Disclaimer- I'm too poor to own Evangelion, so don't even ask
Note: I am an idiot
Side note *….* = Action
"…." = Talk
…. = Thought
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"…And The Ego.
The way we treat one another…
…And The Superego.
The way which we aspire to be…
…And the Id."
- Sigmund Freud
"We are sorry, but due to technically difficulties, your call could not be transferred, please head to the nearest shelter," rang the automated voice. *Sigh* "She's still not here, I shouldn't have wasted my time…Why'd I even bother coming?" Shinji stared at the picture of the woman, with it mainly focused on her rather large cleavage, the words, "Come or die" scribbled in pen under it, Figures….is this a sick joke? he was thrown from his thoughts by an inaudible sound , "What the heck was that!?" Shinji shouted. The noise rang in his ears again only this time he understood it,
" I'm coming." He looked around, seeing nothing, he shrugged it off, I must be hearing things….*BOOM* Shinji jumped nearly 6 feet (I guess White/Asian guys CAN jump) in the air . "OKAY, I KNOW THAT WASN'T MY IMAGINATION!"
He turned around, and caught sight of a giant foot "I thought big foot was hairy…and shorter….." Shinji thought out loud, then he followed the foot up to the face of the monstrosity, and he froze on the spot. Eight UN planes surrounded the abomination, and began to open fire on the monster, which was completely unfazed by the onslaughts of missiles and bullets. It swung one mighty hand and took out three of the war machines, after wards, it snatched another two out of the air and hurled them towards the other ones.
One of the remnants landed dangerously close to Shinji, which snapped him out of his trance, "CRAP! I better get out of here," and so he turned and ran….straight into a streetlight. The impact causing him to blackout.
Meanwhile, on the other side of town… "Damn it! Stupid piece of crap! Can't you go any faster!?" the blue car zipped down the streets of Tokyo-3, running over stop signs, mail boxes, and small animals…The driver, was, of course, every traffic cop's nightmare, Misato Katsuragi. "I've been chasing him all day," she shouted in frustration continued to steer the car down the street, breaking at least twelve traffic laws. Where is that damn kid?
Misato peeked out her window like she had been for the past 30 minutes, and noticed what seemed like a white shirt lying on the ground. It took her a few seconds to notice that it was being worn by somebody. Great, he just had to pass out right next to the damn angel Had she have been more at tentative, she would've noticed the large vertical bruise on his face, cause by his crash with the pole. Misato looked up at the horrible creature and thanked god the helicopters were at least stalling it. Thinking fast, she grabbed one of her MANY cans of beer from the glove compartment Thank god I saved these and shook it up. Afterwards, she aimed it at the unconscious boy and pulled the tab. Causing the contents to explode out of the can, landing all over Shinji.
After a few moments, his eyelids began to open. Too bad when he looked, all he saw was a hand. "Who the hell are you!? And why'd you slap me!?" Shinji asked the figure. "Not now, get in the car!" he didn't even have a chance to stand up before he was forcefully shoved into the car. As soon as he was in, she slammed on the gas and zoomed off, managing to only run over 2 stop signs and 1 mailbox. After a few moments of silence, Shinji asked "W-Who are you?"
"My name is Misato….Misato Katsuragi" She responded.
"Why'd you hit me?
"Your ass wouldn't wake up, sheesh, you sleep like a rock"
"Its not my fault,"
"Where are we going?"
"We are going to NERV, Your father works there."
"Father…Will I be working for him?"
"Probably"
Shinji let out a small snicker at that, "Figures, the only time he'd ever want me is if he had a use for me"
"You sound like you don't get along with your father…" Misato said sadly.
"I don't."
"Then your just like me…" Misato said quietly to herself.
