*Sheepishly hides away.* It's been SO long since I've written anything! I blame revision, writer's block, but mainly Tumblr. Tumblr is to blame for everything... far too addictive! So yeah, I've spent a ridiculously short amount of time writing this (very) short little one shot. Originally it was supposed to be happy, but y'know, being in a so-and-so mood, it was better writing something more depressing. :P I will try updating I Could Give You Everything soon... as soon as I figure out what I'm doing with it... but in the mean time, enjoy! (Or not enjoy... depending on what you think of it!)

Oh yeah, Ashes doesn't belong to me... thought I'd better put this here. If it did, it WOULDN'T end like this!

Alex Drake didn't want to leave, but she did.

Alex Drake could have stayed, but she didn't.

"Go." The word replayed itself over and over in her head, tormenting her, teasing her. She couldn't get rid of it; she didn't have the strength to. This single word would be tattooed on her heart forever, embedded in her mind every time she dared to think, laced in every word that slipped from her tongue. It was a disease that couldn't be cured, and she'd have to live with it for the rest of eternity.

Gene had made her go, and she had obeyed him. The fight had been drained out of her and she couldn't muster up enough strength to force him to let her stay- no matter how much she wanted to. Both of them had mutually realised that it was the end of their relationship, they had to let go of whatever they had before it developed into something much, much bigger. Even when she begged him to let her stay she knew it was hopeless. She was holding on to something that didn't exist, that couldn't exist. Gene had a job to do, alone, and she had to respect that he couldn't do it whilst she was there.

The problem was… she loved him. She had done since the beginning, and letting go of him was like giving permission for someone to take away half of her. He had been her everything throughout those three years and now he was gone she couldn't see straight. It was as if he had been holding her hand all along, guiding her through all of the shit she found herself in. Alex longed to be back with him; drinking alcohol in Luigi's until stupid O'clock in the morning, sitting in the passenger seat of the Quattro whilst he drove around like a possessed maniac, sitting by his side and comforting him whilst he was upset or confused… she had taken all of these things for granted, but now it was all too late.

Downing a large gulp of house red, she reminded herself of the look in his eyes when he told her to go. It was love. The way his eyes glistened and gazed at her in adoration, the way they revealed everything he couldn't say in words… It must have been love; because that was the exact same look she was giving him.

Then there was their kiss: too brief to tell each other how far their feelings went, but it was a start. It felt right, and that was why she had ended it so soon. If the kiss was any bigger, neither of them would have let the other go and that would have made things a heck of a lot harder. At least it was something, she supposed.

Resting her head in her hands, she allowed herself to release a few tears of regret and imagined herself back at Fenchurch East with Gene, stood side-by-side like the double act they once were. Unbreakable, he had once said. Oh how she wished that were still true… Unfortunately they were now broken, shattered, and beyond repair.

Alex Drake didn't want to leave, but she did.

Alex Drake could have stayed, but she didn't.

I don't like repetition, no matter how much my English teacher convinces me it's a good technique... thought it fit though. :P

So anyway, please review, it'd be very nice and I'd appreciate it muchly! Criticisms area always welcome. :)

- Claire

x