This story was inspired by a fic, that was inspired by another fic, that I can't remember the name of. If I remember it, or if a commenter recognizes which fic I'm talking about, I'd like to give credit where credit is due.
Sadly, SoulStar (Soul/Black Star) is way too rare a pairing, so ladies and gentlemen, let's spread the joy that is SoulStar.
Oh, and this is my first fic EVER, so be gentle, please! Of course, any con. crit. is gladly welcome, and just compliments is fine too.
I only own his fic, and you can post and/or share this wherever you'd like, I'd hope you PM me for permission, but otherwise, just give me credit. I do not own Soul Eater whatsoever, I just wish I did! I am not earning any income in any way whatsoever from this, and this is an original work, any resemblance to plagiarism is accidental and/or coincidental.
Finally, I would like to think my Beta, AvidVillian95! I couldn't have done it without you, thanks for everything!
My beta seems to have disappeared into the aether, so I'm not waiting any longer for a response. I'm going to post the next chapter in a few days, after I edit my story myself. So my story might be a bit sloppy, because I no longer have someone to bounce my ideas off of, but I think if I edit well it'll be fine. I'll keep everyone updated!
"Soul!" I wonder if he's asleep, but I hope not, Maka thought to herself. I can't find him anywhere though, unfortunately. What is he doing asleep in the early evening, he already slept all day? Maka stood in place quietly contemplating whether it was worth bothering him. Something felt wrong, this isn't like him, well, it isn't like how he used to be. Lately, she just didn't know. She made her way upstairs, hearing a rustling noise coming from Soul's room.
She lightly knocked on Soul's door and asked "Soul, can I come in?"
On the other side of the door, she heard the sound of a drawer closing and Soul's muffled voice. "You can come in now, Maka." She sees Soul lying in bed, with a book on his lap...an upside down book.
"Oh? I thought you were sleeping all night, just like you slept all day," Soul looked over at her and gave her a strange look. As if he was hiding something.
"Of course not. I just wanted to relax a little today."
Maka gave him an incredulous look, "Yeah, I guess it must be pretty relaxing learning how to read upside down, huh?" Soul turned beet red and dropped the book. As well as the charade, and turned his head down sighing.
"I really, really wish you weren't so observant sometimes, y'know that?" Soul sighed even deeper, and turned his head away from Maka. "I'm going back to sleep," Soul droned out, pulling his blankets back across his shoulders.
"That's fine. I'm not going to stop you, but I know there's something wrong. And I wish you'd tell me what it was," Maka said quietly, causing Soul to groan loudly. "Oh! By the way… I need to borrow my first aid kit I lent you. Really quick, it's in this top drawer right?" Soul suddenly stumbled out of bed, and grabbed her hand from reaching the drawer.
"No! I-I...uh, lost it! That's right. I set it down somewhere outside and when I came back for it, it was gone!" Soul laughed nervously, wondering why he even bothered trying to lie.
Maka thought madly. Does he think I'm an idiot?! Maka shot him an unbelieving gaze, "Soul, can you please move? If it's not here… I'll leave right away." Wondering what she was in for as she slowly opened the drawer. Seeing a red cross with a white skull in the middle, she looked at Soul confused. "You lost it, huh mister?" Not thinking, Soul ducked under his blankets. Realizing how childish he must look right now. Maka rifled through the contents. Wondering what he was hiding, until she reached the bottom and gasped. Something cut her finger, as she spied a glint of metal at the bottom.
Curious, she reached for it slowly. Before lifting it out of the dark container, and the expression on her face dropped. Her eyes started becoming misty. A razor blade. A razor blade that she knew hadn't been placed there by her. A depressed Soul must've left in there, and she looked away from it momentarily. Noticing an assortment of gauze, bandages, and general supplies for cuts missing. Proving her assumptions right.
"Soul," she whispered softly. Her eyes becoming even mistier, as several tears rolled down her face. Following the deep lines her face made when she cried. "What is this razor for?" Soul didn't want to leave his warm nest. He could just pretend he hadn't heard her, and pretend to be asleep, right? He gave up, poking his head out from underneath his blankets.
