Disclaimer-I own nothing from Lizzie McGuire

Rating-PG for character death

Title-All She Has Left Of Him Is Her Memories

Lizzie pulled her coat and scarf closer to her as she walked across the cemetery through the endless rows of tombstones. Even though it was almost noon this November day had turned very chilly and was way on it's way to setting a new California cold record. But none of that was on Lizzie mind as she soon found herself standing in front of the one tombstone that she had been looking for. As she stood looking down at the cold granite slab she could only let a soft sad smile spread across her face.

"Hi Gordo it's me again." said Lizzie as the bittersweet smile on her face grew a little bigger "But you probably knew that already didn't you? I mean you always were the smartest one in our little happy bunch of friends."

Lizzie knelt down and began to clear away the few fallen leaves that had covered Gordo tombstone and grave. After brushing away the leaves Lizzie stood back up to look at the tombstone and at the name that was engraved on it.

"God Gordo I still can't believe it's been five years since you left us, since you left me."

Lizzie used her scarf to wipe away the few tears that had managed to escape from her eyes and were rolling down her cheeks.

"Well, I guess I should fill you in on a few of the things that have happened since you've been gone. Matt and Melina had their first baby a year ago. They called her Julie Elizabeth McGuire and she is without a doubt the greatest thing that God has ever put on this Earth. I tell you Gordo I love her so much and I love being her Aunt Lizzie more than anything in this world."

This time Lizzie let a true smile cross her lips as she thought of her adorable niece.

"I know what your thinking now Gordo.What about Miranda, what's going on in her life, right? Well, Gordo she's a big time fiction writer now. Yep our old pal Miranda is now a famous author with all of her books currently topping all the important charts. Some people have even started calling her the next Steven King, but she doesn't like when they do that. You know our Miranda she want's to be her own person."

Lizzie paused for a second and took a few deep breaths.She had to spend some time trying to get her emotions back under control.

"Larry of course is now a big rich computer programer living in a big mansion somewhere close to L.A.Ethan got a job as a sports anchor on some small tv news station in Dallas, Texas. And Kate,well she's living in New York City now working as a model."

Lizzie let out a soft laugh but the merriment failed to reach her eyes.

"I know no big shock on Kate,right.You'd be proud of her Gordo,she actually turned her life around and is now a very nice person. You know when she came back home for a Christmas visit a few years ago me and her had a long talk about you.She told me that her not being able to apologize to you on how bad she treated you during school was now her number one regret in life. But your being gone and no longer with us has left all of us with regrets it's not just Kate."

Finally Lizzie couldn't take it anymore the grief,the misery and all the anger finally over came her and she had to let it out. She turned her eyes up toward heaven and let out a grief filled yell.

"GOD DAMN IT GORDO THIS ISN'T FAIR! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE LIKE THIS!"

Lizzie stopped her ranting and once again tried to get herself back under control. She was very thankful that the cold had made it so that no one else but her was out here in the cemetary.She was relieved that no one else had been here to witness her sudden outburst.

"What's got me so upset you might ask? Well, Gordo I found this out just yesterday, but do you remember the drunk driver that hit you after he ran that red light? Well, he's getting paroled out of prison next week! That's right I guess in this great state of ours you can get loaded, plow your car into a college student who's coming home from work and than your only punishment for killing him is to only spend five years in jail!"

Once again trying to calm down Lizzie knelt down at Gordo grave.She placed her fingertip on the tombstone and began to lightly trace Gordo engraved name.

"You know Gordo a few days after your funeral Kate came to me and she told me everything.She told me all about the feelings you had for me and how you've been in love with me ever since junior high.The question I have for you Gordo is why?Why the hell didn't you ever tell me you were in love with me?! What were you afraid that I'd laugh at you? Did you think I would actually drive you away or something even if I didn't feel the same way about you?"

The tears were now rolling none stop down Lizzie cheeks and she didn't even bother to try to wipe them away.

"Did you ever stop to think I might have felt the same way about you? I'll have you know David Gordon that a week before you died I was talking with Melina about you.We were talking about guys and dating and she just came out and told me to quit bitching about how I couldn't find a nice guy to date. When I asked her what she was talking about she just got this irritated look on her face. She than sighed and told me to open up my damn eyes and to use them to see what was right in front of me. She said that I was wasting my time going all around town looking for a nice guy when I already had one in my life. When I told her I had no idea what she was talking about, she just smiled at me and told me to think about it."

Lizzie was unable to hold her head up anymore so she placed it against Gordo tombstone feeling the cold granite against her forehead.

"That was what I was doing when mom and dad came to my dorm room to tell me about your car accident. It was when they told me that you had died on impact that it hit me. Gordo I knew right than at that moment that I was in love with you. But than you had to go and ruin it by dying on me! Damn it Gordo how could you do that to me?! Didn't you have any idea on how much I loved you?!No I guess you didn't since I never told you."

With her head still resting on the tombstone and still lost in her grief Lizzie didn't notice that her mother had walked up behind her, until she spoke.

"Lizzie sweetie?" Jo McGuire said softly from where she now stood close by "I thought I might find you here."

"Hi mom" Lizzie said quietly but not looking up from where she still had her head resting on Gordo tombstone.

"Lizzie sweetie are you ok?" Joe asked with a sad voice as if she already knew the answer to her question.

"No mom I'm not ok.I'll never be ok" Lizzie said as she lifted her head up from the tombstone and turned to face her mother.Her tears were still flowing non stop down her face "Nothing will ever be ok for me again for the rest of my life."

"Oh sweetie" said Jo sadly as she pulled her daughter to her feet and wrapped her up in a tight hug "Sweetie it's been five years now. Your going to have to let Gordo go and get on with your life."

"What life?!" shouted Lizzie as she pushed herself out of her mother embrace "You, Miranda and Melina don't realize how lucky you are!"

"What are you talking about dear?" Joe asked confused by her daughter statement.

"All of you have at least gotten to be with the men you love for some amount of time. Mom you've been married to dad for years,Melina has Matt and now they have Julie and lets not forget Miranda. She told me last week that she's now head over heels in love with her editor and they're dating! So now do you see what I'm getting at?! All of you get to have something with the men you love, but for me this" said Lizzie as she turned and pointed to Gordo grave "this is all I'll ever have of the man I love!"

"It's just not fair mom!" Lizzie said as she fell back into her mothers embrace burying her head into her mothers chest while sobbing "That drunk bastard that killed Gordo is going to get out of prison in a week! He's going to be able to go home to his family,but I'll never get to see Gordo again ever!"

"I know sweetie I know." Jo McGuire said softly as her daughters sobs tore at her heart "Come on sweetie let me get you home. You need to get out of this cold wind and warm up some, your practically half frozen already."

As her mother lead her out of the cemetery and toward her car Lizzie couldn't help but to take one last look over her shoulder at Gordo grave. While taking that last look Lizzie came to one inevitable conclusion.

Gordo had been the bright spot of her universe,the warmth in her life.And now that he was gone and she would never see him again Lizzie knew her life was destined for nothing but cold loneliness.And it didn't matter where her mother took her to warm up.because without Gordo in her life her heart and her soul would forever be cold.