Notes: This contains spoilers for Fallout 4, Brotherhood of Steel faction. In particular, Danse's quest. It doesn't go beyond that. I must also disclose that this story is going to get a bit, hmmm, shall we say… picante? The first chapter is safe for delicate eyes though.

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I'm no soldier. I can only explain this by saying that when I emerged into the light and saw what the world was, my heart longed for order. Nothing was untouched by the bomb or time. There was nothing left of the pristine world I left. No straight lines, no clean corners, no fresh paint, nothing unbroken, unrusted, untainted, untouched… The world was mangled and it was my people, my generation, that were responsible.

So when I stumbled on the Brotherhood of Steel I found something that actually worked and had a goal. They wanted what I wanted, order restored, a government established, and people to feel safe once again. They'd already started on that project, one I couldn't even begin to fathom how to undertake. I felt like I could contribute to putting it all back to where it was before the people of my era started dropping bombs.

Paladin Danse's orders were given without hesitation or question so I followed him. This was his world, not mine, so of course he knew better than I how to fix it. I didn't really like him. He spoke without much inflection in his voice. He was soldier to the core and he certainly never let me see anything else. But those were the early days and I wouldn't have appreciated his sympathy or kindness then if he had any. I was still a walking wound, oozing sorrow and shock. I dreamed of Shaun and Mark constantly and woke every morning to re-live my loss over and over.

But eventually the pain faded and I started looking for Danse's humanity a little harder. I found it first in his eyes. There was softness there, even as he gave orders and sounded every bit the career soldier. And then I found humor. One day as we were squidging our way across a muddy streambed, my Geiger counter clicked slowly but relentlessly. It reminded me that I was going to be losing a lot of hair and puking my guts out if I didn't find something to neutralize the radiation. Then he comes out and says, "Call me old fashioned, but there's nothing like being boots on the ground." I laughed so hard I dropped my shotgun into the muck and nearly landed on top of it. (I decided not to retrieve the shotgun. I had a good rifle with me.)

After that, it seemed like he went out of his way to make me laugh, always delivering his lines with his best deadpan soldier voice. And the softness in his eyes became little lines gathering at the corners, and from time to time a smile actually touched his mouth.

And mine too. The dreams faded and I adjusted to this broken world. It made me appreciate the order and relatively smooth functioning of the Brotherhood. Slowly my search for Danse's humanity turned into something else. I found myself craving his voice and the way it seemed to reverberate through my bones and spark all manner of chaos in my mind and body. Maybe it was something I ate or drank. I got myself thoroughly checked out by the Sanctuary doctor. It wasn't radiation poisoning or some weird parasite causing my symptoms.

I'd goddamned fallen in love.

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Note: Thanks for reading. Next chapters probably not for those with delicate sensibilities. Please review!