Earth and Fire
1
Bitter.
That's what they call her now. She guesses that it's better than 'bitch,' but every now and then that word gets thrown around in moments of anger and frustration towards her.
Okay, that word still gets thrown around a lot, but for the most part, she's bitter.
She doesn't think that that is much of a problem. What doesn't she have to be bitter about? Her life sucks, everyone knows it. Even the civilians. They see her walk past in her sports bra and short hair and wrinkle their noses. She's just that one bitter girl. Used to be so beautiful, so smart.
Leah sighs heavily and stares out her window at sleepy Lapush. Her home, her very own private hell. It's never really been very special...unless you count giant mutant wolves running around through the trees. It's more of a wasteland to her...trapping her and filling her with bad memories.
She draws a sad face into the foggy window, watching the rain cascade down the glass. Man her life sucks. A wolf's howl distracts her from any further misery and she releases and aggravated groan. Sam's howl. She grimaces in vain. After all the leeches started entering Forks like a goddamn vampire census for Queen Bella and her mutant spawn, Jacob tossed her, Embry, and Seth to the dogs (haha get it) to Sam to follow him. What a jerk.
It's not that she wants to be around the bloodsuckers, but she'd much rather have Jake in her head than Sam Uley. She's already had enough of him for two lives, she's still not ready to go back. But then again, Jake isn't that great either; with that demon spawn he's imprinted on, he's almost worse than Sam. Almost. And the thing is, she trusted Jacob, he understood what she went through, unrequited love and no imprint. But he turned out to be like everyone else.
Sucks.
Leah stands and puts her shoulder length hair-now way too long-in the shittiest ponytail she's ever seen. She's not trying to impress anyone. She jogs out her house, half naked, and walks down the street of her neighborhood, her midriff exposed for all to see. Her neighbors are always wondering if she's crazy, exposing her stomach in thirty degree weather and walking barefoot through the town. They never say anything about the boys.
She could phase, but she thinks she'll continue walking into she reaches the cliffs. Sam's howl reaches her ears and she flinches as if she's mentally conditioned herself to have this reaction whenever she hears him. She probably has, whenever she hears his howl, she hears his bullshit seconds later. He howls once more and Leah puffs out her cheeks, annoyed. What an impatient asshole.
Leah reaches the cliffs and phases right when he bare feet touch the earth. She feels a rush and all of a sudden she feels like her head is exploding.
It's nothing outside the norm. All the wolves thoughts are exploding around her at once. Seth says that it doesn't feel as bad as she says it does, but to her it feels like pressure behind her eyes and ears. Half of them don't even know how to shield their stupid thoughts and the other half just don't care. The worst thing, she thinks, is when one of them thinks about their tiny penis and how they can't wait to stick it in some girl. Leah has to roll her eyes, the only thing that the girl will get out of that is disappointment.
Their thoughts bubble around her and Leah is already annoyed. Tidbits of pictures and memories flash around in her head and she kind of wants to die. Jesus how does that bloodsucker do this all day?
Glad you could finally join us, Sam says to her directly. She ignores him and walks around trees, taking her sweet ass time to get to wherever Sam and the rest of them are.
Mhm. She answers. The pleasure is all yours. She adds.
Kiss my ass.
I'm not in the mood, Sam says back. She can see his jaw clenching from the other wolves' eyes. She smirks.
I don't believe I asked. She retorts without blinking. She enters the clearing and watches the rest of the pack bristle at her sudden appearance. Jared and Paul glare at her and she cocks her head at Sam's treasured lackies. Bitches.
Sam growls deep in his throat. The younger wolves cower in fear as their fearless leader gets angry. He makes a big show of getting in Leah's face, his black fur standing on end. Leah you're not with Jacob anymore. You can't just say what you want around me.
Sorry, I thought I had shielded all of my thoughts. I didn't mean to reply, actually. In fact, I didn't mean to phase at all. What exactly am I doing here? Leah mocks. She licks her paw and side eyes him as he fumes.
Sam snaps his jaw at her, but she knows he won't do anything. He still feels guilty and Emily would kill him. Fuck Sam and fuck Emily too. You're going to be patrolling till next week if you keep it up.
She yawns in his face, watching him get angry all over again. A year ago, she might've cursed at him, might've tried to main him too, but now it's not worth it. Sam isn't worth much at all anymore.
Pms-ing, Leah? You're bitchier than usual. Paul chides, circling her when Sam walks away.
Leah just swipes her paw at him a few times before rolling her eyes. It's cause I have to deal with your ass now.
It's not like anyone wants your stale ass around anyway. The male replies
Leah growls at him, the sound echoing through the forest Eat a dick, Pauly.
Leah and Paul, shut up. Sam says, his eyes glaring holes through Leah's skull. I need to talk about all the vampires entering Forks. The she-wolf has to roll her eyes as Sam begins his boring as hell mantra about things she already knows. Things that they all already know.
He describes the vampires she's already seen and the problems she already knows as well as Jacob and his imprintee, the demon spawn everyone already heard about.
He's just talking about useless shit. Leah nudges her head into the ground and damns him to the deepest pit of hell.
Leah, Sam sighs through their bond. If you don't have anything positive to say don't bother.
Alright, cool we'll I'm outy. She stands on all fours and stretches her back legs, Seth whines at her from across the clearing, wanting her to be obedient, for her sake.
Leah you patrol until sundown for the next week. You gained that yourself.
Can't I have to work. She says flippantly, licking her paw.
Just shut up, Jared complains from Sam's right, it was an order just do it.
