Hero,

I must apologise to you, for all that I have done wrong. This, this will be my testament to how we should have lived. My unsent love. The pain I caused you, solved here. My last chance.

You wanted to stay friends. After I chose to walk away from you. I don't understand why. But you begged. And I am unable to deny you anything. But I fear my heart will break more now. You were telling me about your night. And you danced with her. And I sat in my room, in the dark, crying. Mourning the loss of who I thought was my forever. But I can not walk away from you again. I've left too many times, and I will always return.

I'm sitting here, listening to the music player my grandfather got for me. This Irish band, they capture my heart. The very emotion I feel. Keywest's "It's me Not You". I am doing all I can not to cry right here. Middle of class, oh how amusing they would find my pain.

I have avoided you all day. And I will continue to avoid you until quidditch practice.

11/10/15

Hero,

I tried to avoid you yesterday. But we ending up sitting together, and I was petting your hair like I used to. It makes me pine for what we had. I know I said we could be friends, but I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, we can't.

My grandma died. All the cousins and I are being excused on Friday to Monday for her funeral service. Its really really hard. I also just found out that my Great Grandma on my mom's side, the muggle, is in the hospital. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her too. I want to disappear into your arms, but I can't. I gave up that right when I chose to give up on you. I'm going to regret doing that for a long long time.

Sometimes, I think about taking it back. Telling you that I don't want a last kiss. That I want to walk around holding your hand again. I want to call you mine. But I can't do that any more. You will fall in love with another girl, and I will learn to live with it.

I told you the other day about my idea. After I graduate, I'm leaving. I can't stay here and be suffocated by this stupid place. Maybe, I'll go to America, or really, just anywhere. I won't look back. Once I leave, I'm dropping everything. No letters, no communication. No pain. But that would mean leaving you. If I did leave, then I would fade from your memory, and when I came back, if you got an invitation to a wedding or christening, you wouldn't know who it was at first. Then, the memories would come flooding back, of a girl with copper hair, and a smile like the sun. You would remember the girl who gave you her heart, then took it back. So, if I do leave, if I cut everyone out, then I don't think I can ever bring you back into my life. And that kills me.

I miss you Hero. I miss you so much. I'm so afraid of losing what little of you I have left, it's killing me. Slowly. It's killing me and I don't know what to do. All I have left is the memories of being in your arms. And those will only last me so long. I'm sorry I chose this, but I can't go back now.

I love you Hero. I love you so much.