Disclaimer: I do not own any song lyrics used or represented in the story. Nor do I own Harry Potter. I also do not own the lists from which the ideas for this story came from, the main ones being "123 Ways to Annoy Voldemort" presented by MuggleNet and also "100 Ways" by know-it-all-bookworm.
A/N: Enjoy this psychotic use of my time!
pop pop pop Pop Pop Pop POP!
"Ugh! Not this again," Voldemort groaned, reluctantly opening his eyes. He sat up in bed and glared at the unwelcome guest.
She smiled maliciously back at him, and continued to Apperate and Disapperate repetitively in and out of his room. She spoke between pops, "Good… morning… Ickle… Voldy… Kins…"
"It's 2 am!" he shouted back at her, "Don't you ever sleep?"
"It's… not… necc-… essary… I'm… part… vamp… pire…"
"Surely you must get tired."
"Nope…"
Agitated, he picked up his pillow and threw it at her. She caught it and Disapperated with it. This time she did not return. "Finally," Voldemort sighed, laying back down.
Unfortunately, at four in the morning, the popping started again. Grumbling, Voldemort sat back up and began cursing at her. Then he began shooting curses at her. Regrettably, none of them hit.
On her last pop in, she dropped a pillow. Then the popping stopped and she was gone. Voldemort stumbled over to the pillow, thinking, What did she do to this one? When he picked it up, he saw that it was studded with pink and purple rhinestones, spelling her pet-name for him. Defeated, he slammed the pillow down on his bed and proceeded to rest.
The next morning in the Lair, Voldemort commanded his advisory, Severus Snape, to bring to him that annoying little girl. Snape, being the only one to ever capture her, set off on his routine quest. He didn't much mind it. It was, after all, always an adventure tracking her.
"Peeves! Come out, come out wherever you are!" he called in his monotone.
An unearthly cackle erupted from above him, spreading to circle around him, attacking his ears from all sides. It lasted for about 3 minutes.
"This is getting ridiculous," Snape yelled at the ceiling.
"You're ridiculous, calling me Peeves. That's not my name, Severus." Another round of cackling ricocheted through the hall.
"The Master is terribly angry with you," Snape warned.
"He's always mad at me."
"You bring it on yourself."
"I know. That's precisely what I intend."
"Come, now, child. Let's not keep the Master waiting."
"Fine," she huffed whiningly. With a sudden pop, she appeared beside him. Immediately, she grabbed his arm and squeezed it tightly to her chest, squealing.
"Get off!" he commanded, flailing his robed limb.
"You know you like it, Sevy."
"You are very queer."
"Why, thank you! I pride myself in being outrageously weird."
With a sigh, Snape tugged the girl down the hall to meet her fate.
"Bobbi!" Voldemort roared as the two entered the room.
"Merry Kwanza, Tommy-boy!" she squealed in her annoyingly childish voice.
"It's not Kwanza," a confused newcomer replied.
"Ignore her," instructed a fellow Death Eater, "She's crazy."
"But riotly hilarious," added a younger brother.
"Silence!" demanded Voldemort.
"You better do what Ickle-Voldie-Kins says, else he'll get ya."
"Why does she talk that way?" the newbie whispered.
"She's an American," he explained.
"Better," Bobbi inserted, "I'm an Italian-American. My father was an Italian vampire. When he came to America, he met my mother, a Native American werewolf. They were both magical," she said the word with an exaggerated waving of her hands, forming a rainbow.
"She's half vampire, half werewolf, and two hundred percent witch," the younger brother summarized.
"That's why no one can out-do me, not even the Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live over here," Bobbi gloated.
"What about Snape?" Wormtail asked.
"Sevy-Wevy can't control me. I simply chose to give in to him."
"Enough!" Voldemort screamed.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Bobbi clicked, " Temper, temper. You really need to work on that. Hey! I know this great psychiatrist in London-"
"Shut-up!" Voldemort pulled back his hand to slap her, but at the last second she disappeared, and Voldemort instead slapped Snape, who crumpled to the floor.
Another evil cackle sounded from nowhere, filling the room. Then she was back, flying around the room on a broom. "I'm a pirate, you guys!" She then proceeded to talk in a parrot voice, "Walk the plank."
"Bring her down!" Voldemort commanded, the large blood vessel in his forehead bulging.
All in the room immediately started shooting chains of curses at her, not one hitting.
"Urgh! Why is she so difficult to capture?" the new guy whined.
"Didn't you hear me? She's 200% witch. That's higher than a pureblood."
"How does that work?"
"Not really sure. Hey, Bobbi! How are you 200% witch?"
"I don't have to use a wand to channel my powers. And vampires are extra magical. Yeah, I'm that cool. None of ya'll can beat me! Ha-haha, ha-haha!"
"That's enough, Bobbi." The entire room turned at the voice of Draco Malfoy. He had a serious face on despite his joyous feelings toward the situation.
"Oh, Drakey-poo! You make my knees go weak," she sighed dramatically, then laughed at her own joke, "Good thing I'm on a broom. For serial, cousin, do you honestly think you can stop me?" But she descended to the floor and obediently left the broom. She skipped up to Draco and wrapped her arms around him.