IS THIS A DESTRUCTION DERBY!? Shinji was hanging on his seatbelt for dear life while Misato swerved a 180 to avoid crashing into the parked car. "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" he pleaded. "OKAY OKAY! MY DRIVING ISN'T THAT BAD!" Misato stopped the car and got out. "Hey Shinji, take these binoculars and tell me what you see.. Whoa, look at that thing!. "There's a big helicopter thing dropping this really really big bomb"
"Lemme see! Lemme see!" Misato ripped them outta his hands. Unfortunately, Shinji still had them wrapped around his neck, thus forcing his face directly in between Misato's breasts. He blushed furiously at the rather nice view he got.
"HOLY CRAP, THEY'RE GONNA DROP AN N2 MINE! DUCK!"
Before he even had a chance to think, he found his face in a new area….straight in the dirt. The following boom shook him to his senses, and the rush of wind didn't help either. He found himself being lifted off the ground and he flew about 10 feet into the air. *THUD* "Damn that hurt, Misato, you alright?" He looked into the direction he saw Misato fly.
"That was a hoot and a half!" Misato cheered, Shinji sweat dropped She LIKED flying into the air….? Riiiggghhhhtttt…..
Misato stopped talking about how great the ride was when she noticed the upturned condition of her car.
"Noooo!" Misato started whining. "I still have 52 payments left! And I just bought it last week! And the repairs and insurance! WAAHHH!" She had those little anime wavy lines coming out of her eyes.
Shinji just continued to sweat drop.
Misato suddenly grew cheery, "Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk." Shinji just sweat dropped yet again at her sudden change in mood Sheez, and teach said I was Schizophrenic…. "Well, don't just sit there! Help me push it back over!" Shinji sighed and went over to the wreckage of the car.
"Okay, on the count of three….One…Two…Three! Push!" after a few minutes of pushing, the car toppled over, right side up.
"And we're off!" Misato shouted with renewed vigor.
Two cats, one dog, and six stop signs later, they arrived at NERV. "I can't believe it, a REAL live geofront!" Shinji stated with awe. He looked at the buildings dangling from the top, like strings on a Muppet. He was sent from his awed state by an earth shattering boom that echoed throughout the geofront ,the buildings began to shake. "The angel's moved forward! Its getting closer!" Misato shouted "Come on Shinji, We have to get to the cages now!" Misato grabbed his hand and rushed them towards the pyramid shape of NERV HQ. "Angels!? Cages!? What is all this!?" Shinji shouted.
"I'll explain later, come on!" By the time the got there, Shinji's arm was completely numb. "Good god, did you have to rip my arm off!?" Shinji complained. "Quit whining! Your not as cute as I thought you were, now come on!" at this statement, Shinji blushed.
Shinji felt himself being pushed, straight into an unlit room.
"Its…so dark in here…" After a few moments, the lights came on, and Shinji found himself face to face with an ungodly beast.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Shinji shouted.
"Ahh, good, you're here, I'm surprised Misato got you in here in one piece, especially with HER driving skills." Said a blond haired woman, wearing a white lab coat. Misato, who was standing behind Shinji, blushed, "Of course he got here in one piece, and it was because of MY driving." Misato stated indignantly.
"E-Excuse me, but who are you?" Asked Shinji
The blonde-haired woman grew a red haze on her cheeks "Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, I am Ritsuko, Ritsuko Akagi."
"H-Hello, I haven't introduced my self either, I am Shinji-"
"Ikari," She cut him off, "I already know everything about you."
"R-Really?" Shinji stuttered, "Then…w-why am I here?"
"You are here to pilot that." She said, pointing at the gigantic purple- green head.
"What is that…that thing?"
"It is the savior of mankind, son." Said a monotone voice.
Shinji looked up, and saw the cold figure of his father, he had his shades on, which covered up his freezing stare Father….... If Shinji hadn't known any better, he probably would've mistaken him for a statue. "Mankind's… Savior…? That…That thing is going to save us?" "Yes, and you are going to be the one to pilot it" Gendo answered in his icy voice. "N-no…How could you…..? How could you expect me…? Why…!? Why father why did you bring me here!?" Shinji shouted, his voice breaking apart, with tears in his eyes, he hung his head in sadness. "Why father!? WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE!?" Shinji shouted again, only this time, the tears poured.
