A Secret

Authors Note/Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order SVU, all credit to the writers/creators.

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Summary: She had a secret, and she would always keep it from him.

One Shot

Olivia stared at her reflection in the mirror, her eyes filling with tears as she thought to how she had got here. Never had she thought about the possibilities that would be open to her once Elliot left the squad. It was as though for the first time people saw her as an individual, not longer was she Elliot's partner. It took losing him for her to understand that there was something more within her. Yes she had been devastated; a part of her loved him, and had always been in love with him.
And after all those years together, she had only one night together that reminded him of all that he could be outside of work. Though it seemed that one night meant little to him, because he left not only squad but her life, no contact.

Yet it was not just him that left her, she'd lost more than Elliot. Cragen and Munch had both played major roles in her life, and as if it was a rollercoaster they had followed in Elliot's footsteps and jumped on board leaving behind their lives at svu.

And with them gone doors begun to open, giving her opportunities that she had never dreamed of before.

"Liv, you ready?"

Olivia stared at her reflection, her hands brushing over her black dress. She blinked back the tears that had formed in her eyes, she didn't have time to waster crying, they were all expecting to see her at the restaurant to celebrate today. Of course, it was against her better nature. All she had wished for was a quiet night at home with her family. Going to the restaurant meant that Rollins, Amaro and Carisi would be let in on her biggest secret, the one she feared to let people know.
Keeping her personal life separate from work had always been important especially after her one weak moment with Elliot. The ones that knew the truth were sworn to keep it to themselves. Cragen, Munch and Fin being the main three. Deep inside of her, she wished she had the courage to tell Elliot the truth but in reality she knew he could never be to her what she wanted or needed.

"Liv,"

Olivia startled slightly at the sound of knocking on the bedroom door, she tucked a lock of brown hair behind her ear before spinning on heels. It was now or never, the idea of crawling into her pyjamas and spending the night watching a movie sounded appealing, if she didn't leave the house soon she was almost certain it was how she would end up.
Exiting the room Olivia expected to see him standing there, ready to knock on the door again but the hall was empty and instead she could hear giggling coming from the kitchen. The sound made her smile be

"You look incredible."

Olivia exited the hallway, blushing slightly at his voice. "Oh…"

"Don't you think mommy looks pretty?"

Taking in the scene before her, Fin stood leaning against the bench top with Ellie perched on his hip, Emily was sitting to his right. It was always a sight that made her heart race, seeing Fin, the strong manly detective with her girls. It had only taken them a few mere moments to wrap him around their fingers, Uncle Fin was their hero. Every moment spent with him was brilliant in their eyes.

"I think mommy has lost her voice."

"Of course, mommy, has a voice Uncle Fin. She yelled at you before, remember, when you stole a cookie." Emily reminded him.

Fin chuckled at the little girl; she had clearly thought he was being serious. "I know. I know, I was joking…and," He leaned over and tickled her side, causing a squeal to erupt from her mouth. "Mommy does not yell at Uncle Fin."

"Yes, she does." Emily spoke sternly. "Mommy is the boss."

Olivia smiled, they were her secret. The one she did not want the world knowing about because the best way to hurt an officer of the law was through the family. The thought of anything happening to her girls, her babies was enough to send her crazy. It was why only the trust few knew the truth.
That, and she also knew the more people that knew the more likely he would be to discover the truth. Deep down inside her gut she didn't want him to know. She wouldn't be the reason he left Kathy, the family he had built with her. He had never wanted to; she knew that, he'd told her.
But he had given her two of the greatest gifts she could have wished for.

Emily Grace and Ellie Mae were still young at just three years old, still struggling to understand the inner workings of their family. Not knowing why they had limited people in their lives, but loving those that were whole heartedly.

"Mommy, tell Uncle Fin that you are his boss." Emily demanded of her mother, which brought Olivia back to the conversation in front of her.

"That's right, Em, I'm his boss. I can yell as much as I like." Olivia teased.

Fin rolled his eyes at Emily's triumphant grin. "Alright, alright, you win. Get your butt off the bench, and then we can go."

Ellie gasped. "You said butt!"

"Yes I did." Fin confirmed, helping Emily down from the bench before he walked towards Olivia. "You ready?"

Olivia offered a weak smile, would she ever be ready to stand around with her friend, knowing she was now their boss, the person who they looked to for guidance and support during cases. This had never been in her nature to celebrate big changes in her life but what troubled her most was how they would react at the sight of Emily and Ellie, she had hid this piece of her from them and a piece of her wondered if they would understand why. "I am as ready as I'll ever be." She reached to take Ellie from Fin's arms, the little girl clinging tighter to her Uncle.

"I got her." Fin told her softly, it was if her emotions were programmed into him, he could see the panic in her eyes. "You are going to be fine. Just focus on that speech you have to give."

Olivia's eyes widened. "What speech?!" She questioned loudly, only to slap Fin on the shoulder a mere moment later when she heard him chuckling at his own joke. "That was quiet mean."

Fin only smiled. "You'll be right, Liv, I got your back."

Olivia panicked as they pulled up outside the restaurant, she wasn't ready to announce the girls to the rest of her squad, at least she didn't think she was. Once they looked at them, it would be clear who their father was and it terrified Olivia.

Feeling Fin's hand on her arm, she glanced across the car to him. "I don't,"

"You got this, Liv, and I will be right there with you. Nothing will happen to those girls while I'm around. I promise you that."

Olivia allowed a slight smile to fall over her lips, she knew that Fin would do whatever it took to keep her girls safe, he loved them as though they were his own. "We should probably go in."

"Whenever you are ready, there isn't any pressure, Liv, they'll wait."