Despite being subjected regularly to such displays of affection, his breath caught anyway. The beauty of an Italian-Indian vampiress always had that effect over pubescent boys. In fact, it called that reaction from all boys and men. Except for with Snape who had grown accustomed to Bobbi's overwhelming beauty.
Degradingly, Bobbi ruffled Draco's perfectly slicked-back hair, giggled, and pinching his cheek said, "Silly little boy! Does Drakey-Wakey-Diddy-Doody-Kins think he can command his wittle cousy-wousy?" Giggling in the way only an innocently sweet little girl could, she fled his side, skipping inhumanly fast out of the room and down the hall.
"Fool!" Voldemort yelled at Draco, "Why did you not contain her?"
"Because he couldn't contain the feeling in his pants!" Bobbi's voice rang.
Draco's face flushed, and he pulled his hood over his head. Some of the Death Eaters snickered. Abruptly the song "I'm So Excited" rang through the building. Even more Death Eaters joined in snickering.
"You are dismissed," Snape told Draco. With a grateful bow, Draco left.
...
Later that afternoon, Voldemort called a Death Eater meeting to announce his newest plan to destroy Harry Potter. Somewhere near the back of the gathering, Bobbi sat with the new kid, Phil, and shared her usual comments with him. She smiled as Voldemort talked, then whispered to Phil, "I taught him everything he knows." He chuckled lightly.
At the end of the speech but before it was over, Bobbi stood up alone and clapped loudly, "Yay, Voldy-kins! Good job!"
"Bobbi!" he grumbled and sent a curse flying at her. But she Disapperated just in time, and it hit a man behind her. He turned to stone on impact.
"If she is such a nuisance, why don't they just get rid of her?" Phil asked an older member.
"Have you ever tried to catch her? It's impossible! Not even You-Know-Who can do it."
"Really? Then why don't they kill her?" Phil questioned.
"Are you crazy? She's part werewolf! She's the best fighter we've got. Plus, she's part vampire, so she's immortal anyway. She's just too strong and powerful to harm."
"I see," Phil concluded.
The next day, Bobbi's mood changed drastically. Yesterday she had been wearing a bright colored t-shirt and bellbottom jeans. Today, she came out of her room wearing black robes. Her once cheery face was now white and stoic. Phil, whose room was a few doors down, was shocked by her new appearance. "What happened to you?" he exclaimed.
"Morning Phil," she answered in a bored voice.
"Good morning, Bobbi," he restarted.
"No, I mean morning is what happened to me. I'm not a morning person."
"Oh, okay." Phil walked down the hall along side Bobbi. They entered the Dining Hall together. As usual, most of the occupants were drowsily silent. Some Death Eaters, however, were morning people and were talking quietly to each other.
When Voldemort walked into the room, everyone stood and bowed. This time, Bobbi did not take the opportunity to do a stupid stunt. Instead, she bowed humbly with her fellow Death Eaters. Voldemort noticed this and when everyone was seated, he strode over to Bobbi. "Morning," he smiled.
"Morning," Bobbi sighed dispirited.
"Have any ideas for me, child?"
"Just a couple," she pulled a note pad from her robes, ripped out a few sheets, and handed them to him.
"Excellent," he exclaimed, then left.
Snape eventually joined Bobbi at her table, Draco following him.
"Morning," Snape greeted in his monotone.
"Morning," Bobbi sighed.
"Morning," Draco said.
"Morning," Bobbi repeated.
"Morning," Crabbe and Goyle Jrs. called as they made their way to Bobbi's table.
"I wish people would stop reminding me," Bobbi groaned.
"I don't get it," Phil confessed.
"She's not a morning person. In fact, she hates the morning, especially when it's bright out." Draco explained.
Bobbi groaned, laying her head down on the table. "I need to kill something," she mumbled.
"Luckily for you," Snape informed them, "we recently discovered a camp of rebel wizards. We are planning on conquering them tonight."
"Good," Bobbi mumbled, "I'll have my strength back tonight."
"Will you be joining us, newbie?" Draco sneered.
"Perhaps," Phil answered, "If it is the Master's wishes."
"Have you had your first raid yet?" Bobbi asked.
"No."
"Good. You come with us tonight."
...
Later that afternoon, Voldemort called together his Death Eaters. "Who will join in the raid?"
Bobbi, Phil, Draco, Goyle Jr., Crabbe Jr., and some others raised their hands. After preparations, they set off on their mission.
"Don't follow me too closely," Bobbi warned Phil, "I go crazy on my killing sprees."
Confused but obedient, Phil nodded. When they arrived, he understood why she said this. As soon as they arrived, she transformed into a werewolf. She immediately began hacking at any enemy she saw, and all she touched were slain. She then began tossing them around in her teeth, making a terribly bloody mess. It was so gory, Phil couldn't watch for long, and he became sick to his stomach.
At the end of the fight, most of the enemy had been killed. Only a couple of Death Eaters had died. When it was over, they sent up the Dark Mark. In addition, Bobbi sent up her own Mark, a broken heart with a snake slithering through the middle. It was not quite as large, but it still was noticeable.
Draco pointed to her Mark and explained, "She likes people to know that she helped."
"I always tell the Dark Lord that he should have a sign that is more socially acceptable," Bobbi added cheerily as she skipped over to the boys. She was covered head to toe in blood, none of it her own. She wiped at her mouth with the shredded sleeve of her robe. It had little effect.