"Because I have a use for you…." Gendo replied, his comment lowering the temperature of the room.
"No father! I won't be just some tool for you! I won't just do whatever you want me to! I can't….I just can't…." He continued to weep. "All you have to do is sit in the seat Shinji, that's all we expect you to do." Ritsuko said calmly.
"I cant! I don't know how!"
"You will be instructed."
"I can't okay!? I just….can't" Shinji gripped the brochure he had received earlier harder.
"Listen up Shinji!" Misato shouted "You can't just sit there and cry all day! You have to stand up for yourself! You're a man! Act like one!" She tried her best to convince him, but it wouldn't work. " But that's where your wrong….I'm not a man…I'm just a boy"
"Make your decision now" shouted Gendo Ikari.
Shinji looked up and with a depressed tone in his voice, he said "Didn't you hear me!? I just said I won't!"
"Fine then, sub-commander, get the first child in here right now." he ordered. "But sir! She's still injured!"
"It doesn't matter, she isn't dead yet!"
"Sir, yes sir"
Shinji hung his head in shame again I knew it…I wasn't needed after all
Fuyutsuki contacted Rei through the inter-com "Rei, The spare is unusable, your going to have to pilot again, do you understand?" A weak voice came back through the intercom "Yes sir"
The doors to the cages were thrust open as a stretcher arrived, carrying a blue-haired injured girl with an arm cast and a bandage wrapped around her head. Shinji watched the stretcher being wheeled across the path, when the ground began to shake. "Its attacking, it senses that we're here" shouted a random Techie. The ground shook again, only this time harder, sending the stretcher toppling over. The girl flew a few feet 'til she hit the ground and she let out a cry of pain. Shinji immediately rushed to her side and grabbed her, making sure she was alright.
Another earthquake shook the room and a piece of metal from the roof gave way. Shinji looked up watching as the large hunk of steel approached him At least I'll be free. He lunged himself forward, trying to at least protect Rei. He braced himself for the impact, when nothing came, he looked up, to see a giant hand over him.
"How did the Eva move without anything in it!? The entry plug hasn't even been inserted!!!" Shouted Ritsuko. Shinji, ignoring whatever Ritsuko said, looked at the girl he held in his arms She looks like she's in pain, he checked her bandages and noticed that she was bleeding, he looked at the blood on his hand with a horrified expression . Must I cause pain to everybody I know, and even to those I don't? Shinji took another glance at the blood. Red…Why is that color so comforting?. He looked up at the person he hated to call his father and said, "I'll do it father! I'll pilot it!"
"Okay!" Shouted Ritsuko. "Follow me."
Shinji went into the entry plug like we was ordered to. He could hear muffled voices in the background. "FILLING ENTRY PLUG WITH LCL" Shouted some random voice. Before he could do anything, a thick, yellow liquid began to fill up the plug. What is this!? Piss!? Why would they want to drown me in a sea of piss!? "What are you doing!? I don't want to drown in human excrements!" Shouted the third child, in an angry voice.
Ritsuko snickered at this "That isn't urine baka! Its LCL, once you inhale it, your blood will get directly oxygenated."
Shinji held his breath, waiting 'til he ran out of oxygen before finally breathing in the liquid. He hacked and gagged for a moment, not being used to have his lungs filled with liquid.
"What's his synch ratio!?" Ritsuko asked her sempai, Maya Ibuki. "He's holding a steady rate at….no way…42.3%!!!"
"He hasn't had any training! How can it be that high!?" Ritsuko shouted to no one in particular. "Oh well, it doesn't matter, I guess this is a blessing."
"LAUNCH UNIT-01!" Misato's voice rang out over the intercom. This is it…here we go Thought Shinji. The catapult launched him up at a breakneck speed of over 100 MPH. He arrived at the top.
"What do I do!?" He screamed.