This was the distinct difference between him and Elliot. Elliot would have already been out of the car but Fin, he wouldn't rush her. Not when he knew how big this was, this was her announcing to the newest members of svu that she trusted them. This was the moment she would bring them into her fold, by earning her trust, you earnt her loyalty.

"I'm ready."

..

Entering the restaurant, Olivia wasn't surprised when those in the room paused to look at her. Their eyes immediately taking in the little girl that was clinging to her hand, and the other that was in Fin's arms. This was new to them, so she let them take a few minutes to stare.
In the eyes of Nick and Amanda, she could see the recognition. They knew just by looking at the girl's features whom they belonged to. It was then she realised that Carisi probably wouldn't, because he had not even seen a picture of Elliot.

"Captain, you got kids?" Amanda let the question flow from her mouth, eyes wondering over that of the twins, taking in every aspect of them. They had a feature or two of Kathleen Stabler, the girl she had met once. It didn't take Einstein to figure out who their father was.

"Kids with Fin?" Carisi wondered. "Ow." He shuffled slightly when Amanda elbowed him.

Emily frowned. "Uncle Fin isn't our daddy." She told the man before her.

"I wish." Ellie mumbled.

Fin looked down at the girl in his arm; her head was rested on his shoulder, arms around his neck. His heart ached for these girls, they longed for a father, and while he did the best he could. Filling in the gaps left, he knew it wasn't everything they needed.

Olivia placed her hands on Emily's shoulders. "These are my daughters, Emily and Ellie."

She expected a backlash for not having shared this part of her before, yet no one said a word at first, and seconds later when Nick came towards them she thought he would accuse her of something yet he smiled.

"They are beautiful, Liv. Once everyone is seated, I'll bring Zara and Gil over to meet them." he titled his head in the direction of his two children. "Hi girls."

"Hi Nick." Ellie gave him a small smile. "You were mommy's new part'na."

"Congratulations on the promotion, Liv, it's well deserved." He told her before moving out the way and allowing Amanda to take his place.

"Kids, aye? I never would have picked it. When my time comes perhaps you'll be able to teach me a thing or two."

Olivia looked between Amanda and Carisi, she had seen the way those two had looked at each other. "Your day will come and you will be a wonderful mother."

"You're going to make a great captain."Amanda told her.

"I agree with Rollins. Congats Cap!" Carisi patted her on the shoulder gently.

"Are you Carisi? Mommy says your gonna be a lawyer, like Auntie Alex." Emily observed, she was the more outspoken of the twins.

Carisi nodded. "I am going to be one day, I hope."

"You will be." She spoke as if she was sure of the fact, before turning to Fin. "Uncle Fin, is Grandpa here?"

Olivia smiled at the two of her team before they walked away towards the bar, she marvelled in how easy it had been. They had not judged her, nor spoke to her about the father of her children. They let it be and for that she was grateful. She felt freer knowing that they knew the truth.

"Your Grandpa is here somewhere, baby girl." Fin told her, glancing towards Olivia. "That wasn't so bad."

"It wasn't."

"Grandpa!"

Cragen drew a deep breath as he lifted Emily into his arms. "There is one of my girls." He felt her cuddle in close. "Congratulations, Olivia. I always knew you would one day be here." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "You deserve this; they couldn't have picked a better person for the job."

"Thank-you. Coming from you, it means the world." Honest truth, this man had stood beside her and shaped her into the women she was. Watching out and guiding her since the moment she entered the special victims unit. There was no other man she wanted as a Grandpa to her children.

"Come on Em, let's go get a drink. El, you want to come?" He questioned the other twin; she was still safely leaning in Fin's arms.

"No. I wanna stay with Uncle Fin."

"Okay, kiddo. Come on, Em."

"Well, if anyone asks I certainly knew you were going to make Captain. You always had this air about you, if I had to say, I would call you a natural."Munch's face constricted when Ellie touched his shoulder. "Uh, hi Ellie." While kids weren't his favourite humans on earth, he did have a soft spot for Olivia's children. He just had to ease into the nature as an Uncle.

"Hi Uncle Munch. I missed you." She gave him a toothy grin that melted anyone who laid eyes on her.

"I could say the same about you, my dear."

"Look, Uncle Fin!" Ellie jolted in his arms. "It's Ken." She wriggled out of his arms, once her feet hit the fall she was running, jumping at Ken who caught her with ease. "Hi."

Ken laughed. "Hey kiddo, miss me?"

"Yup!"

"Ken, what are you doing here?" Fin asked.

Ken kissed Olivia on the cheek. "Came to wish my favourite captain congratulations, it is a well deserved promotion."He told her.

Olivia patted his arm. "Thank-you."

"I was about to get a drink, do you want anything?"

Fin could see that Olivia was going to deny this sons offer, she would want to be completely alert for her children. He admired it, yet it was also her night and he wanted her to enjoy it. "She'll have a white wine. Ellie, why don't you go with Ken?"

"Yes! Can I have apple juice?"

Ken shrugged. "We can see if they have any."

"Hey." Olivia nudged Fin, looking as if she was about to scold him.

Fin only nudged her back, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Trust that I got you, Liv. I will look after all three of my girls; never doubt that besides it is only one drink."

Olivia looked Fin in the eye and she smiled, with or without Elliot she knew that everything was going to be okay because she had her family, her friends and her squad. But most importantly she had her girls and Fin. "Okay. Just one drink." She agreed allowing Fin to guide her towards the bar.

In that moment she was thankful that Fin had talked her into telling the guys, it was as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, yet she couldn't help but think of the person she was still keeping that secret from. She remembered the lengths she had gone to just to keep it hidden, how she had left svu once her pregnancy became noticeable, spending the rest of the duration and a short time after at home. It had been all to keep it from Elliot in attempt to not destroy a marriage and a family.

Thoughts?

Much Love. x