"You seem more chipper," Phil observed.
"I always feel better after a hunt, although what I do isn't really hunting since hunting includes a possibility of failure. I guess you could say I go killing," Bobbi bragged. She danced around the four boys, spinning and twirling in loose circles. Laughing, she fell to the ground and lay in the mud. "Don't I look a not mess!"
"You smell too," Draco added.
"Bold, young Draco. I'm still on the edge of my werewolf stage." Then with a flash of movement, she had Draco pinned on the ground, bared fangs not an inch from his throat. He was so shocked, he couldn't move. She let the moment sink in, then slowly lifted herself off of his frozen body. She laughed, shaking out her long, dirty hair. She was so filthy that one would not know she was a blonde unless they already knew, and even then would have doubts. She pulled Draco off the ground and said, "Come on, guys. We should leave before others start showing up."
Obediently, the boys followed her example, all Disapperating at once. They reappeared outside the Lair. It was dark and raining, the perfect scene for a shower. Bobbi phased, tearing off her torn robes and galloping into the rain. The boys were so engrossed in her flaunty, elegant moves that they did not notice a tall, shadowy figure stroll up behind them. "Fascinating, isn't she," came a deep voice that startled them. They turned to find Snape staring longingly at her. He continued in an admiring tone, "Unlike any other werewolf I've ever seen. She has complete control over her actions while she's a wolf."
"And she doesn't need a full moon to transform, either," Draco added.
"That is why we keep her despite her many flaws," said a patronus in the form of a giant, flowing serpent.
"My Lord?" asked Snape.
"Yes, Snape," came the cool reply, "As I was saying, she is one of a kind. Being both werewolf and vampire in itself is rare. It is even more rare that she is all this and a witch. But what makes her truly one of a kind is that she's a pureblood witch." The serpent coiled itself up and sat staring at the prancing werewolf.
After a few more minutes, the werewolf shook herself and then vanished.
"Where did she go?" Phil exclaimed.
"To her room probably. She is, afterall, nude." Draco sighed.
"I bet you'd fancy seeing her nude," Goyle nudged him, winking.
"She's a crossbreed!" he gasped in disgust.
"Doesn't matter. She's hot."
"If you fancy her so much, then why don't you go with her?"
"Perhaps I will," Goyle countered.
"Pubescent teenage boys," Snape sighed.
...
Later that night, Phil was walking down the hall to investigate a loud racket that was keeping him awake. He found that the noise was coming from Bobbi's room. He knocked once and the door opened by itself. Curious, he pushed it a crack further, just to peek in. but his stealth wasn't enough for Bobbi's enhanced hearing. "Come in, Phil," she sang.
As always, he obeyed. Bobbi patted the window cushion next to her. "You're just in time," she told him, pointing out the window. Outside, dancing in only boxers under the crying storm clouds were six figures: Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy, Jr.'s and Sr.'s. Then Bobbi began singing along with her Muggle stereo, "She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain. She will make you go insane!"
Phil laughed in astonishment. "I suppose you used the Imperious curse on them."
"Not on Goyle Jr., but when they get caught, don't tell anyone that. Mum's the word, 'kay?"
"Um, sure. Whatever." Phil was enjoying this little show. "Do you do this often?"
"Not this in particular, though I have done this before. But yes, I do pull stupid yet hilarious pranks often. Tonight I couldn't resist the rain. The rain always gets me. It charges the battery of my spirit!"
"Bobbi, what is the meaning of this raucous?" Snape scolded, walking into the room.
"It's music, Severus. It releases the bottled up feelings of the heart. And it's fun."
"You are not here to have fun, young lady."
"Relax. You act like my father. Come and join us in watching the show." She patted the seat on her other side.
"What show?" Snape questioned, making his way over to the window. As he observed the scene, Bobbi noticed the corners of his mouth rise a fraction of an inch.
"Hey, Phil. Hold my wand for me while I go to the bathroom," Bobbi instructed him, "Just keep it pointed at them, 'kay." She left.
Snape and Phil continued to watch in her absence. Within two minutes, she was back. However, she was not alone. "See, Master. Just like I told you."
Phil turned sharply at her words. Snape erected himself slowly and turned, bowing slightly. In the doorway stood Bobbi, Voldemort, and a group of unseen Death Eaters.
"Explain yourselves," Voldemort commanded the two simply.
"Master, I came to investigate the source of the obnoxious music," Snape explained smoothly.
"I-I," Phil stuttered.
"Look out the window, Sir," Bobbi suggested.
Voldemort walked calmly to the window, glared out into the rain, chuckled, and turned to face the group. "Who has used the Imperious Curse on these men?"
Bobbi pointed accusingly at Phil. He reacted with a hurt, frightened look. "No, I-"
"You are the one holding the wand," Voldemort pointed out.
"It's hers, Lord!"
"He stole my wand, too!" Bobbi accused, crossing her arms. "I thought you were my friend, Phil. Yet you try to frame me!" Bobbi cried at him, tears brimming her perfect, fuchsia eyes.
"But I didn't!" Phil argued, "Why would I try to frame you for something I did?"
"To get me in trouble," Bobbi answered.
"What do you care? You always do things like this," Phil countered.
"Exactly. You knew that I would be blamed for your prank."
"It was your prank done by you!"