Slowly sitting up, he sputtered, "I-its n-n-nothing. I, uh, used it to cut the gauze! I couldn't find the scissors!" Tears started to stream down Maka's face. As she slowly lifted the scissors that were right in the box. Raising them in front of Soul, putting the final nail in the coffin. She slowly reached for the phone in her pocket without saying a word, keeping the first aid box wrapped tightly in her lap.
Suddenly she lifted her head, "Black Star? Can you get over hear right away, as fast as you can?" Soul couldn't hear what Black Star was saying, but heard Maka. "Good," he knew what the answer was. She dialed one more number slowly. Ignoring the tears sliding down her face. "Kid, can you hurry over here. It's urgent?" This time Soul heard a muffled "right away," and he finally started sobbing himself. Shoving his face deep into his pillow. Wishing he could smother himself here and now.
Only a few minutes later there was a knock at the door. Maka went downstairs and opened it. Soul could only hear muffled talking, and then footsteps ascending the stairs. Maka knocked, but he wasn't even sure why she bothered.
"Come in," was retorted in between muffled sobs.
"Is he sick or something?" Black Star asked.
"I guess you could say that," Maka answered quietly. "Just wait 'til Kid gets here and I'll explain everything." Black Star stared at his friend. His eyes softened, knowing that whatever was wrong with him, was serious. Another knock at the door echoed in the house.
Maka stood up asking "Will you keep an eye on him Black Star? I'll be right back." The door to Soul's room opened and closed silently. The sound of muffled talking flowed through the house again. Kid moved smoothly through the entrance to Soul's room, and sat in the circle of chairs. Maka must've set them up.
"So what's with the urgency," Kid inquired.
Relieved that everyone she knew Soul could trust with something like this, was finally here. "I need to show you something first." Maka surprised everyone as she lifted a razor blade out of her first aid kit.
What the hell is that doing in there? The two boys thought simultaneously.
"When I came to borrow my first aid kit back from Soul. I found this at the bottom of it, and several gauze wraps and bandages missing. Things you would use for cuts." Kid caught on instantly and put his head in his hands and sighed. The gears were turning in Black Star's head as he tried to piece Maka's cryptic words together. "Soul's been sleeping all day lately. I don't think he even leaves his bed. Except to use the restroom and eat the bare minimum amount of food it takes to survive," and it finally clicked in Black Star's head.
"I think we should carry him down stairs. That way we can watch him easier," Kid suggested aloud.
"I agree," said Maka.
Black Star spoke softly, "I'll carry him and don't worry I'll be gentle. I feel bad enough as it is, I should've noticed something was up."
"That's impossible Black Star. Even I didn't notice… and we live together," Maka spoke up. Black Star moved cautiously over to Soul and carefully lifted him. Thinking to himself, seeing the still wet tears on his face makes my chest hurt. Like a hollow feeling where my heart should be. Although feeling Soul unconsciously nuzzle his head into my chest helped. At least as much as it possibly could. We all gathered around figuring out what to do next.
Kid spoke up first, "Someone should be here at all times to watch him. I'm worried he might hurt himself again or...worse," as a grim look crossed his face.
"Don't say that!" Maka said, raising her voice. She covered her mouth with both hands. "I'm sorry for yelling, Kid," she apologized. "You're right. I just don't want you to be," she said before sighing heavily. In the background, Black Star had one arm around Soul's back and the other under his knees. His hands gripped him firmly, being as careful as humanly possible with the hurt. Sleepy boy.
He slowly set him down on the couch. Hearing the other two talking behind him, but paying no attention to what they're saying. It wasn't important right now. He pulled up a chair, so he could be next to him and watch him sleep quietly. Black Star thought to himself, God I feel so creepy right now. Just staring at Soul and saying nothing.
"I'll be the one to watch him." Black Star watched his chest rise and fall. In his head he thought he looked like an angel. Like something Death would create if he was making a perfect Death Scythe.
Maka and Kid said in unison, "Good!"
Both meisters were dead tired, but knew they needed to stay.
"I'll take Soul's bed," said Kid. Maka was happy to be able to be alone for awhile.
"A god doesn't need sleep!" Yelled Black Star out of nowhere, making everyone smile.
"Well, I'll let the god take care of this I think," said Kid.
