped time open. You let him live and so he had to lose something else. He lost you." Urd told her, leaning on her staff.
"He forgot me, they all did. You ripped me out of time. I never existed. He never lost me." Elsa told them, new tears falling down her cheeks.
"But he did. You were ripped out of time, all traces removed, but emotions moves beyond time. Hiccup loved you. He never forgot you. He never found another love. He never married, he never could in the end. He always felt the loss even if he didn't know what it was. He never stopped looking and not even the day he when died did he know why he could never settle down." Urd told her, no emotion in her voice and Elsa understood why.
When you had no concept of time, you didn't care about what passed. She had been there herself.
"So he was unhappy still?" She asked with sorrow for she had only wanted him to be happy.
"He longed for something." Urd only respond again.
"Like you Henry." Verdandi said, Elsa turning to look at the man behind her. "Tell us why you came here."
"I followed on a whim." The man answered carefully, looking at Elsa. "Normally I'm a scientist. A doctor. We're about to find the cure for cancer..." He trailed off. "I've always felt a little lost, it's true. I dreamed of blue eyes when I was a child. Blue eyes like the sky. Like..." He trailed off, suddenly looking at her in slight awe.
She didn't understand why. The only thing that had changed was that she was feeling warmer, more alive.
"You will find the cure and you will long no more." Skuld's voice broke through the silence.
"The circle is full." Verdandi once more said. "And you are free to choose Elsa. You can stay here; live a life. Or you can come with us. It's your choice, you exist beyond time and beyond our hold."
Looking at the frightened humans, Elsa saw a young woman looking at her with pleading eyes. There was so much love in her eyes, love for the man sitting next to Elsa. Henry, he looked so much like the man she loved. But it was not him, and while he looked at her like she was something he had lost and found, there was no love.
There was no decision to be made.
"I'll go with you. This is not my time." Elsa said to the norns, all of them for once giving her a genuine smile.
"So you have learned something after all. The last one we had to drag down to Hel with the help of Thor. Made winter last for 10 000 years, but we always knew you were different child." Urd told her, holding out her hand.
Turning to Henry, Elsa felt she wanted to thank him, but she didn't know how. Instead she just placed her hand on his cheek, giving him a kiss on the forehead as a blessing, before rising.
That was when she noticed she was no longer as tall, that her steps were shorter. Suddenly her heart started beating again and her skin turned rosy. Her hair shortened even if her body stayed older than it had been nearly two thousand years ago.
Taking Urd's hand she looked at the six humans, giving them a small smile before the world around her turned white.
"Will they remember?" She asked.
"They have already forgotten." Urd answered, the old hag representing the past following her up to the Great Halls of Warriors. Valhalla.
"I don't belong here." Elsa said, Urd only laughing.
"Your past has earned you a place here. A warrior you are; no mere human could ever stand up to us or survive for so long. You're a special one even if you've had help. Now go, he is waiting." Urd told her with a small smile.
"Who?" Elsa asked, feeling a little confused before her heart started beating faster. It felt wonderful. "You mean…?"
"You didn't think those moments of old memories came from nothing at all? He has been with you all the time. He never forgot you and like we said, he has helped you."
Letting go of Urd's hand without even saying goodbye, Elsa didn't care about anything as she rushed through the Giant Gates, the gatekeeper letting her through without any question. He must have known she was coming.
Rushing over the open landscape her breath turned heavy, but then she saw him.
He could not leave the land of the dead, but he would never have to. She was coming to him and his green eyes were shining at her.
Eyes full of love.
Running even faster, she felt alive again, a smile spreading over her face.
He was truly here, Hiccup was here.
They would be together.
And that was all that mattered.
"Every night in my dreams,
I see you, I feel you,
Far across the distance between us,
You're safe in my heart"
Dark place this came from. I'll come back to your reviews on my stories soon, I've a lot in school still.
Take care! Until next time!
/Lysistrate