"Stop arguing," Snape commanded, "We will settle this with Legilimancy. You first, boy; open your mind." There was a pause. "I said open your mind, boy. Let me hear your thoughts."
"I am opening my mind," Phil said.
"You are not. You are blocking."
"No I am not!"
"Let me, Snape," Voldemort said. He glared into Phil's terrified eyes, concentrating. A puzzled look crossed his brow. He glared more intently at Phil. "Open your thoughts."
"I am, Lord," Phil whimpered.
"Don't be difficult, child. You refuse to show us the truth, so we shall inspect the girl's mind." He turned from Phil to stare at Bobbi. "Show us the truth, girl."
Bobbi closed her eyes. She looked innocent, serene.
"Open your eyes, child."
Obediently, Bobbi's eyelids receded. There was a new, eerie presence in them. After about a minute, Voldemort smiled and looked away. "The girl is telling the truth," he declared.
"What? No she's not!" Phil yelled.
"We've had enough of your lies, Phil. Now uncurse those people," Bobbi retorted.
Angrily, he threw her wand at her, "You do it!"
Bobbi took her wand and muttered the anti-spell. Then she turned to Phil and said, "Can't even clean your own messes."
"You did it, Bobbi!"
"My memory will show that I did not," she informed him. "Take a look for yourself."
"I will." And he did. But what he saw displeased him. Her memory confirmed that she was telling the truth, that he had barged into the room, took her wand, and Imperio'd the 6 men. He pulled away, bewildered. "But… how?"
"What do you mean 'how'? You did it. I saw it. That's how."
"But-but-but," Phil glanced around at the others in the room. He was so confused, his head began to throb. "But-but-but," he repeated.
"To the dungeon, Master?" Snape inquired.
"Yes, Snape. Escort him there."
"No, wait! She's lying. I know she's lying." Phil pleaded.
"How could I lie? You saw my thoughts. Memories don't lie."
"But you are!" he yelled in crazy frustration.
"The poor boy's delirious," Random-Death-Eater-Number-5 laughed. Then suddenly, the whole group burst into laughter. Even the Dark Lord Voldemort chuckled a bit. Phil was even more confused, and slightly frightened at the Dark Lord's merriment.
Bobbi was laying on the floor, laughing so hard that her eyes watered and she had to clutch her stomach. "What are you laughing for?" Phil screamed at her.
"You're not really in trouble, Phil. This whole ordeal was to test my powers. They know you're innocent," Bobbi explained once she was able to control herself.
When the room quieted down, Lord Voldemort turned to Bobbi, "Excellent work, Bobbi. Your magic is more advanced than any other witch in history. How did you change your memories to deceive us without great preparation?"
"Lot's of practice, Master."
"May I ask," started Snape, "how did you use Oclumency on another's mind, especially against the greatest masters of Legilimency?"
"Black magic and a complex Italian trick. It takes a lot of concentration, but it's easier when-" she stopped, pondering her secret, "I'll tell ya later."
"I'm gonna kill you Bobbi!" came an enraged scream from down the hall. The Death Eaters in the doorway stepped aside to reveal a soaked Draco, eyes ablaze with anger.
"Come now, Draco. Don't be so temper-mental," Bobbi scolded, "You know it was funny."
"Not on me. I have had enough of your stupid games! You may be a great sorcerer, but that doesn't give you the right to misuse your powers!" Draco yelled in a fatherly manner.
"I am so sorry, Draco. I swear, I will never play another prank again," she vowed dramatically.
"Don't mock me. I am your superior, crossbreed!"
The room went completely silent. Everyone looked to Bobbi for her reaction. She stared at Draco, just stared, like she couldn't believe those words had come from between his lips. But she quickly overcame her shock as rage pushed itself into the spot. Her face contorted into a furious expression. Bobbi glared at Draco, burning holes in his face. "Duel. Now," she said seriously. The games were over. This was war. She shoved past him into the hall. Not to be outdone, Draco spun sharply around, flinging water over several others, and followed her briskly down the hall, nose in the air. Without a word, the spectators followed them down to the dueling chamber.
Bobbi took the side furthest from the door. Once they were both in place, she began, "Rules: No Unforgivable Curses; no Stupefy; nothing too girly, okay? Don't embarrass yourself anymore than necessary."
"Two more: Wands only (don't use Accio); and don't phase into a werewolf," Draco added.
"Ready, then?" Bobbi bowed.
"On your mark," Draco bowed.
The duel began. Draco cast the first hex, which Bobbi deflected easily. Bobbi threw the next curse, a basic, first-year curse. Draco deflected it like a wad of paper. The next few curses from each were deflected. While most of Draco's curses were difficult curses, all of Bobbi's were simple, and Draco took notice. "Are you just fooling with me? I know you can do better," Draco challenged angrily.
"I just thought you'd appreciate a little practice before I kick your butt. Make you feel like you actually did something, you know," Bobbi shrugged.
"Well, knock it off. It's demeaning."
"Fine. It's your funeral."
The next round was more eventful. Draco sank his first blow, managing to knock Bobbi to the ground a few feet back. However, she stood up laughing and shot a mid-level spell at him, which slung him into the air about 8 yards off the ground, landing him against the wall some 50 feet away, where he slid quickly to the ground. He landed in a crumpled heap on the cold, stone floor. He laid motionless for a moment.