Maka whispered "Take good care of him. Ok?" Receiving a nod from the goofy assassin. Both meisters waved goodnight. Once the footsteps had faded, and the doors closed. Black Star let out a long sigh. He gently took off Soul's headband, watching his white, fluffy hair fall slowly down his head. He calmly pulled the blankets up to cover him better. They seemingly fell off from his tossing and turning. Black Star leaned over and swept the snowy hair to the side. Planting a tiny kiss on his forehead.
He moves just a little, then relaxes his body. Black Star leans his chair back on two legs and pulls out a book. I'm not much of a reader, he thought inwardly. He didn't want to risk waking up Soul with the sound of a T.V., or music from his phone. A few hours later, Soul opened his eyes, and blinked slowly.
Why are my eyes so blurry? Wait, where am I? Soul wondered while staring at the ceiling. He turned his head to the side slowly and saw a blob topped with blue. He rubbed his eyes until his vision was clear enough to see Black Star. "Black Star?" Soul questioned in a gravelly voice. His mouth dry from sleep. Black Star looked up from his book, dog-earing the page he was on. Setting the book aside. "Are you ok Soul? Do you need anything?"
"Some water would be great," Soul said in the same gravelly voice. Black Star stood up and walked into the kitchen with a look of concern on his face. What am I going to do now? He asked himself wearily. Sitting down in the chair right in front of Soul with a glass of water in his hand.
"You've got to sit up man. I don't want you to choke," he spoke in a friendly voice.
"Ok. Ok… one second," Soul said casually. As Soul reached for the water their hands touched briefly, but he held the contact for as long as possible without it becoming awkward. Black Star was curious now, wondering if Soul was just tired. Or if he meant to show him a little affection? He hoped it was the latter.
He watched as Soul chugged the water, "You sure are thirsty, have you been sweating a lot?" He questioned.
"No, just trying to clear out my throat. I guess when you can swallow a whole soul at once. You don't think about something simple like water." Soul said. "Black Star… do you think it's ok if we go get some air? I hate being cooped up with nothing to do." He asked.
"I don't think I'm very comfortable with taking you for a walk. I trust you. Believe me, but I could never forgive myself if you ran off and did...something to yourself," Black Star hesitated looking at the floor. Feeling bad for Soul. "Wait! I've got an idea!" He was proud of himself for thinking of it. "Is it possible to get on the roof without waking the others? Because I would feel a lot better with that compromise."
"Yeah, we've got a super tiny balcony I use for that. Can barely fit a chair, but it's good for something I guess," Soul said with the hint of a smile on his face.
"Before we go...," this is so awkward, I have to though, "before we go, can you show me...where you're… um. W-where you're hurt?" Black Star inquired. At least I spit it out finally, he thought. "I don't want to open anything back up. Or accidentally touch somewhere painful helping you up there," he explained. Not looking forward to seeing his friend hurt that way.
Soul looked somewhere between embarrassed and surprised, "I-I-I didn't th-think about that… I just… ummm, you know what? Ok I trust you completely, and at least it's just us guys."
"Before you start. I thought I heard Maka say something about some kind of ointment or something?" *She said it was a...tropical antiseptic? that didn't seem right at all. "She said it would numb your skin. That it would feel kinda funny, but hurt less. So stay right here," Black Star elaborated. He walked into the kitchen and saw it right on the counter. Reading the label, he felt dumb. He had to sound it out in his head, tah-pik-all an-ahs-theh-tik, topical anesthetic, now I remember! On his way back he quickly slid something else into his back pocket. "Alright, Soul, I'm ready when you are," he said, bracing himself for the worst.
"I know I don't act like it, but I'm a little shy about my body, so just know this means I'm putting a lot of trust in you," Soul told him, receiving a nod in return. Soul sat up straight, and took off his blankets. Starting to undo the button on his pants. His cheeks turning red, as he looked off to the side. The lower his pants went, the more horizontal lines showed up. Some pink scars, some bright red from just today, and most somewhere in between.
"Soul," Black Star said simply, feeling shocked, and wondering how he could do that to himself.
"As if I didn't have enough scars from fighting, huh?" Soul said as a dark joke. Black Star unscrewed the lid on the ointment and put some on his fingers. Thinking how weird it's going to be to have Soul willingly let him put his hands on his inner thigh. In any other context he would be ecstatic.