The visual link turned on and Shinji could see Misato on it "Just focus on walking! Go step by step"
"Hmmm…focus on walking….." Walking…left… right….I'm actually doing it! The Eva's left leg moved forward, then the right one. "I can't believe it! He's moving it!" Shinji could hear over the video channel. The Eva moved the left foot forward, and tripped. "NOOOO!" The angel, noticing the Eva by now, picked it up by the head, and began bashing it in. WHAT DO I DO!? The angel proceeded to extend its lance and impaled the Eva. Unit-01 went flying back into a building. "Unit-01's gone silent" shouted Maya. "Shinji!" Shouted Misato.
Unfortunately, the angel wasn't done yet, it picked up unit-01 and began bashing at its chest. "THE ANGELS TRYING TO RIP OUT THE CORE! THE ARMOR CAN'T HOLD MUCH LONGER!" Maya announced to her sensei. "ANGEL'S BREACHED THE LAST BARRIER!"
"UNIT-01s GONE SILENT!" Maya shouted. Ritsuko stared, horrified at the events taking place.
"Shinji! NOO!" Misato over the comm. link
Meanwhile, in the plug, all Shinji could see was red. Red.. The color that comforts me so.. "Hello Shinji." Shinji jumped at this. "Who are you!? What do you want?"
"I am you, the you that was taken. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE ALIVE, NOT YOU, THE PITIFUL, WEAK, LITTLE BOY!"
"Why are you here?"
"I am here to destroy…"
"To destroy what?"
"Everything……"
And with this, Shinji Blacked out, yet rather than just seeing black, all he saw was red…..Blood red….
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"Impossible…..unit-01s re-initiated" Maya stared in awe. Ritsuko couldn't say anything, all she could do was stare at the horrific event taking place. There's no way this could be happening, "Sensei, the pilot's synch ratio is rising…….100%……200%….300%….EGO BORDER LINE HAS BEEN BREACHED!" Misato sat watching the Eva's eyes glow, not even noticing what Maya was saying.
"PILOT'S SYNCH RATIO IS STILL RISING……600%….700%…PILOT APPROACHING SUPEREGO BORDER LINE…"
Unnoticed by everybody else, Gendo Ikari shivered, this act of fear being something nobody would expect to be possible from him, he kept his mask up, hoping nobody would notice his temporary lapse of emotion. If he breaches the superego borderline…then he will be released……god help us all…
Moments later…a horrific screech was heard, and the city of Tokyo-3 became bathed in a hellish light….
~~~~~~~~
His eye lid's began to flutter open. It took him awhile to notice he was in the hospital. Unfamiliar ceiling…. "How'd I get here?" Shinji made an attempt to recall the events of last night, but nothing came up. What happened to me?
~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Deep within the bowels of NERV a meeting was taking place, between Gendo Ikari and the members of the shady organization, SEELE.
"So Ikari, we hear that the first battle didn't go as "flawless" as you'd claim it would, what do you have to say for yourself?" The monolith marked 01 stated. "There were certain, "unseen factors" that were not put into the scenario." Gendo responded with his bone chilling voice. "This better not effect the scenario Ikari-kun, we have put far too much time and money into this project, and we will NOT have it ruined by your foolish actions." Boomed the monolith marked 03. "I assure you, the problem will be dealt with shortly." The monolith settled down. "You better know what your doing Ikari, because if you betray us…you will regret it" the leader of SEELE, Keel Lorenz, warned. "You do not need to be here for the rest of this conversation."
"Hai"
"He's become reckless now, can he still be trusted?" Inquired 01. "that I cannot say, we must bide our time and see what he does." The other monoliths agreed with him. "If we have nothing left to discuss, this meeting is adjourned" ,the lights illuminating the monoliths shut off, and the room became pitch black.
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Authors insane ramblings: Yah, Yah, I know I know, it sucked, so sue me. Ya'll can find out what happens when I revise the next chapter. (If ya even bother to read any further)
P.S: I'm an idiot.
P.P.S: Yes, this is a Xenogear crossover
P.P.P.S I've managed to become even dumber within the last few months…heh… 8/