"Get up, Draco!" Lucious Malfoy bellowed, "Don't let that mutt beat you!"
At these words, Bobbi's eyes changed color, turning a glowing blood red. They pulsated with fury. "After I defeat your son, you're next," she promised in a dead tone. She turned back to Draco's body. Raising and pointing her wand at him, she muttered, "Wingardium Leviosa." His body floated into the air, limp and pitiful. With a few slight jerks of her head, Bobbi had Draco in a standing position, his feet not quite touching the floor. She help him there. "Wake up, Draco! I hit you once. Is that how you want to be remembered? You only get in one hit before a girl knocks you out cold? How pathetic! What will your father say? Will he be proud? Absolutely not! Prove you're not that weak. Wake up!"
Draco stirred, just a smidgeon. He groaned, clutching the back of his damp head. Impatiently, Bobbi lifted her empty hand, waving it gently. A pool of water fell atop his head, jarring him into consciousness. "Hey!" he yelled, "I said no Accio!"
"I didn't use Accio, dip-face! I conjured it. Now let's continue." She dropped him onto his feet, where he staggered before regaining his balance. "Your move, Draco."
Wiping his brow, Draco raised his wand and whispered, "Sectumsempra." But Bobbi used a mirror counter, and it reflected back at him. An anguished cry erupted from Draco as various sections of his skin split open.
"A dirty tactic, Draco. They always come back at you," Bobbi muttered, then louder said to him, "Do you like reruns, Draco? Isn't this one of the numerous spells Potter used to defeat you? You shouldn't trust fire that has burned you before." With a bored sense of satisfaction, she sat down cross-legged. This battle was over and she had won. But the war was still unresolved.
Snape and Lucious ran into the dungeon, hastening to assist Draco. "Don't worry," assured Snape, "I know what to do. I've had to heal him of this before." But as he reached down to lift the boy, Draco screamed, "Don't touch me!" so instead Snape used Wingardium Leviosa to carry him out of the room.
As Lucious turned to follow his son, Bobbi called to him, "Where do you think you're going, Mr. Malfoy? I thought we were going to duel now. I have defeated your son. It is your turn to learn a lesson."
"I don't think so."
"Oh, I see. So you are afraid that I will humiliate you in front of all your buddies. You know you're no match for me. Poor bombino Lucious. Such a tiny, frail thing. Afraid he'll be bitten by a teething puppy."
Her taunting stopped him. He turned to face her.
She smiled, knowing she had him. "I'll make you a deal, okay sonny. How about if I put a muzzle on? Will you duel me then, or are you still a weakling?"
With angry self-confidence, Lucious strode onto the dueling floor.
Bobbi smirked, "And for the record, I'm a pureblood wolf, not a French poodle like yourself."
"Stop insulting me and let's begin so I can win back our good name."
"Would you like to start?"
"I believe the inferior should begin."
"That'd be a yes." Bobbi bowed. Lucious returned the bow cockily.
"Same rules apply," Bobbi verified.
Lucious cast the first curse. It was an advanced-level spell, yet Bobbi blocked it easily. She cast her spell, one far more advanced than his. He tried to block it, but it tore through his shield as if it had been wet toilet paper. The curse started with puncture wounds through each wrist and just below each ankle. Lucious sank to the floor. But it wasn't over. Next, dozens of tiny pricks appeared around his head and began bleeding. Then invisible whips began to beat his back, shredding his robes and leaving whelps. Lucious cried out. He tried to stand, but the pain was crippling and he landed on his rump. To end the curse, an invisible spear punctured his side, and he collapsed into a motionless heap, just as his son had.
"Darn it!" Bobbi pouted, "That was completely out of order. I need to work on that one." She then turned to the spectators, "Would one of you take him down to the infirmary before he loses anymore blood? Crabbe, you take him."
Wet but obedient, Crabbe Sr. ran into the room and retrieved his fallen brother.
As he left, Bobbi challenged, "Anyone else want to try me? I'm pumped and ready for action." Pause. "No takers? Oh, come on. I'll go easy on you, I swear. We could wrestle if you like. Anyone up for that?" Still no answer. "Oh, you British are such weaklings. I swear, sometimes I wonder how this country can survive with such pussies." The crowd shifted at her words, but still none volunteered. "Okay, how 'bout this: Several of ya'll can come up to battle me together. It could be, like, 3 to 1, 5 to 1, 8 to 1, it doesn't matter. Just humor me."
Finally, there was motion outside the spectators' window. Bobbi sat down and cocked an ear. As she listened, a grin formed on her lips. "Oh, Bellatrix!" she called in a sing-songy voice, "I hear you out there. Come on, Signora cugina. I'm a sweet, little girl. It'll be like taking candy from a baby," then gutsily she added, "although some of us find that a little more difficult than others."
A loud "ooooo" made its way through the crowd. "You shan't insult our lord! Come, let us teach this child a lesson," Bellatrix instructed. A group walked slowly through the room. As they entered, Bobbi counted them. Bellatrix Lestrange lead them, followed by three men she thought were named Yaxley, Dolohov, and Rowle. Then Goyle Sr. and Crabbe Jr. joined the band. The last two men she did not entirely recognize, but believed them to be named Shunpike and Travers. They were both pitifully thin.