"This stuff is kind of cold, ok?" He warned. "And if I can ask, and please feel free to say no...Why do you do this to yourself?" Soul looked up, directly into Black Star's eyes. Looking dejected, feeling comforted by the look in the other boys eyes. He looked genuinely curious, with no judgement in the beautiful green eyes. He could see him looking back into his own red eyes, probably seeing if he could find something besides patheticness in them.
"It kind of serves two purposes," he said quietly, "it distracts you from emotional pain. By turning it into physical pain. That kind of pain...that I can deal with." He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Second, it releases a certain kind of chemical in your brain. It's meant to be a kind of painkiller… calms you down too. But it works for emotional pain too," he said slowly. "Stein taught me that… at least the first part." That made him scared for a second. Thinking of what Stein would do to him if he found out, he used something he had taught him for something like this.
"I'm sorry you're hurting that way Soul. Just tell me if I can ever help" Black Star said soothingly. Soul was taken aback, no yelling, no anger, he just wanted to make it all better. That wasn't the usual Black Star he sees, and it's definitely not how anyone else would react. "Here, just relax for a second. I promise I'll stop if you say so, and I'll do my damnedest not to hurt you," Black Star said with a serious look on his face. He started slowly reaching toward Soul's leg, and heard him hiss, "Are you ok?!"
Soul answered back, "I'm fine, that stuff is just really freaking cold!" Both boys were surprised by how Black Star reacted to what he thought was pain. Realizing how much different it is with him being hurt. In the closeness they seemed to share their own personal moment. Black Star continued, one hand on Soul's knee. The other moving in small little circles, making sure the ointment had as much chance to help as possible. "I can't feel the skin on my hand, this feels weird!" Black Star said playfully.
"It sure does, but it's helping a lot," Soul admitted.
"Good, but I have a question. How does this feel?" Black Star asked. Tapping the tip of Soul's nose before he noticed.
"I guess I'll have to find out now. You jerk!" Soul teased. As Black Star finished up, he hesitantly had to remind Soul of something. "So… Soul, I really don't want to do this. But Maka left a note saying I had too...I have to swab some alcohol on those cuts. So they don't get infected." He looked genuinely sorry. "Let's get this over with quickly ok? The note said it's still going to hurt… even with the ointment. Just a lot less."
Soul tried to back away, but he was caught with his pants down, literally. "Soul, please, calm down," Black Star cooed. Still holding on to his leg firmly, even though Soul was still squirming. Black Star wanted to end this quickly. Deciding to put some of his combat skills to good use, ripping open the cloth square soaked in alcohol with his mouth. Stabbing every single cut before Soul could even react. All at once Soul felt the cool air touch the alcohol, and everything burned in quick succession. He had to cover his mouth to keep from screaming, and shot Black Star a dirty look. "I'm sorry, Soul," he said with puppy dog eyes.
Soul couldn't be mad at him when he looked like that, "It's cool," Soul muttered. Black Star did one quick wrap around with some gauze, because the kit was running low. Meaning he needed to tell Maka to get more. Afterwards, Soul slowly pulled up his pants. Before getting up with a little help from Black Star, jokingly swatting his hand away from him after "what you did to me." Black Star climbed up onto the roof no problem, using the railing to step up and grab the ledge. Soul did the same, but needed a hand from Black Star to make sure he didn't hurt his legs.
The two walked quietly to a flat section of the roof, and the two laid down side by side. "It sure is peaceful out here. The sky is beautiful," Soul said.
"The air feels nice, is it helping you feel better?" Black Star wondered.
"Much better." Each had one had a hand behind their head, and one off to the side. Soul, sensing the mood this evening decided to take a little risk. "Y'know, my nose is numb now. I hope you're happy." Soul said, "How does your hand feel?"
"Still feels a little weird."
"Oh yeah? Can I touch it?"
"Sure." Soul picked up Black Star's hand in his own, and poked it softly, each time asking "Can you feel that?" or, "How does this feel?" He asked one last time, "How does this feel?" As he intertwined his fingers with Black Star's. The two boys laid hand in hand under the stars. All he said as he tightened his hand, ever-so-slightly, was "Amazing."