Who put you in charge, captain kiss-ass? She glares, she could take Jared just fine despite being the smallest wolf in the pack. She could take all of them if she really wanted to
Leah! You will be quiet and do as I say. Sam says finally, in that asshole type of way that makes you want to hit him.
Seth whines at her again as Paul utters the word bitch and she clenches her jaw. Her claws dig into the dirt before she turns around, bumping Paul rudely, and sprints away. Since she has to patrol she won't be rid of their voices for a while, but at least she won't have to look at them anymore.
She runs their perimeter of their land a couple times while sort-of listening to Sam drone on about safety and what-not. Leah rolls her eyes internally, all she wants to do is eat, surf the internet, and sleep. But these bastards keep depriving her of her 'me time.'
Eventually, the other wolves' voices fade from her head and she's left with the silence of her own thoughts. She exhales, and continues to jog the perimeter. The earth smells fresh and alive, it's the only thing she likes about this whole wolf thing. She feels a stronger connection with the earth, how it smells, how it sounds, how it feels when she runs across fields of grass and plains of dirt. She takes a deep breath and lets the elements wash over. After running the land two more times, she heads towards the cliffs.
She dips her nose to the ground and paws her head from annoyance. She's amazed that she can be a bitch literally and figuratively. It must be another one of God's jokes on her. He must have a thing for irony.
She stiffens when she feels another presence come over her. Someone who's just phased. She kicks the dirt irritably, her moment of complete silence ruined.
Leah.
Oh it's you. Leah growls to Sam. She sees him wandering by the forest by his house through his vision. Leah stifles a flow of derogatory words and shuffles over to the cliffs overlooking the sea. Salt overwhelms her senses, the smell is almost so loud it washes away Sam's thoughts.
Leah, I don't want us to fight anymore.
Leah huffs and flops onto her stomach for the second time that day. She stares over the water, the gorgeous blues and greens and duly hinted purples assault her eyes. It's gorgeous, really. It's the only thing that makes the Rez not so terrible. There's a whole world behind that sea, one day Leah will ride the waves to freedom.
One day.
You're back in my pack, but I don't want things to be the way they were. Your attitude today was unacceptable, but I'll take it today. Leah you really-
Sam's voice is drowned out by the crashing waves against jagged rocks. Some water splashes up to spray a cool mist over Leah's fur and giving her too-hot body a refreshing feel. Sam continues as if he doesn't notice the female wolf's far away thoughts.
Sam, I don't care. Leah finally replies. She doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to be in Sam's pack. But she doesn't want to be with Jake's (nonexistent) one either. She just wants to be left alone.
Like, forever.
C'mon Leah, I'm trying to make amends. What do you want? To be in charge of the new wolves?
Leah scoffs, Please. I would never chose to do that.
Leah, I want us to be friends again.
Not going to happen, Sam. Leah licks her palm to distract herself from the storm clouds crashing in her head. She could never be friends with Sam. Being within two inches made her heart ache and clench for him, he's become the ultimate enemy. Her used to be knight-in-shining-armor has turned into a two headed monster, a demon of the worst kind.
Lee-Lee, I-
Leah's head snaps up so fast it hurt. Don't call me that, Sam. I'm not in the fucking mood. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to help the new wolves, and I don't even want to be here right now. Leave me the fuck alone. Leah lifts herself and stretches before releasing a snarl. She can feel Sam huffing and phasing out as she runs the perimeter again, thoughts of freedom are lost with the wind.
It's a beautiful thought, and she leaves it at that.
-:- -:- -:-
" I can't do this," Leah swears to no one as she rushes out of Sam Uley's house like it had caught fire.
The meeting itself wasn't the issue. Although it was stupid as hell (because Sam lead it) it wasn't terrible, it was just the rest of them that made it unbearable. Paul and Jared hate her guts, which is fine by her, but they can be more quiet about it. The youngers wolves Brady, Colin, and the other two she never cared to learn the names of, have decided that they dislike her too, mostly from her intimidating glares and harsh language.
And then there are the imprintees. They're all like those annoying damsels in distress, waiting for a hero. They also bake and gossip and shit. Leah can tolerate her childhood friend, Rachel, but she's in love with that idiot Paul and Leah's respect for her has diminished to a very sad number.
But mostly, she just leaves because Emily is pregnant.
To her, it's unbelievably petty and annoying that she's upset about it. Leah is too strong for this, she's too strong , and she doesn't care. She doesn't care. She has already convinced herself that she doesn't care about Sam or Emily or the fact that her broken heart is crumbling from the loneliness and that her thoughts are consumed by the bitterness.
She feels moisture build around her eyes and swipes her arms across her face furiously. She wants to be happy for them, honestly. But she wants two different things that can never happen.
She wants Sam. She wants to be his. She wants to be his everything like she used to be. She wants to fold into his arms, and play with his hair, and kiss him good morning. She wants to make fun of him daily and read him the bad jokes in the paper every morning like they used to.
She wants to be Emily's best friend again. She wants to go to her wedding and be her maid of honor and tell her how beautiful she looks. She wants to fawn over baby clothes and giggle over the gender and all the names to choose from. She wants to be the godmother to Emily's children and spoil them rotten.
She wants them both in her life, but not in this way.
God, not in this way. She never wanted this, she's only ever wanted to be happy.
Why is this so hard for her to be happy?
Her clothes shred as she phases, glad for a quiet, if only for a little while. Her legs are pumping, sprinting to get away for just a second. She is trapped and it kills her.
She is alone and it kills her.
She cannot stay there anymore, it will surely kill her.