"These your groupies, Trixy? A sad lot they are. I hope you all will enjoy getting beat by a dog." Bobbi braced herself for the duel.
"Wait!" came a cry from the audience, and all turned to watch as a younger figure made his way into the room. Goyle Jr. burst awkwardly through the door.
"Ada boy!" cheered his father, "Come on, son. Let's show his girl a thing or two."
"I'm not here to fight on your side," he corrected. He paused, took a breath, and continued, "I'm on her side." He glanced hopefully at Bobbi.
Bobbi put her hand to her chin, as if to ponder. She looked between him and Bellatrix. "Trixy, you wouldn't mind fighting two children, would you? No. Then it's settled. Join me, Gregory. Join the dark side." She reached her hand out to him. Smiling, he scurried to her side of the field. "Rules, Bella?" Bobbi prompted.
"Same as before."
The battle began. It was eight highly trained sorcerers versus two insubordinate children. The odds were odd and no one was certain of the outcome, not even I myself. The first spell came from Rowle. It was directed at Bobbi, who blocked it just like all the others.
"Who should we eliminate first?" Bobbi whispered conspiringly to Gregory.
"Dolohov or Yaxley. They're bloody geniuses of sorcery."
"I'll take your word for it." Then she muttered an incantation that aimed at each individual separately. It took out Shunpike and Travers. They doubled over like snapped twigs and fled the scene swearing. "Now they're down to six. This'll be easy. While they are all aiming at me, you curse at them. Take down the ones who are concentrating hardest on their spells."
Just as she predicted, all six of the opponents shot at her at once. She used a reflection spell while Gregory aimed at Yaxley. Bobbi's counter took out Crabbe, who didn't expect it (he had been changing while her and Draco were dueling). Gregory's spell took out Yaxley who had redirected one but missed the other. He landed on top of Crabbe. The pressure caused him to vomit and pass out. Partially hurt but disgusted by the smell, Yaxley dragged Crabbe off to the infirmary. He did not return.
"Nice work, Greg," Bobbi complemented, "You don't mind if I call you Greg, do you?"
"No ma'am. And thanks."
Four to two. "Unbelievable!" screeched Bellatrix, "How can we defeat you if you keep blocking?"
"You'll just have to use more powerful or more effective spells. Your efforts are pathetic. Plus you need better tactics. If you all shoot at once, I can block them all together. But if you shoot in quick succession…" Bobbi left it hanging.
Bellatrix pondered that, then consulted with her brethren. Meanwhile, Gregory turned to Bobbi, "Why did you tell her that?"
"It's irritating how slow they are. And I need to practice with more practical groups, anyway. Besides, I like a challenge."
The fight continued. Bellatrix's group tried the idea, but Bobbi held her shield until all the curses had been fired. She laughed at their foiled attempt. But as she was laughing, Rowle hit her with a blue stream of light, causing her to stumble, falling on her butt. She laughed again, standing up and dusting herself off. "That was weak!"
Rowle looked bewildered. "That was suppost'a shoot you up into the air until you hit the ceiling and then shoot you backward until you hit the wall. But it barely knocked you over."
"Was it? Hmm, that's odd," Bobbi commented.
"You're some kind of a freak!" Rowle exclaimed, stepping back.
"Why, thank you," Bobbi took a bow.
Gregory took Rowle's lapse in attention to hit him with the same curse. This time it worked. Rowle dropped to the floor in the same fashion Draco had. "Blimey! He was telling the truth. How did you block that without using a curse?" Gregory asked amazed.
"I'm magical," Bobbi chimed with a wave of her hands.
"Let's hurry this up. It's late and we all need to sleep," Bellatrix snapped.
"It's your turn."
"Let's not take turns anymore. Let's just have at it," Bellatrix proposed.
Now they fired at will, setting the room ablaze with light. Everyone got hit at least once, but in the end only Dolohov and Goyle Sr. dropped out and had to be removed by onlookers. Okay, so I lied. This was totally predictable.
"When we send you to the hospital wing, be sure to ask Lucious how it feels getting beat by a dog," Bobbi taunted, then added, "By the way, how does that make you feel?"
"Silence, you miserable freak!"
"Oh, don't be sore," Gregory taunted, "You'll be just like your master now, except there are two babies."
Bellatrix's jaw dropped. It flapped a couple times while her face flushed red with rage. Then a sudden inspiration hit her. Bellatrix muttered an incantation under her breath that Bobbi just barely heard. She gasped as she recalled its effects. It was a redundant curse, one that would repeat until the victim stopped moving. This particular spell caused the pain of thousands of tiny knives striking all over the body. And unfortunately this redundant curse was one of the ones that continued when the victim started moving again. It was a terribly painful curse, just under the ferocity of the Crucius Curse. Bobbi knew that her advanced, hybrid body would be able to dull the intensity so that it didn't repeat after she stopped moving (she had been subjected to it before), but she also remembered the pain it caused despite her armor. This curse, however, was not being aimed at her. No, it was being directed at Gregory - who had no shields, no resistance, no hope. She remembered the last time she had witnessed this curse: the brutality of it was so great that the recipient - a warlock of infamous resilience - was brought to his knees, shrieking in agony - the sound of which haunted her still years later, even though she had no feelings for him, no compassion, no relation. But Gregory was her friend, and she knew she would not be able to forget his screams if she let this happen to him. So with a quick determination, she jumped in front of her partner, taking the curse herself.
The pain was worse than she remembered, not the acupuncture she was expecting. A short yip burst from her mouth, the sound a dog emits when you kick it. She landed on the cold stone with a thud and let her body go limp, knowing that the stabs would stop when she did. Even then she could still feel the sharp stings from the blades she hadn't escaped. She determined not to move for a full minute. She shallowed her breath so that only her lungs moved and only barely. She listened as Bellatrix laughed maniacally, assuming that she had defeated Bobbi. She heard Gregory whimper and drop to his knees behind her, felt him touch her slightly with clammy hands. "No," she breathed. He jerked his hands off immediately. She decided to communicate with him telepathically, Bobbi is fine, but don't let Trixy know.
Gregory stared down at Bobbi, formulating a plan. He squeezed his eyes shut, letting them water a little for affect, then glared loathingly at Bellatrix. He sent the most powerful curse he knew (aside from an Unforgivable) at her. Much to his displeasure, she dodged it. Then she loudly spoke a spell that Bobbi recognized as equally harmful. Against her instincts and better judgment, Bobbi pushed herself off the ground to block the spell from Gregory. As she did this, she sent her own hex at Bellatrix, catching her off-guard. Both hit simultaneously. Bellatrix dropped to the floor and flopped around in seizure-type motions. Then she went limp.
With Bobbi, the pain was unbearable. The previous curse was back to attack her, though at only half its original damage. The last curse, however, was an electrocution curse, which caused her to spasm and increase the pain. "Stupefy me!" she barked at Gregory.
Confused but obedient, he did. He glanced over at Bellatrix's limp body, shot another crippling curse at her - to be positive that she was defeated - then stood and strode to the middle of the room. He threw up his hands in a triumphant gesture.
The crowd whistled and whooped at his victory. Gregory beamed and basked in the glory of his win. He turned back to look at Bobbi's stunned body. She smiled supportively, beckoning him with a finger. Gregory sauntered over to her, squatting down to talk to her. "Pick me up," she whispered. He did as he was told, lifting her thin, nearly weightless body in his arms and cradling her to his burly chest. He flaunted her gaudily at the crowd, carrying her to the exit and walking smugly past them all.
"Where would you like to go, my lady?" he whispered to her softly.
"Would you fancy showing me off in the hospital wing?" she whispered back, glancing at Rudolfus as he hurried past them, carrying his unconscious wife.
"My father would be there. And Crabbe. And Draco and his father."
"Yes," she laughed in a hiss.
"Everyone we just defeated would be there."
"Plus Snape and a few others, but I like danger."
"To the hospital wing, then."
They followed the Lestranges through the nearly barren halls until at last they reached the hospital. When they entered, Snape greeted them, "Ah, Miss Bobbi. I can see you've been dueling again. Who won?"
"We won, Mr. Snape."
"Then what brings you here? Come to gloat?"
"Oh, sweet Severus, you know I only visit to see you," she giggled.
Snape remained stoic.
"I brings her here, Professor," Gregory amended with a chuckle.
"Oh, good one," Bobbi giggled.
Snape remained unamused.
"Um, where is Lucious?" Bobbi redirected.
As an answer, Snape strolled boredly down the isle. They followed him to nearly the end, where Lucious lay sleeping on his cot. Then he left them to attended to other patients.
"Hold on a sec," said Bobbi, pulling out her wand, "I want to leave him a note." She summoned a scrap of parchment and wrote, "HOW DOES IT FEEL GETTING BEAT BY A DOG?" Then she drew a barking pup underneath. "How do I enchant it to bark when he unfolds it?"
"Here, let me show ya." Gregory sat her down on a chair and charmed the drawing to bark. Then he folded it into a card shape and sat it next to the bed on a stand. He then offered Bobbi his hand and pulled her up.
"Thanks, Greg. You don't mind if I call you Greg, do you?"
"I'm partial to Gregory."
"Gregory it is then." She made to walk, but fell suddenly with a surprised cry. "Ow! My ankle."
"Are you alright?" Gregory lowered himself to her level.
"Yeah. It's just my stupid ankle. I sprained it a while back and have been meaning to get it fixed. But I'm lazy when it comes to these things. Oh, frigget, that really hurts!"
"I could carry you again," Gregory proposed, "I don't mind. You're actually rather light."
"You sure?"
"Positive." Once again, he swooped her up easily and carried her away. He walked back down the isle, where they stopped at Draco's cot. Currently he was barking orders at the maidservants, in too much pain to sleep.
"Hey, Draco," greeted Gregory.
"What?" he shouted then realizing who it was, amended, "Oh, hello Goyle. I didn't see you there. They've got this stupid bandage wrapped around my head. Hey, what is that you're carrying?"
"I brought you a get-well present," Gregory answered.
"What is it, a prostitute? I can see legs and feet, but that's about it."
"It's me, Hermione," Bobbi answered in a voice so similar to Hermione's that Draco believed it.
"What?!" he jerked stark up, furious and bewildered. "Oh," he sighed as he saw her face, "It's just you. At least you're not that Mudblood Granger. I'd prefer you over her any day. But what are you doing here? Come to laugh at me for losing?"
"Actually, I came to taunt your father, but I need to get something fixed while I'm here anyway. And I just love you so much, big cousin, that I couldn't elude you for long."
"Oh, shut up. Go bother someone else. By the way, why are you carrying her, Goyle?"
"Trying to get in shape."
"Hmph. Sure." He laid back down gently, dismissing them nonverbally.
Gregory carried Bobbi to Crabbe's cot next. Crabbe was laying there, snoozing lazily. He had his eyes closed and looked content. "Crabbe," Gregory said.
Crabbe opened his eyes slowly. "Well, if it isn't the little traitor himself. Think you've got yourself a girlfriend, but she'll be tired of you in a month and off to the next one. She's a seductress, you know. It's what she does."
"I don't really care, Crabbe," Gregory huffed, peeved, "I'll take whatever I can get."
"All the same, don't let her suck your blood." That said, he went back to sleep.
Turning away from him, Gregory asked, "You wouldn't do that, would you?"
A mischievous smile lit Bobbi's face, then she chuckled, "Of course not."
Gregory smiled, reassured, "Good. Who shall we visit next?"
They moved down the isle to the next occupied cot, where Gregory's father, Goyle Sr., was laying silently. He opened his eyes as they approached. Smiling, he said, "Ah, my son. Good duel. Did you win?"
"I won, yes," Gregory replied. He looked sideways at Bobbi, who nodded approvingly.
Goyle caught this. "So, what about your pretty girlfriend, here? She didn't make it?"
"No sir," Bobbi answered for herself, "I had to quit 'fore the end."
"Give me details." She recapped the ending of the fight, put extra emphases on the parts where Gregory was victorious. Then Goyle asked, "So, why are you here, then?"
"Sprained ankle. I was practicing with Greyback awhile back. He 'accidentally' stepped on my ankle. He is such a cheater and yet I always beat him anyway. So, yeah, that's how I hurt it."
"That can be easily fixed," Goyle smiled.
"We'll see you later, then." Gregory carried Bobbi to the front of the wing. He stopped a passing nurse, "Ma'am, could you take a look at her ankle?"
"What is wrong with it?" she asked harshly.
"Greyback stepped on it," Bobbi answered.
"I'll see what I can do. Lay her down." Gregory obeyed. The nurse poked at the sore ankle. "It's been dislocated. I can fix it, but it'll be a tad painful."
"I can handle it," Bobbi sighed.
When the nurse had finished, Bobbi hopped up to test it. She stomped on it, shook it, and hopped on it. Smiling, she said, "It's fixed!"
"Good," Gregory smiled. The two stood awkwardly for a moment. Then, without a warning, Bobbi skipped towards the exit. Gregory gazed after her, confused.
Upon reaching the door, Bobbi turned back to Gregory and called, "Are you coming?"
"Yeah," Gregory replied, following after her. As soon as he was close enough, she took his hand and tugged him into the hall. As they walked, he decided to make small talk. "So, how old are you?"
"In four weeks, I'll be eighteen."
"Four weeks! It's that close?"
"M-hm. How old are you?"
"I'm eighteen. I'll be nineteen next year." They continued on in silence. After a few minutes, Gregory asked, "Where are we going?"
"We're off to see the Wizard," she sang, "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz." Finally, they came to a stop at a dead end.
"Wha-" Gregory started.
"Shh!" Bobbi scolded, then telepathically commanded, Ask for Lord Voldemort.
"Lord? Master?" No reply.
"Voldie-poo?" Bobbi tried. Still no reply. She turned to Gregory and whispered, "Okay, just hold my hand and don't say a thing." She Apperated them into a dark room. Gregory saw a large bed at the back. He could hear breathing from its direction, but could not see who it was. All the same, he knew whatever they did next would not be a good idea. Bobbi pulled him over to the side of the bed, where Lord Voldemort was sleeping. "Hold onto me and don't let go, no matter what," she instructed in a whisper. Then she turned to Voldemort, lowered her lips to his ear, and sang loudly, "Round, round, get around, I get around…"
Immediately, Voldemort awoke, shouting, "Bobbi!"
As soon as this happened, she Disapperated, giggling when she landed outside the infirmary doors. She turned to make sure Gregory was still there. He was, laughing loudly but trying to suppress it. They burst through the doors.
Snape, once again, approached them. "What is it now, children?"
Bobbi dropped Gregory's hand and jumped onto Snape, clinging to his arm and squeezing it to her chest. "Oh, I couldn't stand not be near you, Severus dear!" she sighed dramatically.
Snape shook her off with a bored look. "Please escort young Goyle back to his room. He needs sleep, unlike you."
"Should I tuck him in, too?" she asked, but Snape ignored her. Dutifully, she pulled Gregory out the door and down the hall. Without directions, she found his room. "Here you are, sir. My father has told me I must leave you now."
Bobbi made to leave, but Gregory caught her arm and spun her around to look into his pleading eyes. "Stay," he begged softly.
Bobbi giggled, "Unfortunately, I have to leave now. I need to, let's say, satisfy my thirst. I am, after all, a vampire."
Instead of jerking away as most boys usually did, he held her hands for a moment longer, then dropped them slowly and went into his room.
Cheerily, Bobbi skipped off down the hall.
More to come soon. Be warned, it might get a little dirty *tehehe*